2003

(Have a Hopeful Outlook)

January 1, 2003

            “This is he day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad!” This was the beginning chant of the Sunday morning Orthodox worship at 6:00 a.m. on WTAG-AM Worcester. It was an excellent way that I began my Sundays and this was the new year which I thought and made my prayer on awaking and encountering each day. 

January 2, 2003

            I watched on C-Span a program which had a panel on Vietnam writings especially Tim O’Brien who wrote July, July. O’Brien said he writes about feelings and was the only non-historian sitting on the panel at this time O’Brien was introduced as being qualifies because of his “story techniques.” After watching this program, I hoped to add more of my feelings and insights that I was experiencing.

            Another point watching this program that a writer should produce tow pages a day. This was another goal that I set for myself from this day.

            I was thinking of writing a book entitled Twelve Steps for My Bishop: Insights from One of His Priest. One question that I would include what how the Bishop Rueger’s case got shuffled under like a deck of cards. Rueger has smoking mirrors in his case, but was proclaimed “immaculate.” This may have been my time of writing to be aggressive, sarcastic, and brilliant and at a point of being humorous.

            In my spiritual reading this day from Teaching the Dead Bird to Sing by W. Paul Jones on page 151 had me contemplating: “In delving into the complexity of human motivations, I tremble at the deviousness of my own behavior. As Reinhold Niebubr insists my uniqueness, as a human is my ability for self-transcendence, which provides the possibility of creativity, freedom and conscience. And yet this uniqueness to which I am called can also be my undoing. Just thinking about al this is wearing and frightening.”

            This was something I had with me in my three mile walk this day in the afternoon.

            This was also the year that I thought it was time “explore a few verbal grenades” about being pointed and number of issues by the hierarchy, clergy and laypeople. There was now a day where we lived in an “obsessive” culture for a makeover and re-branding that was appearing in this world of the day. Groups need to see themselves trying to re-invent themselves with “image obsession” with nothing else to add to society. Other people were their targets so that certain rights groups needed a life. Witch-hunters were more their identification.

            Beginning the year, Kathleen A. Shaw gives us this day “Clergy sex scandal may intensify in ’03: More revelations as legal process proceeds” in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette.  She writes: “Worcester-The scandal involving sexual misconduct by Catholic priests will not be going always anytime son. If anything, the revelations will be intensifying in this area during 2003, according to Boston lawyer Carmen L. Durso, who represents several clients in civil suits involving priests of in the Worcester catholic Diocese. Daniel J. Shea, of Houston, who is also handling civil suits in this area, including one against Auxiliary Bishop George E. Rueger, said he expects more information about sex abuse scandal to come out as lawyers begin the discovery process in their civil suits. Mr. Durso said he hope the state legislature passes a proposal law abolishing the statue of limitations for child sexual abuse in civil and criminal cases and abolishes the ‘charitable immunity’ protection that has allowed ‘certain favored institutions’ to avoid paying hefty settlements. Seven priests were removed from ministry during 2002 by Bishop Daniel P. Reilly after allegations of sexual misconduct were added and another is on personal leave after a civil suit was filed naming him as an abuser. The Worcester diocese currently is facing several civil suits alleging sexual abuse by priests and one suit alleging rape and sexual abuse by Bishop Rueger, who denies the charges…Some have called 2002 the ‘annus horriblis’ for the Catholic church as revelation after revelation came out of Boston, eventually forcing the resignation of cardinal Bernard F. Law as head of the archdiocese. The sandal by year’s end reached around the world...”1

            Obviously, this will be a media year to watch and roll besides the church and other issues. 

January 3, 2003           

            I was having coffee with "Father Peacock" this morning and he told me that he was not going to attend the next Deanery Meeting (area clergy) because of the agenda: Lay people. I, only, gave him a look because of his clericalism attitude and elitism. With that look, I knew he would react and he did. He slipped in the conversation that SNAP was attacking Bishop Dupree in Springfield on supporting of his laicized priest. "Father Peacock" was rambling and in general manner dumping on people in the diocese and his parish. It was sad to listen to such a person doing this. What I noticed in myself that I had to watch his technique of attempting to draw me in to say or comment to what I was hearing or anything else. The example that I wondered about his story of a mother asked him to speak to her son about a girlfriend. The language he used pertaining to this boy-girl relationship had me wondering if it even happened.  All I did was the silence technique and “down periscope.” I learned he was a person that had to be in total control and showed a deceiving nature about him.

            At time being with "Father Peacock" reminded me of how one time that Bishop Harrington told a priest friend: “If I told the guys what it really likes, we would not get anyone (become a priest).

            At this time "Father Peacock" continued with his anger to an unbelievable ranting in that he had not received the newspaper for two day because of a storm, he had to add that the delivery is made by a Blackman from Gardner. I only said: “Oh!” I said he only had to call the newspaper and report this. He wined how he to find out about funerals, wakes and other information was. I responded with: It is all on the internet.  He used this to sting back with that he has no computer or know anything about it. He did not get any sympathy or consolation from this guy.

            I had to hear from "Father Peacock" that in the English speaking world last year the news of sex abuse scandal was an eclipse of the sun. Not much else was reported in the church but the scandal.

            This day, the Worcester Telegram & Gazette printed “Systematic problems led to abuse by priest.” Ricard L. Cravatt, who wrote this article has a Ph.D., of Weston writes frequently on law, finance and public policy issues: “While resignation of Boston Cardinal Bernard F. Law has brought closure to one aspect of the Catholic Church’s widening child-abuse scandal, it still leave unanswered and troubling questions about the psychology of the perpetrators and those churchliness who ignored and enabled their criminal actions. What is it about the Church that attracted the many priests who would go on to sexually abuse hundred of pre- and post-pubescent children? What oral machinations specific to the church could allow the serial complicity of the church hierarchy who ignoring wrongdoing and shuffled offending priests from parish to parish? The first critical question is whether the very process of accepting celibacy and entering the priesthood at an emotionally immature age predispose priests to conflicting notions about human sexuality-whether according to Gary Wills in his insightful book, ‘Papal Sin,’ ‘the celibate discipline for a whole class of men ‘not just for the spiritually gifted individual) is a false, because unrealizable ideal.’ According to observers, these are real issues, precisely because these individuals made immense decisions regarding their psychological and moral life at an early age and these decisions are not necessarily based on realist expectations…The church has a false sense of hope in controlling the psychosexual behavior of some priests. (Gary Wills) ‘Looking the other way is a deeply ingrained habit and necessity, a tactic of survival, for men whose lives are honeycombed with furtive acts,’ he suggested. ‘One’s own life, or that of one’s friends, or of people one must depend on, will not admit any very severe scrutiny. It would be dangerous-in terms of scandal and lay disappointment, for those being observant themselves-to let light flood the shadowy world of secrecy and evasion and mis-representation that is the priestly way of life.’” ”2

            One has to know that the priest life is the most scrutinized aspect of any life in this society. Besides parishioners watching what time the lights go out at night in the priest room and ho hangs around with whom, there is not much of a shadowy world.  

January 7, 2003

            I was thinking the last few days of “Remember When” I became pastor of St. Edward’s and I was immediately confronted by three parishioners after Mass that were member of the Women’s Guild. I was asked how I was going to run the parish. I thought this was a peculiar question so soon that my books were not even unpacked.  I explained that I believe I addressed this is my opening remarks on my installation. It was explained that I would use the model of a “baseball team: the pastor is the manager and parishioners are the players. I, actually, read this in a clergy newsletter for pastors. Well, on e these people said: We (The Guild) can get rid of the manager. I said that it is only possible by the bishop. The response from the same person was: We can take care of him, too. I knew my honeymoon was over. But, it was something to watch because this same person was planning to start a catering service and use the parish hall and kitchen for the business. There was an obvious a conflict of interest because a church-due to insurance-was not to be used for a private business. This party had the answer: Well, it is an opportunity for the parish to make some money. In addition, this party was going to have member of the Women’s Guild have a part time job in this catering business. I recall that I only walked away by saying nothing more.

            I recall this beginning of more to come especially with allegations by two girls some nine years later. One of these two girls was working with a parish member in a neighboring city. This parishioner was always trying to rum activities in the parish. Parishioners were very negative with him, which showed that he had no leadership skills and no overall team player qualities.

            In thinking back, this was only a warm-up of dealing with the Worcester Chancery-smoking gun of obstructions by them- and a civil lawsuit.   

January 8, 2003

            I had to real that I was dealing with a mental struggle with my living arrangements. I enjoyed having a place that I was able to call “my own,” but was concerned about a rent increase, moving and: worst case” scenario of be removed from the priesthood. This day a priest from Hartford called to inform me that the bishop of Bridgeport Diocese forced priest into laicization (out). This was where my anxiety was affecting that I would stop breath deeply and says a prayer: Come Holy Spirit or the Hail Mary. My day became better by having a regular daily routine-not sitting around. 

January 9, 2003

            I visited with Connie Rivard. She flared-up with the whole issue of St. Edward’s 50^th Anniversary celebration. She said: “You got an invitation? You did not want to go! John McKenna received Communion from me on Saturday.” I tried, again, to explain to Connie. I used the question-answer approach: Did you get a written invitation or not” Wrong question being asked, Connie.  Fr. Kilcoyne sent me an invitation. But, However, it was a situation that he knew the circumstances. The correct question that should have been asked: How does it really work in on this issue of such an invitation with my situation? Answer: The bishop is in charge with this situation. Therefore, I wanted to be present. Why John McKenna concelebrated is one for the books.

            This whole situation was how the chancery was handling me: Bouncing-off the ropes after a continuous pounding. 

January 10, 2003

            Fr. Richard McBrien writes in the National Catholic Reporter “Vatican remains suspicious of lay demands: Pressure from Boston clergy had more influence n Law’s decision to resign.” He writes: “The recent resignation of Cardinal Bernard Law as archbishop of Boston was the lead story in all of the major media outlets. What is its significance for Boston, for the Catholic church in the United States, and for the church universal? For Boston it means, first of all, a brief respite from the strain of an extremely tense yearlong crisis. So much time and energy has been focused over the past several months on Law himself rather than on the task of devising strategies for working through this crisis and for rebuilding trust and hope within the archdiocese. A spirit of demoralization had taken hold, not only among the laity but within the clergy as well…One would like to think that lay pressures were also decisive in bringing about the resignation and its acceptance by the pope, but the greater probability is that the laity’s role was less significant than the clergy’s The Vatican continues to be suspicious of lay demands for greater involvement in the internal governance of the church, not only with regard to finances but also the appointment of bishops and pastors. One of the key criticisms the Vatican registered against the charter on sexual abuse approved by the bishops in Dallas last June concerned the provision that granted lay review boards’ supervisory authority over the bishops. For the Vatican, this was incompatible with the church’s hierarchical structure and so it ordered this item to be amended at the November meeting of the bishops in Washington. As a result, the lay boards are to have only a consultative voice. The local bishop still has the final work…The spirit of automatic deference and unquestioning obedience based often n fear of reprisal, is on the wane.”3

            Here is the issue of “power and authority” and the “tightening of the wax” syndrome.

            This same day on the front-top page of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette we get “Diocese says $2M deficit not caused by abuse scandal.” It states: “The Roman Catholic Diocese of Worcester and its insurance companies have paid out more that $2.1 million to settle civil lawsuit alleging sexual abuse, dating back several years, according to a financial report released yesterday. Almost two-thirds of that amount was paid out by insurance companies. The diocese paid $764,833 form it own funds, while its insurance companies paid $1,384,000, based on their coverage at the time abuse allegedly happened, the report stated. The diocese yesterday reported a $2.2 million deficit in fiscal 2003, nearly four times the deficit it recorded the previous fiscal year. This year’s deficit, however, has little to do with the priest abuse scandal, according to the report.”4

            Then why did the writer of this article, Richard Nangle, write the beginning of the article about the diocese “paid out more than$2.1 million to settle civil lawsuits alleging sexual abuse…” My question is how many more people read much further than this?

            This is why an article of this day in the Catholic Free Press had “Catholic press need when Church scarred from crisis.” The article by Catholic News Service had the article from Ronkonkoma, N.Y.: “The Catholic press is needed more than ever today when the church is scarred by the bad news of clergy sexual abuse scandals, said tow bishops involved in church communication. In separate messages for catholic Press Month, observed in February, they praise the Catholic press for also reporting the god news about the church. ‘While pointing out the sins and crises of a few, you have also supported and pointed out the generous service of man,’ said Coadjutor Bishop Joseph A. Galante of Dallas, chairman of the U.S. bishops’ communication committee. Archbishop John P. Foley, the W.S. born president of the  Pontifical council for Social Communications, sad the Catholic press ‘remised Catholics that the bad news of clerical abuse was in no way the full story of the catholic Church in the United States.’”5

            Most people know the diocesan Catholic press as the bishops’ paper. As any newspaper, one should read such papers with a critical viewpoint-use of discernment. But, it is needed to get another viewpoint. So, what is truthful?

            This same issue of the Catholic Free Press had this article: “Bishop Dupre asks Vatican to laicize priest linked to sex abuse” by the catholic News Service. This article stated: “Springfield-In what may be one of the first actions of its type in the United States; the bishop of Springfield has petitioned the Vatican directly to forcibly laicize a priest implicated in dozens of cases of sexual misconduct. In interviews given during the November U.S. bishops’ meeting, Bishop Thomas L. Dupre said he intended to laicize Father Ricard R. Lavigne through an expedited administrative process encouraged by the recently approved U.S. canonical norms for sexual abuse of clerics. Speaking at a Jan. 3 prayer breakfast in Springfield, Bishop Dupre said a formal petition seeking the priest’s laicization had been mailed to Rome. ‘We are hoping that the Holy See will process the case quickly,’ he said. Father Lavigne was arrested in 1991 on five counts of rape and sexual abuse of children some of whom wee under the age 14 at the time of his offenses. He pleaded guilty to two counts in 1992, and was sentenced to 10 months full-time residence in the St. Luke Institute, now in Silver Springs, Md., and 10 years of heavily supervised probation…”6

            Another article in this same issue showed “1996 study says tow-fifths of nuns suffered from sexual abuse.” The article states: “Washington (CNS)-As many as tow-fifths of U.S. nuns may have experienced some form of sexual abuse as children or sexual abuse exploitation or harassment as adults, according to a national study conducted  by a team of specialists at St. Louis University. The team found that many nuns who experience with feelings of anger, shame, anxiety, confusion and depression and with difficulty in praying and difficulty in working. Some had considered leaving religious life or leaving the church following such an experience. The results of the study, conducted in 1996, we fully reported in tow scholarly professional journals in 1998 but did not receive wide public attention until the St. Louis Post Dispatch did a story on the study Jan.5.”6

            I immediately had questions if this was clergy related as being abused in the religious life or what? Actually, I never heard about this talking with clergy or anyone else. Were the religious sisters a Lost Island in the Church?

            Another article, I read this day-January 10^th-is “Sexuality set stage for church’s next reformation expert predicts” in the National Catholic Reporter. I should mention that on Friday’s I receive the Catholic Free Press and the National Catholic Reporter. Therefore, my days show these publications with church articles.

            This article from the National Catholic Reporter was about Richard Sipe input, written by Arthur Jones. The article stated: “W.W. Richard Sipe has a huge and quite haughty cat, Gwendolyn. She only reluctantly relinquished the spare chair in Sipe’s study. Martin Luther (1483-1546) was ore into dogs-and much on Sipe’s mind as he weighed the question: Given the uproar over the clerical sexual abuse scandal, and it’s mishandling, where is the Catholic Church now? Sipe, Benedictine, monk for 18 years, and then a married man for 32, in 1990 wrote The Secret World, an account of his 1960-85 research on celibacy.

            The former monk of St. John’s Abbey in Collegeville, Minn., was trained by the Benedictines to deal with the mental health problems of Roman Catholic priests and religious. He continued to do that after he left, and to teach in major Catholic seminaries declared ex-priests could not be on seminary faculties. He has been called as an expert witness in more than 95 civil suits over sex abuse. The cat, miffed, wandered off into the hall.

            ‘In what form I don’t know, but in 10 years there’ll be a reformation,’ he said, ‘a reformation in the sense that fundamental issues of human sexuality will have to be brought to the fore. In terms of human sexuality, the church is at a pre-Copernican stage of understanding’-a reference to 15^th century Catholic priest and astronomer Nicolas Copernicus, who resurrected, despite church opposition, the scientific theory of the sun rather than Earth as the center of the solar system.

            ‘The church has not come to understand the nature of sex,’ he said.’ And it’s not easily understood-we have to struggle along with the neurological, the genetic, the psychological, and the evolutionary basis of it.’ The church has not done that, Sipe said, and is frightened of doing it.”7

            This is where I would love to add to a board game that I should create: Rectory Living. The issue of human sexuality is such a taboo issue with the last papacy or any church official.

            I read in the Catholic Free Press where the issue of “Theology on Tap” was reported with Bishop Rueger being the guest. He alluded to sex abuse: “This garbage wakes us up and makes us accountable, he said. “If we were awake, the some of this scandal wouldn’t have happened. Above all, we are accountable to each other.” The paper said that there no questions about clerical sex abuse, but the bishop refered to it briefly where he talked about accountability. Bishop Rueger fielded question in everything from the importance of the sacraments to mythology in the Bible. There was a picture with Rueger in a re pullover sweater who look s very odd especially where he is 72 years old- Chancery Poster Boy.

            The Bishop Rueger style that I thought about was an Office Depot TV ad of a woman coming in the store, talking triple time of items to buy. She meets a salesman and picked=up the conversation into the same triple times talk. This was the real Rueger. 

January 11, 2003

            Richard Nangle writes in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Removed priest is still at church: Rev. Coonan apparently working at St. John.” He writes: “Worcester-The Rev. Joseph A. Coonan of St. John church continues in his role as pastor despite being placed on administrative leave by Bishop Daniel P. Reilly. ‘He’s pastor her still,’ said a woman who identified herself as a secretary at the inner-city parish. ‘So any decision-making he does.’ In a note addressed to the Telegram & Gazette ‘Religious Services Column’ postmarked Han 7, the Rev. Coonan wrote, ‘One more change in St. John’s weekly, Saturday, religious services adv. Please omit: Sunday 10:30 a.m. Mass in Vietnamese which has been eliminated.’ The letter, written on St. John’s letterhead, is signed: ‘Thanks, Fr. Coonan.’ Worcester Roman Catholic Diocese spokesman Raymond L. Delisle said he had ‘no doubt’ that the Rev. Coonan wrote to the Telegram & Gazette, ‘but he shouldn’t have done it. He has not been reinstated at St. John’s and is still on administrative leave,’ Mr. Delise said. He said priests on leave because of sexual abuse allegations are not to be on parish grounds or to act in any way as pastor.”8

            I had another opportunity this day to have lunch with "Father Peacock.” We talked small talk at first. Then he began that Fr. John Paul Gagnon was living in his rectory but was on administrative leave because he had no other place to go. Then he said I should apply for the Viannie House, I responded that this place was not a place for me. I changed the topic back to Fr. Gagnon. I asked why he hasn’t called him. He reacted by saying that he should have realized that three or four other priests were interest to just be called by him. The I senses that “something else” syndrome was prevalent in how "Father Peacock" was getting emotional and worked-up in his response. I was thinking that there was something else with this guy and such a conversation.

            What came to mind was when I was in Hartford and Fr. Kiley asking me: “Is there a sex ring in Worcester?” I watched him and how nervously he was conducting himself. He changed the topic. He had more information that he was not sharing with me or should have shared. But, I was much more aware of his techniques mainly to get information and positioning himself to be a “Monsignor.”

            I also read on MSNBC morning crawl a report from the New York Times that of 1,200 priest alleged, 4,268 victims came forward last year. I had a discouraging reaction. The reporting and all had me losing any hope that my case would be reviewed. I thought how we have some innocent people in this and previous priest.  Based on that and my previous experience of “guilty till proven innocent,” there must be some due process. I resented the fact that a public list of priest alleged as the only point of interest by all. I felt that I should have written a tart letter.  

January 12, 2003

            In the Worcester Telegram & Gazette, we read “Sex scandal hit most dioceses: Survey studies history and impact of Catholic Church’s crisis” by Laurie Goodstein of The New York Times. The article reads: “The sexual abuse crisis has engulfed the Roman catholic Church in the last few months has now spread to nearly every American diocese and involves more than 1,200 priests, most of whose careers straddle a sharp divide in church history and seminary training.

            Those are among the conclusions drawn from an extensive New York Times survey of documented cases of sexual abuse of minors by priests over the last sex decades.

The survey, covering cases through Dec. 31, 2002, compiled the names and histories of 1,205 accused priests. Zit counted 4,268 people who have claimed publicly or in lawsuits to have been abused by priests, though experts say there are surely many more that have remained silent.

            The survey, the most complete compilation of date on the problem available, provides a statistical framework for viewing the sexual abuse crisis against the modern history of the American Catholic Church. It found, for example, that most priests accused of abuse were ordained between the nid-1950s and the 1970s, a period of upheaval in the church, when men trained in the traditional and authoritarian seminary system were sent out to serve in a rapidly changing church and social culture.

            Most of the abuse occurred in the 1070s and 1980s, the survey found. The number of priests accused of abuse declined sharply by the 1990d.

            But the data show that priests secretly violated vulnerable youth long before the first victims sued the church and went public in 1984 in Louisiana. Some incident date from the 1930s and 1940s.”9 

January 13, 2003

            The Worcester Telegram & Gazette gives us this day “Priests abuse victims join: More sessions planned in Fitchburg.” It states: “About 29 people attended an organizational meeting last week of the local chapter of the survivors Network for Those Abused by Priest. The Fitchburg turnout, higher than anticipated, means more meeting there are likely said organizer David A. Lawton of Webster. People came from as far as Northampton and Concord, he said, but most of those in attendance were from Fitchburg and neighboring communities. Mr. Lawton, who accused the Rev. Thomas A. Teczar of abusing him and prevailed in a civil lawsuit last fall, said an even mix of men and women attended the meeting at the Fitchburg Public Library to discuss their experiences. For most of them he said, it was the first item they had attended such a gathering…”10 

January 14, 2003

            This day Kathleen A. Shaw writes in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Diocesan personal files requested in abuse suit.” She writes: “Lawyer Daniel J. Shea has asked the Diocese of Worcester to turn over personnel files of any Catholic priests accused of misconduct from 1960 to the present. The request is part of Mr. Shea’s preparation of a lawsuit alleging that the Rev. Jean-Paul Gagnon, then a priest at Holy Name of Jesus parish, and Raymond Tremblay, a religious education teacher there, sexually abused Timothy P. Staney of Worcester. This is the first blanket request for personnel files on priests in this diocese…”11

            I heard a report on Ch. #5 that the American Bishop’s Policy on Sex Abuse would go into effect on March 1^st. When I heard this, I was not able to eat supper. M stomach was upset. Actually, it was an AA meeting day for me. I felt good going to a meeting and driving back home.

            During the afternoon, I spoke on phone with "Father Peacock". I mentioned that I heard on the radio a report: Young people worried more about bullies than terrorist. Bulling come in many ways as physical, emotional, verbal and especially mental. "Father Peacock" acted lie a “bully” especially in the contents of a verb. He tells me that he will preach the coming Sunday on terrorists. I thought that he would have developed a sermon more on bulling.  

January 15, 2003

            I was listening to Imus in the Morning this day. He had Mary Matalion as guest Imus goes to author Michael Moore book where he comments about George W. Bush being a recovering alcoholic. Imus asks Matalion: How does he (W) think? She backed-off saying she does not know. Imus say many definitions exist of what an alcoholic is. Some say all are sinners and all are weak. Imus ask if the President has had a slip. Does the President have a Sponsor? Doe he knows the principles. Imus’ stirring interview had shut-down Matalion. He mentioned alcoholic/drug person was on a ‘slippery slop: and prevailed with an issue of “denial.” So, Imus asks: “Is the President considers himself an alcoholic?  He said that he just doesn’t want the pressure to build and President Bus to fall-off the wagon. Mary Matalion responds: Nonsense! Yeah, and you can be his Sponsor.

            I mentioned this because I was confronted constantly while in Hartford how the Worcester Chancery mob was telling me that I would drink, again... This happened in the notorious interrogations at the Bishop’s Residence by Harrington and Rueger with Tinsley sitting and saying nothing. It did ring loudly from them at me: You will drink, again! But, let’s not forget that I was privy to information of Bishop Harrington drunk-driving accident and causing bodily injury on a teenage female drive.

            This interview of Imus was intense. One has to realize that Imus is an alcoholic and drug addicted public figure. He has said on his program and other places that he used alcohol and drugs and lives day by day with this in mind.  

January 16, 2003

            I was just thinking reading the different columns that I read in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette and speculate of their techniques they must plan in their newsroom. They must do the same or similar reflections of the chancery techniques. I may be wrong because the columnist that gets the story to write must on the “desk” for that day.        However, I was just thinking because this day we get Richard Nangle of the staff of the Telegram “On-leave priest thought send memory OK: Lawyer says Coonan made honest mistake.” This column reads: “Worcester-While acknowledging that the Rev. Joseph A. Coonan sent a memo to the Telegram & Gazette advertising department last week, lawyer Joseph D. Early Jr., who represents the priest, said his client has not been involved in day-to-day activities at St. John Church since being placed on leave in August.

            Mr. Early said Rev. Coonan did not realize that he could not so much as send out the memo while on administrative leave.

            In a note addressed to the Telegram & Gazette ‘Religious services Column’ postmarked Jan. 7, Rev. Coonan wrote, ‘One more change in St. John’s weekly, Saturday, religious service adv. Please omit Sunday 10:30 a.m. Mass in Vietnamese which has been eliminated.’ The letter, written on St. John’s stationery, is singed ‘Thanks, Fr. Coonan.’

            Upon learning of the letter, Roman Catholic Diocese of Worcester spokesman Raymond L. Delisle said Rev. Coonan should not have sent it. He also said priest on leave because of sexual abuse allegations are not to e on parish grounds or to act in any way as a priest. Mr. Early said Rev. Coonan is allowed access to the church once a week to pick up his mail and see the library.  

January 17, 2003

            Kathleen A. Shaw of the Telegram writes this day “Parishes told to double up: Priest shortage spurs diocesan consortium plans.” She writes: Worcester-The 126 Catholic parishes of Central Massachusetts will be required to enter a ‘twinning’ arrangement with at least one other parish within the next six months.

            The twinning or clustering is part of a long-range planning program by the Worcester diocese to prepare clergy and lay people for dealing with a decreasing number of priests and the increasing number of professionally trained lay people who cash serve in various ministries. (Worcester really only has a Deacon program that is plugged in.)

            People in the parishes can make their own decisions on which parishes they wan to become involved with, according to the Rev. Michael F. Rose of St. James Parish in Grafton. He heads the diocesan pastoral planning committee.

            Some parishes may ‘twin’ with just one other parish while others may form a cluster of three, he said. No parishes will be left to stand alone, he said. Meeting to explain the process will be held from 1 to 3 p.m. Feb 10 at Our Lady of Mount Carmel Recreation center in Worcester and 1 to 3 p.m. Feb. 12 at St. Cecilia Parish Center in Leominster. Rev. Rose said the diocese is not planning to close parishes but wants to prepare clergy and lay people for his future. The day of the self-contained parish that provided all services to its people is over, he said. The new model is one that has begun to be followed in dioceses throughout the country over the last 10 to 20 years, he said.”13

            What get interesting with this is how pastor have their own turf and most will not relinquish their overall “authority” of their parish. The present set-up of clergy is they may give facial cooperation, but underneath all they are going through the motions-until they are able to retire.

            Another view is that the chancery has a “ministry program” from their own office in Worcester. It is all, actually, on paper, because the only program the chancery is plugging-in is the clerical-deacon program for parishes.

            Given the core issue- the system is the point of reference. The system that is presently in the Catholic Church and his country. This was what I encountered in the 70s and again now in 03s-war and protest. The system I speak of is “Me, Me.” The individualism and self-centeredness is so prevalent from then and now. Who wouldn’t have issue? 

January 19, 2003

            This time, my fear buckets beginning filing-up about March 1^st. with anxiety. It is the official day of implementing the approved Rome standards for the American Bishops on abuse. In my case, I think I’ve been tried, judged and sentenced. Let’ not forget no one had talked to me about my status or anything besides: “We will get a hold of you.” But, my sentencing has been isolation and out of contact by the diocese. Overall, the experience this day had me realizing that I was not overwhelmed. Improvement comes in different forms.

            A few close friends of mine had been listening to my complaints and rambling. But I don’t do this talking and talking out of this circle of a few people. The specific issues are the “hothouse kitchen” with shades drawn and close on a sunny day at 1:00 p.m. This Auschwitz interrogation room was at the Bishop’s Residence on High Ridge Road, Worcester. But, my talking and talking did help me take one step at a time approach to my personal resolution.

            I never have discussed the psychological impact of job disappearing, my self-character, self-esteem and al the other things the employed take for granted. It is as though someone has turned-off the lights.  One does become frightened and scared.

            Even this day with "Father Peacock" at lunch asking me: “Do you think the issue of this sex scandal is over with?” My answer: “No! The game will go on with others coming foreword because of what the bishops’ are doing with last years style of shaking the tree syndrome. "Father Peacock" asked this very nervously, wonderment and a scared expression on this face. This was another, very peculiar time that had me wondering about him. He has a story. It is not reaching out to a fellow-priest in my case. He, either, is looking for an appointed position to be “bishop liaison to priest on administrative leave” (Monsignor Title), something as being allegated about him or another matter. God only knows. Maybe it had something to do with his pastorship at parish in Fitchburg with a priest in residence that was allegated where rumor had the place know as a “Boys Club.” Possibly I should have asked: How much were dues for this “Boys’ Club”?

            What I had to recall from a mental way was: 1. Think “success” with events that were good news. 2. Hope- Don’t lose it. 3. Financial ruin but re-workable 4. Why remain? Unlock mysteries and unanswered questions 5.Unlock good in life with renewal.

            I was at this time experiencing emotional abandonment from other who was dear to me. I realized at one of the AA meetings and read in a Grapevine (AA publication) issue about this topic. I sought to understand, without malice the side of those who had “abandoned” me. I realized that they had lives of their own. Our culture is very individualistic and many times impersonal. Besides this area of my life was a time, where priest, as myself, were considered by some as a “lepers.” In other words, I behaved in a manner much like Christ. I would like to be like the human Christ with my behavior. This had been a model to strive for at this time and was a goal at all times of my priestly ministry.

            I even heard about “Talk Therapy” which was in a described in Time: How your mind can heal your body. This helps me realize the time and effort by research that I was spending on wiring my journal-my story.

            There was this at this time me hearing about the “pain of victims” issue talked about by church officials and victims’ lawyers. I wondered when I would see programs made of TV on this. I had been surprised that this had not happened with more intensity by the media. I should say at this time that I prayed for these victims of sex abuse and any suffering they had experienced from such a situation daily in my Mass with the “Prayer of the Faithful” petitions.

            I was a history program last night where they had a story about the Sinking of the Maine in Havana Harbor. Years later, we learned that the ships boiler had proems... Oh? Didn’t we go to war over this against Spain? History repeats itself in many different forms in our world. 

January 21, 2003

            I had my scheduled meeting with Dr. Zeman in Hartford. At the end of this session, he said that I need to explain to him why I want to continue being a priest. He said he does not understand me on this issue. What was an eye opener for me was at the end of the session and he picked-up the phone to talk with his secretary. He said to her to schedule me for another meeting in three months and continue this arrangement, where I was coming every four months. It was “crunch” time with me coming to Hartford- at least I thought that to be.

            I thought that here comes the “axe” on me being removed out of the priesthood. Did Dr. Zeman have a message or conversation with Worcester Chancery?  This type of question started rolling with the fear (anxiety) element of my body having a burning sensation. I was wondering if I was “radioactive” because of all of this church sex scandal and Worcester wanting me out and gone.  

January 23, 2003

            I heard a report on the radio how the Hole Father commented to American seminarians in Rome of a “long suffering year for your church.” (Try since 1993). There is the “year issue” of Bishop Reilly of January 14, 2002 meeting. The “one year issue” is now a bench mark. I wrote some words about this back then for prosperity than what I really wanted to write. The Rector of North American College (Rome’s seminary for Americans) used in a homily the gospel of Christ and the leper to relate to the last year of the American Church sex scandal crisis.

            Then I heard in this same news report that the Rector of Boston’s Holy Cross Cathedral sent a letter to Bishop Lennon asking that victims not be cross-examined by Archdiocesan lawyers... Later, I was able to hear that the report was corrected to that the letter referred to deposing the therapist of the victims. The TV story had that these victim lawyers were saying that “no on will come out” with additional abuse. These same layers want “mediation” and not go to trail. Oh?

            Another side story was that MacLeish was reprimanded by the Ethics Committee of Rhode Island because of setting-up for a certain judge for his client. Another report had that MacLeish had lied in a court record. He must be laughing all the way to the bank. This may have been a diversion technique on MacLeish’s part because money may have been drying-up.  One wonders to how much I should listen to anything at all concerning priest stories. I was thinking how I felt at times as a leper. I was fearful of calls and bumping in someone that I knew. I jumped with clergy stories and media witch hunt.

            I had taken a ride to help a former parishioner- Leo Grenier. We stopped at his home and I was sitting at the table. He walks over to me and asked: “How may people have come out on you? I answered truthfully: “No one since the 1993 situation.” What was surprising with this that Leo was always quiet and never asked me anything about my case or what the church was doing with me? Then, this sudden, quick question had me somewhat stunned. It was similar to Connie Rivard’s quick shot of question some time back this month. Why was I surprised because every day, every newscast of radio or TV and newspaper front page had “another priest story” allegation? Leo never asked me anything ever again after this encounter about my situation. We traveled together at least three times a week. But, this did call to mind how Rueger in 1993 keep going at me: “More are going to come out on you!” Where are they, Rueger?

            What I had to realize through all of this was what we are hearing is not my case. In addition I was: 1. Tried one without anything of a due process or anything else 2. Statue of limitations were told to me by Fr. Picclomini 3. Doctor’s evaluation that I had, stated that I was normal. I had to remind myself that I worked extremely hard in the ministry. It didn’t make any difference with the “system” in place in Worcester. Yet, I was not able to put something together from canon law to convince anyone in the ‘system.” Actually, I should have realized that nothing was going to change the “system” as it was. I dug-in where Bishop Harrington was the “smoking gun” in the diocese as the past Auxiliary Bishop and then the Ordinary Bishop. Harrington did to in: “Guilty till proven innocent” with Rueger, Tinsley and Pedone- Harrington’s cronies in a cover-up. I recall a former priest say that he was told: “Stay out of diocese’s internal problems. A bishop told this to him. Harrington was screwing everyone.” How true this advises was because if I attempted to connect dots to get a picture of what happened to I would prove nothing for my cause. But, it does help me have a resolution, at least in my own time.           

January 24, 2003

            The National Catholic Reporter gives us and editorial: “Fact upset conjecture.” It states: “There’s an amazing fact tucker deep within The New York Times          recent reporting on the priest sex abuse scandals. In dioceses that have voluntarily reported the number of abusing priests, such as Baltimore, and those that have been forced to courts to do so, such as Boston and Manchester, N.H., the percentages of priests credibly accused of abusing children is two to four times greater than in jurisdictions that have made no such reports…More than a year into this round of the priest sex abuse crisis, the chattering classes have told us so much about what we ‘know.’ We know, for example that the crisis is not about celibacy, or the disproportionate number of gay priests, or a secretive church culture. We know, further, that the all-male hierarch has nothing to do with the problem and that the media has acted irresponsibly in reporting the scandal. The bishops have appointed a lay board headed by former Oklahoma Gov. Frank Keating to investigate the causes of this crisis. Maybe they’ll reach some solid conclusions.”14

            This same issue gives us “Board members snubbed in New York: Cardinal skips meeting dis-invites some from Malta knights’ event.” The story goes: “Members of the national review board overseeing church efforts to eliminate priest sex abuse expressed puzzlement, embarrassment and anger at a recent series of nubs and what appeared to some to be high-handed directives from New York Cardinal Edward Egan.

            ‘I’m taking this personally,’ said board member Pamela Hayes, a former prosecutor for corruption in New York City. ‘He’s given us the distinct impression he’s not going to desk with a board that’s been set up by the U.S. bishops.’

            In late December an archdiocesan spokesman informed the board that the cardinal would not be available to meet with them during their meeting in New York City Jan. 16 and 17, would not say Mass for them as they had requested , nor would any of his auxiliary bishops be available for Mss.

            Earlier in the month Egan told the board, through another intermediary, that only those on the board who belonged to the Knights of Malta should attend the knights’ gala dinner on Jan. 17, although all board members had been already invited. Furthermore, he did not want Kathleen McChesney, director of the Office of Child and Youth Protection (the investigation arm of the board), to come to New York to speak about her work to speak about her work at the invitation of a local parish.”15

            What we start to get from the Catholic hierarch is the laypeople being put in their place- secondary roles. This was one of the major undercurrent issues of Rome’s reaction to the American sex abuse scandal.

January 25, 2003

            “Lay group set sights on city” article by Kathleen A. Shaw and Richard Nangle appeared in this day’s Worcester Telegram & Gazette. It reads: “Lay Catholic groups are turning their attention to the Worcester Catholic Diocese, calling for Bishop Daniel P. Reilly to open personnel records and apologize for reassigning priests accused of sexual misconduct. A local e-mail address reilymustgo@yahoo.com – has been set up for demonstration or showing their support in other ways. The Worcester action is part of a new direction being taken by laity who has been involved in shining the light on priestly sexual abuse. Now that Cardinal Bernard F. Law of the Boston Archdiocese has stepped down, pressure is being applied to other church leaders considered enablers of accused pedophile priests. In New England the bishop of Manchester, N.H>, John B. McCormick, has come under particularly intense pressure. The Worcester Voice, which advocates for victims of clergy abuse, wrote Bishop Reilly this week to ask him to ‘stand forth and atone for the sins committed against the innocent in the Diocese of Worcester.”16 

January 27, 2003

            “Crows demands bishop step down: Pressure on McCormack mounts” by J. M. Hirsch (AP) is printed in this day’s Worcester Telegram & Gazette. It reads: “Manchester, N.H. – More than woo Roman Catholics and alleged victims of priest sexual abuse outside St. Joseph Cathedral yesterday to call for Bishop John B. McCormick’s resignation. Many said they were unimpressed by McCormack’s apologies and explanations of how he handled accusations against priests while a top aide to Boston Cardinal Bernard F. Law from 1984 to 194. ‘John McCormick, don’t ever again, try to confound the laity with your babble,’ said Stephen Lewis of Lynn, Maas. Who said he was abused by a priest as a child. ‘We are not your ring-kissing slaves or servants who you count as you fall asleep in your brick mansion.’ Holding pictures of 83 children at the age they say they were abused, the protesters braved frigid temperatures for more than tow hours as they marched around the cathedral and told stories of abuse.”17 

January 28, 2003

            We get another bishop’s story “Bishop Lennon angers SNAP director” in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette this day. It reads: “Boston – The director of a national support group for victims of clergy sexual abuse says he is angry about Bishop Richard G. Lennon use of ‘hardball tactics’ in subpoenaing victims’ therapists to testify in civil lawsuits filed against the church. David Clohessy, director of the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, said Lennon has not reached out to victims since he took over as leader of the Boston Archdiocese following Cardinal Bernard F. Law’s resignation sex week ago. Instead, he has continued an adversarial relationship with people who were abused by priests as children, Clohessy said. ‘Therapy for victims is absolutely critical, and anything that would stop them from seeking therapy or drive them always is a horrible revitalization,’ he said. ‘What makes it particularly egregious is the churches repeatedly said to victims, ‘come to us for healing.’ It’s the ultimate bait and switch.’”18

            There are so many issues that have or not be able to put on the table as “alleged victims,’ abuse, cross-examinations, questioning therapist, lawyers and even the money pay-outs? 

January 29, 2003

            Kathleen A. Shaw writes “Protestors seek files, records form diocese: Advocates for abuse victims plan demonstration at cathedral” in this issue of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. It reads: “Worcester – Several groups that support and advocate for victims of clergy sexual abuse plan to gather Sunday at St. Paul’s Cathedral and demand that diocesan personnel files of accused priests and church workers and financial records to opened to public scrutiny. People form Speak Truth to Power, the Coalition of concerned Catholics and Survivors, Survivors Network of Those abused by Priests, and Worcester Voice will begin gathering at 9:30 a.m. They will demonstrate during the 10:15 a.m. Mass at the cathedral, High and Chatham streets. ‘The primary goal of this protest is to seek admission, accountability and resolution of sexual abuse by priests and others under diocesan employ,” said Philip de Albuquerque of STTOP. The groups also yesterday announced a detailed list of what kinds of information they are seeking from the diocese. ‘Moreover, we ask Bishop (Daniel P.) Reilly to discontinue the concealment of this scandal form the Catholic community of the Worcester diocese so that justice can be done and true healing can be done,’ Mr. Albuquerque said…”19

            How many more groups were there circling the cathedral? What is more amazing is that “rights groups’ have agendas within agendas. It keeps rolling. 

January 31, 2003

            The National Catholic Reporter gives us in there issue “spotlight of scandal moves westward: With new spate of abuse cases, Los Angeles cardinal faces test of credibility” by Arthur Jones. It reads: “The nationwide Catholic clerical sex abuse scandal is not going away. The spotlight is shifting westward to California, particularly Los Angeles, where hundreds of new sex abuse suits are queuing up before the courts. Already comparisons are being made to the situation in Boston. Mayor differences are apparent. For starters, there has not been nearly the outcry from Catholic or media quarter here that there was in Boston. The reason, according to one expert, is that Los Angeles is not a Catholic city in the way Boston is – the Southern California city’s economic-political structure (despite a recent Catholic mayor) has always been essentially Protestant.”20

            This same issue gives us “Book illuminates as if an illusion-The Other Side of the Altar: One Man’s Life in the Catholic Priesthood by Paul Dinter and reviewed by William Cleary. It reads: “Looking over the 40-odd books concerned with the clergy sexual abuse scandal, this memoir by Paul Dinter promises to be one of the most helpful. It was originally announced as The Diary of a Married Priest, but obviously ‘the other side of the altar’ where the active clergy preside is now more interesting then the world of a married priest-more interesting because ominous and frightening. Dinter, author of two other recent books and important articles in Commonweal and The New York Times, does not disappoint the reader. Life in the priesthood of our era, he recounts, is a no-man’s land. You can easily match it to the dark, underground, almost-all-males, violent world of ‘Lord of the Rings.’ You don’t want to be there. The next text can be uneven, with lapse in the story for unnecessary lectures on ecclesiastical topics, but the book remains a great, if sobering read. Dinter’s ministry experience is often nightmarish, starting in the minor seminary (‘a prep school for delay adolescents’) and continuing through ordination, doctoral studies, pastoral wok, campus chaplaincy and a sabbatical to the Vatican, ‘Men’s club on the Tiber.’ Throughout his 39-yer journey, Dinter kept the rules while keenly observing the strange milieu. One wonders why he did not take his leave earlier. A priest’s world these days can be surreal, and has become so in the popular imagination…”21

            I have 23 books in my personal library on this sex abuse crisis. There are a number of other works on the priesthood that, also, have this topic in part of their books. The actually story is far from being told or researched. How it is: Historians don’t study and issue for at least 30 years of an issue. So, the present works are mostly authors’ giving their insights at this time. There really has not been given to the pubic all   aspects of the “crisis” especially the aspect of “power and authority” or “alleged victims” in the cultural milieu of the day.

            I visited the Gizas in Palmer. I first called to say that I had “cabin fever” and nothing else of news. I didn’t want them to wonder if anything else had happened to me or any other news because I didn’t have any news.

            Kay Giza said to me when we sat down in the living room that she had to read my name in the newspaper. But, she showed me the front-page of The Springfield Union of that day of Fr. Levine being pit on an “abuse list” and being defrocked. I didn’t say much else besides that his story was not my story... Stanley and Kay just listened. I had the feeling that they already had their minds make-up about priest in general. The do the media stories and talk with their friends about priest. Stanley said: “You are smart by not saying anything.” He then shared the Bish story in the same newspaper of a new investigation by DA Conte. I did tell the Gizas’ that there was a “bigger story” in the Worcester Diocese. I didn’t mention any specifics. What I was referring to was the “smoking gun” part of the Worcester Chancery and the “sex ring in Worcester” question of Fr. Jack Kieley at the IOL, Hartford. 

February 1, 2003

            I was reflecting where during my last visit with Dr. Zeman and we were discussing my next appointment, he mention to me that he needs me next time to explain why I want to remain a priest. He said he wanted to talk about it more. With that, he picked-up the phone for his secretary and saying to schedule me for every three months. Either he was having a bad day or I had not given a sufficient explanation. It had me thinking in that I knew my position on my priesthood. It was a vocation and not a job factor. This was what made all the difference in my journey in life. .

            I need to kick-in: One step at a time. There was slippage on my part in the determination of “hope.” What was different at this time” I realized it.

            It was a time where the trust that once surrounded the clergy had turned to fury. Abuse L children? With bishops being complicit did not help the situation. No more in our society. The atmosphere in summaries and priesthood had some called a corrupted atmosphere. The issue of dishonesty and illusion are being recognized. The illusion that had to be banished in that sex is the enemy and celibacy makes for holiness. Some things are heard and faced which are vicious and simple-minded. I did realize that a revealed advocate of newness versus the status quo. The picture in my seminary yearbook of my only classmate- Joe Sredzinski- on the front steps of the Seminary Building. The picture had Joe attired in black cassock and berate and myself with jeans, sweet shirt and brown hat and coat. The picture was as Joe dressed in pre-Vatican II and me as being Vatican II model. The real issue in this picture was authority in the Church as relating to principles of collegiality, parish pastoral councils, faith communities and much more. So, things that were being said in this day were so demeaning and lacked insights.

            I have to mention that those victims that were sexually abused by priest are a tragedy of the most serious nature. These people are in my thoughts and daily prayers. However, I was even wondering that at this time, there needed to be a program: Victim for the Day (Queen for a Day Program). It seemed that there was this media parade of “alleged victims” of priest in sex abuse each day on page B1- Local News. There would be five victims in the program. Questions directed those whose head had been jaded? Whose memories had been rekindled? Would there be different “filters” of a situation or occurrence? 

February 2, 2003

            I was reading the parish bulletin from Sacred Heart Church, Gardner. It had a part: “Lay Presider Training workshop – will be held at Sacred heart Parish, Gardner, on Saturday, February 9^th and February 22^nd, 9:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. This is a Diocesan wide program that will be given by Fr. John Konicek. All Lay Presiders and anymore interested in learning more about the program or becoming a Lay Presider are urged to attend.”22

            This had my eyes open, because it seemed that the Lay Presider was a thing of the past because of having a Bishop Reilly and a resurging clericalism. It seemed that this was for the area (Deanery) parishes and yet no other parish published this announcement. Also, who was this Fr. John Konicek? He was not a Worcester Diocesan priest.  Another point was that the priest that was usually the facilitator for this in the area was off the screen- he knew that Bishop Reilly was not in favor of this. Therefore, if this guy wanted to become a Monsignor, he became disassociated from the Lay Presider and became a teacher in the diocesan Deacon program. Lastly, Fr. Donald Baker was will to sponsor at Sacred Heart Parish such a workshop.  

February 3, 2003

            On the front page of this Monday, the Worcester Telegram & Gazette had on the front page “Emotions run high at demonstration: Shuttle, sexual abuse vigil at St Paul’s.” Patricia J. James wrote: “Worcester- A demonstration at St. Paul’s Cathedral planned for yesterday morning by members of groups that advocate for victims of clergy sexual abuse was supposed to turn into a solemn vigil after Saturday’s loss of the space shuttle crew, but ended up being a little of both.

            In a press release issued Saturday by members of STTOP – sort for Speak Truth to Power – organizers said, “Sponsoring groups…have decided it more appropriate to solemnly gather I thought and prayer for the lives lost in this tragic national disaster.” The rally’s original purpose was to demand that diocesan personnel files of accused priests and church workers and financial records be made public.

            About 20 members and supporters of groups – including STTOP! Coalition of Concerned Catholics and Survivors, Survivors First and Worcester Voice – gathered at the cathedral at 9:30 a.m.  The press release said they would ‘solemnly honor the pain or child sexual abuse victims and others.’

            While most of those at the vigil mourned quietly, one parishioner of the cathedral said she was angry at the ones who were more audible. ‘I have every sympathy in the world for the victims,’ Dora Cullen of Worcester said after attending the 10:15 a.m. Mass yesterday, ‘but two wrongs don’t make it right.’

            Ms. Cullen sad her four young children wee ‘completely terrified’ on their way into the church because a man with a bullhorn was ‘yelling words like ‘rape.’ She said the protestors were ‘creating more victims.’”23 

February 4, 2005

            This day the Worcester Telegram & Gazette gives us by Kathleen A. Shaw the article: “Worcester man alleges abuse: Rev. Jalbert accuser says he wants to help other victims: Shaw wrote: “Raymond Plante jr. grew up in a three-decker on Grafton Hill, the son of devout Catholic parents who, like many people in Worcester, struggled with financial problems as they raised their children. As a boy, Mr. Plante said, he was raped repeatedly by the Rev. Norman Jalbert, a priest who was also a music teacher and guidance counselor at Holy Name central Catholic High School and who died in 1994.

            Mr. Plante, now 39, said he has decided to go public with his story because he believes other victims may exist and the needs to tell people the extent of what happened to him. He participated Sunday in the demonstration at St. Paul’s Cathedral, he appeared on a television interview in front of Holy Name and he was joined and become active in the new chapter of Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests. The alleged rape and sexual abuse of Mr. Plante also involved abuse of the Eucharist, which Catholic believe is the real presence of Jesus Christ in the communion wafer; the Mass, the sacrament of reconciliation; and a violation of the sacrament of matrimony as part of the Rev. Jalbert’s overall strategy, he said.

            The Rev. Jalbert equated the sexual abuse as ‘how we do Mass here,’ Mr. Plante said. His parents, Raymond Sr. and Therese Plante, were active at St. Joseph’s parish on Hamilton street where the Rev. Jalbert was also pastor, and they did everything they could to raise tuition money for the Holy Name. The Rev. Jalbert, who was also his parish priest, became his guidance counselor and music director. Mr. Plante said he wanted to stop the abuse but the Rev. Jalbert had information about Mr. Planet’s parents’ personal and financial difficulties and threatened to use it to destroy their marriage. ‘The last thing I wanted was for them to get divorced and he knew it,’ he said. His mother worked at the rectory and spoke frankly with the Rev. Jalbert about their struggles, Mr. Plante said. His father, who was active in therapies, went to the Rev. Jalbert for confession. A sister had also been molested by someone in Worcester and this had upset his parents. Mr. Plante was afraid to add to their burden by revealing another incident, he said.

            His first trip to camp on Brownie Pond in Spencer, in 1978 when he was 15, came because the Rev. Jalbert offered to help him with his singing. The youth wanted to perform in the popular musicals at Holy Name. Mr. Plante, in describing the first time he was abused, said he was taking to the camp, which was a converted horse barn with a large fieldstone fireplace. ‘It would start with a glass of wine,’ he said. Mr. Plante suspected the wine was laced with some type of drug because he would become spacey and ‘unable to move.’ Mr. Plante said the Rev. Jalbert would suggest they ‘do a Mass,’ talk about adolescent issues he was having with his parents, fondle his genitals and sit on his stomach and chest. ..”24

            Any time I read such stories, besides being sad for the people involved, if they were was thinking about George Rueger ranting at me in 1993 that more are going to come out on me- no one did. It obviously was a cover-up by the Worcester Chancery Gang- we had a “smoking gun” with Rueger and Mob to protect the Bishop Harrington. 

February 6, 2003

            I noticed that whenever I was reading any R.C.I.A. literature in how I became immersed with these readings and how time pasted. I noticed how I was able to become concentrated. I also noticed that I felt relaxed on this path. It gave me an internal peace. The whole process and insights that I had and continued to have formed a pastoral- working in the parish techniques of this renewal.  It was and still is an experience that I had found in what I was educated for in the eight years of seminary and post-Vatican II period of renewal in addition to studying and obtaining a M.A in Psychology and Counseling. Well, it was over with in any hope of having this being workable in any pastoral parish experience with me being allegated. But, it was the one thing that I realized that I found the “gem” of what the Church had been given to it by the Holy Spirit. But, studying and reading history had me aware that there would be a counter move for “restoration” of the 19^th Century hierarchical model which was also occurring in the secular society especially of “black and white” answers to issues of the day. Allowing the Holy Spirit to work was not to be at this time in the life of the Church or my life. I was able to put word and concepts on a “skeleton” model for parish work. It had me more excited to do research by reading articles and original sources in this area of this R.C.I.A. process. I, actually, was cut-off from any professional or clerical contact to discuss the R.C.I.A. and different insights that those that were involved with or developing new techniques to advance this whole process to where it would be the norm in every parish- possibly five decades. But, it seemed that with the R.C.I.A. that everything that I ministered with in my priesthood came together. A vision was a reality. This particular time had me in “The Leper” category, because of the fear of losing my “pension- poverty level” and my health plan in the Worcester Diocese with thirty-three years as a priest...

            But, another reality had me watching the media and newspapers for the daily church sex abuse scandal list. Actually, the Worcester Telegram & Gazette seemed to carry two or three clergy stories a week on Tuesdays and Saturdays.

            But, watching Channel #5 News at 5:30 p.m. ran a story of a lawyer making a presentation at the Massachusetts Supreme Court on a case from1958 issue- Statue of limitations. My fear buckets became filled-up. The reporter was saying that this will affect hundred of cases in the state. I had my stomach upset after hearing this report and developed the weak-feeling and skin had a burning feeling that was previously common to me a number of times.

             I attended my Thursday Step Meeting. This day the meeting covered Step #10 of list or inventory as my emotional hang-ups as an example being fear. I departed from the meeting: Don’t embellish. 

February 7, 2003

                Here is Friday and we get the Catholic Free Press version of Sunday’s cathedral protest. Kevin Luperchio reports: “Worcester- Representative of several abuse survivor groups picketed outside St. Paul Cathedral Sunday to urge Bishop Reilly to release documents they say would reveal the scope of the clergy sexual abuse scandal in the Diocese of Worcester. The bishop was not at the cathedral but the head of the Office for Healing and Prevention was there to offer the services of the diocese. About 25 people form Survivors Newark of those Abuse by Priests, Speak Truth To Power, Coalition of Catholics and survivors and  Worcester Voice stood outside with signs and spoke with people entering the cathedral…Some of the pickets were upset the bishop was not at the protest. Mr. Delisle said Bishop Reilly was not scheduled to celebrate Mass at the cathedral on Sunday. He was attending a Catholic Schools Week event at St. Joseph Basilica in Webster at the time of the protest.

                Patricia Engdahl, director of the Office for healing and Prevention, said she decided to attend the protest to extent herself and the service of here office to those who may have been victims of abuse. ‘I thought it was appropriate that I would be there to let them know that we care.’ Mrs. Engdahl said, ‘We are concerned for them and we welcome them and we are very open to helping them.’ She said the protestors’ reception to her presence was mixed. Some in the group responded positively, she said, while others were unwilling to listen. Several people said they would like to speak to Bishop Reilly and Mrs. Engdahl told them she would relay the message to the bishop.”25

                This encounter must have been more heated than either the Catholic Free Press or the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. What was interesting to have a Mrs. Engdahl acting in her role and what Rome was saying about laypeople involved in the whole sex abuse crisis in the church? How long would she last and what will happen to her?

                The Catholic Free Press, also, published this same issue “Editorial-The place to turn.” It stated: “The Church is going through a grace period and the focus of the secular media is generally on the negative. We Catholics need to keep hearing about the positive things that are happening in our Church as well: the celebrations of new life, the good works that are done, the solidarity we share, and the commitments to a holy life... the Catholic media can help tell “the rest of the story” about today’s Church. Yes, in our Church this year there has been abuse and there has been remorse. There has been sin and, most importantly, forgiveness. And there has been a real attempt to take corrective measures with regards to the scandal of child sexual abuse. The Catholic media can put all of that, good and bad, in the context of faith. We strive to present a balanced picture of life and faith in the Church. We look to Scripture, for it is only through God’s Word that we can make sense of what is happening around us. ‘Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord’ says Psalm 31.”26

                The spin masters are at it in all avenues. Meanwhile, will we ever get the real story out on this side of the issue versus the system?

                This day’s issue of the National Catholic Reporter had an article by Fr. Richard P. McBride “Political instructions may go unheeded.” It states: “For those unfamiliar with the ways of the Vatican, it may have come as something of a surprise last month when the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith issued specific guidelines for catholic politicians that attempt to dictate how they should vote on various issues relating to the protection of human life…But there is another factor at work here. The ecclesiastical environment has changed dramatically since January of last year when the same Boston Globe first exposed the local sex-abuse scandal. Catholics are now much less inclined to accept moral guidance from the hierarchy without first taking a hard, critical look at it. Bishops and other purveyors of moral wisdom be advised.”27

                When this article says that the paper exposed the local sex-abuse scandal, it was a long time before this that The Boston Globe and the Worcester Telegram & Gazette of this year were reporting this. My story was reported in 1995 and there were a number of cases that I recall back in 1984 and after about allegated priest.

I had one of those “Remember When” moments when my cousin, Michael Bish called. He was telling me how he attended a Confirmation Mass at St. Stanislaus, West Warren-my home parish. Bishop Rueger was telling the parishioners that “Fr. Jack” was doing a great job at St. Stan’s. Michael (Mickey) then told me that “Jack” went to Florida for a week’s vacation. But, the “remember when” moment came in was me recalling Rueger in ’93 Confirmation Ceremony at St. Edward’s doing the opposite by telling the candidates: “You don’t have to listen to Fr. Kardas.” This was the same incident that Fr. Picclomini was the Master-of-Ceremonies and sitting in the vestibule with a glowing smile looking at Rueger. Mrs. Leola Leger was the lecture and was sitting next to me saying: “Oh, my God. I don’t believe what I just heard. Look at Picclomini with that disgusting smile ay Bishop Rueger.” There was another story here where the picture said more than any words would have explained.                

February 8, 2003

                The Sentinel & Enterprise reports: “Local church lay leader to meet with Bishop Reilly.” The story: “Leominster – Mary I. Jean of Leominster, and head of the Worcester Voice, will meet with Bishop Daniel P. Reilly on Wednesday to discuss her recent request that the Worcester Catholic Diocese release the names of those priests who have been accused of sexual abuse in the diocese.

                “The Worcester Voice is an advocacy group for the victims of clergy sexual abuse in the Worcester Diocese. Reilly agreed to a meeting with Jean alone Wednesday morning, despite hr request that representatives from other victims’ groups attend the meeting. Jean said she believes Reilly agreed to the meeting as a direct consequence of a letter she sent him last month.

                “In the letter, Jean charged that the ‘church culpability in the cover-up of clergy sexual abuse is now evident’ and asked that bishop to release the names of accused priests as will as personal records in order to ‘expedite the healing process in our diocese.’ According to Jean, the meeting, which was arranged by the bishop’s secretary, the Rev. Rocco Piccolomini, is a ‘positive’ sing from the diocese. ‘This is an historic step on the part of the bishop,’ Jean said. ‘It’s an extension of an olive branch…’”28

                What is interesting how a person like Jean who started out with an agenda about her child attending St. Leo’s Grammar School in Leominster became a self-proclaimed advocate on clergy sex abuse issue? This is something of the victims’ groups in questioning who are they and their real agenda. There are more questions that no one is asking in regards to who, what and where issues on this abuse crisis.  

February 9, 2003

                The Leominster woman, Mary T. Jean, who began the Voice of Worcester because of issues with her son attending St. Leo’s School in the same town, had an internal issue with the school board. She made it a clergy issue. I wondered about her real agenda- selfishness. It seemed that a few groups had a cause and rallied around the clergy sex abuse issue and discovered each other. These groups send to be hitting on that you give me mine issues. Jean had memory about everything and wanted accountability. Actually, word from sweetness was her “calling card’ but it did not take much to read in between the lines her real agenda.

                I was still dealing with the “fear buckets” syndrome in coming into my place and seeing the phone message light blinking. I was still thinking how it might have been Fr. Picclomini calling from the Worcester Chancery. It had not happened since 1995, but I was not able to clear this issue from my mind of the worst case scenario. I rebutted the allegation then and that should have been that. But, I notice that I was working on this issue. It did get better. It became a non-issue in that I was encountering any issue directly because it was not true then or ever had been. I was challenging any issue at this time with dealing in values, ideals and goals.

                In addition, whenever the issue of the “statue of limitations” was heard by me either through the media or "Father Peacock" throwing a remark at me, I was able to divert the usual “stinken thinking” of hear and my mind racing. It was Harrington’s remark at me: “You’re guilty till proven innocent.” It was actually becoming part of me to rally my personhood and know that I didn’t do what I had been allegated with. I was not allowing “March Madness” (College Basketball) to be “March Disaster” of having been judged “guilty” by my friends in the Worcester Chancery Mob.

                What did come to mind whenever I was, at this time, getting into my “stinken thinking” I picked-up my copy of Teaching the Dead Bird to Sing by W. Paul Jones about God’s love? 

February 11, 2003

                Kathleen A. Shaw writes this day in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “demonstrators at church can use bullhorn: ACLU chapter to assist protestors.” She writes: “Worcester – The Worcester County Chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union of Massachusetts will assist demonstrators at St. Paul’s Cathedral if police or church officials try to curb the protest and the use of bullhorns.

                “Demonstrators went to St. Paul’s Cathedral on Sunday and were met by police requests that the get a permit for their bullhorns. One of the protesters was threatened with arrest if he did to cease use of his bullhorn, according to Mary T. Jean of Worcester Voice, a group that advocates for victims of clergy abuse. Police Chief James M. Gallagher said yesterday the protesters do not need a permit for bullhorns, but police can ask them to turn down the noise level if it is deemed excessive.

                “Ronald C. Madnick, executive director of the Worcester County Chapter of ACLU, said yesterday that protesters have a right to use bullhorns in the front of the cathedral and can legally say whatever they want about the bishop, other church officials and the abuse scandal in general…”29  

February 14, 2003

                Another day and Kathleen A. Shaw reports “Accused priests identified for Diocese gave list to DA a year ago-group wants list released.” The story: “Worcester-The names of priests accused of sexual misconduct dating back to 1944 were turned over nearly a year ago by the Catholic Diocese of Worcester to District Attorney John J. Conte.

                “Mr. Conte yesterday verified that he received them after issuing a grand jury subpoena, but will not ever make public the names of the accused and will not tell how many priests are involved until his investigation is complete. ‘Or function is prosecuting,” he said. Mary T. Jean of Worcester Voice, A Catholic advocacy group fro victims of clergy sexual abuse, said yesterday the information was relayed to her by Bishop Daniel P. Reilly during a meeting with him on Wednesday at the chancery. Monsignor Edmond T. Tinsley and a member of the diocesan review board also attended, she said. She was told the names were turned over last March, although the bishop could not give an exact date. Mr. Conte said yesterday that he received the names from the diocese under grand jury subpoena several months ago and said the names were instrumental in his investigation…”30

                I was realizing that getting excited at this time in my journey was more controlled. So, this morning at 6:00 a.m. radio news on WEIM-AM of Fitchburg/Leominster had the story of the Worcester DA had the list on priest in the sex abuse scandal? The news reports that the list goes back to the ‘40s. It also report mentioning Mary Jean of Leominster being involved in getting this list. Circus time was the first thing that came to my mind on hearing this.

                What I had to notice in myself to be aware of people that would bring the salt to dinner in such stories or encounters. It has helped me realize that an unexamined life is not worth living. I have examined my life more than I thought possible. I had approached most people in silence on my particulars and did realize that any verbal approach of any reaction was to be in a limited nature. Life was worth living more now than ever on my part.

                One of my classmates told me that I was not Irish enough in the Church. He was referring to the authority of the bishop and the challenge of the chancery structures of my time. The real issue was that I knew too much of the Worcester Catholic Church. I possibly should have written a book entitled: Windows in the Chancery Building: Ambitions. I had to realize that my entire situation damaged my reparation, well-being and psyche. Yet, I was not a “dead bird.” I was flying freer than ever.    

February 15, 2003

                Kathleen A. Shaw continues on in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Records on priests targeted: Alleged abuse victim is pushing diocese for answers.” She write: “Worcester – Craig Lecaire wants to see all of the records on accused priests within the Catholic Diocese of Worcester opened to  public scrutiny, because he might get answers to his own questions regarding his abuse he says was at the hands of two priests.

                “Mr. Lecaire, of Spencer, said he was raped by the Rev. Brendon W. O’Donoghue, now retired, and sexually assaulted by the late Rev. Norman  Jalbert, ‘grave harm is being done to the body of Christ and it needs to be taken care of,’ he said. ‘Opening up all those files will certainly answer some of my questions, I have herd things. It appears that Brendon O’Donoghue was moved around the diocese and no one has said why,’ Mr. Lecaire said…’He (O’Donoghue) told me that if I were to ever talk about it to others, it would break this sacred trust and part of God’s commandment, and if I did, I am possibly my mother and father could lose our souls to the devil in hell.’”32

                This same issue and page had a small insert article by Kathleen A. Shaw entitled “O’Donoghue moved frequently by church.” The part that made me interested was: “During his time in Spencer, he spent several months on leave before being sent to St. Peter, Petersham, where he served from 1979 to 1984. He retired in 1984 from St. Matthew’s in Southboro. He is now retired, but the diocesan directory of retired priests doe not list where he is living.”32

                Why this opened my eyes was that when I was assigned to St. Edward’s, Westminster, Fr. "Shach", of the Priest Personal Board told me: “That was not the place that you were supposed to be sent too.” What I was able to find out was that O’Donoghue was going to St. Edward’s and I was going to St. Matthew’s, Southboro. O”Donoghue visited St. Edward’s rectory and viewed the condition of the rectory and refused to go there. So, Bishop Harrington assigned him to St. Matthew’s and Kardas was sent to St. Edward’s.  Harrington switched lines on this assignment. My question: “What did O’Donoghue have on Harrington that he was able to refuse an assignment? I was only told by Msgr. Ray Page by phone that I was going to St. Edwards- the rectory conditions were a “pig pen” condition with the pastor and his dog. There most likely is a better story on this Harrington-O’Donoghue line switch.

                The Sentinel & Enterprise had a picture and story “Priest reinstated.” It reported: “Rev. Edward McDonagh dresses for Friday night mass at St. Ann’s Catholic Church in West Bridgewater on Friday. McDonagh, who was removed from the church in November 2002 after allegations surfaced that he had raped a boy in the 1960s, was reinstated Thursday after Boston archdiocese officials said they couldn’t substantiate the claim.”33

                My only question: How was it possible for the Boston archdiocese not able to substantiate the claim versus substantiating the claim?

                Then the Worcester Telegram & Gazette gives us this day from The Associated Press “Geoghan got trip to Rome after ‘trauma.’” It reports: “Boston – After church officials cleared the Rev. John J. Geoghan of a sexual abuse complaint in 1979, Bishop Thomas Daily of Brooklyn, N.Y., allowed Geoghan to make a trip to Rome because he felt Geoghan ‘had been through a traumatic experience’ because of the accusation. Daily, formerly a top aide to Cardinal Bernard F. Law made the remarked doing a civil deposition made public yesterday. ‘So, out of the 800 priests in Boston, why Father Geoghan in 1979, did you think he should go to Rome?’ asked lawyer William Gordon, in the deposition. ‘Because I felt that he had been through a traumatic experience because of the letters and accusations, etc., and that it was needed for him. It would have been helpful to him,’ daily replied. In correspondence between daily, Geoghan and Geoghan’s supervisor, it is unclear exactly what the woman claimed Geoghan did with children.”34

                What becomes interesting in such a report is that one never heard of such an approach by Bishop Harrington or anyone in the Worcester Diocese. Harrington had the nickname: Bulldog. The other thing with Geoghan taking a trip to Rome and being a diocesan priest, who paid for the trip? Most likely Geoghan did the paying out of his own pocket. Another point was that the archdiocese may have wanted Geoghan off the radar screen. 

February 16, 2003

                "Father Peacock" tells me that Bishop Reilly met with the diocesan priest that was on Administrative Leave at Fr. Rochford’s rectory in Blackstone, Mass. Fr. Rochford is the bishop’s delegate to priest on Administrative Leave. Rochford had never contacted me. I was told that “all priest” were priest except Fr. John Bagley who supposedly said that the meeting should have bee held at the Bishop’s Residence. The meeting was held in Blackstone because of not having any publicity.  Fr. Bartlett picked-up the bishop and drove him to the meeting. I was told that Fr. Jerry Branconia had no contact in six years and therefore was not at the meeting. Branconia might have been in the same category as me: non-person (Harrington’s issue and not Reilly’s). In addition, I was told that Fr. John Paul Gagnon was told by Bishop Reilly that he “would be back in the ministry.” "Father Peacock" said that he reminded Gagnon not to get his hope-up because Reilly said this all the time. My only reaction was that I did not know anything about such a meeting.  I felt that "Father Peacock" was “fishing” on my situation and my reaction-hovers over me.

                Besides this he told me that a priest told him that Attorney Dan Shea was deposing Fr. LaBair. Who know what LaBair was saying according to this priest on the priest of this diocese? This was interesting to hear. I said nothing but kept my poker face working.  

                With all of this, "Father Peacock" then asked: “How are you doing?” He only returned from another three weeks in Canada- doing his Lenten Sermons- which was his pattern of smoke-screening. It was another aspect of the “Gong Show” for life from such a person.  

February 17, 2003

                The front page of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette gives us this day: “Accused Monsignor has Whitinsville ties- Official linked to House of Affirmation.” Richard Nangle reports:  “A Long Island grand jury’s inquiry into priest abuse took on a Central Massachusetts flavor when it linked a high-ranking church official who bragged about negotiating law cash settlements there to do legal work for the scandal-plagued House of Affirmation in Whitinsville.

                “In a report released last week, the Suffolk county supreme Court special Grand Jury noted that Monsignor Alan J. Placa, who is a civil lawyer as well, ‘was also counsel to at least one clergy-related treatment center, The House of Affirmation in Massachusetts. This fact was not well known to other high-ranking priests in the diocese.’ The finding make a strong case for convening a similar grand jury in Worcester county, according to Daniel J. Shea, a Houston-based lawyer who repress several local people who allege clergy abuse. ‘We never knew Placa was the counsel to the House of Affirmation,’ Mr. Shea said of the former clergy treatment center.

                “The grand jury, which heard testimony from 97 witnesses, reported that Monsignor Placa strove to settle potentially multimillion-dollar sex-abuse cases inside a range of $20,000 to $100,000. ‘That tells me that the sum in the Mark Barry settlement agreement of $42,500 is in Placa’s range, which in truth would be worth million of dollars,’ Mr. Shea said…A grand jury is hearing testimony on the priest sex-abuse scandal in Boston, but in more than a year since the scandal remerged locally, Mr. Conte has made no indication that he would set up a similar proceeding here.

                “In 1995, the Catholic Diocese of Worcester agreed to pay Mr. Barry to settle a lawsuit in which he claimed that beginning at age 9 in 1968 he was repeatedly sexually abused by House of Affirmation co-founder the Rev. Thomas A. Kane. Rev. Kane left the House of Affirmation, a treatment center for priests with sex abuse and other problems in 1986 amid allegations of financial impropriety. The facility closed in 1989. The Barry settlement agreement, obtained in February 2002 by the Telegram & Gazette named three other priests but provided no context for inclusion of their names. The three were: the Rev. Thomas Teczar, the Rev. Robert Shauris and Monsignor Brendan Riordan.

                “Those names had never been linked to the Barry case in the past. Disclosure of the settlement clause prompted Mr. Shea to say, ‘I can only conclude that there was a ring of priests who passed Mr. Barry around.’ The diocese had denied that any such priest sex ring existed and Bishop Daniel P. Reilly has said he signed the agreement ‘in good faith as prepared and approved by the legal counsels representing al the parties and agreed upon by Mr. Barry at the time.”35

                This was one of those times that I heard about a “priest sex ring” term when I was in Hartford. Fr. Jack Kiley asked me in one of those conferences “if there was a priest sex ring in Worcester?” 

February 18, 2003

                “Holy Name requests information on abuse: Letter sent to school alumni, parents” was reported in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette by Kathleen A. Shaw. The article: “Holy Name Central Catholic Junior/senior High School has sent a letter to alumni and parents of current students asking that any students who may have been sexually abused by there. Donald J. Robokus and the Rev. Norman Jalbert contact either the Office for healing and Prevention or District Attorney John J. Conte.

                “Three graduates of the school have recently spoken publicly about their alleged abuse years ago by the two priests, both of whom are now dead. Rev. Robokus was headmaster was headmaster at the time he allegedly sexually abuse Bryan Smith of Hubbardston and Rev. Jalbert was guidance counselor when he allegedly raped Raymond Plante Jr. of Worcester. Craig Lacarie, now of Fisdale, which is part of Sturbridge, said late last week he was sexually  assaulted by Rev. Jalbert, while the priest was his guidance counselor.”36

                I was having coffee with "Father Peacock" when he said that Fr. Gagnon was telling him that Attorney Dan Shea deposed Fr. LaBair of St. Luke’s, Westboro. The comment followed which was most interesting the comment: Who knows what he will he will be saying? This begs the question: Saying about what? There was rumor in the diocese that LaBair should not be talking because the story is that LaBair frequented gay bars. (This is what I mean of “priest talk.” Vicious) "Father Peacock" continued by saying that other priest may be dragged into the church sex scandal. A lot of shoes must have been getting tight.

                I mentioned an obituary item that was in the morning Worcester Telegram & Gazette and his comment was “cute”: He does not read that obituary page and he throws the paper away. Interpretation: He read it-wouldn’t miss-but did not want to talk about it or save it for me. This was done to me by him on material from the chancery or other publications that he received and read. This was his technique. He missed nothing. But, he may have been worrying about something. This was why I think he traveled with me as being “safe from the cliques in the Worcester priest and “fishing” for information. I felt that he had other agendas in that he was worried about “something” else.

                I didn’t mention anything but I was concerned about the list given to DA Conte by Bishop Reilly with my name on it. I was thinking-as usual-the worst case scenario: Cops at my door?  

February 21, 2003

                The article “Group want Reilly to tell truth about abuse” by Kathleen A. Shaw in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. It reports: “Worcester-The Worcester Diocese Voice of the Faithful said yesterday the Catholic Church is facing ‘the most devastating crisis’ of modern times and called on Bishop Daniel P. Reilly to tell the truth on the sexual abuse scandal in the diocese.

                “Among local Catholics asking for disclosure of flies in the church sexual abuse scandal, VOTF is the first to specifically ask for information on women who were abused. A letter to the bishop was adopted and singed by members at a meeting held Wednesday at the College of the Holy cross. Members of the group are drawn from parishes through out the diocese.

                “They said laity and priests of the diocese are feeling great pain ‘caused by the protection given by some members of the hierarchy to predators at the expense of victims. The organization commended the bishop for a ‘brief disclosure’ he made several weeks ago about the cost of the sexual abuse crisis to the diocese last year. ‘It was a good first step, and in distributing this information you recognized the need for openness as a critical step in healing the Church,’ they said.

                “They also credited Bishop Reilly with the ‘courageous act’ of responding to the effort of the lawyers, whose fees are paid by diocesan insurance company,  to subpoena files of Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests, a support and advocacy group for victims of clergy sexual abuse. The establishment of the Office of Healing and Prevention was also cited as a positive accomplishment.”37

                Here was the first time that I read or heard “They also credited Bishop Reilly with the ‘courageous act’ of responding to the effort of the lawyers, whose foes are paid by thee diocesan insurance company…” Sure, the sharps were being paid=off and the priests were thrown to the “sharks” and anyone else to get the spotlight-off hierarchy.

                The Catholic Free Press gives us from Catholic news Service “Long Island diocese calls grand jury’s report on clergy sex abuse untrue and unfair.” It states: “A spokeswoman for the Diocese of Rockville Center rejected as untrue and unfair a 181-page report of the Suffolk County grand jury charged with investigating the diocese’s handling of sexual abuse of minors by clergy.

                “’The characterization…that the Diocese of Rockville centre conceived and agreed to a plan using deception and intimidation to prevent victims from seeking legal solutions to their problems is simply not true,’ said Joanne C. Navarro, director of the diocese’s Office of Public information, at the Feb. 10 news briefing. In addition, she said, ‘it is unfair to use today’s standards to judge sincere attempts in the past to assist victims and to help perpetrators not to offend against.’ “While sexual abuse of minors is always a grace sin and a crime, the ways of dealing with it have developed over time, Navarro said. “This is every bit as true of law enforcement officials ass of church personnel.’ The grand jury’s report, made public Feb. 10 following nearly nine months of work, concluded that priests who abuse minors ‘were transferred from parish to parish and between dioceses’ and ‘were protected under the guise of confidentiality under the guise of confidentiality, their histories mired in secrecy.”38

                My file or case had nothing besides my alcohol treatment in October of 1977. Nothing else.

                This same issue of the Catholic Free Press had in its editorial “Atmosphere of healing needed.” It stated: Have the victim advocate groups that are clamoring – even with bullhorns p for release of the records of alleged sexual abusers ever thought that they may be scaring away victims who need help but don’t want to be so public about their abuse? Bullhorns outside of cathedrals may be legal but they don’t create an atmosphere of healing that is desperately needed by the parties in the sexual abuse scandal in the church. Neither would the releasing of church personal records…”39

                The next day – February 22nd – the Worcester Telegram & Gazette published “Diocese speaks out in editorial: Catholic Free Press fault demonstrators, urges confidentiality.” Kathleen A. Shaw wrote: “The Catholic Free Press, the official newspaper of the Worcester diocese, in an editorial yesterday criticized those who are demonstrating in front of St. Paul’s Cathedral in Worcester on Sundays and said all diocesan records should be kept confidential.

                “’Protecting the confidentiality of those records is the right things to do. While the district attorney is ready to take legal action, then details will be public,’ the newspaper said. The newspaper, which is published by Bishop Daniel P. Reilly, made its piston known after several recent attempts by catholic groups to get all of the records opened on past sexual abuse allegations within the diocese.

                The Worcester Diocese Voice of the Faithful joined with Mary T. Jean of Worcester Voice, a Catholic advocacy group; and victims groups such as Survivors Network of Those abused by Priests, Coalition of Concerned Catholics and Survivors and Speak Truth to Power by calling for disclosure of the records as a first step in the healing process. The Voice of the Faithful, which also wants a full accounting of complaints against priests made by women, said its call for openness is seeking ‘restorative justice’ as found in the Gospels. The diocesan newspaper questioned the motives of these people and questioned whether their real aim is for ‘justice’ or vengeance” Healing or money?”40

                There was no cross-examination of alleged victims for any defense of most alleged priest – besides if you were a bishop - to get what each alleged victim had as an agenda besides their mantra.

                I was told that one was able to purchase “Kit-On how to sue a Catholic priest.” Supposedly this was available in the Yellow Pages. I never did see this but would not have been surprised. Money seekers are out there.

                Another comment I heard this day was that Bishop Rueger was able to smile through a court marital. This was a character trait that he had-the smile. It was wondered by many if he even slept with that smile. Rueger’s smile was something else if one was around him. It was a good cover if one was trying to read facial expressions. He always had it on.  

February 24, 2003

                Time magazine printed “The Decade That Shook It All Up: Change came almost daily in the 60s. So how to pick the days that mattered most? 80 days that changed the world.” It reads: “Many of the nation’s dreams seemed to go off course in Dallas on the afternoon of Nov. 22, 1963, when Kennedy was shot. Then much of the country’s bold optimism soured as American watched the war in Vietnam spin out of control on the news. When Ho’s forces surprised U.S. troops with the Tet offensive on Jan. 30, 1968, threatening Saigon, most American realized the government had been deluding itself that victory was close at hand. Disillusion was followed by despair when assassins shot King on April 4, 1968, and Robert Kennedy tow months later, on June 5, and as young protestors overshadowed that summer’s Democratic convention in Chicago. By then, all conventions were out the window. The introduction of the birth control pill on May 9, 1960 had unleashed the sexual revolution. Pope John XXIII led an ambitious attempt to modernize the Roman Catholic Church when he convened Vatican II on Oct. 11, 1962. The Beatles heralded not only a change in music but also the arrival of the youth movement when they appeared on the Ed Sullivan show on Feb. 9, 1964. By Aug 15, 1969, the revolution was in full swing when thousands of young people gathered in upstate New York for the Woodstock Festival. Just when the whole planet seemed to be spinning out of control, everyone stopped on June 20, 1969, to watch tow men walk on the moon. It was the most thrilling night in expiration’s history and is sure to be a day that our issue will remember. – By Mitch Frank”41

                This article summed-up somewhat the period of time that I was in the seminary (1962-70). I was ordained on May 23, 1970 and had my first assignment with a Monsignor Manning at St. George’s, Worcester with Fr. George Rueger in residence. My experience of “power and authority’ was a restoration of a clerical hierarchy even then with Manning and Rueger experience of 1950. Talk about a “shock treatment’ issue, it was at this assignment.

                Another visit with "Father Peacock" had the conversation of the latest group of priest allegated.  It seemed that only Fr. Jean-Paul Gagnon and Fr. Messier were being sued for money. The others were not. It was rumored that Fr. Bagley was asked to retire. This group (7) was still getting full monthly payment for their parishes. He told me that Fr. Gagnon was going to his paths and did the weekly checkbook in parish bills. He then told me that the “last group” allegated were promised that they would be back in ministry. "Father Peacock" said that he told Fr. Gagnon that this was a “lie.” "Father Peacock" seemed to be in the know of the bishop’s thinking? However, it proves to be true because this group were “retired” with respect financial packages and any future increments.  

                Nothing as such was directed to me. "Father Peacock" knew this. So, he was using this as another issue that he knew affected me. I was living actually with a 1993 package that evolved with monthly dedications which had me living at a poverty level.

                Besides this, I had anxiety working on me because of the coming church document in March _New Canon Law of American adaptation of priest on Administrative Leave. 

February 26, 2003

                This was a surprised morning. I stopped at Bob’s Hot Dog Truck with Richard Cieslak who I drove to Worcester for treatment. When we entered the cab of the truck Bob said: Did you see the paper-Worcester Telegram & Gazette-this morning? He told me that it had me it on page B1-front page of the second section “Sex abuse documents made pubic: Rev. Kardas received treatment in Conn. - Priest accused of molestation.” Kathleen A. Shaw writes: “Worcester – Carol felt grown up She had a boyfriend and told her closest friends about him. He told her he loved here, wanted to marry her, and that she was to be the mother of heir children. (I thought I was reading a soap opera script of afternoon TV.) On her first encounter, she went into the kitchen of her Holden home to pour him a scotch; he came up behind her and gave her a kiss. (This never happened. A fantasy story was being told that had no truth in it whatsoever.) On another occasion, she joined him for a scotch.  It was in the rectory of St. George’s Church on Brattle Street. Her ‘boyfriend’ was the Rev. Thaddeus J. Kardas, then in his mid-20s, and she was only 11. (When McCormick was 11, I was not even In Massachusetts.) The story of Carol McCormick, who now is married and living in Chelmsford, is told in depositions in a civil suit she settled with the Worcester diocese in 1995 for $55,000 (Lawyer’s fees without her getting a dollar). The suit was settled without admissions of liability by the diocese or Rev. Kardas who remains on leave…Of Ms. McCormick, Sister Kelleher wrote ‘Ted Kardas molested her when she was 12 years ago while he was stationed at St. George’s in Holden. There was a lot of touching. He tied to penetrate her but she fought him off. That happened over a period of time.’ The church actually is in Worcester, not far from Holden…Ms. McCormick said last night that the Worcester diocese need to open all its records on accused priests ‘and stop hiding behind the veil of secrecy that has existed.’ People need to known what happened.”42

                When I read this, I realized that McCormick must have had the deposition documents and was speaking to Kathleen A. Shaw of the Telegram & Gazette by phone. This was the same Carol McCormick that visited me at St. Edward’s, Westminster on a Saturday afternoon with her daughter. She asked me at that time to give her daughter First Communion. Games were being played by her even with a parishioner (Bob Chatrand) with whom she worked with at GE in Fitchburg. Let’s not forget that there were only a deposition papers and no cross-examination of McCormick. The last statement by McCormick in this article must have had her being coached to make such a remark about the Worcester Diocese.

                I would have hope that a reporter would have had all the fact, being objective and impartial. This article was, in my observance, against Bishop Reilly to release the files on the “7 priests: of the diocese that he put on Administrative Leave.

                Obviously this had me sit in the truck and my first reaction that possibly this was a reaction by the advocacy groups for victims or the newspaper to the Editorial in the Catholic Free Press of February 21, 2003.

                I denied this allegation, as well as the allegation of Abby Marshal Weber who was in contact with McCormick. I never did touch or violate these two girls or anyone else.  I was never able to give any facts to these allegations especially when these two girls claimed in the documents that they were 12-years old and I was not even residing in Massachusetts. This issue would have been only the beginning. But, the Worcester Diocese had me out, settled lawsuit- nothing on my part- and nothing heard from the chancery for over seven years – administrative leave.

                This had me back into or says under, again, the shadow of the sex abuse scandal. What made me think that this was not so. I was getting a distance away from this shadow because my case was not a priest abuse situation. This article had me back-under the shadow emotionally and spiritually.

                What I was told by Mrs. Connie Rivard was that the next door neighbor- Ralph Delmonico- who was the guy going up and down Main Street of Westminster telling everyone in May 1993 that I embezzled parish money of a total of $40,000. He story was a lie and had a history of defaming my character even when I was in the parish. So this day he met Connie and asked her if she “read the newspaper and the story about ‘Kardas’?” Connie told me that she only said:” So!” She walked always, leaving him reading the newspaper in the stand at the door-would not pay for the paper. This was Ralph.  

February 27. 2003

                Early this morning, I e-mailed Dr. Zeman: “Yesterday, the Worcester Telegram & Gazette had an article about me- Sex Abuse made public-Rev. Kardas received treatment in Conn. I’ll sent you a copy of the tow other articles of the atmosphere in Worcester. I will see you at my next appointment on March 20^th.  (Signed) Fr. Kardas.” The articles I mailed: Worcester Telegram & Gazette story of February 26^th, article of Kenneth Moylan about the Worcester Diocese and the Catholic Free Press Editorial of February 21^st.

                The Catholic Free Press published “Holy Cross to sponsor forms on abuse crisis.” It prints: “Holy Cross College, beginning next month will sponsor a series of public forums addressing the ongoing sexual abuse crisis in the Catholic Church. The forum will be presented through the Center for Religion Ethics and Culture. They are dinged to enhance understanding of the problems that have merged and to engage in meaningful reflection on them, according to information released by the college.”43 

February 28, 2003

                In a small article the Catholic Free Press had “Vatican official cites papal move to ease removal of abusive priest.” It reads: “Washington (CNS)- An official of the Vatican Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith said Wednesday that People John Paul II has given the congregation the power in some ‘very clear, grace cases’ to laicize priests who have sexually abused minors without going through an ecclesiastical trail. Only the people himself had that power before. The official said the pope has also empowered the congregation to make case-by-case exceptions to church rules requiring only priests with doctorates in canon law to serve as judges in trails of accused priests.”44

                The Catholic Free Press also printed “Canonical trails for accused priest may begin soon” by Kevin Luperchio. He writes: “The revised U.S. procedure for dealing with priests accused of sexual abuse against minors takes effect March 1, paving the way for canonical trails to begin.

                “That means the six diocesan priests currently on administrative leave due to abuse allegations may soon be brought through a canonical process that will determine their future in the Church, according to Msgr. .Stephen Pedone, diocesan judicial vicar.

                “Msgr. Pedone attended a conference in Washington, D.C. last week to learn moa about the process by which canonical trails of accused priest are undertaken. About 75 canon lawyers from dioceses across the United States were invited into the conference, which was sponsored by the United States Catholic Conference of Bishops.

                “He said canonical trails are special trails conducted by the Church in cases where a priest is accused of breaking a church law. Sexual abuse of a minor is termed a ‘grace delict’ or grave offense against church law. Canonical trails do not take the place of civil trails but rather focus solely on the accused priests’ status in him Church, he said.

                “Under the revised U.s. procedure, Msgr. Pedone said, a bishop in a given diocese must report what he believes to be credible allegations of abuse against priests to the congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith in Rome. ‘The decision has been takeout of his (a bishop’s) hands,’ he said, adding that previously a bishop could choose for himself whether to opt to handle the matter judicially or administratively.

                “Though a bishop must report all abuse cases within the Church’s predetermined statue of limitations for sexual abuse (10 years after the victim’s 18^th birthday), he does have some leeway in cases that fall outside the statue, Msgr. Pedone said. ‘Under the new procedure a bishop can apply to the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith to nullify the statue on a case by case bias. He can also opt to handle these cases through other methods.”45

                My particular with Bishop Harrington were only told to me in the comment from Harrington: “You’re guilty till proven innocent.” But what about your bishop that is in the same category as you are in regards to alleged abuse- alcohol and a minor? But Bishop Harrington was driving his car and was caught at the scene of the accident. But, someone immediately escorted him from the accident according to the girl’s father- Mr. Palmer. Nothing was ever publicly or otherwise reported or knows about Harrington’s car accident.

                I was reading an article on the internet from the National Catholic Reporter “Word from Rome” by John L. Allen, Jr. of February 21, 2003. He wrote about journalism: Jesuit Fr. Robert White of the Gregorian University (Rome) position paper as an ‘ideological filter’ in the press about journalism. It was an analysis of the dynamics in the mass media, ongoing that the fewer reporters knew about a topic, the more likely they were to recycle stereotypes and official propaganda. Allen was troubled, however by the one point White made: “Great journalist are people who have a sense of when a group is being treated unjustly, who have a passion for justice.” Personally, Allen said he became nervous around journalist drives to appease what they perceive as injustice because sometimes they end up screwing the facts to support their crusades. Allen then said that a great journalist was one who felt a passion for the story. But perhaps this was a question of perspective.  He said that he was a firm believer in the prime directive of journalism, which was that they report and analyze the news, but they don’t make it.

                This was some of the questions of Kathleen A. Shaw’s article about me of in the February 26^th printing. I wondered what was really happening with this article in that a phone calls from McCormick. Did Shaw chase her down? Did an advocacy group push McCormick to read the two depositions to the reporter? I guess that is something I will not ever know. Actually, it really didn’t matter at this time of my experiences. I reflected on what Winston Churchill once said: I don’t care what people say about me but that they spell my name correctly.

                "Father Peacock" called me and said that he was thinking of having dinner at his rectory with Fr. Jean-Paul Gagnon, Fr. Gerry Branconia and I. I said that I would attend. The, he said that the he thinks maybe to because Fr. Gagnon “talked too much. Then, he added that Fr. Gagnon’s case was going to Rome because of the Seal of Confession. This had me wondering about the “Sex Ring in Worcester” concept.

                Now, what was that all about? "Father Peacock" actually was not going to have such a dinner gathering. He was one to do “fantasy” projects with no substance. However, I was thinking how he wanted to be a “liaison” for priest on “Administrative Leaves.” The position would have, most likely, had a Monsignor honor-title with it. "Father Peacock" was a priest that I viewed who did anything had an alternative objective. In his case, it was becoming a “Monsignor.” He, actually, was obsessed with such an objective.

                Finishing my day, I received a phone call from a parishioner of St. Edward’s. She told me he e-mailed Kathleen A. Shaw about the February 26^th article in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette about Father Kardas. She told me that she wrote that my story was “old news.” She didn’t appreciate the National Enquirer style. She, also, canceled her subscription to this newspaper.  

March 1, 2003

                A printed flier from the Bishop’s fund Office was mailed to parishioners in the Worcester Diocese: Frequently Asked Questions. This had a question and answer printing of nine questions and answers. On the back-page of this printing were three questions and answers: “…”6) Are donations to Bishop’s Fund used to settle lawsuits? 7) Are other sources of charitable funding for the Diocese of Worcester used for settlements 8) Have there been settlements in the history of the diocese involving sexual abuse?

                There was no real surprise in the “answers” to these questions. What I found interesting to read to questions #8: “…In past years, the Diocese of Worcester has paid $764,833 from discretionary funds in the settlement of these suits. The various insurance carriers based on their coverage at the times of the occurrence of the allegations, paid $1,384,000 over the years.”46

                The words that caught my attention in this “answer” were “In past years….” What does that mean? Very interesting! This “flier” was most interesting to read, especially between the lines. There was the issue of “coded language” that one needed more than a canon lawyer to understand. It was similar to what a politician would do for a mailer in upcoming election.

                I received an e-mail to the one that sent to Dr. Zeman. He wrote: “Dear Father Kardas, I look foreword to talking with you on March 20^th at 1:00 p.m. (Signed) Peter Zeman.”

                I realized that I was more in control of my situation than I thought at one time. Well, I should have been able to handle anything by this time. Let’s no forget, my experiences since 1993.

                I had a relative call me and tell me that I was “still” listed in the Worcester Diocesan Directory.47 What I found peculiar about that was if there was hidden message in that phone call. There was a circle of people in the diocese besides the clergy that had a sport activity on clergy even before the priest sex abuse scandal. This group must have sat with this directory and used it like a sports page in the newspaper of the different team standings. But, this relative calling me to say I was still in the directory had me wondering. He must have picked-up something in the gossip circle about certain priest listings. One had to wonder, which obviously by me writing about this at all.

                Sine the January 2002 meeting of mine with Bishop Reilly and the view that the American Church Hierarchy began a “line in the sand” approach to the priest crisis, I wondered if the hierarchy shit-off the mike.

                There was even the conversation that I heard how the Pope only hat to send a letter to remove a priest from the priesthood. Obviously, I asked for the source of this comment. My thought of the complexities of such an issue would not lead to such simplicity. However, I may be wrong especially how the Worcester Chancery Gang operates with my situation and a Gulag lifestyle-never hear about him again.  

March 2, 2003

                This day, Kathleen A. Shaw gives the report “33 priests are on list of accused in diocese.” She wrote: “Worcester-Mary T. Jean, leader of Worcester Voice, said she has compiled a list of 33 priests of the Worcester Roman catholic Diocese accused of sexual misconduct, and she has received the names of 11 others that she is trying to verify.

                “She met last week with District Attorney John J. Conte to ask him to release the names that he received from the diocese. She had met earlier with Bishop Daniel P. Reilly, who also refused to give her any   information. Mrs. Jean said Friday that she compiled her own list based on conversations with victims and families and other catholic groups. She said she intends to go back to the bishop to press for disclosure, and she is in the process of setting up another meeting with the bishop. Mrs. Jean said the number of priests who allegedly abused children indicates the Worcester Diocese may have a worse problem than Boston…”48

                What became interesting having coffee with "Father Peacock" was how he was nervously talking about this newspaper article. He mentioned how it was Ms. Jean of Leominster that compiled the list of 33 priest and 11 other priests that she is trying to identify. What was peculiar with him was the intensity of his conversation about the 11 other priest. I was not sure where he was going with this because of his intense concern of the unprinted names of the 11.

                I was only thinking of a 3 Stooges sequence-The Birthday Party. It had Dr. Zollen, Dr. Zollen and Dr. Zollen throwing cake at each other. They arrived to fix the phone on a three-seat bike. This was what I felt I was dealing with the Worcester Chancery Gang when they were coming at me. Actually comparing the 3 Stooges to this chancery gang was an insult to the 3 Stooges.

                Another insight at this time that I was sensing in some church people-God’s People- enjoy the pains of others to sow what kin of an organization would do this.  

March 3, 2003

                I began reading The Other Side of the Altar: One Man’s Life in the catholic Priesthood by Paul E. Dinter. The inner cover-leaf tells: “In all the coverage of the priestly sexual abuse scandal in the Catholic Church, one story has been left untold: the story of the everyday lives of Catholic priest in America, which remain so little understood as to be a secret, even as one priestly sexual predation after another has come to light.

                In The Other Side of the Altar, Paul Dinter tells one priest’s story-his own-in such a way as to reveal the lives of a generation of priest that spanned two very different eras. These priest ended the ministry in the 1960s, when Catholic semi arises were full of young men inspired by both the Church’s ancient faith, and the Second Vatican Council’s promises of renewal. But by the time these men were ordained in the early 1970s, the priesthood-and the celibate fraternity that depended upon-proved quite different from what the Council had promised. American society had changed, too, particularly in the area of sexuality. As a result, he emerged a clerical subculture of denial and duplicity, which al but guaranteed that the sexual abuse of children by priests would be routinely covered up by the Church’s bishops….”49

                Reading this, one may think that I had written it. I didn’t. This work was written with the same time frame of me entering the seminary and ordination. But another story has been left untold, the story of the everyday life of a priest that the hierarchy tried to make: The Poster Boy Priest.

                I was listening to the radio with Mike Barnacle on the radio talk about watching reality shows and that he needs the remote control clicker. He takes on how both the characters of Saddam Hussein and Robert Blake on TV interviews for a simple reason: the networked will do anything to attack newer or readers for newspaper firing a “sweeps period” as ludicrous junk.

                This is somewhat to be what was happening by Worcester Telegram & Gazette and Kathleen A. Shaw and Dianne Williamson do for readers they re-trashed junk on priest in the diocese. It’s all about “presentation” of the reality.

                The Boston Channel #5 news had a story by Amelia Barretta stating: (Archdiocese of Boston) Church tries to quiet victims’ attorney-Eric MacLeish-of 400 priest. A trail date set in April for the Archdiocese of Boston where it wants to stop release of documents. New and damaging information implicating priest on sexual abuse was to be made public. The Archdiocese was requesting a gag order that this report said was specifically targeting Eric MacLeish. 

March 4, 2003

                What if syndrome began again in my mind? There was the fear buckets’ filling-up. It made thinking going on-and-on.  It was strange but I had my bi-weekly AA meeting to attend that evening. It was a “Discussion Meeting” where I heard stories of other difficulties people were experiencing. Others were struggling so the “Promises” were read at the end of the meeting. Besides this, the message I carried from this meeting was when everything in ones previous life was crashing forward on the back of your head, there is still hope. I was glad that I attended the meeting. The lesson I carried that if I received any bad new or “bites” at me of fur and five days after what had happened. The latest February 26^th article was my latest example. But, there was hope.  

March 6, 2003

                I had coffee with Mrs. Connie Rivard this day where she said that “people read and believe what is in the newspaper.” She was referring to the February 26^th article about me. I tried to explain a number of the points mentioned of false information. However, thinking more about McCormick gong public with Kathleen A. Shaw in the February had me wonder if this was kicked-up with the “release of names in Worcester.” Another thought I had was how McCormick was going after the money for the cause campaign-American way. It was not clear that McCormick called her story to Kathleen A. Shaw or was it Shaw calling her putting the story in a National Inquirer style of news? The misinformation: 1. Age of McCormick stated as 11 ½- I was living in Michigan._2. McCormick visited Westminster with her daughter for Fist Communion ceremony- What kind lf mother would bring her daughter to the priest she was allegation? 3. McCormick worked at GE-Fitchburg with Bob Chatrand of Westminster who had an agenda with St. Edward’s. Besides Chatrand was, always, going to Msgr. Collette in Fitchburg degrading St. Edward’s policies. 4. Motorcycle- I never gave anyone a ride because I never had insurance for a passenger. 5. McCormick walking home- never happened. 6. I was never alone with her. 7. Drinking-How did she recall “scotch” and drinking at age of 11 ½? 8. McCormick alleged her father with sexual abuse. 9. An Alice Gusha-not her married name- who lives in Pennsylvania wrote me a note that she would testify against McCormick on my behalf.  I really didn’t know if Connie was listening. She was my parish secretary but was easily influenced by her good friend-Victoria- where she would follow in different opinions and expressed absolute perspectives. Connie did show at times a “black and white” approach to issues.  Yet, she was my biggest advocate in the parish and town: “Don’t treat on Father Kardas-Connie Rivard.”

                This encounter with Connie had been back down in my feelings and emotions because the early morning was in an up-beat attitude. But I was reminded by another friend: Why do you talk with her about such issues?

                I did notice that there was a period of loneliness besides living alone. I was not receiving any phone call or visits since the February 26^th article in the newspaper. I was noticing silence and no contact by a number of people I knew. Nada. Then I thought how the diocese just pushed me off the table- Gulag-life sentence.

                The Scripture readings for this day’s liturgy (Mass) had the themes of suffering rejection and self-denial as conditions for being a disciple of Jesus. One can expect it with resistance, misunderstanding and accusations in one’s journey. One had to take up the Cross and the way you recreate you and make a resolution by expressing a different set of values and actions. I had to realize this message this day and each day forward.  

March 7, 2003

                This latest issue of the Catholic Free Press reported: “Official” and “Canon lawyers told sexual abuse crisis poses major challenge.”

                The “Official”: “His Excellency, the most Reverend Bishop Daniel P. Reilly, announced the following, Effective immediately: Rev. Msgr. Richard E. Collette, to administrator pro tem, Immaculate Conception Parish, Fitchburg; Rev. Donald C. Ouellette, from pastor, Immaculate Conception Parish, Fitchburg, to medical leave of absence.”50

                This gets interesting because of how the church uses “terms” for smoke screening-medical leave of absence. Also, anytime I read or hear Msgr. Collette, my eyes and ears become activated-watch this one.

                It, usually, takes a while and the real story will come either come through the gossip circuit or the media. This smoke screening has another aspect- coded language where one has to be on the “inside” to understand and even then one may not understand. But, seeing Collette’s name had my radar turned on for more to come.

                The other article in this week’s diocesan paper had: “Canon Lawyer told sex abuse crisis poses major challenge.” It states: “Washington (CNS)-Archbishop Harry J. Flynn of St. Paul-Minneapolis told U.S. canon lawyers gathered in Washington for special training that they can be part of the solution to ‘what I believe may be the most serious pastoral challenge in our history,’ the clergy sex abuse crisis.

                “Archbishop Flynn, head of the bishops’ Ad Hoc Committee on sexual Abuse, addressed some 100 priests attending workshops in February on church laws and procedures for dealing with cases of clergy accused of sexually abusing minors. ‘I think now is a time to focus on the solutions to this crisis,’ Archbishop Flynn said in his Feb. 24 remarks, released by the USCCB.

                “One aspect of that, he said ‘focuses upon the individual priest who is accused of the delict or crime of the sexual abuse of minor. Because of the gravity of the crime involved and its serious consequences, it is even more essential that anyone accused of it be able to avail himself of the processes established by the church.’ Archbishop Flynn reiterated the statement last April by Pope John Paul II that ‘there is no place in the priesthood or religious life for to see who would harm the young.’ He said the role officials in church tribunals judging such cases-judges, notaries, promoters of justice, advocates-is to ensure ‘justice for all as we seek to bring these cases to closure.’”51

                Kathleen A. Shaw wrote this day in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Worcester Diocese to hold tribunals on 6 priests.” She informs us: “Worcester-Monsignor F. Stephen Pedone said yesterday the Worcester Catholic Diocese is getting easy to move ahead with church trails of sex men removed from ministry last year because of allegations of sexual misconduct...

                “A seventh priest, the Rev. Joseph A. Coonan, cannot be tried in the church court because the alleged events occurred before he was ordained a priest. ‘It’s a tough one,’ Monsignor Pedone said. ‘In his case these are not canonical crimes so he cannot be tried before the church court. But the allegations made against him have affected his ability to effectively minister,’ the monsignor said.

                “Monsignor Pedone, who is judicial vicar for canonical affairs, said the bishop has other means of dealing with the situating without putting him before the church court, he said. That could include keeping him removed from active ministry. The situation is not unique to Worcester, he said. He has spoken with one bishop elsewhere in the country who ordained a priest and one month later allegations surface that he had sexually abused someone 20 years earlier.

                “Bishop Daniel P. Reilly removed Rev. Coonan in August after allegations surface from 15 men of misconduct that allegedly happened during the 1970s when he was a counselor and public school teacher in Oxford. No allegations have been made that incident happened after his ordination in 1989. Priest who are subject to the church tribunal are the Rev. Lee F. Bartlett, the Rev. John H. Bagley, the Rev. Gerard P. Walsh, the Rev. Peter J. Inzerillo, the Rev. Chester J. Devlin and the Rev. Raymond P. Messier.

                “’Justice delayed is justice denied,’ Monsignor Pedone said, noting this goes for the accused priests and the alleged victims. The priests have been ‘hanging in limbo’ for some time and the victims are also waiting for this process to begin, he added. The tribunals operate much like the U.S. Supreme court, he said. The church does not have open court sessions with oral arguments. The cases are made by the accused priest and the victim through written documentation, he said.

                The tribunals are conducted according to canon law, which is the law that governs the Roman Catholic Church. The church trails of accused priests involve a specific violation of the sixth commandment which in the Catholic list of Ten Commandments involved improper sexual activity. Accused priests are still subject to the criminal and civil law of the state, the monsignor said. If the tribunal finds that a priest has violated canon law, it can recommend to the Vatican that he be defrocked.

                “The tribunal will contact to see victims who have made allegations known to the bishop’s office or the diocesan Office for Healing and Prevention, Any victims who have not made such reports can still contact to see offices if they want to be involved in the church tribunal, he said.”52

                I never was informed of any canonical procedure by either Bishop Harrington or Bishop Reilly orally or by letter. I was only informed that Bishop Reilly requested my resignation as Pastor of St. Edward the Confessor in Westminster. Here is the famous axiom: Different stands for different priest in the Worcester Diocese, especially if you are an auxiliary bishop or chancery staff (black box boys/Gang).

                I was hearing the morning new about the Boston Archdiocese and the sex abuse issue in that I had to realize that it did not involve the Worcester Diocese. Therefore, it was nothing to do with me, but was into the “fear buckets filling-up” syndrome. I noticed that my back would ache. Here was the stress issue occurring.

                In this same news broadcast this morning, there was the report of 54 sex abuse cases at the Air Force Academy. Sex abuse was the in-issue of the day and time.

                I found in a business report statement: “Let them know about it and wash it out of your mind.” Yah! “Wash it out…” is so easy to print but I find it had to follow such a directive.

                In addition I heard this day that the Vatican way is reluctant to impose additional penalties of one offense many years ago, who had led exemplary lives since that time. Consequently, the time issue is quite critical but the high handled behavior of some American Ordinaries was an issue. Here is the prime example of the Vatican defending Bishop Harrington in that he did what he should have done. This same discussion was heard on the radio with Brian Arsenault who mentioned it to his mother-in-law-Mrs. Joanne Curtin. This Arsenault guy said he knew more about priest sex abuse by “reading all the newspapers and the article about me in the February 26 article. Brain said that the article showed Bishop Harrington was doing the right thing with me.” Here was Connie’s remark to me about people read and believe everything that was in print. Arsenault I thought had more dept and knowledge than he showed in this matter especially if he only read newspapers. targeted me 2. Put an X mark on me 3.Worcester’s Poster Boy image prevailed.

                The trend of talk that came back to me was mixed. Mrs. Joanne Curtin, who was a nurse at Gardner Hospital with a Vickie Connor of Winchendon asked: “Are there new allegations against Fr. Kardas? Curtin answered: “No!” Then Curtin responded that it was The National Enquirer approach with old news.

                I wondered if the Vatican was more concerned for repairs of their hierarchy (bishop) with: How to put the toothpaste back in the tube principle. A good source, at this time, was for me a John L. Allen, Jr. of the National Catholic Reporter other church sources had the “guilty till proven innocent” answers in their stories.

March 8, 2003

                The Religion Digest of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette reported “Catholics for Christ Mass set at Marriott.” It stated: “Worcester-The Catholics for Christ Mss with the Rev. David Kerrigan will be held at 10 a.m. tomorrow at the Marriott Courtyard, 72 Grove St. The chrch-21 meeting will follow at 11 a.m. at the same place. The meetings a self-help group to help Catholics resolve negative feelings about the sexual abuse scandal in the church as well as discussion of other issue.”53

                What is peculiar about this is that the priest doing this Mass and discussion is on “inactive duty.” Here is a case where the bishop and his group from the chancery have not responded. This may have been the best approach because of negative publicity by distancing themselves. But Kerrigan keeps on going like the ad of energizer rabbit-batteries- keeps on going.  

March 9, 2003

                This day, there was no news on clergy in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. But, the New York Daily News published “Change has to come for a church in denial.” It reports (no author): “’the whole sex thing. All the abuse,’ the priest was saying the other day. ‘We haven’t even scratched the surface. The problem is an institutional one. The bishops have encouraged a culture of abuse, deceit and denial. And they’ve been doing it for years.’ He is 51 now, He marched off to religious life in 1970, thrilled with the proper of realizing a dream he’d always held dear: to serve God and the people who sought faith and hope from the pulpit.

                “’I have personally gone to a bishop to ask him if he knew that a priest who had been assigned to the parish where I was working had been an abuser, and the bishop looked at me and said, ‘Oh yeah. The poor guy. What he’s been through.’ That’s what catholic are dealing with today.’

                The man loves his job and still loves his vocation. He’s been working at a church in the metropolitan area for six years. He has a doctorate in religion and a well-earned rebutting among his bosses for being unafraid to speak out about the scandal that will certainly change the American Catholic Church in ways that all these old men in Rome as well as the United States could never have imagined a year ago, before the stench of decedent and the extent of cover-ups was exposed to daylight. ‘They protect the predators,’ the priest was saying. ‘The attitude runs right through the whole structure of the church. I knew,’ he pointed out. ‘I was abused as a child by a member of my own family. And I was abused in the seminary. It has taken me years of therapy to come to drips with what happened to me. I had a session today. I want to get the story at. I give sermons about it; not about me personally, but about own church elders have let Catholics down. Of course, once my name is out there, I know what will happen. The bishops will say, ‘He’s crazy. He’s paranoid. He has a problem with authority.’ But I want people to know that we have all been operating under a culture of deceit for decades. The moral corruption, the lies are enormous.’

                “Why has he stayed? ‘The people are great. The work is great,’ he replied. ‘And I always wanted to be a priest.’”54

                I had to deal with a phone call from Mrs. Lola Leger, questioning me about the two girls. She was in her form of “dog on a bone” approach. I first should have asked her: “Who called you that you had to try to understand the February article concerning me?” She had to have had a number of calls for gossip about me. There was nothing new. She knew everything of my story, but that was not enough. So, when she used the 11 1/2 and 12 age concept.  Lola was even expressing the question: Where were there mothers. (Where did such a comment come from?)  I related to her that I was not a resident of New England when they were that age. She persisted about the age factor as not hearing me where I changed the conversation.  I told her how this girl (McCormick) was visiting with her daughter at St. Edward’s rectory, six months before the allegations asking for First Communion for her daughter. Lola then changed the topic to talk about her ex-husband Ron and his doings. I should have had a weekly column on a web page to have those so interested in such of my life But, I said: It’s all in my book. Bye, Lola. 

March 10, 2003

                The Worcester Telegram & Gazette printed this day “Diocese ignored priest’s report: Gagnon cited in 1987 clam.” Richard Nangle of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette staff: “A Westboro priest says he reported a parishioner’s sexual abuse claim against Rev. Jena-Paul Gagne to his superiors 16 years ago and never heard another word about it until the alleged victim filed a lawsuit over the matter late last year.

                “Despite the lawsuit, Bishop P. Reilly has not removed Rev. Gagnon from his post at St. Augustine church in Millville. Instead, Rev. Gagnon remains on personal leave... In a January lawsuit deposition, Rev. Steven M. LaBaire also said he rebuffed an attempt by a diocesan lawyer to arrange an informal meeting with alleged victim Timothy P. Staney, who had confided in Rev. LaBaire on the condition of anonymity. Mr. Staney later cast aside anonymity to file the lawsuit against Rev. Gagnon

                “During the summer of 1987, in the late summer, in a conversation that I had with Mr. Staney, he shared with me in a very general terms inappropriate interaction of a physical sexual nature that went on between him and Rev. Gagnon,’ said Rev. LaBaire, who was assigned to Holy Name of Jesus Church in Worcester  at the time. His predecessor there was Rev. Gagnon.

                Rev. LaBaire said he immediately reported the allegation to his pastor, Rev. Roland G. Hebert, who he said directed him to report the matter to Rev. Raymond Page, whom he described as vicar of priest. Testimony from another Staney lawsuit deposition showed the former pre-seminarian Chad Bosivert said Bishop Reilly removed him from consideration for the priesthood in 1998 after learning that a series of homosexual encounters occurred between Mr. Bosivert and Rev. Gagnon at St. Augustine’s in Millville…”55 

March 10, 2003

                Newsweek gives us “’I’m a Church Man: after the scandal, a handful of priests get back to work.” It prints: “In the back of St. Ann’s Catholic Church in West Bridgewater, Mass., there’s a bulleting board covered with yellow Post-Its. It’s the parish Payer wall. Most of the supplicants seek God’s help for relatives who are sick. But scattered among the postings are prayers for their priest, who’s been facing a unique peril. ‘For Father’s return and the clearing of his name,’ says one.  ‘For Father McConagh to come back soon,’ reads another in a child’s penmanship. The missives are for Father Edward C. McDonagh, 65, the parish priest until last May 24, when he was placed on leave by the Boston Archdiocese for allegedly raping a teenage boy 39 years ago. Last month the parish prayers wee answered. Father McDonagh is back, giving homilies about lepers and possessing a newfound perspective on what it’s like to be shunned by society.

                “It’s been 14 months since the scandal over the Roman Catholic Church’s handling of priest sexual abuse broke in Boston and rippled across the country. (This is a combined Catholic Church, lawyers and media bench mark.) Nation-wide more than 200 priests have been removed over abuse allegations. Most will eventually face charges before a church tribunal and never minister again; some will go to jail. But a handful-as many as two dozen nationally, experts guess-will return to their posts after investigations conclude the allegations are unsubstantiated. Last month, McDonagh became the first parish priest in Boston to be returned to his flock. He remains pained by the months in exile, but he’s intent on finding usefulness from his ordeal. ‘I’ll use the pain of my wounds to help heal other people’s wounds,’ he says.

                “The allegations against McDonagh were impossible to prove. Some time in the early 1980s a male prostitute with a history of drug problems told his sister that McDonagh had raped him in 1964, when the man was 17. The alleged victim died of AIDS in 1996; his sister’s recollection was the only evidence against the priest, and no other accusers came forward. McDonagh did work in the family’s parish in 1964, but says he doesn’t remember the family and denies the allegation. While church officials investigated. McDonagh was forced out of the rectory and into an apartment. He couldn’t visit his parish, wear his collar or say mass. ‘They tore his heart out,’ says Elizabeth Williams, the church organist. ‘He was crying and crying, banging on the coffee table, ‘I didn’t do that! I wouldn’t do that!’ McDonagh prayed, read and reread ‘The Gift of Peace,’ Cardinal Joseph Bernardin’s account of being wrongfully accused of sex abuse, and watched the History Channel and ‘Law & Order’ reruns. McDonagh called archdiocese investigators twice a week to ask what was taking so long both he received little information. Unsure of his future, he looked into getting a job at a local supermarket. ‘I was saying, ‘How am I going to take care of myself?’ he says.

                The length of the McDonagh investigation-as well as other priests’ experiences-suggest that the church, excoriated for mishandling abuse allegations in the past is proceeding with extreme caution before putting any accused priests back into parishes…”56 

March 11, 2003

                Kathleen A. Shaw writes in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Conte denies getting call in ’87 over alleged abuse.” She writes: “Worcester-District Attorney John J. Conte said yesterday he was not contacted in 1987 by a mental health counselor regarding alleged abuse of Timothy P. Staney.

                “’I never herd of Timothy Staney until 2002,’ Mr. Conte said yesterday. He and his staff yesterday checked their 1987 records and found no documentation of such a call. ‘It never happened,’ Mr. Conte said.

                “In January, the Rev. Steven M. LaBaire gave a deposition in connection with a civil lawsuit filed late last year by Mr. Staney against the Worcester Catholic Diocese and the Rev. Jean-Paul Gagnon, who Mr. Staney alleges sexually abuse him as a child when he was a member of Holy name of Jesus parish.

                “In the deposition, Rev. LaBaire said he was told by the late Monsignor Raymond Page that Mr. Conte had been notified by the counselor 16 years ago of the alleged sexual abuse of Mr. Staney. Rev. LaBaire, who is now associate pastor of St. John the Evangelist parish in Westboro, said he was told the notification of Mr. Conte precipitated a meeting with the late James G. Reardon, lawyer for the diocese, Rev. LaBaire said…”57

                At 10:30 a.m., Attorney Jim Morarity called me to “hello.”  I realized it was a fishing call on his part where nine times he asked me if I was “still a priest in the diocese?”  Very strange on his part because we have talked over lunch and see each other a number of times. He told me that Mrs. Ann Racine (Roger Racine’s wife) hugged him at his place of work when my name was mentioned in the February article about me. According to him, she was sorry for him. He was a person I enjoyed visiting with but wondered why he was using the questioning approach that he used. I had to remember that he was a lawyer by profession.

                Morarity then said to me that a metal good friend from the parish-Richard Cieslak- received a phone call that morning from Boston. Rumor was that he had three months to live. Richard had “brain cancer.”

                Then, there was the delayed slow fuse reaction on my part about 4:00 p.m. “stinken thinking” if the Worcester Chancery Mob gossiping information to that I was not a priest anymore. The name of Mrs. Ann Racine-former Religious Sister- sequence with Morarity had it going because her husband-Roger- was a priest with a position in the Worcester Chancery. Again, they may have had a chart on their living room wall of clergy tracking.

                Since I had him on the phone, I asked Jim about responding to reporters all or rap on the door and about a deposition? He told me that a deposition is breathable and attainable the climate is now emotionally charged but they are usually free wheeling. Answers should be short and direct and tell the truth. (This I did.)

                The reporter issue was where he said that I may respond by saying: “A statement would not serve any purpose at this time.” Better yet: “I have nothing to say right now.”

                Moriarity said that a lawyer’s role may be to answer questions (issue) today is one way but next week the answer may be answered differently. Something to reflect upon where I noticed that all type of people were inquiring and being around me.

                Morarity did say: The priest now is despised as much as a lawyer. 

March 13, 2003

                What I was facing at this time was a widely disseminated situation. Things were decidedly stacked against me I was still writing and expression my feeling in this written form. I had found consultation in my writing. I would write something of concern or insight and was able somewhat to leave it on the pad-computer keyboard developed-and move on that day. This was most of the time. However, there were times that I carried issues in my head with the “stinken thinking.” In actuality, I fashioned a new mission for myself in this writing-get my story in writing.  

March 14, 2003

                The Catholic Free Press published an interview with Bishop Reilly in this Friday issue: “Focus on healing, preventing abuse: Bishop Reilly speaks out about crisis.” The story: “It has been more than a year since the Church sex abuse scandal broke in the national media. In an interview (questions and answers format) with Editor Margaret M. Russell, Reilly answered questions about how the diocese has responded to the crisis… ‘What is the diocese doing for priests who have been accused? Where are they? (Reilly) They’re for the most part living on their own. We are staying in touch with them, seeing that they’re OK. I’ve gathered with them. I went to visit then in their homes. I celebrated Mass with them in private settings. I had dinner with them. Listened to them and listened to what their concerns are. (Never happened with me.)  It’s getting more intense. It’s bee a long stressful period for all of them and it’s getting more intense as we come to the time when we will be having these ecclesiastical tribunals set up. So I try to give them the best support we can. Father Dennis Rochford is in touch with them. (He never contacted me.) Probably, certain, he’s hearing from them on a daily or weekly basis. If they have any needs that come up, they call him and he’ll be in touch with me. I’m sure they would love to be back doing their work. This is not just a job, this is their life. But we have to follow the law and we have to follow the rules of the Church, too, and that's what we’ll do. It’s too easy on me because it’s a brother priest. It’s like tearing yourself apart but that’s what we have to do and we’ll do it. How can you be happy in a situation like that? It’s an awful time; it’s sort of a limbo situation. We just have to see where it’s going to go…”58

                This was hard to read because I have never had any contact with the bishop’s liaison by any means. It seemed that this liaison was to deal only with Reilly’s group that he placed on Administrative Leave. So, it begged the question: What about the other entire priest? Even when I met with Bishop Reilly in January 2002, I asked for help with my rent and my list of personal items stolen from my rectory private residence. He used his, what one other priest told me “Reilly’s Irish blarney” (Seven priest invited but only 6 attended except Bagley of out the 33) and nothing happened nor any contact whatsoever with me.

                Another article in this same Catholic Free Press “Office offers services to victims who call.” Kevin Luperchio of the staff wrote: “Worcester-Eight people have filed abuse complaints with the diocesan office for Healing and Prevention since its conception in May 2002, according to Frances J. Nugent. As victim services coordinator, Mrs. Nugent is often the first contact for anyone wishing to file a complaint.

                “Typically, her initial conversation with an alleged victim occurs over the phone. She said the firs thing she does is explain that the person must submit a singed complaint copies of which are give to Bishop Reilly and the Worcester District attorney’s office. (Anyone under the age of 18 is referred immediately to the Department of Social Services.)

                “If the alleged victim decides to file a complaint, Mrs. Nugent, who is a member of the Initial Review committee, and another member of the committee, meet with the alleged victim. They often travel to the alleged victim’s home or another location to garner any relevant information. ‘I’ll go anywhere to meet with these people,’ she said…”59

                I was reading this article with Bishop Reilly and became weak in the legs and had to sit down. I was becoming emotionally drained. I had to leave the room where Connie Rivard showed me the article at her home. I didn’t say much in only that I had to leave.

                At this time, whenever I called Connie, I was at least using the expression: Am I in the newspaper today? I dreaded each day for a story being published concerning me or including me. It was nerve racking, but I tried to make light of the matter by asking a question as I did. It was some time lately that I would take any article and read it privately in dept and making notes for my writing.

                I knew that I had to find a way out for this impasse. I did not give up on hope and being the person that was a survivor. I recalled reading in The Gift of Peace: Personal Reflections by Joseph Cardinal Bernadine that “accusations startled and devastated me.” I recall hearing him say in an interview that the voice of trouble was heard but distorted. The attack was directed against the most important thing he had- his name and reputation. He said that he only had going for himself as a religious leader was his reputation. If his credibility was destroyed, so was his ability to lead. How would anyone trust him? But, he said he had an inner strength, and that the Lord was giving him the strength- moment of grace. He spoke of the moment of pain as a moment of grace because he felt the great love and support that many people were giving his spiritual growth. He said he was entering a new phase of his spiritual journey because of events of those days of being allegated. But, he was a bishop- Cardinal. He had a structure that circled the wagons on his situation. In on way I am glad and fortunate that I did not have such a structure but did have support of the ordinary people who I always identified with- street people.

                Then the Worcester Telegram & Gazette published an article by Jennifer Lucarelli. She wrote: “East Brookfield-An 84 year-old monk at St. Joseph’s Abbey in Spencer was found not guilty yesterday of fondling a woman while spiritually advising her. A jury of five women and one man found the Rev. Joseph Chu-Cong not guilty of a single count of indecent assault and battery of a person over 14. The verdict came after just over an hour of deliberation in Western Worcester District Court.

                “The defense had attacked the 27-yer old woman’s credibility, saying she had impersonated a nun and had an obsession with the abbey. The woman, Keri Burnor, of North Brookfield, testified yesterday that she was studying to become a hermetic nun and began calling herself ‘Sister Keri.’

                “She testified that she asked to speak with Rev. Chu-Cong on Aug. 23, 2001, about a book he wrote about spirituality and contemplation, and afterward she confessed her sins to him in a conference room in the guest house of the abbey. She then said she stood up and gave Rev. Chu-Cong a hug, and he ‘moved forward in his chair,’ and she began to feel uncomfortable. ‘I went to gather the two or three books I had brought with me, and he reached over and grabbed my left breast,’ she said.

                “In April 2002, Mrs. Burnor filed a complaint against Rev. Chu-Chong with St. Joseph’s abbey. Rev. Isaac Kelley, who was serving as the prior of the abbey, began investigating the incident. During his testimony yesterday, Rev. Kelley said the abbey community had been having problems with Ms. Burnor because she has not taken her knows as a nun and was not a member of any church…”60

                It keeps on rolling of stories from all aspect as this abbey story and the priesthood. Someone has to speak out about this fervor and besides the bishops making a bench mark in 2002 do a similar stance on behalf of the Catholic clergy.

                Another insight I offer in how the Telegram and Gazette had been writing with such details in their articles concerning the alleged sex abuse by priest. Ex. “…grabbed my left breast.” Many other such descriptions give it a tabloid, garbage nature.

                Then the National Catholic Reporter  gave us in this weeks issue “Scandal’s fallout still settling in Palm Beach: After losing tow bishops in sex abuse crisis, Florida diocese struggles to recover.:  the article states: “In Palm beach, Fla., the first Sunday in February was the kind of warm, sunny day that snowbirds fly south for. On the ground of Holy Name of Jesus Church in West Palm Beach, Boy Scout Troop 197 was holding a pancake breakfast to raise money for the troop. Inside the church, parishioners got what was for many of them a first look at their new bishop. Replacing the homily, a video giving the parishioners the pitch for the Diocesan service Appeal opened with Bishop Sean O’Malley speaking to the importance of the appeal, previously know as the Annual Bishop’s Appeal.

                “The new name, like the new bishop, reflects a tumultuous year in the Palm Beach diocese. On March 8, 2002, Bishop Anthony j. O’Connell had engaged in sexual improprieties with seminarian more than 25 years earlier. O’Connell’s swift resignation was the second of a bishop in Palm Beach. His predecessor, Bishop Keith Symons, left the Palm Beach diocese in 1998 when it was revealed that he ad sexually abuse five young men earlier in his career…”61

                It keeps on rolling. 

March 15, 2003

                I was getting contacts of interest that were surprising by e-mail and even for G. Ronal Leger in Florida at 8:00 a.m. I responded with a degree of dignity and appreciation.  

March 16, 2003

                In the Church calendar, this day is the Feast of the Transfiguration of Christ. This is where the placing of the three tents is celebrated. So, I was in going to my “tent” which was a place for my peaceful renewal. It was in my “toolbox” of my life’s journey and a very comfortable place that I was able to call mine- my apartment. I was able to sharpen-up on issues and find my moral hi-ground.

                I was thinking how many times I had to struggle with my insights having to work and live in a “gay atmosphere” of the past and present presbyter (priesthood). It was extremely different especially if one was heterosexual. 

March 17, 2003

                Time gives us this day of today’s atmosphere with “Out of the Closet and On to Fraternity Row: Gay college kids are making their brotherhood official on U.S. campuses.” It states: “As it is at every fraternity, brotherhood is the bond that holds the members of Florida international University’s IF.I.U.) Gamma Lambda Mu together. But the Gamma men have taken pains to spell out the precise limits of their bonding: brothers, their bylaw say, may not date one another. All the Gammas, you see, are openly gay. The chastity rule is necessary, the say to prove to their schoolmates that gay men can come together in the spirit of service and camaraderie and not for sex. ‘People think [a gay fraternity] is an orgy,’ says Mario Camp, 21, a fine-arts senior and Gamma Lambda Mu’s co-founder. ‘It’s not.’

                “Gay and lesbian groups have gained acceptance on most college campuses, but becoming part of the conservative Greek system has happened more slowly. Shame Windmeyer, co-editor of Out on Fraternity Row (Alyson Publications), estimates that 10% of men in traditional U.S. fraternities are gay-but that almost al of them stay in the closed for fear of reprisals from the brothers with whom they share the shower room…”62

                The atmosphere of the day is more “out of the closet” in the Catholic Church. It is reacting as the hardening of wax on a candle. The culture is more secretaries than ever, especially in what I have noticed in the last few years.

                I was listening to Imus in the morning on the radio that had this day Mike Barnacle of 96.9 FM of Boston as guest. Imus asked Barnacle: Are you an alcoholic?  Barnacle answered: No! But, he explained that he stopped drinking a number of years ago. He said he does not drink, now. Barnacle then changed the topic to Elizabeth Smar case that he found it a joy that she was found guilty. He continued to say that the “media will kill her.” But, he did not go back to the drinking question.  Barnacle did not consider himself an alcoholic. Interesting because he is in the public eye?

                This same day, I had an interesting conversation with Mr. Joan Keena relating how she was dealing with her cancer. She said she went right back to her daily living of being who she was and enjoyed most. My lesson form this was that I had to realize that I was alive and that I had to adjust my priesthood to the lifestyle and prayer life of my circumstances. In thinking about being outside the active priest box, I became extremely anxious. My mission, at this time, was to write and pray. The aspect of being treated as a leper was to be, but living in a “Gulag” was not the best atmosphere. Actually, at times my story was like a sage being even more entertaining at this time even though if its tragic nature. It may best be described by the example of an octopus legs-all moving at the same time- in different sequences.

                I noticed that I experienced a tailing down of any anxiety moments in about six hours after an event-occurrence.

                I, also, was speaking with Mrs. Gloria (Miller) May burgh telling me: It (abuse) is going on around the world. Then, she asks me what I thought about Cardinal Law and what does the Pope think about all this (abuse)? She followed-up with that this crisis is from form over with. Gloria had a “French” rearing of Jansenism and the 50s religious education background. Oh! I never had a chance to answer Gloria’s questions.         

March 19, 2003

                Then we go to the Worcester Telegram & Gazette and we get this day “Rev. Teczar arrested on charge from Texas.” Kathleen A. Shaw did this article: “Worcester-The Rev. Thomas H. Teczar was arrested yesterday on a governor’s warrant in connecting with a charge in Texas that he sexually abused an underage person. He was released on personal recognizance after papering before Judge John S. McCann in Worcester Superior Court. Arrangements are being made for him to voluntarily return to Texas. Lawyer Michael C. Wilcox, who is representing Rev. Teczar with Louis P. Aloise, said the man making the sexual-abuse allegation is in prison in Texas. Rev. Teczar denied any involvement with the man, who admitted that at one time he was a teenage prostitute. Mr. Wilcox said. He said there still is not indictment against Rev. Teczar. He said the process has been slowed because the complainant appears to be ‘unreliable.’

                “Mr. Wilcox said Rev. Teczar is ready to return to Texas when law enforcement officials in that state are ready to accept him. Mr. Wilcox said Rev. Teczar wanted to voluntarily surrender in January but Texas authorities asked them to hold off because he had not been indicted. The Texas Charge of aggravated assault on a child was made 10 years after Rev. Teczar moved back to Massachusetts, he said…”63

                This is the feast of St. Joseph and the Gospel passage (Lk. 2: 41-51) shows us Joseph’s anxiety over Jesus burst of independence at the age of twelve. It, also show us that he must have installed confidence in the child he was raising. St. Joseph is the living saint who is there to guard and guide one.  There is the hope it make one happy just to know that he’s (Joseph) besides one in their journey-besides God. Happy St. Joseph’s Day in supporting ones strength and gifts.

                I was looking to such a feast of this day because I noticed my mood as being intense. The reason was the upcoming appointment in Hartford. I had fear of ultimately being told of a “Tribunal Trail” to canonically remove me from the priesthood. This was how different my mod swings were occurring at this time.

                It keeps on rolling. 

March 20, 2003

                The atmosphere of the day may be sow when even a TV/radio program of Imus in the Morning had Chuck reading the news. He reads about the Vatican statement being deeply troubled of U. S. attack on Iraq. Imus jumps in and says: Let them tell their priest to keep their hands of the kids. This is how poisoned the atmosphere of the day was.

                I received a forwarded letter from the Worcester Chancery for a Mrs. Theresa Paunchier of Leominster. It read: “Dear Father, my prayers with Mary.” A priest told me that this woman sends out these letters all the time. I was surprised that anything was forwarded to me by the chancery at all. It had been years since I had any forwarded.

                I had my regular appointment with Dr. Zeman. I spoke about my fears and outlook. But, I wanted to express that I was over all taking care of myself in spirit and otherwise. I explained how the article of February 26^th and comments of non-support: Connie Rivard saying people believe what they read in articles. The Gizas were ashamed of what is about me in print. Lola’s thing is the constant referring to the 11-yr old girls. I handed a cop of what I considered my “Mission Statement of my Priesthood” of Fr. Karl Rahner on a card stating what a priest is to Dr. Zeman. He only looked at it a moment and focused in what I was saying. I was very strong of what the priesthood was to me.

                Dr. Zeman then asked me: You didn’t not do it (allegations) as you knew it? You were not aware of this (due to drinking)? Right? I said an emphatic: No. I then said that have a goal: Write my two volume work of my journal. He asked me if I meant my experience at the Institute of Living (IOL). I said “No” because my journal was about what had happened with me and the authority and power of the hierarchy in Worcester. Actually, my experience, while having to endure the mandated full evaluation by Bishop Harrington of the Worcester Diocese, was that I was treated professionally in a very strenuous situation (allegations).

                Dr. Zeman said that I was kicked in the teeth.  The Dr. Zeman talked that I was able to make any appointment anything that I would want to see him. What was interesting that on the departure we shock hands and tapped me on my shoulder that I interpreted as a sign of support?

                I had noticed that I was finding a “family” in my AA group. I, also, noticed that I didn’t want to go out at times. I was very selective in my visiting. I felt abandoned by certain friends. I had an upset stomach at different time with a strange feeling.  

March 21, 2003

                “ The Word from Rome” by John L. Allen, Jr. of the National Catholic Reporter writes: “Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (dismissal from the clerical state and dispensation from obligations) Prot. N. 26/82 Mr. Franco Barbero from the diocese of Pinerolo 25 January 2003 The Sovereign Pontiff John Paul II, having heard the report of the secretary of this congregation concerning the grave mode of acting of the above-cited priest of the diocese of Pinerolo (Italy), and having seen to all the preliminaries, in a supreme decision with no possibility of appeal., has decreed that upon the above-cited priest is imposed the penalty of dismissal. To the same presbyter he ahs also conceded a deposition enters into vigor for the moment of the decision of the Roman Pontiff. +2 The decree of dismissal and of dispensation will be communicated to the presbyter by the competent ordinary of the censure. +3 The news of the dismissal and dispensation will be opted in the books of the baptized of the parish of the above-cited presbyter. +4 For that which concerns the eventual celebration of a canonical matrimony, the norms established by the Code of Canon Law are to be applied. The ordinary should in any event handle the matter so that it takes place with circumspection and without publicity. +5The ecclesiastical authority whose task it is to communicate the decree to the above-said priest, would exhort him vividly so that, in conformity with his new condition, he participate in the life of the people of god, giving edification and demonstrating himself a good son of the Church…”64

                This was supposedly a form that was being carried out in the universal Church. This reads more as a legal document which is how Rome operates. But, Rome has to realize that the local ordinary in my particular and diocese is more of an issue especially if one priest allegations are somewhat similar to the ordinary. Yet, Vicar for Canon Law of the Diocese, who had been appointed by this ordinary, is his “hatchet” and using power in the worst case scenario- Harrington- Pedone. The next ordinary that followed my bishop that sent me for an evaluation was only “covering” for his predictor by claiming he was not involved in my case. But, he was he one that demanded my resignation. Watch the bouncing ball.

                An article by Kathleen A. Shaw in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette reports “Parish circulates ‘Voice’ letter.” It states: “Sturbridge-The parish council of S. Anne and St. Patrick Church circulated to parishioners a copy of a letter sent by Worcester Diocese Voice of the Faithful to Bishop Daniel P. Reilly asking that he be forthcoming with information on the sexual abuse scandal in this diocese.

                “The Rev. Norman Meiklejohn, A.A., pastor, said he and the parish council approved distribution of the letter in the interest of presenting a full range of information to people in the parish ‘so they can make up their own minds.’ The letters were handed at al masses last weekend and parishioners were asked to sing them and return them in the collection basket. The council will send the singed letters to the bishop. ‘To be honest, we have gotten less than a handful back, but we wanted to give them the opportunity,’ he said.

                “The letter was sent recently by Voice of the Faithful to the bishop commending him for steps he has taken to deal with the crisis but asked that he divulge information to area Catholics on how many minors and women were victimized, own many cases were reported to legal authorities and the disposition of those complains. The organization, which includes lay Catholics, also wants full financial disclosure on the cost of the scandal…”65

                A coupe points must be made in that the term “Worcester diocese” is used is not the Worcester Diocese of the Chancery building mailing. It must have referred to the location of the Church of Worcester by their use of “Worcester diocese.” Another point of interest was that the Sturbridge parish is operated by a religious order-The Assumptions. This order is administrating a diocesan parish and is equal as any other parish. Then the issue of “have gotten less than a handful back” is interesting reaction from the general population of parishioners.

                Sidney Callahan who was professor of moral theology at St. John’s University, Queens, N.Y. wrote “Stunned teaching on sex role in church's crisis” in this weeks issue of the National Catholic Reporter. He writes: “the effects of the sexy abuse crisis in the American church aren’t going away. A host of issues concerning church government and accountability continues to surface. Everyone from the bishops on down may agree that change is needed, disagreements bubble up.

                “Deep and fundamental differences, for instance, emerge when it come to the future role of the official teachings of Roman authorities on matters of sex and gender. Two opposing agendas for the church directly conflict.

                “One traditional group sees our current sex abuse troubles as stemming from past and present infidelities of priest perpetrators to Pope John Pal II’s articulation of sexual teaching. In this view, sin and evil are recognized as always present, but abusing priests have been led to violate their vows of chastity and celibacy because of the debilitating permissiveness toward sexuality that pervades both the church and the culture. Offending bishops did not exercise their proper authority of oversight and correction, in part because, they, to, were infect by the climate of laxity and infidelity to the church’s sexual teachings. Granted, the bishops had to cope with the ‘60s sexual revolution and bad psychological advice, but, goes this indictment, infidelity lies at the heart of the matter. Many seminarians have been remiss in to adhering to the strict theological and practical formation necessary for priest. The solution? In the neoconservative diagnosis, the American church and its leaders must conform more strictly to the church’s sexual teachings as articulated by the Vatican…”66

                There was circulating the concept of “laicization of priest.” This is the surrounding involuntary canonical equivalent of the death penalty. There was a new judicial system explained by the Congregation of Doctrine of Faith. There is the belief as one clerical canon lawyer said that one “can not take from my heart the ministry to which God has called me. The Presbyter (priesthood) is a gift from God.” Discussions were developing in the non-clerical level of “off with their heads.” Then my mind began playing games because of hearing of late of “defrocking a priest” with Rome saying with a new Canon Law in the next few weeks.

                Then a priest told me that the latest Presbyter’s (Priest) Minutes stated that Bishop Reilly was going to attend a national meeting on how to handle “compensation” for priest on Administrative leave. I had not received any of these minutes or any corresponds for some time. So, I had to believe what this priest was telling me. What I realized was that this priest was doing the “lording-over” priest on Administrative Leaves. It was the way he enjoyed relating this information to me. What I needed to do when experiences with such individuals was to “flush” this stinken-thinking.

                For me “compensation” was nothing different than from what I was receiving in 1993. Actually, there were deductions from my monthly pension without any explanations. The money was deducted without any explanation or even a printed code interpretation. I did not have any recourse or advocate even if the bishop related that the priest are being taken care of. I really was being “taken care of” as a “leper.”

                I had to realize that my ‘experience” in the Presbyter of Worcester had me ministering with a gay sub-culture that is nerve-racking, uncomfortable and not being one-of-the-boys.  Actually, this prevailed when I entered college and was and still very much imbedded in the local church.

                So, when I heard John Paul II in March tell priest that celibacy “is not an added-on useless element of priestly life-a sort of superstructure-but a valuable means of participation in the dignity of Christ and the service of humanity.” Very important insight but the real world priest atmosphere had a “pink cloud” over it in the local church that I was with.  

March 23, 2003

                St. Edward’s weekly bulleting announced: “Talking to your children about abuse: A program for parent, Sponsored by: The Office for Healing & Prevention, Diocese of Worcester. This was presented by the Child Assault Prevention (CAP) Project. This 90 minute program will offer parents information on: the various forms of child abuse, with a focus on sexual abuse; signs of abuse; characteristics of perpetrators; healthy and unhealthy sexual behaviors in children; and tips on talking to children about abuse. Fro Training Dates please contact the Office for Healing & Prevention, 508-929-4362.”67

                I was told there were only 12 to 15 people in attendance. I heard nothing from anyone about it in any way. The silence was deafening or was it more of a none issue to talk about because only a few people were pushing this type of agenda or was it the present culture of fear and terrorism? It is the present American way.

                In addition this day, Dianne Williamson writes in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Local stars entertain get Oscars; All of life is a stage for better and worse.” She writes: “I’m happy that tonight’s Academy Awards telecast will proceed as scheduled, and not only because millions of anxious Americans are eager to learn what Catherine Zeta-Jones thinks about the war with Iraq…So without further ado-and without gold statues or pricey goody bags-we present our own 2003 Academy Awards to deserving local newsmakers: Best Actor: Raymond Delisle, spokesman for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Worcester, for his subdued and often adlibbed portrayal of a man searching for answers in ‘The trouble with Angels.’ Critics hailed his ‘deft handling of difficult material’ along with his creative comments to the media.

                “Best Supporting actor: Bishop Daniel P. Reilly for the same film, who was singled out for his many memorable lines: ‘Well let you know when we feel like letting knew!’ and ‘Why is it different form the Boston Archdiocese? Because this is the Worcester Diocese!’ Critics applauded his passionate use of powerful dialogue…”68 

March 25, 2003

                “Priest get trail date” by Kathleen A. Shaw of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette appeared this date. She wrote: “Worcester-A July 21 date has been set for the trail of the Rev. Robert E. Kelley on charges of child rape in connection with alleged abuse of a girl when he was associate pastor at St.  Cecilia Church, Leominster.

                “District Attorney John J. Conte said the Worcester Superior court trail date was set yesterday. William M. McCourt, assistant district attorney, with be prosecutor, Rev. Kelley is represented by lawyer Anthony M. Salerno of Worcester. This trail involves changes that he raped Heather Mackey of Tewksbury when she was 7 years old.

                “A pretrial conference has been set for the same day in connection with rape charges brought against Rev. Kelley in connection with alleged abuse of Diane Gallina of Ashburnham when she a child. Prosecutor in this case is Kathleen M. DelloSrtitto, assistant district attorney, Mr. Conte said. Rev. Kelley remains free on $10,000 cash bail on both cases, the district attorney said…”69

                Bobby Kelley name keeps re-appearing and re-appearing. It is in the courts again.  

March 30, 2003

                Richard Nangle of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette staff writes “Diocese to fight deposition: Ban on transcripts release sought in Rueger lawsuits.”  This is somewhat of a switch of staff writers because the public usually had Kathleen A. Shaw doing certain priest stories. Now, we have a switch from Shaw to Nangle. Possibly Shaw was on vacation. He wrote: “Worcester-A lawyer for the Catholic Diocese of Worcester will ask a Superior Court judge tomorrow to limit the scope of a deposition that Bishop Daniel P. Reilly is to give later the day in connection with a lawsuit that accuses Auxiliary bishop George E. Rueger of rape of a child.

                “James B. Reardon Jr., a lawyer for the diocese, wants to prevent the public release of court documents, especially distortions, generated by the lawsuit. He also is seeking to delay discovery in the case until the court rules on a motion to dismiss the lawsuit.

                “Daniel J. Shea of Huston, the lawyer for plaintiff Sime J. Braio of Shrewsbury, will argue that thorough questioning of Bishop Reilly is necessary in order to properly represent his client. He will argue that Bishop Reilly’s public defense of Bishop Rueger and threat to bring extortion charges against Mr. Braio warrants that questioning. ‘I’m trying to agree with Mr. Shea on parameter and timing,’ Mr. Reardon said. ‘I’m not seeking to prevent Bishop Reilly’s deposition.’

                “Mr.  Shea said he sees the matter differently. ‘They’re trying to stop Bishop Reilly’s deposition,’ he said adding ‘This is something that would preclude the lawyers from providing discovery materials to the press.” He noted that a Boston judge endorsed the release of discovery materials as they relate to the sex abuse scandal in the Boston Archdiocese. The same rules should apply in Worcester, he said. Mr. Reardon said Mr. Shea, in a March 21 letter, indicated ‘he is unwilling to discuss the terms or scope of Bishop Reilly’s deposition…Mr. Braio’s lawsuit alleged that Bishop Rueger, them a parish priest, began sexually molesting him in the 1960s when he was 13. The suit alleges that the abuse resulted in behavior that landed Mr. Braio, now 52, in the former Lyman School for Boys in Westboro.

                “In a July letter to parishioners shortly after the Braio lawsuit was filed, Bishop Reilly wrote that as Monsignor Thomas J. Sullivan ‘stated to the media, the claims made by the accuser to the diocese have been spurious and, indeed, attempts at extorting money from the church at the expense of bishop Rueger.”70

                Anytime I read such an article, I wonder about the double standard by the Diocese of Worcester in regards to handling the ordinary priest and a bishop/chancery staff member. Different strokes for different folks. I had lost my career, reputation, financial position and personal relationships.  

March 28, 2003

                When I received my copy of the Catholic Free Press this day, my anxiety began to react in wonderment to see if the “Diocesan Tribunal” had any printed reporting, I heard nothing an isolation atmosphere- Gulag. It was a mental struggle of what would be next in the case of the “axe” being put in motion.

                I had even hears the story of a priest in Hartford Archdiocese who is now working in a civil job and paid $365,000  in addition to the archdiocese paying $365,000 for a total of $730,000. Where would any priest, personally, get that kind money?

                So if my diocesan tribunal had my case, there was no presumption of innocence. I was already tired. My bishop told me that I was resumed guilty and that there were tow other witnesses. This would have been a kangaroo court or Communist show trail. For anyone to see through the veil of what was covered-up in my diocese and my case would have had many diocesan clerics in a conspiracy model.  

March 30, 2003

                "Father Peacock" visited me to tell me that Father Rochford may be called back to back to military service ad chaplain because of his previous time as a Catholic Chaplin. This did not make any sense. "Father Peacock’s” voice change to a low pitch in telling me that Rochford is the bishop’s liaison to “priest-on-leave.” People like "Father Peacock" and his “boys0in-the-band” group use psychic and emotional “drill” as with Rochford to dominate an issue. This was a typical climate of any clergy gathering or personal encounter in general. I had to watch and experience this time-in and time-out.

                My reaction was to just kick-out these conversations in my mind by silence and a poker face style. Living and minis trying in this was something very difficult to experience.  Then "Father Peacock" started about going to the Chrism Mass with a reminder that I attended last year. I did not attend the Chrism Mass that year. I was wondering the mental game he was playing out. I said that I was not going to attend- no written invite or announcement was sent to me. Then I had to realize that "Father Peacock" was using me in that he would have made it know that he brought me-the leper- into this annual Chrism Mass. It was something I didn’t realize before but he was using me as another form of his “Poster Boy” that he was reaching out to priest that was out of the ministry. It was a peculiar situation to be in on my part. It was best that I followed my insight with this guy-distance myself and doing it immediately. It was in this matter best to be in my “Gulag.” Clergy political-controlling games were another issue that made me frightened that I was even a priest at times in such circumstances- cliques of who hanged around with whom.  

April 1, 2003

                The Catholic Answer had in its “Editor’s note” by Father Peter M.J. Stravinskas wrote: “…Indeed Pope John Paul II’s tough talk to the Americans was applauded almost universally. Now, we could fix it up after that jump-start. And then came Dallas. Amazingly. Dallas botched things up even more because a serious effort was made to placate the bloodthirsty media. But the media folks weren’t satisfied and, within days or even hours, they were expressing concern that the bishops had now gone to the opposite extreme. Zeal had moved into the category of zealotry. Added to the victims of abuse were now priests-victims. Once more, Rome had to come to the rescue, so that the Dallas norms were significantly modified, lest gross injustices be perpetrated in the name of justice. Finally, we have something that is workable…”71

                Workable is only a word here. Nothing in my particulars had been addressed or even given an opportunity of anything but exiled- out of sight, out of mind.

                It seems that the cartoons catch the social and cultural atmosphere more directly than one might want to admit. The point of this time was “Beetle Bailey”: “Sarg is on the scale and looking at the weight number “Wh-Oh! I gained another 5 pounds! Beatle responds “You should stop going to ‘Huggable Harry’s Hamburger Heaven” Sarge responds “Keck no! I’m going SUE them!”72

                Sue someone is the in-thing to do for some time. Actually, it is a know fact that most people will never win anything in a lottery. So, if one wants to get rich, sue someone. How true I had to learn this fact of life. 

April 2, 2003

                Channel 5, Boston had Attorney MacLeish interviewed in what I may be wrong, but him saying that more trouble was coming for the Catholic Church by in-fighting issues of Church personal. Then another report tells how another priest was suing another priest and one diocese suing another diocese. Then another story that certain priest “kicking-back” on Church Tribunal trails and possible removals.

                This was another aspect of the media running with “Church bashing.” 

April 6, 2003

                The New York Times reporter, Adam Liptak, writes an article in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette of this day “Legal scholars bemoan church abuse scandals.” He writes: “Boston-The sexual abuse scandals that have engulfed the Archdiocese of Boston and the Roman Catholic Church have become a powerful threat to religious liberty, said several legal scholars who spoke yesterday at a conference at a Catholic law school.

                “‘These cases will profoundly alter the nature of organized religion,’ said one professor, Patrick J. Schlitz, of the University of St. Thomas School of Law in Minneapolis. ‘This litigation has the potential to do church what many a tyrannical government count not.’

                The conference, at the Boston College Law School, in Newton, included many of the leading legal scholars of church-state relations, canon lawyers and the general counsel of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops. They acknowledged that the scandals arose from widespread and terrible abuses.

                “But they also expressed surprise at now quickly and vigorously the law governing the activities of churches had reacted to the scandal. Several suggested that the legal system had overreacted and perhaps acted capriciously.

                “Criminal liability for a diocese is now on the table, something that would have been unmovable not long ago,’ said Angela Carmella, a professor at Seaton Hall Law School…”73

                When I finished reading this article, I wondered where these people were with my situation and Bishop Harrington: “You’re guilty till proven innocent.” The church system had already dumped bodies all over the street, fields and ocean harbors. The systems internal operations may have been orientated more on personalities than any justice.

                This says when I finally began to writ my text from my journal. I figured-out and began using the split screen sequence I figured that my work would be a two-volume work: Volume I for 1993-2001 and then Volume II- 2002 and etc.

                Besides writing my daily journal, researching and doing a weekly homily-like the Beatles’ sang: “Father McKenzie writing a sermon, no one will hear. My dear!”

                What I found interesting that I had to discipline myself to stay with one format/style.

                The rumor mill had it that Fr. Gerry Branconia did not receive an invite to the Chrism Mass. Gerry sent a note to Bishop Rueger and he mentioned in the note that he had nothing written about him in the Catholic Free Press stories of priest that wee clearing their 24^th Anniversary of Ordination.

                My question was why Branconia wrote to Rueger. He should have written directly to the Ordinary-Reilly.

                Then I was watching 60 Minutes on CBS and their first story was: Guilt till proven innocent. The story was about an Arab arrested after 9-11. He was too charged with any offenses. This was the same thing that occurred to me and control by the system. This was the same thing the Worcester Diocese did to me. There were even reports how priest-sex abuse victims overreacted on 9-11 arrests: Living in depression, headaches, flashback and can’t work was reported. The sex abuse of Ford being abuse by his father was reported at this time.  

April 8, 2003

                Kathleen A. Shaw back on scène with an article in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Reilly due to answer questions under oath” of this day’s issue. She wrote: “Worcester-Bishop Daniel P. Reilly will answer questions under oath tomorrow in connecting with a lawsuit that a Shrewsbury man has brought against the catholic Diocese of Worcester and Auxiliary Bishop George E. Rueger.

                “Sime m. Braio, 52, alleges in his suit that he was sexually abused and reaped by Bishop Rueger at age 13. Bishop Rueger, who in July flatly denied the accusations, testified in a deposition last week. Mr. Braio is scheduled to testify at a.m. Thursday.

                “The diocese attempted to block public access to the depositions of both Bishop Reilly and Bishop Rueger but was overruled March31 by Judge Mary Lou Rupp in Worcester Superior Court. The diocese also asked the court to block bishop Reilly from giving testimony.

                “Diocesan lawyer James Gavin Reardon Jr. argued that Bishop Reilly did not come to works until years after the alleged incidents involving Bishop Rueger and Mr. Braio in the 1960s. The judge said Bishop Reilly has ‘institutional knowledge’ of the diocese and should testify. She added that he can be questioned about the House of Affirmation.

                “Mr. Shea said Bishop Reilly testimony is relevant because he made public statements after the suit was filed last July indicating that Mr. Braio tried to extort money from the diocese and he intended to seek criminal action against him through the office of District Attorney John J. Conte. Mr. Conte declined to bring criminal charges.

                “Daniel J. Shea of Houston, the lawyer representing Mr. Braio, said it could take a month before the depositions go through the legal process and become part of the public record in the suit…”74

                This was interesting reading to know the background of Shea and Reilly in Rhode Island. The picture of the day that wasn’t in the paper would have been Shea questioning Reilly in the courtroom. No such luck.

                I was having a phone conversation with Mrs. Gail Robinson and she questioned me: Would I have done anything different in my defense? First of all I never was given an opportunity for a defense, which I did not say to her. The reason was she would never understand or even begin to understand the hierarchical system in the Church. So, I answered with a “No.” I always maintained that I was innocent and maintained my priesthood. This I sure, Robinson did not understand from a vocation point-of-view. I became suspicious of her questing in that she must have been talking with someone about me. She did not have it in her to wonder if any other approach would have possible in my situation. I wanted to say to her: You can read it in my two-volume work of what happened to me since March 23, 1993. It will be printed after I die so I may not be defrocked from the priesthood or sued- there would be no estate after being sent to the “Gulag.” I stayed on message at all odds.

                Robinson did walk with me through all of my experience. She was somewhat careful asking for information and comments. It was nothing in comparison of Connie Rivard, who was the closets to my story at the parish, where she made the remark: “Is your name in the paper again today? Her remark was going back to March 26^th article on me. It did hurt hearing her make that remark to me. But, I suspected that someone was giving her an ear-full about me. I knew Connie somewhat in that she was not one to think in that fashion.

                I heard Jeff Greenfield say on the Imus Morning radio interview how there is a history principle that we won’t have a clearer picture of an event for possibly 20 or 30 years. It was peculiar how Bishop Harrington and the Chancery Gang knew that I was “guilty till proven innocent” at least three months before I was called about an allegation.

April 9, 2003

                Kenneth J. Moynihan- a Roman Catholic- writes this day in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Judge’s ruling in Rueger case seems ‘open to interpretation.’” Moynihan’s column appeared regularly in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. This column-lengthily but not complete may be found in footnote material-states: “You may recall reading last week about a hearing at which Superior Court Judge Mary Lou Rupp ruled on a diocesan request for any order protecting Bishop Daniel P. Reilly from being questioned about the Huse of Affirmation. ‘Ruling goes against diocese on questioning Reilly.’

                “The lead sentence of the story said: ‘A Superior Court judge yesterday ruled against attempts by the Diocese of Worcester to limit questioning of Bishop Daniel P. Reilly in a coming deposition and to prevent the release of transcripts to the media.’ A little later the report said that diocesan attorney James G. Reardon had hoped to prevent plaintiff’s attorney Daniel J. Shea ‘from asking Bishop Reilly about the House of Affirmation, a Whitinsville treatment center for priest with psychological problems, including sexual problems.’ The facility was open from 1970 to 1989.)

                The same event was covered in Thursday’s edition of the diocesan weekly newspaper, The Catholic Free Press. That account quoted the judge as saying, ‘I am granting the protective order as to Bishop Reilly.’ In striking contrast to the T&G  report, the Free Press’s lead sentence quoted the judge as limiting questioning of Bishop Reilly about the Hose of Affirmation ‘to the nature of (his) personal involvement with the treatment facility.’ The Free Press went on, ‘The court order says that otherwise, the request for protection order of Bishop Reilly was allowed.’”

                “So, let’s see: Did the ruling, as the T&G headline said, ‘go against’ the diocese, or did the judge ‘grant the protective order to Bishop Reilly’? The issue argued by the lawyers was whether events at the House of Affirmation had relevance to the case at hand, which involves allegations dating from the early 1960s against Bishop George E. Rueger. Both newspapers agree that the judge limited her protective order with respect to the Huse of Affirmation, but they seem to have interpreted her differently.

                “As the Telegram & Gazette reported it, ‘Judge Rapp said she was skeptical that our questions about the House of Affirmation would be relevant. But she said if either bishop admitted to any involvement with it, the questioning would be allowed. Bishop Reilly once served on its board of directors.’ Well, then, it would seem to be settle. Serving on the institution board would surely qualify as ‘involvement’ with the House of Affirmation, and once that’s established Mr. Shea will be able to get on with what he calls his ‘conspiracy case.’

                “But maybe not. The Free Press quotes Mr. Reardon as contradicting the T&G story. ‘It was wrong in the paper,’ the Free Press quotes Mr. Reardon as saying. “The judge said the Huse of affirmation was not relevant and Shea can ask what the bishop knows about it, but not any specifics about other priests or information that may be privileged. The judge limited the questioning to general knowledge.’

                What the judge said, according to the Free Press, was ‘I simply have not been superseded at this point, that generalized inquiry of the House of Affirmation is in any way discoverable or relevant.’ The diocesan paper reported that the judge ‘said the House of Affirmation didn’t appear to have any connection to this particular plaintiff’s allegation’ and that she later said to Mr. Shea, ‘You may inquire generally what his official position was. So what we seem to have is tow newspapers covering the same event and coming to different conclusions about what happened….

                “It would not be fear or reasonable to pass judgment on the reporters who were these two articles, but their differing interpretations of the same event can serve as a reminder to all of us that in these matters, as in many other, we all have a point of view, a set of attitudes that is operating even before we try to make sense of new evidence. As we respond, we run the danger of hearing what we prefer to hear, and believing what we prefer to believe.

                “We need to be on guard against those temptations, because what they causes us to miss might just e the truth.”75

                I guess Kenneth J. Moynihan never really personally encountered a bishop who had “sole” authority and power. Try finding the truth in such a circumstance- Bishop Harrington and then Bishop Reilly protecting the Office of Bishop. It goes on and on.

                The way and means that the diocese was using for Rueger had a double standard. I was given no procedure so that I would have been able to defend myself. My case was settled and I was told that was it-history. But, a bishop (Rueger) gets all type of perks and diocesan newspaper giving their version and “interpretations.” I had no opportunity to make a public statement or address my parishioners. 

April 11, 2003

                “The Word from Rome” with John L. Allen, Jr. of the National Catholic Reporter states “Vatican prevailed for priest accused of sex abuse.” He writes: “An update on implementation of the American norms on sex abuse as approved by reform, those norms envisioned canonical trial for accused priest. In fact, however, there may be significantly fewer trails than once anticipated. The New York Times found in January that 432 accused priests had resigned, retired, or been removed from ministry in the previous 12 months. Many of these men admitted guilt, or are already out of ministry. Precise numbers are not available, but perhaps only half or some of these cases have required notification to the Holy See. Under the norms, bishops are required to report al allegations found to be credible to the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, which authorize one of three procedures: *Canonical trial * An extra-juridical  procedure envision under canon  1720. This option allows the bishop, if he is morally certain the priest is guilty, to remove him from ministry without the time and expense of a trail. The canon requires that the accused be notified of the charges and be given an opportunity for defense). *Dismissal from the clerical state ex officio et in oenam, meaning an involuntary laicization approved personally by the people. This is a rare option because it short-circuits procedural guarantees. In most cases, however, the accused priest has already had several opportunities to mount a defense. Sometimes he may be already having been convicted criminally.

                “The news that may surprise American is that the inclination of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith is today in many cases to authorized option two, the extrajudicial route. Last October, the Vatican rejected the norms approved by the U.S. bishops in Dallas on the basis of the need to protect due process rights. This led to concern about a proliferation of lengthy canonical trails that would delay closure. Sources say, however, that as American case files arrive in Rome, in many instances the accused priest’s guilt is clear, and hence the Vatican is opting for the swifter solution.

                “Another reason for the extra-judicial route can be prescription, the statue of limitations in canon law (for the sexual abuse of a minor, the period is ten years from the victim’s 18^th birthday).  When the American norms were debated, many victims’ advocates worried the prescription would be used to shield accused priests. In fact, however, Vatican sources say such an outcome is far more likely in secular criminal law, where the statue of limitations is often an absolute barrier to action against the accused….”76

                Reading this article had me wonder about canon 1720 was used against me by the Worcester Gang? I mention this as such because at no time had anyone explained my statutes or any procedure that was use against me besides Bishop Harrington ranting at me: “You are guilty till proven innocent.” Besides this entire where the canon requires that the accused be notified of the charges and be given an opportunity for defense. A defense opportunity was never given by the church or any notion of allowing me to present my case in a professional manner. I was only dragged into the Bishop’s Residence and Chancery with a “gulag” style interrogation.

                What I was hearing was the new policy had revealed the complexity of individual cases. Yes, but the allegated priest becomes a non-person. Stress was a risk factor being announced by the hierarchy to smother any hope of re-instatement or anything. The system of the Church related that when a priest was stripped of his livelihood and support system, he experienced great stress. Then, the inner circles slipped out that it was dangerous to ‘let loses’ an abuser priest in the community-everyone was allegated was considered an abuser by the Worcester Bishop and Chancery Gang. It is a cover-up of “the element” that maneuvered around the different facets of the diocese. The gay priests operated in a clandestine way in the diocese. It was no different in the seminary in the 60s and I had to live with it in the 70s the 90s.

                The Sentinel & Enterprise prints this day “Some urge unlimited item to prosecute sexual abuse.” Erik Anderson writes: “Advocates for alleged victims of sexual abuse by priests urged lawmakers Thursday to pass legislation that would eliminate the statue of limitations for rape and other sex crises in civil and criminal cases.

                “Victims of alleged sexual abuse by clergy told a legislature panel that because of the unique nature of sex crimes where a victim feels guilt, insecurity and fear, the statue of limitations makes it impossible to prosecute much abuse crime.

“William Gates, the head of the New England chapter of the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, said often it takes years for victims of sexual abuse as children to gain the confidence and self-respect to speak out.

                “‘This is no a crime that lasts an hour. It’s a crime that last a lifetime,’ lately told the joint Judiciary Committee. ‘It permeates through our entire being. It affects our psychology and the perception of us and our souls.’…The Judiciary Committee is considering a bill filed by Rep. Ronald Mariano, D-Quincy, and several other lawmakers, which would make sex crimes not subject to a time limit in which an indictment must be filed. Currently, murder is the only crime not subject to such a statue of limitations, and most other cries have a six-year statue…”77

                What I find interesting is this “statue of limitations” issue is, at this time, on the radar screen. The legal minds obviously had this place into the law system for a very significant reason. My observation is that I had to face someone who had a “few issues with the Catholic Church” and another that was operating on the “golden egg” (money) mantra to pursue by making an allegation.

                Catholic News of the internet reported “Fall in clergy sex abuse complaints.” The report states: “The Church is getting on top of the sexual abuse problem, according to the national directories of Australian Catholic Bishops’ toward healing strategy according to sr. Angela Ryan.

                But she told that Catholic Weekly that while the number of complaints has fallen this year, the flow of complaints tend to be cyclical and complaints after following media exposure of this issue. If people say they are going to the media, I say that is their right, it helps bring it into the open,’ she said. ‘Many of the victims have never spoken about it before, but they now take about it more openly, and parents are more likely to believe their children when they mention the issue. Sr. Angela said most sexual abuse victims merely want an apology and some recognition from the Church for what had happened to them. ‘They want counseling and in some cases, compensation,’ she told the paper. ‘It is a symbolic thing as it can never compensate that for what has happened. ‘It is better if the compensation is tied to helping people get on with their lives,’ she said. ‘A large number of people are being taught to read and rite, or having their TAFF curses paid for, or their HECS fees met. Their education was affected by what happened to them. They didn’t finish school.’”78

                One had to keep Sr. Angela’s comments and insights in the context of this day and age of “closure.”  It will be of interest of how all of this will be looked-upon in 20 years from now when it may be studied in a fashion that is removed from the emotionality of the day and legal compensation-the “golden egg” syndrome.

                My Lenten struggle this year was respecting the Office of the Bishop-against. It seemed that Bishop Reilly was doing everything to protect the Office of the Bishop and not an issue of truth. It was as though- Here we go again.  

April 13, 2003

                This Palm Sunday morning had me experiencing a strange feeling on hearing on TV-Channel 7 Boston news about the Archdiocesan Chrism Mass that was held on Tuesday. My diocese never sent or contacted me in any way about Worcester’s Chrism Mass which was held on this same Tuesday (April 8^th). My negative thinking began to have me wonder is a new canon law from Rome was in effect of same nature for me nothing being invited to participate.

                The Chrism Mass was the annual time of renewing our presbyter (priesthood) with the bishop at this special liturgy. But, with the “dragnet going though the water” syndrome with the church’s priest abuse issue, no one wanted or wants to question the “real issue.” It is the power-authority operating in a gay culture of control under the celibacy model (Boys Club).

                It was a time where "Father Peacock" was doing his ranting that his parish organist was going to leave for St. John’s parish in Clinton, Massachusetts. This organist was 75 years old. Why was it that I didn’t believe “anything that "Father Peacock" was telling me? It was another situation of where my thinking was that he wanted the spotlight in another direction from something that was actually taking place. I’ve mentioned a number of times: Watch where the spotlight is not with this guy. He teaches diversion as a “smoke screen.”

                I wonder if "Father Peacock" did not want to talk about Fr. Ouellette of Immaculate Conception, Fitchburg being on “medical leave of absence” possibly due to the Worcester District Attorney investigating missing funds from that parish. "Father Peacock" used to be pastor at that church.

                "Father Peacock" and I had such a totally different approach to people and situations. A good example was trying to talk about Holy Thursday liturgy (Mass). He was “pounding” how people are lacking so much. I would respond: Well, you are the pastor. Give your people an updated teaching in an adult education format besides your elaborate sermons-that no one will hear, my dear.

                Then, I had coffee with “Father Peacock" and he were in his “regular form” of gripping about the Bishop’s Fund where they are not listening to him about door-to-door solicitation. There was a new company using direct mailing and asking for $100 a minimum donation. He used the argument, as any would be reflected at this time, that a letter had been sent to the pastors explaining that 89 cent family mailing was similar to second-class mail which he says most people throw-out. He used this as the reason for his parish not achieving the parish goal. It would have been something else as an excuse on his part. He had already eliminated the “base” of those that he did not send envelopes or any mailings. So, he only had a certain policy and was not able to have the percentages work for the parish drive and collection. He kept playing-rambling- that the new company would not listen to him. He did this every year- predictable. He was going on in with his four or five examples playing-out a mind-control technique he tries to use.

                Then "Father Peacock" informed me, again, that the bishop had seven to nine priests that were on leave for dinner at his residence. Supposedly the bishop was telling the priest that they would get some form of ministry in the future. Then, he said that Fr. Bagley attended and shared about paying bills because he did not get Mass stipends as he did when in the parish. This was hard to believe because Fr. Bagley had Roll-Royce relativability. Mass stipends would not have been an issue with him. Bishop Reilly was to have stood and “red-faced” saying that there are priest sending their telephone bills to the rectory for payment.

                Then I was told by "Father Peacock" that attendance was low and Fr. Picclomini (Vicar for Clergy) was asked why no invitation was sent to Fr. Branconia. Picclomini supposedly said: Fr. Branconia attends all the time.

                Then the conversation was that Bishop Reilly said that there was o communication between his office and the Diocesan Judicial Office- Msgr. Pedone. This I realized was a ploy of "Father Peacock" trying to get reaction from me because I believe this was a plant on his part.

                Is a coffee or clerical acquaintance needed as a "Father Peacock" and the mind and control games that he plays are stressful to say the least.  

April 15, 2003

                Kathleen A. Shaw gives us this day in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Texas dioceses sued over Rev. Teczar.” The article states: “A civil suit has been filed in Texas by a 27-yer man who said he was sexually abuse in the early 1990s by the Rev. Thomas H. Teczar, a priest of the Worcester Catholic Diocese who relocated to Ranger, Texas.

                “Tahira Khan Merrit, a Dallas lawyer who filed the case in Tarrant County District Court, said the ‘$24 million question’ is why Bishop Joseph P. Delaney of the Fort Worth diocese took Rev. Teczar into the diocese in 1988 when he had been clearly warned by Worcester diocesan officials of potential liability…He was assigned in 1984 to Sacred Heart in Gardner, where he was accused of molesting a 15-year-old boy after giving him alcohol. ‘The minor’s parents threatened to sue the bishop if he didn’t act responsibly,’ the suit said. Rev. Teczar was sent back to the Huse of Affirmation in Whitinsville and was given a psychiatric evolution in Hopedale.”79 

April 16, 2003

                “Pepperell man sues diocese, priest’s estate: Former headmaster accused of abuse” was reported in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette but Kathleen A. Shaw. She wrote: “Worcester-A civil suit was filed yesterday in Worcester Superior Court by a Pepperell man alleging he was sexually abused by the late Monsignor Richard J. Carelli during the mid-1960s.

                “Monsignor Carelli, a former diocesan chancellor, died in December 2000, but the suit names his estate and the Worcester Catholic Diocese.

                “The alleged abuse occurred around 1964 when Monsignor Carelli was headmaster of the former Sacred Heart Academy in Worcester, according to the suit.

                “The alleged victim, who is represented by lawyer Nance Lyons of Boston, is listed into the court documents only as Kevin Doe of Pepperell. According to the suit, Mr. Doe repressed memory of the incidents until 2002, when he began remembering and realized the harm that had been done to him.

                “Mr. Doe said in the suit that Monsignor Carelli told him that no one would believe him if he complained about the abuse and that only he or his family would be hurt if he reported the behavior. Monsignor Carelli told the youth that the behavior was ‘appropriate between a boy and a man,’ according to the suit…”80

                Here is the “repressed memory” syndrome which one didn’t hear much about in the Worcester Diocese. I did hear about this in other part of the country as an issue used in suits against priests.  

April 18, 2003

                John L. Allen, Jr. of the National Catholic Reporter reports “Homosexuality a risk factor, Vatican told: experts emphasize it is not cause of abuse; message may derail document on seminaries.” Allen writes: “Homosexuality is a risk factor in, but not the cause of the sexual abuse of adolescent males, according to experts who addressed an irate April 2-5 Vatican symposium attended by officials charged with handling the abuse crisis that has rocked the Catholic Church.

                “One Vatican official who attended parts of the four-day event told NCR that this message came through ‘loud and clear’ and predicted that it might help delay, or even derail, a much-anticipated document on the admission of homosexuals to Catholic seminaries.

                “The same official said Vatican observers were struck by criticism of zero-tolerance policies, suggesting that it may lead to guidelines about support of priests after they are removed form ministry.

                “An April 5 Vatican statement said the meeting featured eight of ‘the most qualified experts on this topic; me.’ There were four Germans, three Canadians and an American. All eight, in what planners described as a coincidence, were non-Catholic. The chief organizer of the symposium was Dr. Mandred Lutz, a member of the Pontifical Council for the Laity and a psychiatrist from Germany.

                “The idea, according to participants, was to expose Vatican officials to ‘state-of-the-art information’ from scientific point of view. Participants included officials from the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith and the Secretariat of State, as well as from the Vatican congregation for clergy, religious and Catholic education.

                “The lone American expert was Fr. Martin p. Kafka of the Harvard Medical School, whose field is sexual impulsivity disorders, Kafka spoke to NCR April 5, after the close of the symposium

                “Kafka said that homosexuality was not the main focus of the meeting, though there was interest in the subject. ‘We descried it as a risk factor,’ Kafka said, noting that the majority of cases in the American crisis involve adolescent males between 14 and 17 victimized by adult by gay priests.

                “Kafka emphasized, however, that this does to mean homosexuality causes sex abuse. ‘A risk factor is not a cause,’ he said. ‘The great predominance of homosexual males is in no way sexual abusers,’ Kafka said. ‘There is, however, a sub-group at risk.’

                “Kafka noted that since priests who abuse minors tend to perform most such act within give seven years after ordination, being recently ordained is another risk factor. That does not mean that being freshly ordained ‘causes’ abuse, any more than homosexuality.

                “’We don’t really know in a scientific way what the factors are’ that cause abuse, Kafka said. ‘We don’t’ have thee evidence.’... Beyond the discussion on homosexuality, the Vatican official said another pint that seemed to merge clearly is that zero-tolerance policies are problematic. He listed three pints made by the experts: 1) the complexity of individual cases (not according to Bishop Harrington); 2) stress is a risk factor, and when a priest is stripped of his livelihood and support system he experiences great stress; 3) it is dangerous to ‘let lose’ an abuser priest on the community.

                “For those reason, the official said, the Vatican may consider a set of instructions about the responsibility dioceses have to priests who are dismissed for sexual abuse. This would not mean a retreat from permanently removing a priest from ministry after one proven act of abuse, but it would mean the diocese could have some responsibility to support and assist that priest even after dismissal…”81

                This brings me back to what I’ve been saying that one had to live in a Catholic Church system that is the issue. Supposedly with the Second Vatican Council, there was to be reform of the hierarchical system that obviously were re-establishing themselves in the castle and pulling-up the draw-bridge Oh! What are those special instructions the Vatican developed for diocese o follow for their priest that were allegated? Worcester did appoint a priest-liaison but no one has heard anything. Street talk is that each case (priest) is handled differently. I bet! My case must be under the category: Out of sight, out of mind.

                I received an Eater card from a classmate in Boston. He wrote on the inside of the card: Just keep things going as great as your doing. Best Wishes. Have a Blessed and Happy Easter.

                If he only knew the past year or so had been the Stations of the Cross in another manner in my journey of life. There were the emotional highs and lows and other aspects that had me struggling. But, I had the ability to get myself up and standing straight.

                A parishioner called from St. Edward’s and said she did not read the article of March 26^th about me. She said I should speak-out now: Do something by showing this girl of 11 ½ in that you were not in New England at that time. She said that I should show that this girl was lying and then all the issues fall down as being untrue. I responded that really nothing was able to be done because of the atmosphere of that present society.  She actually begged: Do something, please! 

April 19, 2003

                This Saturday of the Easter Vigil had been a “downer” in y spirit. It was a day where it was difficult to do anything. I was having a hard time with not celebrating the Church Liturgy of the Triduum and Eucharist (Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter Vigil/Day). It was an empty feeling and I missed the “faith community” aspect. It was a lonely day even if I trying to do things to change my mind.  

April 20, 2003

                I celebrated my Easter Sunday Mass in my “tent” at 40 Comee Street, Gardner. In the “Prayer of the Faithful,” I used Pastoral Patterns-Spring 2003 for April 20^th for those who have been sexually abused, especially by priest, that they will see through the veil of hardness and learn over again to glimpse the truth that Chirst died, rose to see the world free from fear, we pray to the Lord! The next petition in this crisis was: For those who have abused others, that they will know that God’s forgiveness knows no bound, we pray to the Lord! (Jerry Galipeay, editor, World Library Publications, Illinois printed this work

                I missed the “faith community” and assembly with similar anxiety and loneliness even at this being near ten years since I was removed from my parish (Canon Law concept). Fortunately, I had acquaintances and friends that I was fortunate to know.

                What I noticed of late in writings of the church and government in describing situations enthusiastically, they were misleading in two ways: the process they revealed the assumptions by which thy misconstrued the supposed situation. They tend to put the best possible face on everything they encountered in a particular crisis which was a second distortion into the accounts.

                It shows how it is an art to read documents and other written materials in our present society, as well as in previous times. 

April 21, 2003

                The Worcester Telegram & Gazette printed “Letter implored diocese to take accused priest” reported by Richard Nangle. He writes: “Auxiliary Bishop George E. Rueger, who has been accused of sexual abuse by a Shrewsbury man, asked the Fort Worth, Texas diocese in 1988 to take a priest form the Worcester diocese who had been similarly accused.

                “Correspondence attacked to a sexual abuse lawsuit against the Rev. Tomas Teczar sows that Bishop Rueger wrote to the bishop of Fort Worth, ‘Our diocesan attorney has advised that Father Teczar be incardinated immediately in the diocese of Fort Worth. Pursuant to this advice, the bishop would be anxious for us to undertake this process.’ The lawyer he referred to in the Sept. 13, 1988 letter was the late James Reardon of Worcester.

                “On Oct. 8 of that year, Fort worth Bishop Joseph P. Delaney wrote to Worcester Bishop Timothy J. Harrington, ‘I understand very well Mr. Reardon’s pint of view; the sooner the Diocese of Worcester can rid itself of Father Teczar the better…”82

                This is something of its own being a priest in the Diocese of Worcester with Bishop Harrington as the Ordinary. How much more does the world need to know of the atmosphere of being a priest in this diocese? Let’ not forget, that Rueger was the auxiliary.  

April 22, 2003

                The Associated Press article appeared in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Jury get H.H. Priest sex trail.” It stated: “Laconia, N.H.-Jurors yesterday started deliberating the case of a Roman Catholic priest accused of raping an altar boy in 1985, the first priest to face criminal charges in New Hampshire since the church-abuse scandal erupted 18 months ago.

                “After 1 ½ hours of deliberation, the jury recessed until 9 a.m. today. The Rev. George Robichaud, 58, of Sanbornton, has admitted having inappropriate sexual contact with the youth, now a 33-yer old state trooper. Rev. George Robichaud denies the charges. He has pleaded not guilty to rape and attempted rape.

“The case depends on how old the trooper was at the time of the alleged assault. The rape charge covers only the ages of 13 through 15. Defense lawyer Peter Callaghan noted that the trooper at different times said he was 14, 15, or 16, legally old enough to consent to having sex, when he was allegedly assaulted in 1985. He pointed out that the trooper, who took a polygraph test when applying for his job, first said he believed he was 16.

                “’Credibility is a big issue in this case,’ Callaghan said. ‘His statements are all over the place.’ Callaghan said that during his testimony, the trooper never described any pain or discomfort, He also said that after the trooper not married in the1990s, and he brought his bride to meet Robichaud. ‘That doesn’t make sense,’ Callaghan said…”83

                A bit of information to repeat here was how one of the girls (McCormick) visited me with her daughter while I was pastor St. Edwards. Does this make any sense and then allegated me? 

April 23, 2003

                Mike Recht of The Associated Press reports “Jury deadlocked in sex abuse trial of N.H. priest” in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. The article reads: “Laconia, H.H.-the first criminal trail of a priest in New Hampshire’s church abuse scandals ended in a deadlocked jury yesterday.

                “Jurors got the case of the Rev. George Robichaud on Monday afternoon and deliberated 13 ½ hours over three day before telling Superior court Judge Harold Perkins they could not agree. Earlier yesterday, they told the judge they were deadlocked and Perkins told the six men and sin women to try against before he declared the mistrial…”84

                Kathleen A. Shaw reported in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “bishop won’t release numbers to Catholic group.” The article states: “Worcester-Bishop Daniel P. Reilly told member of Worcester diocese Voice of the Faithful that he will not disclose information they requested on the numbers of sexual abuse victims and abusers or the total financial cost associated with the church scandal.

                “With his written response, the bishop enclosed a clipping from to

The Catholic Free Press, which he published, that explained how he is dealing with the church abuse scandal.

                “Mary Keville of Harvard, Voice of the Faithful coordinator, said the response, which she got late last week was a ‘non-answer’ and ‘disappointment,’ and the group’s leadership have to decide what its responsibilities will be.

                “In February, Voice of the Faithful asked the bishop to disclose members of minors and women who wee victims, the number reported to legal authorities, the disposition of all complaints and the number of confidential agreement reached with victims; the total financially cost to the diocese, including all settlement, service to victims, legal fees, and medial and psychological treatment of offenders; child support payment and what the sources of these funds were. The organization also wanted to know the total number of priests and church workers against whom credible allegations of sexual abuse were made…The bishop said ‘good progress’ is being made in helping victims of sexual abuse, and he referred Ms. Keville to Patricia O’Leary Engdahl and Frances Nugent, will staff the diocesan Office of Healing and Prevention. ‘I am sure they will be happy to speak to you about how you may be assistance to them,’ he said…”85

                Bishop Reilly play’s chess…checkmate.

                I was told by a former parishioner that I needed a place to heal and didn’t need scrutiny of the media or otherwise. Oh? I reacted defensively which I believe was in order because I had a story to tell that would have thrown a different light on my whole situation- very difficult to comprehend, yet unravel.

                Another factor of this season of the year (Easter) was that I did not receive an Easter message from Bishop Reilly. I sent him an Easter card, nothing in response as it was in previous years. 

April 23, 2003

                Here is the clergy game of hearing a story and wonderment of what was the real message being portrayed or being deceived for whatever reason. This was where "Father Peacock" mentioned Fr. Donald Ouellette of Immaculate Conception parish in Fitchburg being on “Medical Leave” and “guys” were saying the Ouellette was very sick. Then, "Father Peacock" goes at me: “Your other observation of him (Ouellette) being blackmailed” was not true in any sense. There was a big concern on "Father Peacock" part.

                The "Father Peacock" switched the conversation to how teenagers from his parish cleaning his private “lake house property.” The description he was giving on how it one guy that two more. He had to embellish it by how unusual in all that they cleaned by their raking and their effectively do the work where they asked him what else they were able to help with. He told me how impressed he was because they did more than expected. This was very peculiar description with his emphasis and overkill in telling me about them. One should be aware that I was working with him during the last few years. So, I thought this is good because I would not have to do it.

                "Father Peacock" had a heavy hand approach- do it now- when he wanted something done or to do. I was very uncomfortable with his heavy- handed manner because it was such a dominating nature that had me concerned.

                Besides this, "Father Peacock" expressed and obsessions on certain news items like teens killed in a car accident of late at Cape Cod. He stressed how he awake to get the details of this particular accident. Very weird.

                I was even reflecting on how I was handling myself of late: 1. The label of “guilty till proven innocent 2. Documentation- Medical statement form IOL stating that I am not a danger. 3, What happened to my carrier (vocation) 4. Isolated- living in a “gulag” atmosphere in being told that “We’ll get a hold of you.” (Chancery) A vindication existed of having it out for me. I was warned by a former priest: You don’t want to get involved with Worcester Chancery internal works. This I was told was a dangerous direction. 5. Living on a “pension” that was below the poverty level.

                I was even thinking of late of writing a “Preface” as such: I entered a Church that was a Vatican II dream with the “opening of windows.” But the environment of suspicion as the rectory-parish housekeeper acting as a spy of the pastor from a 1949 model of Church authority was the way it was. I was reminded that the Church, as a newly ordained priest, was not a democracy. Rectory life and work was a reminder of was war zone still fighting of different groups in the Church (Ex. Cardinal Law’s treatment). Then, of late, some people were looking just for a place to “play” with clergy bashing. Yet, I gave of my total being- helping others make a decision. I was trying to give a more mature Catholic Church in Christianity.  But, I ended-up in being sent in isolation, but at least I’m getting fresh-air. In my “journal,” I have tried with essay style to construct a brief guide for who may wish to pursue further the issues I have discussed. I was forced through legal deceit to resign my pastorship. The Worcester Diocesan ideology of conquest and attempted conversion was carried-out to a brutal extreme.  

April 28, 2003

                The Giza’s called me because there was a letter from the Finance Office of the Worcester Chancery. Stan (Giza) was concerned so I asked him to open the envelope because it was 50 miles from my place. It was an insurance coverage statement that was a memo to a standard announcement. It was a “fax” mailed to my old address. It announced that the diocesan “lay” insurance coverage would conduct a meeting that took place at Ascension Parish, Worcester on April 30^th.

                What I did not understand was this just a quirk or was it important. The Worcester chancery knew my address as 40 Comee Street, Gardner. I never heard anything more. Was my insurance (health) changed to a “lay” status?

                I used this time to talk to both Stan and Kay in a three-way conversation about February 26^th article that was in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. Stan related with a bit of advice: “Keep you chin-up.” Kay said: “I’ll pray for you.” Stan then asked: “Can’t you sue the newspaper? 

April 29, 2003

                “Hackers attack web site for clergy-abuse victims” was reported by Kathleen A. Shaw in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. She reports: “Worcester-the Web site of the Worcester Voice, an advocacy organization for victims of clergy sexual abuse in the Worcester Catholic Diocese, was hacked into over the weekend and files were destroyed.

                “Mary T. Jean, leader of Worcester Voice, said most of the site was operating again by Sunday night, because most data had been saved on a backup system.

                “Paul Baier of Survivors First, which was another advocacy organization, offered technical assistance to Mrs. Jean. He said hack attacks have been made in the past on the Survivors First Web site which contained a national database of accused priests, and the national site of Voice of the Faithful.

                “Mrs. Jean, a Leominster resident who launched the site several months ago, said the site was damaged by a hacker and she does not know who did it.

                “Mrs. Jean said she expects to have the Web site fully operational within a week, with new features…”86

                I persisted at working at alleviating stress and promoting strength and fitness. But, it hurts when some scrap your life as being an “agent” of the bishop’s culture and being a person with a conscience to break open the Word of God in everyday living. 

April 30, 2003

                We read in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette by Kathleen A. Shaw: “Church scandal has parish lobbying for pastor.” It reads: “Millville-Two women from St. Augustine parish are enlisting support of their fellow parishioners to preserve their community of faith and to keep the parish alive in the absence of a permanent pastor.

                “Lois Salome and Margaret Carroll, retired elementary school teacher, have worked to get more than 400 people in the parish and the town to send letters and postcards and to make personal telephone calls to Bishop Daniel P. Reilly and other chancery officials asking for a permanent pastor. The mail is going to the chancery at 49 Elm Street, and to the bishop’s home, also in Worcester.

                “’We are in a vacuum,’ said Ms. Salome, who with Ms Carroll is active in the parish.

                “However, the struggle goes beyond the women. Others from the parish have gotten involved to focus efforts on saving the parish. The church was rebuilt 25 years ago after a fire destroyed the old church.

                “The parish is debt-free, Ms. Carroll said. ‘We are very proud of that. We care about our parish.’”

                “The Rev. Jean-Paul Gagnon, , their pastor fro several years took personal leave last fall after a civil suit was filed alleging that he sexually abused Timothy P. Staney of Worcester when he was a teenager.

                “Bishop Reilly responded to their call for help by holding a Holy Thursday service for them in their church, and said he will return to meet with parishes, the women said.

                “St. Augustine was the church of 450 families before Rev. Gagnon left the parish. Attendance at Mass had dropped dramatically, they said. : Parish life is as it should be, they added.

                “The women said their issue is the maintaining their faith community. They sad the issue of Rev. Gagnon has been let to others…”87

                Bishop Reilly is only acting “politically” with this situation. Life goes on- Church style.  

May 1, 2003

                A Denise Lavoie of The Associated Press wrote in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “SJC rules alleged abuse victim waited too many years to sue.”

                The article states: “Boston-In a decision that could have ramifications on other clergy sexual abuse cases, the state’s highest court dismissed a lawsuit yesterday in which a woman said she was molested by a priest while she was a teenager more than four decades ago.

                The State Supreme Judicial Court rules that the woman should have filed her lawsuits sooner because a reasonable person should have been able to make a connection much earlier between the abuse and the emotional harm she said she suffered.

                “The woman, identified only as Jane Doe in court papers, is now in her early 60s. She filed her lawsuit in 1998-40 years after she said she was sexually abused by the Rev. Gerard Creighton when she was a high school student.

                “The case was dismissed in 2000 by a Superior Court judge, who said the statute of limitations had expired because the woman had taken to long to make the connection between the abuse and her problems with depression. The woman said she made the connection in 1995, when she told another priest about the abuse and stopped blaming herself for her psychological problems.

                “The judge’s decision was overturned by the State Appeal Court, reinstating the case.

                “The SJC, however, upheld the decision of the Superior court judge, ruling that the woman knew or should have known that the abuse was the root of her problems long before 1995.

                “State law requires that sexual abuse lawsuits be filed within three years of the person’s 18^th birthday or within three years of the person’s 18^th birthday or within three years of the time the victim discovered that his or her emotional problems were linked to the abuse.

                “The woman’s lawyer said it was not surprising that the woman did not understand the connection between her abuse and her emotional problems.

                “’This person was victimized. This person had all sorts of denial, depression, self-blame, which distorted reality, distorted her ability to make a connection,’ said lawyer David Dwork.

                “But the SJC said the connection between the alleged abuse and the woman’s symptoms should have been particularly obvious because the woman first began showing signs of emotional problems shortly after she was molested.

                “The woman joined a convent shortly after her high school graduation in 1958. She left the convent in 1968 and later married, but said her symptoms of grief, shame and depression persisted.

                “The court also said that because the alleged abuse occurred when she was 16 and 17-as she neared the age of maturity-the woman should have realized the connection.

“’There is, in short, o evidence tending to support the plaintiff’s person in her position would fail to realize, for almost four decades that her injuries were cause by the defendant,’ Justice Judith Cowin wrote in he court 7-0 decision.

                “Creighton’s lawyer, Marie Lisa Kelly, said she believed the ruling had strong implications for the approximately 500 clergy sex abuse lawsuits pending against the Boston archdiocese of the Roman Catholic Church. Many of the lawsuits were filed after the abuse allegedly took place.

                “’This decision gives the church tremendous leverage to get these claims-many of them-dismissed outright, and at a minimum, give them substantial leverage for settling the claims for amounts that I would suspect are different form what the plaintiffs were looking for before today,’ Kelly said…”88

                This was something else in my particulars because what I heard from my lawyer was that the two girls going at me did not get a dollars-the diocese paid out the cost of each lawyer and said “Good-bye.” But, I had no opportunity of any manner to present my case-information. How about what I heard that counselors were asking people if their “depression” may have had something to do if they were priest in their rearing? What about a few months before an allegation the girl brought her daughter to my parish for First Communion. The other girl had invited me while she was in college to come for a visit-University of Maine, Orno, Maine which was a day’s trip one way?

                 It was the diocese’s opportunity of doing one thing with the two girls and put me into isolation. Actually, the diocese expressed a treacherous manner on my behalf of their interrogations, full psychological evaluation, surprise vision by Harrington in Hartford while I was under evaluation, Diocesan Junta (6) meeting with my Canon Lawyer and myself at the Bishop’s Residence- discarded by Bishop Harrington and “the element”- and no contact by anyone of the official church staff. I became a non-person in leper identification because of voodoo investigation. Interrogation may be open to challenge. But, I had to experience this by a paranoia group of the Worcester Chancery Gang.  

May 2, 2003

                “A year later, sex abuse storm cold bring changes” editorial appears in this issue of the National Catholic Reporter. It states: “A year ago, the country’s attention was riveted on the Catholic bishops, the plight of the victims of sex abuse by Catholic clergy and the plans to deal the crisis at an upcoming meeting in Dallas.

                “The meeting was media mad-house, the cameras catching the bishops trying their best to convey accountability and approving a charter that was as severe and absolute in dealing with accused priests as the bishops had been lax and irresponsible in the preceding decades.

                “The phrase that was used a year ago to describe people’s frustration at the hierarchy’s ineptitude at dealing with the crisis over more than 15 years was, ‘They just don’t get it.’

                “A year later, with cardinal Bernard Law forced into retirement in disgrace and with so much of the scandal now turning on legal proceedings, it is natural to ask if the bishops, finally get it, or, perhaps more important, whether the church is moving toward a scouting to the problem…”89

                I was surprised to hear on Book TV- C-Span when I heard Fr. Richard Neihaus saying: The Church is taking care of our own as would any other group as the policy or firefights would do. The number of pedophile is very, very small number.

                One didn’t hear or read very many or if any such comments. But, it says there was another version of a story that people didn’t want to be mentioned- anti-dragnet people. 

May 5, 2003

                "Father Peacock" was going strong in a negative manner about having to attend an annual meeting on sex abuse with the diocese and all the lay employees. He started how each “CCD teacher” (old term) had to be investigated. He was saying how one parent of a 16-yer old would not allow this. The “nun” did nothing about this and the 16-yesr old continued teaching. He was, again, giving his interpretation and dance of his situation.

                This was a repeat performance on his part which was an annual event because there was the follow-up of the May-Bishop’s Fund, his June vacation (study week?) and a Fall retreat with finally a winter bread to prepare his sermons for Lent- those sermons that no one would hear, my dear (The Beatles).  This was best descried as looking at nature picture of a Northern Loon dancing on the water with its wingspread of a matting dance. This also was "Father Peacock" slanted interpretation of whatever he was attacking. One had to watch his guys because it was a very diversion technique of something else-taking very good care of his solo world.

                Besides of this I was reacting and carrying luggage in my head of a former parishioner – Mrs. Lucille Fitzgerald- telling me that I was to “rigid” as a pastor and only had it “one way.” What were behind this were her old friends in town that had their grown children moving back into town and filling the “Gas Station” Catholic model. Another insight was this “me-me” culture of plain self-interest and call it- Faith. 

May 6, 2003

                I experienced a stress moment of how my back and shoulders were aching this morning. I herd for the first time on the radio at the 6 a.m.  Local news of WEIM that Bishop Reilly was retiring. It was announced that it may take-up to six months for a replacement. My mind started: What next may happen to my situation and me. This theme was played by "Father Peacock" in the way he played his mind games for any reaction from me. He realized that I was using my “poker face” technique.  

May 7, 2003

                I was at the Fallon Medical Center in Leominster for my annual physical check-up. I was sitting waiting for my appointment when someone tapped me on my shoulder. It was a Norman Cote for St. Edward’s, Westminster. He was always stand-offish to me at the parish. He played the guitar and was part of the original fold group. We had the nick-name for him as “Twang Eddie” in his style and singing. He began the conversation by asking me: What are your doing? I answered that I was at the Chancery-true in the sense that was how I was listed in the diocesan directory. Norman proceeded to ask me: How is (Bishop) Reilly? He had a snappy way of making remarks and questioning. He proceeded to tell me that I wouldn’t be able to do anything because of the media and accusations. What was surprising in his remarks was he had to have been talking about me and my particulars. He told me that his brother-Dennis Cote who is a resigned priest of the Worcester Diocese-was working as a Business Manager at St. Mary’s, Jefferson. He made it a point to tell me that this job was a full-time position. He proceeded to tell me that the choir at St. Edward’s was growing and that he was building an addition on the choir. Also, he said that the parish liturgy committee was expanding with many subcommittees and the religious education program way flourishing since I left. I knew that Norman’s remarks were “digs” on me in that he and his wife-Joan- were stand-offish even that they never contributed to the church renovation or faith community (parish center) drives. But, he was making it know that everything was “flourishing” since I departed. His next door newborns, Russ and Kin Brillion were the Finance Chairman and Religious Education facilitator with the new regime at St. Edward’s. What he was not telling me but I sensed that what I called the “Sweet-Pea and Popie Couple” image was involved at the parish.

                I then asked him how “Mystagogia” was going. He played the sarcastic part by responding: “What is that?” He knew, but was his way of making the point that was not to be with the group and him in the overall “la-la” style he portrayed. He continued to say that the St. Edward’s now has a Parish Council. There was a Parish Council that I formed and existed in my time at St. Edward’s. Where was Norman? But, he wanted to know that things at the parish were going much better since I departed. I know this is being reactionary but know Norman for some time, I don’t believe I was wrong in these comments.

                He did say that I did a good job building the parish center because it was very much needed. I responded to this that he would be able to read all about this in my two volume work that I have been writing. What was interesting in this comment from Norma was that he world not talk about the church renovations.

                Then he related to me how he was painting the church hall because they wanted the parish to look appropriately for the 50^th parish anniversary. In actuality, the parish burned a $2,000 bill for Norman-painter- who had a winter job because what was needed was renovated church all. The painting was only a band-aide approach.

                Then I was called in for my appointment. My blood-pressure must have been up after this encounter. I had eventually disciplined myself to handle such people as a Norman Cote. But, there were times that I had to step-back and breath-out. This was always part of my life as a priest. It was something in me that had people thinks to “unload” on me. I had to realize that it was not all against me personally. But, you were times it was. I’m not addressing this as a “pity-pod” time. If anything, it was the way things were and move on. 

May 10, 2003

                The People’s forum of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette carried this day: “Priests sow church in a positive light.” It was written by Kathleen Carelli (Worcester) who stated: “I am writing to you today to express my dismay about the negative comments regarding the Catholic Church and Catholic priests.

                “I am a member of St. George’s Parish in Worcester; my pastor is Rev. Henry Donahue. I would like to express how wonderful and compassionate Rev. Donahue is to his congregation. Fr. Example, my son is an altar boy and has been for a few years. He has been teased recently by his peer especially since the article about his late uncle, Monsignor Richard J. Carelli. On Easter Sunday, Rev. Donahue stood before the entire congregation and discussed the allegations against monsignor Carelli. He stated his support of innocence against any charge of misconduct. He then brought my boys to the altar and gifted them with Monsignor Carelli’s vestments. My family’s experience with Rev. Donahue has always been positive. He is a warm, caring, compassionate human being. So, there are still May Catholic priests who represent the church in a positive light.

                “With the entire negative portrayed about the priests in the recent years, I still think we need to remember that there are priests whom we can till trust and who continue to do the work of God.”90

                Here is another view of the Church through the eyes of a priest and a parishioner. Yet, Fr. Henry (Donahue) might have been compassionate, but what was really going on in this parish-different strokes for different folks.  

May 12, 2003

                My mind was racing where I was replaying the March 26^th article about me in the newspaper. I was dragging about my concern for the future outlook of what to do. I had a fear stepping out in the public and reaction that I would experience since the latest March article. Then, my experience with meeting Norman Cote at Fallon had me grinding that I allowed working in my head. Sunday was a low pint of being Mother’s day issue. My phone did not ring that day. I even was unable to do any writing or research overall. It seemed of late the when I wrote about my personhood or situation, I believe that I was thinking about the March 26^th article. It was the stinken-thinking syndrome working in me which caused a stressful situation in anything I was attempting to do. Then, I began wandering what next may happen which was not good overall. I didn’t even react to the AA mantra; One day at a time. Another viewpoint was that this was a “depression” mode I was walking through. 

May 13, 2003

                I moved myself into a new phase of my continuing education by watching how I was listening to people and allowing issues to disturb me. When I had to hear people that were close to me say that I “rigid and one way” in parish, how things at St. Edwards flourished after I departed and having to answer questions: What are you doing for work?

                Well, it was time to move my head into a new direction for my total betterment. I believe that this was a point in my overall attitude of shifting my mental gears into a forward direction of bettering me especially in my writing and research.  

May 14, 2003

                In a guest columnist-Christine McKenna of Leicester is a member of St. John’s Parish (Worcester) in “As I See It: Bishop must resolve Coonan case.” It states: “As Bishop Reilly celebrates his 75^th birthday and prepare to retire, he rightfully can feel proud of many accomplishments. However, he also will be remembered for his role in the church sex abuse scandal.

                “Sadly, Bishop Reilly’s original dealings with accused priest were reflective of church culture. He was part of a system that preferred to hide these crimes and hope for the best rather than hold priests accountable for their behavior. Bishop Reilly’s creation of a new diocesan Office for Healing and prevention in June 2002 was a hopeful moment.

                “Also a positive move was his decision to place seven priests on administrative leave after they were accused of sexual misconduct. In March, District Attorney John J. Conte determined that none of them will face criminal charges because of the statue of limitations has expired. That same month, Bishop Reilly announced that sex of these seven priests will be charge under canon law in church tribunals.

                “What about the seventh priest” The Rev. Joseph Coonan was a popular priests who discovered his vocation in mid-life. On Sunday evenings he packed St. John’s church on Temple Street in Worcester with his down-to-earth approach integrating poetry and popular music into sermons sand reminding listeners that God’s love and forgiveness are immeasurable. Parishioners were stunned in August to find that he had been placed on administered leave...Bishop Reilly has yet to make the difficult decision that the pastor of St. John’s can never return to active ministry…”91 

May 15, 2003

                I used to write a short outline daily on the Eucharist (Mass) I celebrated. So, I orientated myself in writing a “Weekly Column” (never printed) for my creativity and challenge. Column title would have been: Nail Salon Syndrome. Deck-of-Cards: Tweet, Tweet, Fat Cats of the Westminster parish, following the money in the Bishop’s Fund, Stewardship, and Double Dippers in parish ministry, New “Sanctuaries”, and Church Tribunals as “Kangaroo Courts” with judgments predisposed.  What became interesting was it was somewhat difficult choosing a topic in which to write each week even though I had so many different insights of a “dynamic nature.” I was a success in my own mind that needed humility.  

May 16, 2003

                Father Richard P. McBrien wrote “Forgiveness form sin but not pardon for crime: Redemption defense in sex abuse cases is defective.” This article was in the National Catholic Reporter. He states: “Various U.S. Catholic bishops have been excoriated during the past year, not only in the media but by their own laity, for having transferred sexually abusive priests from parish to parish without apparent regard for the safety of other potential victims.

                “When sued for their behavior, some bishops have resorted to a theological argument, namely that central to the church’s faith is its belief in the power of redemption and the forgiveness of sins.

“In a deposition this past January, Cardinal Bernard Law, the resigned archbishop of Boston, invoked this very belief in ‘the resurrection of new life’’ to justify his reassignment of a predatory priest to a new parish.

                “Since, the issue of redemption has played a key role to the archdiocese’s legal argument that the First Amendment’s guarantee of religious freedom protects it from liability in the 500 civil lawsuits it faces for having moved sexually abusive priests from parish to parish. In mid-march, the archdiocese unsuccessful appealed a decision by Superior Court Judge Constance Sweeny, who had refused to dismiss the suits on the basis of the theological argument….

                “However, the church’s theological argument misses as crucially important pint. To be forgiven from a sin does not carry with it pardon for a crime or a guaranteed return to one’s former employment. A murderer who repents and confesses may be restored to the state of grace, but to freedom…”92

                Then the Catholic Free Press gives us “Speaker: Many priests feel bishops abandoned the” by a Marty Denzer. He states: “Kansas Cit, Mo. (CNS)-After child sexual abuse scandals in the church exploded into headlines last year, ‘many priest felt that the bishops simply abandoned them’ and enacted policies which left them vulnerable, the president of a national priests group said May 6.

                “The community of priests is ‘one priestly body and one family,’ Father Robert Silca said, referring to a Second Vatican council document, ‘Christus Dominus’ (Decree on the Bishops’ Pastoral Office in the Church). This calls for a different response to difficulties and failures than a corporation would have, he said…”93

                No if this priest was in the Worcester Diocese with Bishop Harrington and Bishop Rueger. I had the privilege to serve in a diocese where my bishop said: “You’re guilty till proven innocent.” (Harrington).  Besides, I was never given any canonical or civil rights by anyone- Catholic Church and America. Or was there a cover-up of the Worcester Chancery Office and the Office of the Bishop?

                Besides the above, we read in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Reilly wants seven priests to quit” reported by Kathleen A. Shaw. She wrote: “Worcester-The seven priests removed last year by Bishop Daniel P. Reilly for alleged sexual misconduct are being asked to resign so permanent replacements can be appointed.

                “Raymond L. Delisle, spokesman for the Worcester Catholic Diocese,, said  he does to know whether any of the priest have resigned, but he said the bishop has other administrative procedures because to remove them if they decline to resign.

                “They (Inzerillo, Messier, Bagley, Walsh, Devlin, Coonan and Bartlett) are being asked to resign so that the parishes can ‘move forward,’ Mr. Delisle said….

                “The Rev. Jean-Paul Gagnon of St. Augustine parish, Millville, who was name in a civil suit alleging sexual abuse of Timothy P. Staney of Worcester, is on personal leave, which is different from the administrative leave imposed on the others. That parish is currently being served by a priest who comes in from Shrewsbury to celebrate weekend masses…”94

                “Retrieving a filed-away document: Priests’ morale” by Father Eugene Hemrick of the Catholic News Service appeasers in this day’s Catholic Free Press. He writes: “During a radio program known for its little factual tidbits, an announcer reported that 70 percent of documents that are filled always are near read against. This may be true. Nonetheless, there is a ‘filed way’ document that I think people should read against. It is entitled ‘Reflections on the morale of priests,’ and it was published by the U.S. bishops’ Committee on Priestly Life and ministry in 1988…What makes the document especially valuable today is its sensitivity to the grass roots and its incisiveness. It knows where priests are at in their ministry, and it minces o words about the exact causes of poor morale on the grass-roots level…And too, many officials argue that they do not want those lines between the office of the priesthood and the office of the laity blurred. (Elitism?)

                “The 1988 document went on to say that thee we a significant number of priests who had settled for ‘a part-time presence to their priesthood.  (Nothing new) Many feel they have worked hard and on to implement or at least adjust to, the practical consequences of Vatican II. They sense that much of that effort is now being blunted or even betrayed, and they elect to drop out quietly.’ This candid statement couldn’t be truer today with the divines that have occurred between those wishing to lead the church back to the past and those who want to enter the third millennium employing post-modern methods of coping with its challenges (My experience with the R.C.I.A.)….”95

                There is the age-old issue of a new resurging clericalism that is the issue. Many of my brother priest live a quiet comfortable life of a general income of $50,000-single-and at least nine to eleven weeks away from duties besides possibly three or four days a week-off a week or daily on the golf course. What is interesting is to find and read priest’s wills on their eternal demise- this is not a relative ability inheritance either. Very interesting reading. 

May 18, 2003

                I took a ride to the Trappist Monastery with "Father Peacock". I had an experience where he was so uptight more than usual. It was all about how he was showing me a “resurging clericalism.” He told me that he refused to attend the last Deanery Meeting XII because the agenda was about “Lay Council.” He even told me that he was against this and did not want to hear anything that spoiled his clerical syndrome. He told me that he was for everything of the ministry of the Deaconate. He said: We, priest, never get a break in the year. (He took care of himself very well-nine weeks away from the parish. He portrayed in his fantasy mentality of a high church Anglican model with the English queen image.

                While he drove, without telling me, he was going to St. Paul’s (Preparatory school) in Concord, NH. He was in a “la-la land.” He had to show me the new Book of Common Prayer with was the ’77 version. In his source, he had to sow me the Eucharistic Prayer IV being “so poetic.” The songbooks were not like Gathering of St. Edward’s and Holy Rosary of Gardner. He had to tell me that Gathering was not of quality and what we reviewed in St. Paul’s was outstanding music. Then, he went into his trance presentation of how he visits at his parish for Sunday in an annual meeting of the area St. Vincent de Paul who attended his Mass. He said that a number of the visiting members told him that it was so good that once in a while to see an ass like they experienced with him.  He continued to say that it was obviously a fact they did not get it in their parishes- his dynamic style and preaching. Now, this was his story, if it ever happened.

                Then, I had to hear how the French-American issue of schism of the 20s in RI of an Irish Bishop on parochial school issue caused such an issue of taking away the French-Catholic schools. He was off and running with this and why he was in favor of Quebec severity.

                In addition, "Father Peacock” went on a rage about his religious sister handling the “volunteer form” on the Diocesan Policy on Sex Abuse. He, also, had to tell me that he was becoming a “conservative” in his old age. (Avoid pastoral work) H e read an article, he said, by Hitchcock on evil and Stan and will get me a cop for me to read. (Beware of anyone that only reads one book and only thing published all year to share with parishioners. (LAZY). Then, I had to hear how he said to me that he was going to make me an Anglican before “he gets done.” 

May 20, 2003

                Kathleen A. Shaw writes this day in then Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Conte closes priest sex abuse cases: Statue of limitations issues end investigations. She writes: “Worcester-District attorney John J. Conte has closed criminal investigations into alleged sexual misconduct by six suspended Worcester diocese parts, because of statue of limitations issues.

                “Meanwhile, Mr. Conte has asked Canadian authorities to take over his investigation of seven priest, the Rev. John J. Bagley, who alleged took a Worcester youth to Canada during the 1970s and sexually abuse him…He discovered during his investigation that Canada does not have a statue of limitations for this type of crime, so he turned over the file to Canadian authorities, he said.

                “The media relations office for the Toronto Police Service had no information on the files that Mr. Conte said were handed over to them in late April. The sexual crimes unit in Toronto did not immediately return telephone all seeking comment.

                “Mr. Conte said his investigation into allegations against Rev. Bagley turned up more than one victim. One alleged victim has asked the district attorney’s office to pursue the case, Mr. Conte said.

                “Rev. Bagley, a former Vatican official and diocesan vocations director who last served as pastor at St. Mary’s parish, North Grafton, was removed and placed on administrative leave in February 2002 by Bishop Daniel P. Reilly. The removal followed an allegation made to the diocese by a man, now in his 40s, who claimed he was raped by Rev. Bagley in 1967 when he was serving at Christ the King parish.

                “The alleged victim has not wanted to be publicly identified, and the incident is beyond the statue of limitations…”96

                What is interesting about the media is that we get bits and pieces about an individual or story and then nothing. Here is a good case of point. Father Bagley story is put-out and then there is nothing. The media is sound what was done even in the 1950s where one is never given a story to connect the “dots.” There is the end of the story. But, the Bishop and Worcester Chancery tell, when asked, that the priest have been taken-care-off. Boy, have they been taken-off- out of sight, out of mind.  

May 21, 2003

                This day, Rachel Zoll of The Associated Press gives us in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Diocese obliged to fight back: Lawyers say cost involved in abuse scandal demand defense.” She writes: “The nations Roman Catholic bishops promised at the height of the clerical sex abuse crisis last year to heal the church quickly, but critics say that-when it come to dealing with lawsuits-many dioceses are fighting as hard as ever.

                “They have been challenging claims form accusers and resisting prosecutors’ demands for personal files, arguing both violate the constitutional separation of church and state.

                “Victims are astounded that bishops have dared mount any challenge, considering the damage some of them wrought by keeping guilty priests in parishes where they had access to children.

                “But church lawyers say such a reaction is unreasonable.

                “Dioceses are entitled-even required-to get a vigorous defense and the financial and legal stakes involved are enormous. In the last year alone about 1,000 people have made new claims against U.S. dioceses, said Mark Chopko, general counsel for the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops…

                “Yet lawyers on both sides say many dioceses have little choice but to contest the suits. They are required under their insurance contracts to aggressively defend themselves or forgo coverage, and must raise any plausible defense theory-including invoking the statues of limitations and freedom of religion.

                “the insurance carriers who wrote policies for the dioceses had claims that far exceeded what they expected, and a lot of them are digging their heels in,’ said Sylvia Demarest, who helped abuse victims of former Dallas priest Rudy Os with more than $30 million…”97

                The insurance company issue was something I never herd anything about. It would have been only by chance that I began hearing “insurance companies” as a factor in what was happening. Here was the “money” issue: The two girls didn’t get a dollar but the lawyers were played-off and I became a non-person. Once the insurance companies became an issue, we had the last Reilly meeting of January ’02 with nothing more. It was very interesting that I was part of a church operation that I was only a “pawn” with no right eighth civically or canonically. Yet Bishop Reilly asked: “What did ‘they’ do to you here?” (Bishop Harrington and his Chancery Gang). 

May 22, 2003

                How long has this all been going on for me-March 1993? Yet, the way I react simply of going to the mail box with some freer. What I have done to off-set this is doing physical excise by one-hour walking and an additional roll bar for 20 minutes. The walk has helped me with my stress issues. 

May 23, 2003

                The Catholic Free Press gives us another priest story of a different slant of the dragnet going through the water. The story by William T. Clew entitled “Suspended priest not acting in communion with Church” appeared in the diocesan paper. Clew reported: “Father David Kerrigan, who celebrates a Mass on Sunday at a hotel in Worcester, is a priest under suspension and cannot act in the name of the Catholic Church, according to Msgr. F. Stephen Pedone, diocesan Judicial Vicar for Canonical Affairs.

                “Msgr. Pedone said Father Kerrigan’s suspension has not been lifted and when he celebrates Mass publicly, he is not acing in communion with the Church.

                “A group of married priests has organized to celebrate Sunday Mass in Framingham. Msgr. Pedone said that, when they married, those priests were suspended. The prohibitions of suspension also apply to them.

                On the web site for Catholics in Christ, Father Kerrigan said he began to celebrate Mass publicly according to Canon Law 843. He said he co-founded Catholics for Christ with tow laypeople.

                “Msgr. Pedone said that Canon Law 843 states that a minister cannot refuse to administer the sacraments to people if they request them and are properly disposed to receive them. But, Canon law also states that a cleric under suspension is forbidden from performing some or all acts of his office. The cleric can celebrate mass privately unless the bishop who suspended him has forbidden him to do so, Msgr. Pedone said.

                “Suspension does not strip a priest of his priesthood, but it is a serious step and is not imposed lightly, he said. The bishop must warn the priest that has actions is disruptive or causing scandal before suspension is imposed. Suspension is aimed at protecting the faithful against a cleric who is acting without the authority of the Church. It also is meant to help bring the cleric back into full communion with the Church.

                “He said that when Father Kerrigan celebrates Mass, he is doing so in this own rite. He is setting himself apart form the Church and his action is an expression of disunity.”98

                Another version for Pedone to show his stuff with: “But….” This is canon law in general to be the hierarchical arm to run the Church. It is something where canonical explanations ay there are rights and privileges for priest-says so in print but live into this system. Oh! Well!

                The National Catholic Reporter has “Researcher studies why priests quit; (Review) The First Five Years of the Priesthood A study of newly ordained Catholic Priests by Dean R. Hoge and reviewed by William Cleary. It reads: “Resigning form the priesthood is commonplace today, but when I resigned in 1969, it invariably drew a gasp. It was like telling your companions on an airplane that you are about to open the cabin door and jump out.

                “It’s different now, but in some ways even scarier. Today many priests leave after only a few years of service: nearly 9 percent in some studies. That shocked the U.S. hierarchy into commissioning this study-which should have been titled Why Priests Leave. Hoge’s team interviewed more than 500 recently ordained priests-including many who left. Perhaps the troubling facts should have been simply circulated fire to professionals. As a book for everyone, it needed more thorough editing and titling, and a lower price tag.

                “Still, it is decimating read; happy priest, miserable priests, every kind, all recently ordained. What I find bracing about Hoge's writing and research is that he is up front about hard questions. Early in his first chapter, he asks how many recently ordained priests are homosexual (perhaps up to 50 percent) or if gay priests persevere in greater numbers (yes). I also like his plain talk. In ‘guessing’ about cultural trends, Hoge speaks of priestly ‘authority,’ then describes it as, “they can be counted on to know the mind of God.’ Another imp9ortsant question: How many believe ordination confers on the priest a new status that makes him essentially different from the laity: (Slightly more than held, all groups considered.)…

                “Meanwhile the avalanche rumbles on. At the clergy abuse tracker on pointer.org you can still see each day some 20 to 40 headlines and news stories of grisly new allegations, new law suits, new admission, new apologies, new arrests, new manhunts for priest, including priests dragged back from Mexico, and elderly priest arrested at a retirement home in Florida, another caught on a ship in Alaska, one audiotape for all to hear apologizing on his knees to his admitted victims. At Surviviorsfirst.org you can read the names of more than 1,380 American priests alleged in the news to be guilty of crimes. There are 42 names just beginning with ‘A.’”….99

                Here is a little tidbit of information: Christ was crucified at the age of 33. This day, I celebrated my 33^rd Anniversary of priesthood. My Mass this day had me reflect on the Eucharistic Prayer of the Mass and the Sacred Scriptures- never lose hope. 

May 28, 2003

                I was reflecting on what the Worcester Diocese had done to me? The U.S. Government and diocese may be compared to the Guantanamo Bay Prison for “detainees” or societies ‘Gulag” system. This is similar of what have somewhat done to me: No contact and told to “just go” somewhere, no lawyer and no discussion  after “Stalag #13 interrogations,” told in canon law that priest has rights and privileges, no court of appeal process, no identity- I am a priest but not a priest. Then having an affirmation by my bishop telling me: “You’re guilty till proven innocent.”

                I was thinking how Bishop Rueger should have been sent to Guantanamo as Catholic Chaplain. Also, I was wondering at this time where his court case would have been conducted I would have wanted to sell tickets to it.

                I recall reading at one time a quote from John L. Allen, Jr. of the National Catholic Reporter: Sometimes events in the Catholic Church are most noteworthy by what doesn’t happen. Here is a very good time for such wonderment. 

May 31, 2003

                We get this day in “The people Forum” of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Parish want, needs Rev. Coonan returned” by a Mary Thomas Senckowski (Worcester). She writes: “Why is it that Bishop Daniel P. Reilly is having such a difficult time regarding the Rev. Joseph Coonan’s return to his pastorate at St. John’s Church on Temple Street:

                “Whatever transgressions are leveled against Rev. Coonan, real or imagined, took place years before he was ordained a priest n June 3, 1989. He was in no way under the bishop, so the bishop should know he has not jurisdiction over Rev. Coonan.

                “Rev Coonan has minded is a 100 percent Roman Catholic priest. He has brought many, many souls back to Jesus and to our church. Parishioners and non-parishioners need Rev. Coonan back and Bishop Reilly should be relieved of an all fears and concerns about Rev. Coonan. The bishop must please give Rev. Coonan back to us and I hope he enjoys his retirement in peace.”100

                The letter writer just does not get it-insurance companies.

                In addition, we have Kathleen A. Shaw writing on page A2 of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette this day “Rev. Bagley resign pastorate at St. Mary in Grafton.” Her article states: “Worcester-The Rev. John J. Bagley has resigned his pastorate so that a new permanent pastor can be named.

                “Rev. Bagley, a former Vatican and diocesan official who was last pastor of St. Mary Church, North Grafton, was removed last year by Bishop Daniel P. Reilly after an allegation was made that he raped an underage boy in 1967 in the rectory of Christ the King Church.

                “Deacon Nicholas M. Cara Donna, who has administered St. Mary’s parish, said in the May 25 parish bulleting that Bishop Reilly requested Rev. Bagley’s resignation and he complied ‘for he good of the parish, its parishioners and the church. He did this unselfishly so the bishop could appoint another pastor to shepherd us.’ The deacon said he had known Rev. Bagley for several years, ‘and I will testify as to his character, honesty, veracity and holiness as a priest. Never, Never have I ever detected anything than could be construed as a person other than one why is priestly, who leads by example, love and faithfulness to the mission of Jesus Christ.’

                “He said Rev. Bagley, 69, ‘is undoable to defend himself against these allegations for a number of reasons. He doesn’t have the kind of financial resources nor the years that it could take to fight to clear his good name. He is on his own. Instead, he will go down silently because of his love for you, his family and his Church.”101

                What was done with this article is done by so many others, one may notice with Kathleen A. Shaw. This article then goes on with the list of seven other priests placed on leave with Bishop Reilly and then statement about District Attorney Conte. She has a pattern of repeating information for space filling.

                Then, the Boston Globe writes this day” Gay, lesbians lash out at church: Same-sex marriage opposition blasted.” The article reads: “Gay and lesbian groups said yesterday that the Catholic Church, under siege for the clergy abuse scandal, lacks the moral authority to mobilize parishioners against same-sex marriage. They are urging parishioners to walk out of services if priests voice the church’s opposition to same-sex unions and to boycott church collections.

                “Massachusetts’ four Catholic bishops have told pastors to remind parishioners this weekend of the church’s opposition to same-sex marriage. The bishops have also asked that announcements be place in church bulletins telling worshipers how to contact their legislators to express their opposition.

                “Activists called the church’s renewed focus on the issue an attempt to regain lost credibility, and to distract congregations from the damaging sexual abuse crisis of the last year…”102 

June 1, 2003

                I was getting a cold should from "Father Peacock" for over a week. Who knows? It is like which way the current is running in the Cape Cod Cannel if you are not actually there to see for yourself. So, when we next went for coffee, he made a sharp remake at me that I was to saying much of what was going on in my case-nothing was- so he therefore told me that he would not tell me anything, either. It was this mind game technique of his. It was more a child’s game.

                Oh, I did feel the isolation where I would hear about priest meeting at the Cape for the annual conference of June 1^st thru June 3^rd. This time I felt more isolated by not being invited to participate. But, I have to realize that I have not been invited in the last nine years.

                In addition of "Father Peacock", not being invited to anything in the diocese, there was the bit of information that I read about how the procedure for setting-up church courts for alleged priest had been slow. My rear buckets filled-up on emotions with weak feeling in my body-anxiety working. Then, I would try to figure how to defend myself and not just let it go.

                In addition, I had the foolish notion that the media would be at my front door for an interview.

                Then, I thought of late how Pedone reacted with strong emotions when I mentioned my position of “Permanent Pastor.” Pedone snapped at me that I was not. It was his facade of protecting Bishop Harrington.

                I sensed that if I wondered what was happening here, there was a very simple answer- neutralize my priesthood and told to go away. There was the approach of remove anyone the Bishop wanted “to” due to his prejudices and stereotype personalities. Then, there would be or arguments. Usually, in life there are at least five perspectives on any issue. But, with the Catholic Hierarchy, there was only one- sole cooperation. The one that hold the cards owns the table.

                Richard Nangle writes in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Rev. Walsh resigns as St. Roch pastor.” The article states: “Oxford-The Rev. Gerald P. Walsh, on leave for more than a year following a sexual –abuse complaint, has resigned as passport of St. Roch Church in Oxford.

                “An announcement of Rev. Walsh’s resignation was read at a St. Roch Mass yesterday after-noon.

                “Rev. Walsh becomes the second of seven priests to resign after being placed on leave by Bishop Daniel P. Reilly.

                “Two week ago, Worcester District Attorney John J. Conte announced the closing of criminal investigations into alleged sexual misconduct by six of the suspended Worcester Diocese priest, over statute of limitations issues.

                “Mr. Conte had asked Canadian authorities to take over his investigation of a seventh priest, the Rev. John H. Bagley, who allegedly took a Worcester youth to Canada during the 1970s and sexually abused him.

                “Rev. Bagley’s resignation was announced in a May 25 parish bulletin, published by St. Mary Church in North Grafton…

                “Rev. Walsh, a Catholic chaplain of the Massachusetts State Police, was removed from is position in March 2002 after state police were notified that he allegedly molested a boy when he was assigned to Our Lady of the Lake Parish in the Whalom district of Leominster.

                “The allegations against Rev. Walsh dates back more than 20 years. The statue of limitations is 15 years for rape and six years for indecent assault and battery.

                “Rev. Walsh’s alleged victim, Thomas E. Bedard of Leominster, said Rev. Walsh admitted to sexual abusing him in a letter, which he turned over to state police. Mr. Bedard said Rev. Walsh showed him sexually explicit picture, gave him alcoholic beverages to during and touched his genitals on more than one occasion while the two were involved in ‘friendly wrestling.’

                “Mr. Delisle sad at the time that Mr. Bedard made an allegation in 1998 that was investigated by the diocese. Rev. Walsh had ‘vehemently denied’ the allegation, he said.

                “Rev. Walsh was ordained in 1974 and served in Clinton, Whalom, Uxbridge and Grafton before serving in Oxford…”103 

June 4, 2003

                This day we read in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette by Kathleen A. Shaw “5 pastors give Reilly resignations.” She writes: “Worcester-The Worcester Catholic Diocese yesterday said that five of six pastors accused of sexual misconduct have tendered their resignations to Bishop Daniel P. Reilly.

                “The Rev. Joseph A. Coonan, pastor of St. John parish, was not asked to resign, according to his lawyer, Joseph D. Early Jr.

                “The diocese announced yesterday that resignations have been submitted by the Rev. Raymond P. Messier of St. Peter parish, Petersham, and St. Francis of Assisi parish, Athol; the Rev. Chester J. Devlin of St. Bernadette parish, Northboro; the Rev. John J. Bagley of St. Mary parish, North Grafton; the Rev. Gerard Walsh of St. Rock parish, Oxford; and the Rev. Lee F. Bartlett of Sacred Heart parish, Worcester.

                “Bishop Reilly removed the pastors last year following allegations of sexual misconduct, and they nave been on administrative leave.

                “Although the priests have resigned as pastors, they are still priest of the diocese spokesman, said they are still on administrative leave and cannot engage in ‘public ministry in this diocese or elsewhere.’”104

                This same page of this paper and reporter has “Rev. Devlin named in suit alleging abuse.” It reads: “Worcester-A civil suit was filed this week in Worcester superior Court against the Worcester Catholic Diocese and the Rev. Chester J. Devlin alleging that the priest sexually abused a boy in the late 1970s at Holy Name High School.

                “Joseph M. Laconte of Worcester said in his suit that he first met Rev. Devlin in the 1978-1979 academic her at Holy Name because the priest taught one of his classes. The abuse, which allegedly included touching and fondling started late in the academic year and continued throughout Mr. Laconte’s time at Holy Name ‘and a short time thereafter,’ according to the suit that was filed.

                “Parishioners of St. Bernadette parish, Northboro, were informed this weekend that Rev. Devlin has resigned as pastor and Bishop Daniel P. Reilly intends to appoint a new permanent pastor.

                “Rev. Devlin, who was also diocesan pro-life activities director, was pastor of St. Bernadette, which also has an elementary school until he was removed last year by Bishop Reilly after an allegation of sexual abuse was made to the diocese and later turned over to Worcester District attorney John J. Conte.

                “Rev. Devlin is the third priest to be named by former make students of Holy Name as an alleged sexual abuser. Allegations have also been made by area men against there. Norman Jalbert and The Rev. Donald C. Rebokus were also at Holy Name in the late 1070s. Rev. Rebokus, a former state police chaplain, as headmaster there.

                “Mr. Laconte, who is represented by Michael C. Wilcox of Alsoie & Wilcox P.C. of Worcester, said he did not understand the harm that was done to him until about June 8, 2000.

                “According to the suit, Rev. Devlin gave Mr. Laconte alcoholic beverages and ‘used his position as a priest and a teacher’ to gain Mr. Laconte’s confidence.

                Mr. Laconte alleges that the diocese ‘knew or should have known that Devlin was a pedophile’ and he should have been removed as priest and teacher of minor children…”105

                Father Chet was a classmate of mine in ordination time. I wrote this from the newspaper because by now there was a pattern of lawyers and media operating on priest sexual abuse stories. They had their act quite polished by this time               

June 6, 2003 

                The Catholic Free Press carried Fr. Devlin’s story on page six: “Lawsuit filed against priest.” It was a short article with details similar to the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. However, the article stated: “Mr. Caconte ‘did not being to appreciate understanding or discover that he had been harmed by these defendants until approximately June 8, 2000,’ the suit says, mentioning that he ‘achieved various realizations and awareness after specialized treatment and counseling.’ Father Devlin has been on administrative leave from the diocese since April 2002 when the allegations surfaced. This is the first lawsuit against the priest (Interesting statement).”106

                This same issue of the diocesan paper had on page one by the Staff and wire reports “Dioceses expand fight against child abuse.” The article stated: “The statistics are startling. By the time they turn 18, one in three to four girls and one tin five to seven boys will have been abuse, two communities educates from the YWCA Daybreak programs told an audience of 200 at Ascension church Hall in Worcester Monday.

                “The session was one of 10 held in the past three weeks where more than 1,400 diocesan employees and volunteers have learned about child abuse, according to Patricia O’Leary Engdahl, director of the diocesan Office or healing and Prevention.

                “As a team of auditors prepares to fan out around the country to asses own well us. dioceses are conforming to the Charter for the Protection of Children and Young People, the Worcester Diocese is holding these trading session and planning is one of the components of the charter that was approved by the U.S. bishops last June in Dallas in programs response to the sexual abuse crisis in the Church…”106

                The Catholic Free Press in this same issue had the “Editorial: Abuse awareness a positive.: It stated: “Two women form the YWCA Daybreak program are giving eye-opening accounts of what constitutes child abuse and how prevalent it is in our state. Thousands of diocesan workers and volunteers will hear these statistics and learn what they can do about them when the training sessions provided through the Office for healing and prevention are complete.

                “Child abuse takes many forms, the said. Neglect-failure to provide for the basic needs of child-accounts for more than half of the case of child abuse reported to the Department of Social Services. Physical abuse makes up about a quarter of the cases. Sexual abuse reports about 12 percent. The fourth topic discussed is emotional abuse.

                “In Massachusetts 12 in 1, --- children are abused. And those are just the ones we know about, Lori Santoro and Janet Dorr said. If a parish has 300 children in its religious education program, chances are four of them suffer from some kind of abuse usually from someone they know…”108 

June 6, 2003

                Here it was that everything started on my case for more than ten years and I was having reactions of another rough day-anxiety- in my life. My stinken thinking had me in that I would wonder what I would have been doing that day. I lived my vocation 24/7. I reflected on how I hard from no one in the diocese and being very fortunate to have friends that would call me. Besides reading the Catholic Free Press, there was nothing with the Church of Worcester. I was experiencing a depressing point. Then, I heard on the radio how the Archdiocese of Boston “swats abuse policy and opens its books for the public.” Yet, I reflected how I had to hear from Fr. Picclomini (Vicar for Clergy) and nothing in my personal file of the Chancery in ’93. He told me this over the phone. Picclomini was flippant in that phone call. Yet, I was reading during this time that alleged priest were to be given a “review panel to deal with misconduct.” I immediately related this to Fr. Tom Lynch’s remark: There is a dragnet going through the water.”

                When I was in such state-of-mind, I would hope for an e-mail or phone call for anyone. It, also, was at such a time that whenever I would return to my place, that I would immediately check the phone answering machine to hope that someone had called to say “hello.” Most of the time, this never occurred.

                Then, I would reflect on the worst case scenario- defrocked from the priesthood. This was my ultimate concern in the overall situation.

                I did realize by this time that priest cases and including myself were part of our present culture of having the media reporting was not everything being correct. In addition, anyone of us could have a litigation dropped on us and would be caught-up in the storm of doubt, allegations and non-corroborated testimony. The aspect of individuality being so pervasive, that community was a foreign element overall. Yet, being Catholic was the faith community that makes us what we are. Here, this factor was absent in the official aspect, but not in my private life of people I had kept in contact with and them with me.

                I felt frail and exhausted but somehow I drew strength and energy for other people that I was able to push foreword. I used to and regenerated taking risk (ministry) to place my personal ambitions and any poetical partnership (acquaintances) in a proper place because It way the right thing to do.

                I heard on the radio that the sex abuse issue was being described that it was a latency period. It was said the 12% of the general population is sexually abuses as minor and 3% meet the criteria for identification as being pedophiles. This report did state that there was a bashing of the “clerical culture” and it was fashionable thing to do in this period of time. 

June 9, 2003

                The New Yorker of this day printed “Letter from Hartford- Father’s Helper: How the Church used psychiatry to care for-and protect-abusive priest” by Barry Werth. This article was six pages in length. It began with a background of the Institute of Living (IOL) in Hartford with a reference to certain key priest highlighted with their stories of “treatment” But, the last paragraph written: “Last spring, the institute took steps to distance itself from the Church by responding to potential clients with a form that requires them to reveal ‘the full facts and circumstances’ leading to a referral, including all prior complaints, disciplinary actions, treatment records, and criminal and civil allegations. ‘Since then,’ Dr. Schwartz told me, ‘we’ve had very few inquiries’ form the Church. Looking back, he acknowledged that as long as the goals of psychiatric treatment were intertwined with the Church’s determination to return priests to duty, the system was severely flawed. However, what is required, he said, is not greater scrutiny of psychiatric methods but greater outside regulation of the Church-the sort of monitoring that governs teachers, social workers, doctors, day-care provides, and child psychologists and which the Church has historically resisted. ‘It gets down to the issue of how the Church conducts itself witching the larger society,’ Schwartz said. ‘We’re talking about something a lot bigger than psychiatry.’”110 

June 9, 2003

                "Father Peacock" called me to tell me that the diocese was “not kidding about this sex abuse policy.” He spoke with intensify. Besides, he was arguing with his religious education “nun” about a high Scholl student that was teaching and whose parent would not let her be RICD.

                I didn’t say it, but the diocese should have “not kidding about this sex abuse policy.” I was always skeptical anytime he spoke to me. It was a though he lorded-over me attitude. But, it was an issue that he wanted me to be aware-off. Well, the newspapers have this topic covered extensively.

                It was a though as Chris Mathews-cable talk sow host- said in an interview: Everyone that come on his program has a plan. His hob was to know that person off the plan. This was what I realized with a “Father Peacock” or listens and says good-by and “Next!”

                I was thinking-which get dangerous- that going through full evaluation (nine weeks) sand I would be able to demand the mental health of victims and priest that I was assigned with- divorced from reality. There was Fr. Charlie Dutrum caring a pistol around the rectory, yet he treated me the best of all of the pastors what I had to live with. Fr. Paul Foley, who had his stuffed animals in the church sanctuary, trying to slam me around with his fists on his rampages, Msgr. Frank Manning in his red cassock as he paraded around like a peacock,. Help!

                Then this day, Molly Bish’s remains were identified. It was the grief all over against. It was horrible. Therefore, I turned to offering my daily Mass (Eucharist) for her intentions and the family to have strength.  

June 14, 2003

                Talking heads is the term of the day of what we have on TV and the radio of what is happening in this day and age of our society. These-old terms- commentators on political, religious and social issues -claim to have the latest information and insights to what is in front of people of the day. It is a claming they make. But a statement of a few chosen words is more appropriate and to the point. Some of these “talking heads” are interceptors of their insights and only that. The art of discernment is so important in this day and age. However, most people hear what they want to hear and move on-individuality personified. Many people have answers to questions before they are asked-arrogance. It prevails with the present administration in Washington, DC. It is also in certain elements the Catholic Church at this time.  

June 16, 2003

                The war of words started to heat-up with the allegation case of Bishop Rueger. This issue of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette had two front page stories on Rueger by Ricard Nangel-Telegram & Gazette Staff: “Conte aide reportedly brief the diocese” and “Monsignor claimed extortion attempts.” The first article had Nangle report: “District Attorney John. Conte has convened a grand jury to look into charges of alleged clergy sexual abuse, and one of his assents has kept the Worcester Catholic Diocese informed about some of its investigations, according to pretrial testimony for a civil lawsuit charging Auxiliary Bishop George E. Rueger with rape.

                “In a deposition last month Monsignor Thomas J. Sullivan, diocesan chancellor and liaison to Mr. Conte's office, also testified that he was told by a first assistant district attorney that Bishop Rueger’s accuser, Sime Braio of Shrewsbury has HIV.

                “Mr. Braio, however, denies both that he has HIV and that he ever told anyone he was infected.

                “On Friday, James Reagon, the assistant district attorney in question, denied telling Msgr. Sullivan that Mr. Braio has HIV,

                “’Msgr. Sullivan is mistaken,’ Mr. Reagon said. ‘I did not make that statement,’ Mr. Reagon said. ‘I did not make that statement,’ Mr. Reagon also said he would not comment on any of Msgr. Sullivan’s comments regarding investigations of clergy sexual abuse.

                “The Monsignor said there was a general sharing of information between the diocese and the district attorney’s office but added that he thought there was ‘a great deal more ‘that was not shared with the diocese. (I was wondering if the Monsignor had black outs because of answering in his deposition: “I don’t recall.” If he would have been asked what he had for breakfast, he would have, most likely, responded: “I don’t recall.”

                “In the course of the deposition, James G. Reardon Jr., lawyer for the Worcester Catholic Diocese, instructed Msgr. Sullivan to answer no questions that would impede the secret grand jury proceedings…”109

                Then the other front page article “Monsignor claimed extortion attempts.” Nangle reports: “During cell phone convocation while driving his car on May 9, 2002, Msgr. Thomas J. Sullivan alleges, Worcester lawyer James J. Gribuski attempted to extort money form the Worcester Catholic Diocese to settle a sexual abuse claim against Auxiliary Bishop George E. Rueger.

                “In making that allegation in pretrial testimony last month, Msgr. Sullivan contradicted a diocesan statement form last July which recanted the monsignor’s public accusation of extortion against what was then termed an unnamed lawyer

                “In a deposition last month, Msgr. Sullivan said he told Mr. Gribouski he had spoken by telephone with Bishop Rueger’s accuser, Sime Braio of Shrewsbury, who he said threatened to go to the press if he could not obtain a monetary settlement.

                “Msgr. Sullivan said Mr. Gribouski responded, ‘Well, how about if the diocese would offer us some money and a confidentiality agreement?’

                “’I said to words to him very hot. ‘Absolutely not,’” Msgr. Sullivan said. ‘We hung up-oh, then at that point he said, ‘Then I just decided I will not be representing Mr. Braio.’”

                “Msgr. Sullivan said he was incensed by what he termed an immoral request by Mr. Gribouski, one he believed was attempt extortion.

                “’I’d say it this way: When there is-knowing that the case has to merits, and believing fully in my heart that Mr. Gribouski at that time also realized that the case had not merits, to simply ask the question, would the diocese be willing to pay money and have a confidentiality agreement over the matter is immoral,’ he said.

                “On Friday, Mr. Gribouski reasoned to Msgr. Sullivan’s comments this way:

                “’I have a practice of not commenting on pending cases. Msgr. Sullivan is entitled to his own opinion although I disagree with his opinion. I also want to remind you that his employer issued a retraction stating that I did nothing wrong and counsel for the diocese stated for the record in open court that they do not allege that I did anything wrong. I stand on my reputation as an attorney in the community. ...”111

                So, what was happening but the “war of words” that lawyers and some people have a knack for their professions?

                Another bit of information that was most interesting was the Bishop Rueger’s file was to be included with files sent by the Bishop to Conte (Protect their own-hierarchy). Another aspect of how Sullivan was supposedly interviewed by the press on a cell phone while driving his car. It seemed that he had been dragging himself deeper into the fry with the newspaper interview.

                I wondered when I read parts of Sullivan’s deposition in the paper and he responded: “I don’t recall.” My initial reaction was that Sullivan experienced “black outs”? This is where; I would like him to answer if he recalled what he had for breakfast that morning?

                In addition this day I read in U.S. News & World Report “Welcome to Sue City, U.S.A.” It reads: “Every day in America, someone pays a price for the enormous inflation of rights over responsibilities. The pregnant woman nearly killed by a stool hurled into the street from high school’s sixth-floor window in New York is not just a case of another unruly school. It is also an example of the consequence of a mass retreat from responsibility-one fomented by the way our legal system has evolved.

                “Teacher who are firm with badly behaved students know all too well that they run the risk of being sued by parents who smell money more than they seek justice. Nobody can be sure that reason will prevail since juries produce dramatically different conclusions form one case to the next. Doctors are so worried about protecting themselves from potential lawsuits that they prescribe medicines order unnecessary test and procedures that amount to an estimated $100 billion a year. Why? So they have a legal defense if they’re sued. Some doctors, unwilling to play that game, have abandoned the practice of medicine. This is not the rule of law. It is the fear of law. And it affects our lives in profound ways.

                “Anyone, it seems, can haul anybody into court for just about anything. Many are tempted to play because the entry stakes are low and the rewards, potentially, are huge…Litigation has become our national pastime, but it is fracturing our society. We must restore a sense of order and proportion…”112 

June 17, 2003

                On the national scene, the Worcester Telegram & Gazette gives us two stories about the Church on the same page.

                The first story “Bishop arrested in fatal hit-and-run crash” reported by The Associated Press. This story: “Phoenix-The Romans Catholic bishop of phoenix was arrested yesterday in a deadly hit-and-run accident after police traced a license plate number to his car and found the windshield caved in.

                “Bishop Thomas O’Brien, 67, was driven away in an unmarked detective’s car. Police said he would be booked n a charge of leaving the scene of a fatal accident. Sgt. Laurie William said he was not handcuffed.

                “O’Brien’s lawyer, Jordan Green, said the bishop was taken to the hospital but wouldn’t say why he was there.

                “Dicoese spokesman Jose Robles would say only that the bishop ‘was very exhausted.’

                “Earlier this month, it was announced that O’Brien had relinquished some of his authority in an unpredicted agreement with prosecutors that spared him from indictment on obstruction charges for protective child-molesting priests.

                “In the hit-and-run case, 43-yer old Jim Reed died after he was hit by two cars while crossing a street in the middle of the block. Both cars drove off.

                “The bishop ‘does admit that he was driving the vehicle and in the area at the time,’ Williams said…”113

                The second article carried by The Associated Press in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette was “Keating quits, blasts bishops: Church leaders reel from blows.” The article reads: “A defiant Fran Keating took another swipe at some Roman Catholic bishops yesterday, defending his comments that compared church leaders to the mafia as he official resigned as head of a panel keeping tabs on the prelates’ sex abuse reforms.

                “’My remarks, which some bishops found offensive, were deadly accurate. I make no apology,’ the former Okalahoma governor wrote in his resignation letter to Bishop Wilton Gregory, president of the U.S.  Hierarchy.

                “’To resist grand jury subpoenas, to suppress the names of offending clerics, to deny, to obfuscate, to explain away; that is the model of a criminal organization, not my church ‘

                “However, Keating added that ‘most of American’s bishops are fully supportive’ of the reform campaign and ‘have stood up for virtue.’ He also praised Gregory personally.

“’You are a model of the Good Shepherd,’ he said.”

                “For the past year, Keating has led the National Review Board, an all-lay panel charged with keeping track of bishops efforts to rid the priesthood of sexual molesters…”114

                Another items in this issue of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette of “The people’s forum: Victims of priest struggle to salvage lives” written by Lisa M. Zajkowski (Dudley). It reads: I must comment on the rev. Joseph Coonan after reading a letter to the editor by Denis Garofoli of Worcester (Telegram & Gazette, June 5) in which he asked, ‘What is his crime?’”

                “I am always amazed at the reverend’s ability to both insisted and bamboozle his followers. His parishioners at St. John’s are not the first. As a youth leader in Oxford in the 1970s, Rev. Coonan was highly regarded by both students and parents. The kids thought he made all their activities great fun, the way he does with Catholic Mass. The parents thought he was the greatest guy giving so much time to their children. Yet, he allegedly was molesting children.

                “Shockingly, many of Rev. Coonan’s followers seem to believe that whatever he may have done in the past is irrelevant now that he is a priest, and such a wonderful priest at that. Please tell me why it is acceptable to ignore a molested child for every Catholic he has ‘brought back to the church?’ In the wake of his destruction, he has left dozens of victims trying to savage what’s left of tier lives.

                “Thanks to the statue of limitations, he has gotten away with his crimes. That doesn’t make him any less guilty.

                “Rev. Coonan worshippers should wake up. This is not the cartoon world of their childhood, where the bad guy was always dark and brooding. The bad guy is friendly, charismatic, warm and witty. The bad guy is your priest.”115 

June 18, 2003

                I was watching ABC Evening News which reported about the annual meeting bishop in St. Louis. The commentator said “a lot is at stake. Priest is to be ‘suspended.’ He continued to report that not enough is being done by the bishops where 100% was needed.

                It is the story of the day in capital form. Some commentators have said that the fog is the crisis is lifting. Actually, I see the fog getting thicker. 

June 19, 2003

                I finally began writing my “Journal” into a text format. I only did two pages today. But, I was able to see insights that I may not had when I first began writing my journal in 1993. It is like seeking the hills and mountains. Now, I have seen different waves coming-up. I would write in the journal an overall situation which I noticed was declining and then there would be a boom-hurricane comes-up from no where. At this time, the entire priest story is relatively quiet. However, there are whispers of Fr. LaBair in Westboro. 

June 19, 2003

                I received in the mail my monthly Christopher News Notes for June entitled “From whispers to headlines, it hurts us all.” Obviously it was about the priest sex abuse scandal. This is a monthly pamphlet out of New York City. The subtitles in this pamphlet: “did you hear about…Making ethics the bottom lie…Winning really isn’t everything…Casting a vote for truth…Silencing scandal…Keeping faith in forgiveness…and Let your conscience…” 116

                What is interesting overall in reading this pamphlet and surprising to read the word “conscience” in this subject of abuse? Not that I see anything wrong with that.  I never have seen that word “conscience’ since the 70s or 80s. By the way, I read extensively as many different Catholic sources and other sources as possible. 

June 20, 2003

                “Abuse crisis exploited, prelates say” appeared in The Boston Globe written by Michael Paulson. It reads: “St. Louis-(Cardinal Law’s picture inserted) The embattled Catholic bishops of the United States, meeting during an extraordinary week in which al leading layman resigned his church post after comparing some bishops to criminals and an Arizona bishop was charged with a felony, yesterday insisted that their occasional lapses are being exploited by interest groups that don’t like the teachings of the church.

                “From the pope’s top representative in the United States to rank-and-file bishops from around the country, the bishops said they believe they are not getting enough credit for the progress they have made over the last year in responding to the clergy sexual abuse crisis.

                “’We all know that we are going through difficult times and that some real problems within the church have been magnified to discredit the moral authority of the church,’ Archbishop Gabriel Montalvo sad in a speech at the opening session of the bishops’ semiannual meeting yesterday Montavo said in a speech at the opening session of the bishops’ semiannual meeting yesterday. Montalvo is the apostolic nuncio, the pope’s ambassador to the United States.

                “Throughout the day, other bishops added their voices to that theme. ‘It’s an incontrovertible fact, just from reading newspaper article, magazine columns, opinion pieces…that many have chosen this crisis to move forward their own agenda.’ Bishop Donald W. Wuerl of Pittsburg sand in an interview…”117

                There is some truth in this but they haven’t included the Worcester Chancery Group: Harrington, Rueger, Reilly, Pedone, Tinsley, Sullivan, and Piccolomini. It is a lot more complicated situation as a Vatican Official said to John L. Allen, Jr. in the past year. It is something how the bishops drew a line in the sand for 2002 especially with Bishop Reilly calling me into his office of that January and then hearing nothing since that time.

                This issue of the Catholic Free Press the “Editorial: Wait for trail” not surprisingly carried the Bishop Rueger’s side of the story of his court proceedings. One must not forget that people call this newspaper: The Bishop’s Newspaper.

                I am including the full editorial because it is a piece that would need to be re-read in the full context and future reference.

                It reads: “The Telegram & Gazette continues to print portions of pretrial depositions in the civil case of Sime Radio against Bishop Rueger and the Diocese of Worcester with questionable movies.

                One story earlier this eek leads with the statement that District Attorney John J. Conte ahs convened a grand jury to look into charges of alleged clergy sexual abuse. It has been clear for a long time that grand jury proceedings are taking place. In the May 3, 2002 edition of the T&G, reporter Kathleen A. Shaw states that Mr. Conte said he was ‘in the midst of a major investigation of possible abuse by priest.’ The story further states that the diocese turned over information too his office ‘after being issued a grand jury subpoena.’ Why is it front page news again?

                “The district attorney’s office has been conducting a double-sided investigation with regard to the Braio case. They have been trying to determine if Mr. Braio was the victims of abuse and/or whether there has been some improper attempt to pressure the diocese into paying money based upon a false claim of sexual abuse. The district attorney’s office stated publicly that after investigating Mr. Braio’s allegation they couldn’t substantiate any claim of abuse. So that leaves the diocese as the possible victim of a false claim.

                He recent stories are trying to find inconsistencies between testimony and what has been previously reported. How they continue to downplay inconsistencies in clams made by the plaintiff.

                “Msgr. Thomas Sullivan, diocesan chancellor, said that Sime Braio threatened, in February of 2002, to go to the newspaper with his story if the diocese did not settle with him. Though the T&G’s own newspaper article of July 12, 2002, we know that Mr. Braio spoke with Kathleen A. Shaw in February, five months before he filed the civil suit. We have some questions then. Why didn’t Ms. Shaw write a story about Sime Braio’s allegations against Bishop Rueger when Mr. Braio first to came to her? The newspaper at that time was liberally reporting on allegations other people were making against priests in the diocese-even when there was o court action. Was it that Ms. Shaw didn’t believe Mr. Braio? The newspaper wont’ says and is trying to block any attempt by the diocesan lawyer to question Ms. Shaw on that matter.

                “It is also significant that Mr. Braio’s first lawyer, James Gribouski, rejected this case based n the fact that Mr. Braio’s own psychiatrist refused to substantiate Mr. Braio’s claims of abuse, and the diocese rejected the possibility of settling the claim. In ding so, Mr. Bribouski, a capable and well regarded attorney acted appropriately. Mr. Braio’s present attorney, Daniel Shea, has submitted the psychiatrist’s report into the public record of this case. So why hasn’t there been a headline reading: “Psychiatrist doubts alleged victims symptoms related to sexual abuse’?

                “Mr. Braio also had stated in an affidavit that he was abused at Bishop Rueger’s family home in Scituate. Msgr. Sullivan stated in the same deposition quoted by the T&G that there never was any Rueger family home in Scituate. That’s not in the lead of the story.

                “These glaring inconsistencies in the plaintiff’s civil case are buried under innuendo of other’s perceived wingding. Is it because Mr. Shea is trying to use the case to rove something other than abuse against Mr. Braio, and the T&G is going along with it?

                “The diocese has no interest in litigating cases in the newspaper; claims should be litigated in court, said diocesan lawyer James G. Reardon Jr., when asked to comment on the recent reports. ‘The diocese continues to defend itself vigorously and Bishop Rueger vigorously. We are confident what the ultimate outcome of this case will be. We look forward to the day we can try this case before a fair, impartial jury’

                “You, the jury in the court of public opinion are not getting the whole story through the T&G and should hold off on your verdict until the case goes to trail and all the fact are brought to light.”118

                Possibly more questions should be asked? One of many might be asked: Didn’t Bishop Rueger attend seminary in Boston? Next question: Maybe one of his classmate friends from the seminary or otherwise (group of priest owning a home- common in that period of time) had such a place in Situate? How would Braio have known the difference of his age or circumstances? Also, one should be aware that when Rueger took him from the Westboro location, it was known as a “Reform School.” By the way, Situate is known as the “Irish Rivera.” But, these questions that were never asked would take another whole book.

                Another small story must be realized about Scituate. A couple priests of the Worcester Dioceses- Further Denomme (Headmaster) and Father Bedard (Catholic High School Teacher) - in the 1960s with Father George Rueger was also a Headmaster of a Diocesan Catholic School. It was a common practice that a couple or larger group of priest used to poll their finances to buy a house.  So, what we had was Denomme and Bedard owned a house in Situate. Rueger was part of this certain group of priest in the school system and knew each other by being part of the diocesan school system group. So, as Rueger was telling other priest that he never owned a house in Situate where the alleged victim- Braio- did said Rueger used to take him. It begs the question: Did different priest possibly let other priest use their places in Situate? If so, who were they?

                But one had to realize how the Worcester Diocese put resources into Rueger’s case and no other priest even had any defense of any nature. Back to myself: “Guilty till proven innocent!” The issue is if you are part of the Worcester Chancery you have everything available for resources. If you are not-you’re history but certain strokes for different folks- Reilly’s #7.

                More was going or is going to come out on Bishop Rueger. Or was this a attic of the Worcester Diocese of what may happened to anyone that would speak-out and dare to face the powerful with their wrath

                “After the Keating Resignation” but E.J. Done Jr. (Washington) appeared in The Boston Globe. He wrote: “It has been a truly lousy week for the church.

                “On Wednesday Roman Catholic Bishop Thomas J. O’Brien of Phoenix, who had already admitted to shielding abusive priests form criminal prosecutions, resigned after being arrested on charges of leaving the scene of a fatal accident.

                “Two day earlier, former Oklahoma governor Frank Keating resigned as the chairman of a board of lay Catholics looking into the child abuse scandal. In his resignation letter, Keating was unapologetic for having compared some Catholic bishops to LasCosa Nostra.

                “’To resist grand jury subpoenas, to suppress the names of offending clerics, to deny, to obfuscate, to explain always,’ he wrote to Bishop Wilton Gregory, the president of the US Conference of catholic Bishops, ‘that is the model of a criminal organization, not my church.’

                “Just to bring home the material costs of this mess, the Archdiocese of Boston, facing a sharp drop in contributions, warned on Tuesday that it might have to lay off employees or cut their health benefit.

“The Catholic bishops had hoped they could hold their annual. Meeting in St. Louis this week without formally addressing the sexual bused issue. Not a chance. At the last minute the problem that won’t go away was added to the agenda. Today the bishops will devote themselves to ‘prayer reflection.’ They need it.”119

June 21, 2003

                Michael Paulson wrote an article in The Boston Globe “Resignation has to end Law’s role in church.” He reported: “St. Louis-they cal him archbishop emeritus. Once, he was a force to be reckoned with in the US Conference of Catholic Bishops, a leading spokesman on foreign policy, abortion, and other matters.

                “Now, six months after his resignation amidst scandal, Cardinal Bernard F. Law has lost his job, house, and his vote at the bishop’s conference, which clouds its semiannual meeting here today. The attorney general in Massachusetts is wrapping up a lengthy criminal investigation into the Archdiocese of Boston under Law’s stewardship and that of his predecessors.

                “But Law’s resignation as archbishop of Boston has not ended his career as a leader in the Catholic Church.

                “Law was here in St. Louis, working the crowd of bishops as in the good old days, offering a smile or an arm around the shoulder as he chatted amiably about the issues of the say.

                “’He looks god and sounds like he always did, and he’s very much involved in the deliberations that are going on,’ said Bishop Daniel P. Reilly of Worcester. ‘I admire him. He knows who he is, as a man in the church, a cardinal in the church, so he’s carrying that role out. Continuing his teaching forth and so forth. Who knows what the future will be?’

                “Cardinal Theodore E. McCarrick, archbishop of Washington, also welcome Law’s participation.

                “’He's a good bishop, a good man, who maybe made mistakes,’ McCormick said. ‘But show me the fellow in there who hasn’t made mistakes. I’m certainly not one of them….’”120

                Another article by Kathleen A. Shaw on a priest allegated: “Rev. Szantry to be arraigned July 18.” She reports: “Worcester-the Rev. John J. Szantyr, 72, who served in the Roman Catholic Diocese of Worcester during the 1980s, face three charges of indecent assault and battery on a child under 14 and is to be arraigned July 18 in Central District Court according to District Attorney John J. Conte.

                “Mr. Conte also announced yesterday that he has applied for misdemeanor criminal assault and battery complaints against Brother Lewis Laperle, 75, a former teacher at Notre Dame Academy in Fitchburg. A show-cause hearing for him is scheduled for July 23 in Fitchburg District Court.

                The charge was brought against Rev. Szantyr and the application for criminal complaints was filed against Brother Laperle on Thursday, Mr. Conte said.

                “Rev. Szantry was assigned to Our Lady of Czestochowa parish, Worcester, when the alleged incidents happened in the 1980s. The three charges involve a single male victim, Mr. Conte said. He said that Rev. Szantyr was located in Waterbury, Conn. his hometown.

                “Formerly a priest of the Marian Order of the Immaculate Conception, Rev. Szantyr entered the Worcester diocese in 1980 and was assigned to Our Lady Immaculate parish, Athol, where he celebrated is 25^th anniversary of ordination in 1982.

                “The district attorney is not revealing the name of the alleged victim.

                “However, Richard Chesnee of Worcester said several months ago that after he went to Worcester police station about 15 years ago to report an allegation that Rev. Szantyr had sexually abused a member of his family, Rev. Szantyr disappeared from Worcester. Mr. Chesnis has been vocal about the alleged abuse and has shown up in front of St. Paul’s Cathedral and other locations in the city with a bullhorn…”121

                In addition on this day, Kathleen A. Shaw wrote in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Laity groups call for openness from Reilly, Worcester Diocese.” Advocates urge Catholics to ask questions and become more I involved.”

                She writes: Worcester-David J. O’Brien, director of the center for Religion, Ethics and Culture at the College of the Holy Cross is calling on Catholics to become informed and ask questions about what American bishops are doing to resolve what he calls a 20-year-old sexual abuse scandal.

                “If public forums such as diocesan pastoral councils or priests councils are not available, he said, they may have to organize their own meetings ‘and seek the help of the much feared media.’

                “Openness has emerged as an issue in the Worcester Diocese. Bishop Daniel P. Reilly has refused requests to open diocesan records n the scandal from Worcester Diocese Voice of the faithful, an organization of concerned Catholics, and the Worcester Voice, another catholic advocacy organization.

                “Local leadership of Survivors Network of Those Abused by Priests is also questioning whether the diocesan Office for Healing and prevention is serious about helping victims.

                “Asking questions might seem to ‘perpetuate the pain of the crisis,’ Mr. O’Brien said, but the truth needs to come out before the church as whole can move on.

                “’Bishops might well appreciate and old poster of a ragged person, head emerging from a ringer washer, under the heading. ‘The truth will make you miserable,’ he said…”122 

June 27, 2003

                This day the Worcester Telegram & Gazette published “Diocese says it is complying with sex-abuse guidelines” by Kathleen A. Shaw. She writes: “Worcester-The catholic Diocese of Worcester is cooperating with the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops and is auditing its compliance with the Charter for the protections of Children and Young People adopted last years by the American bishops, according to Raymond l. Delisle, diocesan spokesman.

                “The diocese wants to demonstrate that ‘we are complying with the national charter and understand better the scope of child sexual abuse in the church’s recent history,’ he said.

                “’For example, we are completing the audit this week as part of the effort being directed by Kathleen McChesney’s office,’ he said. Any comments or results of the audit or the study been conducted by John Jay College for the American bishops on the extent of clergy sexual abuse in the United States will come form the Catholic bishops main office,’ he said.

                David J. O’Brien, director of the Center for Religion, Ethics and Culture oat the College of the Holy Cross, this week asked Catholics of the diocese to fully inform themselves about the audit and what bishops are doing to resolve the crisis and to ask questions about how information being collected by Ms. McChesney’s office will be use…”123.

                Knowing how the hierarchy operates somewhat, all this will be reported and business as usual for the hierarchy with a very shuttle reminder that the laity is not in the hierarchical circle of authority. 

June 26, 2003

                On the news, I heard that the Supreme Court said the ‘statue of limitations’ was not to be dropped for priest. I didn’t realize this subject was at the Supreme Court docket.

                I had lunch with "Father Peacock". H had not seen him in three weeks and twice in three months. He had to tell me how he did 13 sermons on his “study week.” He also rambled on about a long description of John’s Gospel fro five Sunday’s that could be cut to three weeks. I responded: “You’re so good, Father!” I said this because I knew that he takes his sermons from The Priest magazine. What a technique he used to buffalo parishioners. Unless, he was practicing on me what to tell his parishioners on this subject? He had been doing this for sometime- technique.

                The other interesting issue he was defending was the laity is involved because he read a thick French edition of a book from Quebec. The contents according to him were that the church has twenty-five hers or two term so new bishops to change or there will be a total collapse of the Church. He goes on about “band aided: approach of Communion Services. (He has a persona agenda against these services- resurging clericalism). He said that the church had to admit Deacons. I reminded him that lay people could do, with proper permissions and education, what Deacons do. He agreed with me that Deacons are a band aides because I would not back –down from the principle.

                "Father Peacock" continued to say that lay people should be brought into the ministry and the parishioners pick themselves the leaders of the parish/Church. He was only lapin. "Father Peacock" is so clerical in his overall orientation and this approach way only him “changing colors” to impress others. Don’t bet he would do this to Bishop Reilly or any hierarchy unless Reilly was pushing another aspect of ministry.

                In addition this day, I received my monthly diocesan statement. I had a new deduction of $45.85 for “Fchp Select Pre” (Falon Clinic health plan select premium). I did not receive any correspondence or explanation of any type concerning this. This was another-Diocese just did it. 

June 27, 2003

                I read on the internet of CN (Catholic News-Australia) that Archbishop Harry Flynn at the St. Louis Meeting of W.S. Bishops said; Priest who abuse minor “Should undergo voluntary or forced laicization, except of advanced age or infirmity.”

                Well, this had my fear buckets fill-up. Anxiety route, again. I even looked up infirmity” in the church sense meaning of moral weakness or failing. This would mean practically anyone. It always is interesting watching how the church system operates.               

June 29, 2003

                I had to be reminded by "Father Peacock" how that with the bishop I was a “liability.” This came out of no where from him in going out to have lunch. I wondered what was “egging” him this day with such a remark towards me. It did hurt hearing him say that. But, against, I realized that he had to do the “control factor” for some reason in that he noticed that I was standing-up and speaking-out on different issues. It was "Father Peacock" control factor to make a call and make such a statement.

                This time, I notice that I felt hurt but I was “letting the water roll-off the ducks back.”

                This same phone conversation had "Father Peacock" say to me” “don’t slap the hand the eyed you.” I responded: “Yes, Father!” This was he showing me his control nature but I realized it was his degrading part of his character.

                What I realized was that I questioned him of the supposed election of people from the Deanery (local parishes) for the Diocesan Pastoral Council. When he told me of who was elected-his Deacon. I knew for a fact that five area parishes didn’t vote for any candidate and yet his Deacon was “elected.” I wondered to him how that was. He responded that I better keep quiet for my own good. Actually, I found out that the Bishop appointed his Deacon. It was an ego trip on his part but interesting about positioning an individual. Then he said that Bishop Reilly was a “politician.”

                I mentioned about my encounter on the phone with the Polish National pastor at Holy Cross, Church, Ware, and Massachusetts. This priest said that they (PNCC) would be able to use me in their ministry. What he was implying to me was that I become a Polish National priest? I mentioned that when I talked with Bishop Reilly about this and how I felt exposed to others taking liberty to operate their agendas on me. I even said to "Father Peacock" how Reilly just listened and preceded to what he next wanted to relate. I said that Reilly didn’t hear me or want hear anything pertaining to what I was experiencing.

                "Father Peacock” then threw at me that “with a new bishop may take all the priest files and throw everyone out.” He enjoyed throwing case scenarios at me to sow his dominance decontrol personality. Then, he quickly said: “You are retired!” This he would insert into his conversations periodically.

                Therefore, it raises the question: Why do I keep contact with this priest? Answer: He is the only priest I have any contact to talk about Church with. I realized there was a piece that I paid. But, it was also an opportunity of sharpening my debating skills.

                In the evening of this day, I was going through my books and found a framed stitched hand crafted work: “All the wealth of the world could not buy a friend.” This was made and give to me in 1976 by Abbey Marshall (Weber) as a gift on my depart party at St. George’s, Worcester for my new assignment in Leominster.

                It would be interesting to check this and time line for her allegations against me-repression-a-go-go. 

June 30, 2003

                I read in Newsweek this day “Is it too late to save The Catholic Church? Not if it slanders will take this opportunity to make much-needed reforms. I’m not holding my breath” by Tom Hogan who lives in Los Gatos, Calif., with his wife and tow daughter. He writes: “As a Roman Catholic seminary dropout, I’ve watched the ongoing pedophile scandals and the church’s equivocal response with sadness button surprise. This is, after all, Catholicism’s Enron, where insiders knew all along what was going on and wondered when the rest of the world would notice-or care.

                “I grew up catholic in California, a sure-fire recipe for schizophrenia. I would attend mass every morning, then spend the rest of the day flirting with the ‘60s trinity of temptations-sex, drugs and rock and roll. In 1971, I joined a seminary program attached to a coed catholic university, so that I could study for the priesthood while keeping an eye on what I would be giving up.

                “The seminarians I encountered were truly decent young men; there wasn’t an obvious pedophile in the lot. From the start, though, thee was a distinct division within the ranks, one that would play a large role in the crisis to come.

                “On one had, there were the ‘Secularists,’ men who believed, as I did that the best way to make our faith relevant was to make it contemporary. The protested the war, manned soup kitchens and maintained friendships with the opposite sex. They accept the challenge of resisting the temptation of the present with very little support from a church moored in the past

                “Outnumbering the Secularists were those I call ‘Refugees,’ men wholly at home into church’s cloisters. They were socially awkward and uncomfortable with modern culture-boys in a hurry to become middle-aged men. While the Secularists drank beer and listened to the sonnets, the Refugees sipped sherry and listed to classical music. For them, the priesthood was more a career than a calling…It’s a broke system that only the Refugees can fix. Let’s hope they’re up to it.”124

                Well, Tom Hogan, that all is left in the Church because there are dead bodies along the spiritual highway of life. 

July 1, 2003

                Bishop Sean O’Malley was appointed Archbishop of Boston. The local media had on Channel #5 (ABC) a spokesperson for the Voice of the Faithful saying that they are looking for “transparency” and “accountability.” Then, the 7:00 a.m. news has the reporter with pickets at the Boston Chancery in the background with signs “Support the Victims.” 

July 4, 2003

                I had breakfast with "Father Peacock" this morning. He did show his arrogance in his dynamic way by saying to me: “You are a pedophile!” I, immediately, said to him: ‘I am not and don’t ever say that about me again!” I was angry; He apologized by saying that he was sorry. He tried to explain that this is what the newspaper said. I responded: “I don’t care.” I proceeded to drop this discussion. But, what I notice traveling with this guy; everything is calculated on his part. Something was significantly bothering him whenever he would act-out as he did.

                I wanted to continue this but did not. The atmosphere of the church sex abuse crisis was a victim makes an allegation, accused never able to exonerate oneself. One example was that I heard how SNAP said that the California bishop should set a financial reward for victims to come foreword against priest-slippery money slop continues. Besides the money issue, I believe the neurotic behavior in society was like the gunpowder pushing the shell syndrome.

                This was a time where I recall Walter Cronkite saying on CBS Evening News that President Ronald Reagon presented his fact on the invasion of Grenada: “It is clear now that we have to look beyond the facts to what may be the truth.”

                Another aspect I was deeply experienced was the “isolation” of the Worcester Diocese in that there was not contact with me.

                We read this day in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette of “the people’s forum” (Letters-to-the-Editor) “Pastor of St. John’s was ‘set out to dry.”

                Jonathan Slavinskas (Worcester) wrote: “This is in response to a letter written by Lisa M. Zajkowski of Dudley (Telegram & Gazette, June 17). A few statements that were made must be clarified.

                I would like to begin by saying that we are to followers of Rev. Joseph Coonan but merely supporters of our pastor. We are people who worship at St. John’s Church; because many of us simply found the message of love thee. We do not attend because he makes Mass ‘fun.’ It was the teaching and spirituality that was gained from his homilies that drew the people, not the Grateful Dead. Rev. Coonan was the first to stand at the pulpit of a church and call him a sinner. He was not a pompous, arrogant priest, but a priest who truly loved and cared for all those who passed through St. John’s Church.

                “I have worked at St. John’s parish since I was in high school. I have never once encountered any problems with Rev. Coonan. I am amazed at own so many people can comment on a man they don’t even now. My vocation to the priesthood would not be what it is if it wasn’t for Rev. Coonan. He is a man who has simply fallen victim to public opinion, not a man who has gotten away with any crime. The only travesty of this happening is that he as been sent out to dry by the very church that he so loved very much.”125

                Interesting how “Holy Mother the Church” operates.

                In this day’s Sentinel & Enterprise, we read “Archbishop-elect” allowed accused priest to continue at mission.” The article state, with a picture of Archbishop-elect O’Malley: “Boston (AP)-An organization of alleged victims of clergy sexual abuse says there have been questions in the past about the way Boston arch-bishop-elect Seam Patrick O’Malley has handled allegations of sex abuse.

                “’Everybody is so desperate for a hero, they’re willing to tout him as a hero before he does anything that warrants that’ said Ann Hagan Webb of the survivors Network of those Abused by Priests.

                “While he was bishop of Fall River, O’Malley allowed a priest accused of molesting a girl in the 1960s to continue working at a Bolivian mission for eight years after the alleged incident was reported to him, according to a spokesman for diocese.

                “Spokesman Hon Kearns said O’Malley followed diocesan policy in the case involving the Rev. Donald Bowen, and maintained that the unidentified woman who told O’Malley her story was comfortable with his response.

                “’He believes the person was satisfied on that count,’ Kearns said.

                “Kearns added that Bowen’s superiors in Bolivia guaranteed he would be periodically evaluated and that he would have no contact with children.

                “But for Webb, the assurance is inadequate because it’s impossible to know how closely Bowen was supervised. She says she’s troubled by O’Malley’s handling of the Bowen case and that his reputation as a savior of troubled dioceses may be ‘overblown.’”

                “’This man has a reputation for being wonderfully well-spoken and coming across as understanding of survivor issues,’ Webb said. ‘That’s great. Let’s see him do something.’…”126

                This type of article about Archbishop O’Malley is the hit on the American bishops. One may read some articles are “bottom dragging” with the dragnet going through the water. Then one has to watch another reporting scope that was being presented in the media and the “whispering campaign.”  

July 5, 2003

                So, in addition, Mike Barnacle who used to work at The Boston Globe but was fired and at this time writes for the New York Daily News on Archbishop O’Malley. He states: “’The old style of the imperial bishopric is on its way out in the United states,’ Eugene Kennedy was saying the other day. ‘And some like Ed Egan probably doesn’t realize it, but his days are numbered. Catholics want their church back.’

                “Kennedy is a former priest, a writer and a friend and biographer of the late Joseph Cardinal Bernardin of Chicago. He was on the phone to me as soon as Rome announced that Bishop Sean O’Malley had been sent to Boston to replace Bernard Cardinal Law, who came to symbolize the rot, corruption, indifference and blindness to the fact that many in the hierarchy of the Catholic Church-Edward Cardinal Egan right up there-had spent ore time protecting a pack of perverts in Roman collar than they did in helping heal their victims, many of them children.

                “O’Malley’s appointment reminded me of that long-gone summer when Bob Lemon was hired to replace Billy Martin as manager of the Yankees, a team that had imploded to dissent under the deeply troubled Martin. The new guy was a pro, a veteran; plus Lemon had the type of calm demeanor that brought stability and confidence to a clubhouse shaken by the insanity and alcoholism of the tortured guy he replaced.

                “O’Malley showed up for his press conference wearing the brown robes of a Franciscan. He is 59, with a well-timed and deeply gray beard and mustache that cannot hide a warm smile and eyes that invite conversation.

                “He has been around the edges of many of the sex scandals that have shaken the church, first in Fall River, Mass., where he arrived in the wake of revelations that a single parish priest, James Porter, had been a serial predator for decades, sexually abusing dozens of children. Then, quite recently, O’Malley was in Palm Beach, Fla., dispatched by Rome after a couple of bishops were forced to admit that they couldn’t keep their hands off teenagers.

                “Nobody would ever confuse O’Malley with the pompous Egan. The Franciscan took an oath of poverty when he was ordained and, quite clearly, took it seriously, too.

                “Apparently, Egan and several other church leaders think their principal mission is live well, get front-row seats and free parking, hang with the rich and generally behave like 18^th century nobility. Staff is always on hand to keep them a good distance from the poor.

                “’The days of the lordly manner in a bishop are over,’ Kennedy noted. ‘Especially those guys like Ed Egan who treats Catholics belonging to groups like Voice of the Faithful as outsiders or as a threat. They’re not a threat. The is the real future of the church….”127

                Here is Barnacle a Boston guy that was giving O’Malley the “honeymoon” period.  

July 7, 2003

                Kathleen A. Shaw falls in an old trap of writing a column: “Catholics wonder who will become the next bishop (Worcester)” in this days Worcester Telegram & Gazette. One thing I learned whenever this was being addressed was: God doesn’t even know. So, she writes: “Worcester-With Bishop Sean P. O’Malley due to be installed as head of the Boston archdiocese at the end of this month, speculation is turning to who will replace retiring Bishop Daniel P. Reilly of Worcester diocese.

                “’I think people will be surprised,’ said Owen J. Murphy Jr., an author and former editor of The Catholic Free Pres.

                “Mr. Murphy said the Vatican needs to ‘make a statement that the old boys network is dead.’ The Vatican may have started making that statement with the appointment of Bishop O'Malley, a Franciscan friar, to Boston, he said. ‘They are going to have to make that statement with the next two or three appointment.

                “; I wouldn’t be surprised if the next (Worcester) bishop is a priest of the diocese,’ Mr. Murphy said. ‘Fall rive just promoted for it own ranks. We just have to keep praying.’

                Mary Keville of Harvard, a leader in the Catholic lay organization called Voice of the Faithful, said she believes selecting and elevating a priest of the diocese ‘would be welcomed by laity and clergy alike, although I think this would be unlikely.

                “’Of course my hope is that it will be someone who is both pastoral in a approach and collaborative in ministry with the priests and the laity, someone who will be sympathetic to the victims of clergy abuse and will follow his heart and the Gospel values in solving the crisis,’ she said.

                Laurie a. Letourneau of Shrewsbury said she has heard that some people in the diocese want to see Monsignor Francis D. Kelley, a priest of the Worcester diocese who is rector of Blessed John XXIII National Seminary in Weston, got the appointment.

                “She is also hearing the name of Monsignor Thomas F. Sullivan, current chancellor, who was elevated to monsignor last year. Ms. Letourneau said she believes Monsignor Sullivan’s public role in handling the current sexual abuse scandal might have hurt his chances.

                “Ms. Letourneau, who heads life Action league of Massachusetts, said he want a bishop, a bishop who is humble and ‘really pro-life.’ She would like to see the next bishop move out of the bishop’s house on High Ridge Road and into more modest housing.

                “She criticized the current bishop for putting politics first and publicly taking an anti-abortion stand while cutting funds from his pro-life office…”128

                Shaw’s article continues with quotes from Shaw’s contacts in her writing columns. The one thing I wondered about if they were Catholic was that when the last time they read anything of late was or anything in history about the Vatican since 1870 and especially with the papacy of John Paul II and his style of governing. Oh, some centuries back, the people of the diocese with Cathedral Chapters and other selections procedures. But, this day and age was something else of the 17^th or 18^th Centuries.

                Therefore, any ink used to speculate was I believe useless. God didn’t even know who was going to be the next bishop of Worcester. But, it did have interesting reading.  

July 9, 2003

                In small box newsprint in these days Worcester Telegram & Gazette we read: “Clergy abuse accuser faces drug charges.” It states: “Boston – A key figure in the clergy sex abuse scandal pledged not guilty to drug possession charges yesterday after he  was arrested in a motel room where marijuana and heroin  paraphernalia were found.

                “Patrick McCorley, 29, an alleged victim of defrocked priest John Geoghan, nearly drowned after falling into the Neponset River last month.

                “He was arrested Monday evening at a Dedham motel, the Boston Herald reported in a story posted yesterday afternoon on it s web. site.”129

                I didn’t her any commentaries on this particular vase. But, I imagine the psychiatrist and others had McCorley in a certain category due to the priest-Geroghan. Everything of late is because of the priest, the priest, the priest.

                This same section of the paper has a “State Digest” a report “25 Springfield priests accuse in 18 month.” It stated: “Springfield- Twenty-five priests in the Springfield Diocese have been accused of misconduct during the past 18 months, according to a lay commission handling complaints against clergy.

                “The accusations came up as the diocese takes part in a national survey studying clergy sexual abuse over the past half-century. But not all the accusations involve sexual misconduct, according to Mark Dupont, a spokesman for the diocese.

                “Some complaints are about drug and alcohol abuse, he said.

                “’The commission handles all varieties of misconduct among priests,’ Dupont said.

                : A total of 43 complaints of misconduct have been made against 30 diocesan workers, The Republican of Springfield reported yesterday. All but five of the workers are priests.”130

                One needed a scorer card with all this priest abuse-dragnet going through the water- climate.  

July 11, 2003

                Richard Nangle, Telegram & Gazette Staff reported “Alleged Abuse victim says HIV test is negative.” He wrote: “An alleged victim of clergy sexual abuse who has sued the Worcester Catholic Diocese has him tested for AIDS and says the results refute pretrial deposition testimony by a diocesan office (Sullivan) that he is HIV-positive.

                “Sime Braio, 53, of Shrewsbury, said he decided to get tested and go public with the result because recent news accounts suggesting he is HIV-positive were making life difficult for him. He sad the test was conducted by Quest Diagnostics Inc. of Cambridge and the test result was negative.

                “While AIDS testing is not 100 percent accurate. Mr. Braio said he is satisfied that the result would ease the concern expressed by people close to him. He said he has constantly been asked in recent weeks why he would keep such information private but make it available to country and church officials.

                “Mr. Braio has filed a civil suit charging Auxiliary Bishop George E. Rueger, then a priest at Our Day of Lourdes parish with, raping him in the early 1960s

                “In pretrial deposition testimony made public last month. Monsignor Thomas J. Sullivan, diocesan chancellor and liaison to District Attorney John J. Conte’s office, sad he was told by First assistant District Attorney James Reagon that Mr. Braio is HIV-positive.

                “After the disposition, Mr. Braio denied that he had HIV or that he ever told anyone he had been infected. After reading the deposition testimony, Mr. Reagon denied telling Monsignor Sullivan that Mr. Braio had HIV.

                “In the deposition Monsignor Sullivan said, ‘He (Mr. Reagon) told me that he (Mr. Braio) was a very sick man. That he, you know, has heart-had heart problems, was HIV-positive. You know, had, you know-we already knew he had a criminal record.’

                “Mr. Braio’s lawyer, Daniel J. Shea of Houston, said the conversation between the district attorney’s office and diocese amounted to defamation of character.

                “’It’s clear that somebody is manufacturing information in an attempt, to discredit Mr. Braio,’ Mr. Shea…:131

                What you have here is character assassination, slinging of information that were all “hot button” for this age and time. What became more interesting was that nothing was followed up in a classic grand jury model. Things just died. But, watch who it died with-Rueger and that Chancery “certain element.” 

July 13, 2003

                I heard on the radio John L. Allen, Jr. of the National Catholic Reporter speak that Rome was going to begin “laicize” priest that had been allegated. This was my initial reaction in 1993 and has lived with this fear-even without any defense or anything on my part to defend myself besides saying that I never molested anyone. One must not forget that Rueger was time-in and timeout saying that more were going to come out against me. But, we know he was “chirping” to protect Bishop Harrington and his drunk-driving cover-up.

                I was on an emotional roller coaster concerned that I would be run through a canonical trail on my two situations. Reilly and the Chancery Gang would use me as the “Poster Boy.” The anxiety at times had me experience a burning feeling on my arms. The anxiety was working overtime. My “stinken thinking” would creep in: Leave the whole fight and live again.

                I was realizing that the Worcester Chancery Gang (“Selective-Element”) was putting out fires and in Westminster, the were dancing with the Gospel Book being carried to the Ambo (Stand for this Book)

                This day the associated Press in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette gives us “Psychiatrist blast Boston archdiocese-Information withheld on abusive priests.” It reads: “Boston – A psychiatrist sad he was ‘stupefied’ that the Boston archdiocese withheld key information about abusive priests he evaluated and would nave recommended hail for the Rev. Paul R. Shanley had church officials provided all information known about the accused pedophile.   

                “The Rev. Dr. Edwin Cassem, a Jesuit priest a former chief of psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital, evaluated dozen of priests accused of sexual misconduct in the late 1980s and 1990s.

                “In a two-day deposition taken by lawyers representing alleged abuse victims, Cassem strongly criticized former church leader, particularly Bishop John B. McCormack, a former top aide to Cardinal Bernard F. Law, fro failing to provide him with key information about priests he evaluated.

                “The list of priests Cassem evaluated included notorious names, such as Shanley, who faces criminal charges for allegedly raping young boys…”132

                This is a similar situation of what the Institute of Living in Hartford was reporting of their experiences with bishops and priests that were evaluated by them.

`               Bishop McCormick was promoted to become the bishop (Ordinary) for Manchester, NH.  

July 14, 2003

                Back to Worcester, we read “Man in abuse case to sue DA for $1M” by Richard Nangle in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette.

                It states: “A Shrewsbury man plans to sue District attorney John J. Conte fro $1 million, alleging that a member of the district attorney’s staff told a church official the man had HIV.

                “Daniel J. Shea, lawyer for Sime J. Braio of Shrewsbury, filed a notice of intent Thursday, charging Mr. Conte with negligent supervision.

                “Mr. Shea of Huston said he will file suit after the mandatory six-month waiting prod that follows the notice of intent.

                “Mr. Braio, 53, last year filed a civil shit charging Auxiliary Bishop George E. Rueger with raping him while a priest at Our Lady of Lourdes, a parish in the early 1960s.

                “In contrast to their allegations of clergy abuse in Worcester County where priests were removed from their posts, the Worcester catholic Diocese has mounted a spirited defense of Bishop Rueger. It began with a sidewalk press conference in front of the chancery a day after the suit was filed last July and has continued in the course of pre-trail depositions…Mr. Shea wrote in his court filing, ‘With respect to the reason defendant, at time of trail, plaintiff will prove that Reardon intentionally slandered or defamed his reputation per se by manufacturing a story that Sime Braio had a loathsome disease, namely, human immunodeficiency virus that was neither justified nor true.

                “Mr. Shea said the information was used to discredit his client and may help explain why Bishop Rueger has not been removed from his post.

                “In his complaint to the court, Mr. Shea wrote, ‘the failure of the Reagon defendant to act upon the sworn deposition testimony of the Sullivan defendant, and instead to characterize it as ‘mistaken,’ is direct evidence of the conspiratorial intent of these defendants.’

                “The Worcester Catholic Dicoese has filed a motion to have the suit dismissed. A hearing is scheduled fro 2 p.m. today in Worcester superior court.”133

                I was not able to find any information about this particular hearing or conclusion. Actually, I should have checked public court record. Were their any public records on this or anything else with Bishop Rueger? It is very interesting how all this was off the screen very quickly. The Worcester Chancery did use many resources that no other diocesan priest had made available.

                I read all this and was bitter where I wanted to give Rueger comfort as the same comfort he gave me- more is going to come out on you, George!

                This same day of this paper’s “The People’s Forum” with the letter “Coverage of sex-abuse issue commendable” by Virginia M. Ryan of Worcester. She wrote: “I want commend the news and editorial staff of the Telegram & Gazette for keeping its readers informed about developments and ongoing issues in the sexual abuse crisis in the Diocese of Worcester elsewhere. The paper’s commitment to cover the story and stay on it even when the issue has appeared to lose steam at times has been immeasurably important for the future of the Worcester Diocese.

                “This crisis has taken a deep toll on many Catholics and I wouldn’t be surprised if many wish it would simply go away.

                “But the crisis and the accompanying issues of accountability, honesty and structural change within the church will not go away, no matter how much some might hope.

                “It is at this point, when some readers may be tired or so discouraged about the issue that they don’t want to know more, that a paper might make a decision to move away from coverage.

                “I am grateful for the courage and persistence of reporters Kathleen A. Shaw and Richard Nangle, and columnist Kenneth J. Moynihan and others, so full disclosure, justice and truth will continue to be pursued.

                “Also, I am very grateful to them because true among Catholics would be impossible without their coverage. We Catholics have needed the T&G reporters to ask the hard questions and we continue to need the T&G to challenge the church and to take the necessary steps that will lead to full transparency, accountability and honesty.”

                Here we had another viewpoint of the complexity of what is happening with the diocese and the Catholic Church. 

July 15, 2003

                Then we get “Diocese argues it has immunity in Braio lawsuit” in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette.  Richard Nangle writes: “Worcester – A lawyer for the Worcester Catholic Diocese argued in Superior Court yesterday that a civil lawsuit charging Auxiliary Bishop George E. Rueger with rape should be dismissed (Why not my case or other priest of the Worcester Catholic Diocese?)

                “Diocesan lawyer James G. Reardon Jr. said the lawsuit incomplete and that plaintiff Sime J. Braio cannot demonstrate that the diocese is not entitled to the protection of common law charitable immunity.

                “Mr. Reardon said the curt should not entertain theological, religious or ecclesiastical questions that Mr. Braio’s lawyer, Daniel J. Shea of Houston, has injected into the proceedings.

                “‘It’s just wild accusations through out there for the purposes of some sort of discovery,’ Mr. Reardon said. (The same may have been said in my case.).

                “The rape is alleged to have happened in the early 1960s. Mr. Reardon argued that in a previous clergy sexual abuse case, the Worcester Superior Court ‘specifically held that charitable immunity applies to any cause of action based n activities alleged to have occurred prior to 1971.’

                “Mr. Shea, in his filing with the curt, said the pre-1971 charitable immunity ruling did not dismiss the direct negligence claim against the diocesan corporation for negligence hiring and or supervision. He sad the ruling did not affect criminal actions that happened outside the scope of the charity.

                “Judge Leila R. Kern took the matter under advisement.

                Mr. Shea argued that the church as taken steps as an institution  to cover up clergy sexual abuse and the evidence of that has bearing in his client’s claim against Bishop Rueger…’What’s that all about? Doesn’t that sound to you like obstruction of justice?’ Mr. Shea asked…”135

                One doesn’t have to go very far in thinking to see the different standard this Diocese of Worcester is operating on. One set of rules for their priest and another for a bishop-hierarchy structure. Any standard conflict with these guys is the “certain element” that is so prominent in this diocese.

                Another factor was that there had been about 33 diocesan priests that had been allegated. Rueger was the only case of priest sex abuse that the diocese used any recourse of defense. I know- Rueger was a bishop. But, it is most interesting of how this Worcester Gang operated. 

July 16, 2003

                Kathleen A. Shaw wrote “Child-rape trail to start for priest: Shrewsbury woman accuses Kelley” in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. She writes: “”Worcester – trail is scheduled to begin at 9 a.m. Monday in Worcester Superior court on child rape charges against the Rev. Robert E. Kelley.

                “He was indicted a year ago on five charges that he sexually abused and raped Heather Mackey of Tewksbury when he was assigned as priest at St. Cecilia parish in Leominster. She sad the abuse started when she was 4 years old.

“According to Ms. Mackey, who has talked publicly about her alleged abuse, she first met Rev. Kelley when she visited her grandmother in Leominster. He was assigned to that parish in 1976.

                “A pretrial conference is set the same day regarding child rape charges brought against Rev. Kelley in connection with the alleged sexual abuse of Denise Gallant of Ashburnham.

                “The trail and pretrial conference are listed on the court docket for Monday. A spokeswoman for Worcester District attorney John J. Conte said yester the trail is scheduled for that day.

                “In the meantime, a civil trail is scheduled for Oct. 7 in Hampden superior Court in Springfield regarding a civil suit brought by Jane martin, which lives in that area, alleging that Rev. Kelley sexually abused her when he was assigned to Notre Dame Parish in Southbridge, which was his first parish assignment after ordination in 1968...”136

                Kelley had all type of cases going- some dismissed where his lawyer only said that he was not free to discuss the details.  

July 18, 2003

                Father John F. Madden wrote a two – part series – Guest Column on the sex abuse crisis for the Catholic Free Press. The first article appeared on July 11- “Focus on healing, forgiveness will erase failure” and then July 18^th “Finding the truth and achieving healing and justice.”

                The first part he writes: “We have failed. The resignations of the five pastors in the diocese who had been on administrative leave because of allegations of sexual abuse is a failure on the part of every member of the Church of Worcester.

                “Clearly, something had to be done to allow the five parishes immediately affected by their pastor’s absence to move forward. If all of us have suffered during this crisis, and we all have some extent, those five parishes have suffered significantly. We all hope and pray that they will be able to move forward now.

                “However, the crisis has never been about them - ours – primarily. It has always been and remains concerned, firstly with the victims, the victim/survivors and the accused priests. A general inability or unwillingness to see this truth has been a major part of our failure. It appears that too many have seen and still see the crisis as being concerned principally with the authority, power and structure of the Church – for some, what power and authority they will be able to gains because of the crisis. Indeed, there are many important issues facing the Church today and authority, power and the structure of the Church are part of them. Nonetheless, people using the crisis to pus h forward one agenda or another is one of the main reasons that we have failed. The failure has been perpetrated by both ‘liberals’ and ‘conservatives’ and is, too often worsened but the less than sympathetic language that is employed. The crisis is not and never has been about jus and, least of all, about our ideologies.

                “The only way that we can reverse this failure is to place our primary focus where it rightly belongs, that is, on healing for the victim, justice for the victim survivors, forgiveness and therapeutic treatment for the guilty priests and public, heartfelt apologies for the innocent priests…”137

                The second part of this series, Madden writes: “Only by approaching the resolution of the clergy sexual abuse case in a Christ-like manner will we be productive and successfully. A critical insight that it will offer us is the ability and willingness to make necessary and important distinctions in each case. If we truly want to forgiven and find “wholeness in relationship’ with each other and with God and with Jesus, then we need to discern what, exactly, is to be forgiven and healed.

                “Throughout the crisis each of the accused priests has been painted with the same broad brush. In a recent story concerning one of the lattes to civil suits, the young man says that he was abused when he was in high school and, yet, his attorney is quoted as referring to the priest as a ‘pedophile.’ Distinctions like these are critically important. Each of the accused priests and every alleged victim are individual distinctions that must be acknowledged if we are going to come to the truth and achieve healing and justice.

                “As I have written previously, and based on the instruction of Jesus himself, the best and perhaps only way to discern these distinctions is to bring the accuser and the accused together in a safe confidential, impartial, non-contentious and Christian setting. There the people of God can determine, in each individual case, what did or did not occur? What harm was done? Was their harm done? What is necessary for that harm to be healed? A process closely analogous to South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission is a perfect paradigm…”138

                Father Madden – money is the issue in my case and agenda against the Church’s teachings. There are agendas that are different from this culture and those to which he is referring too. Was the money line! Besides the generalization for “guilt” is so foreign to our culture and yet “group guilt” hits the wrong buttons and is an idealism that even Christ-like goals are too realistic.

                This day, we read in the National Catholic Reporter article by Father Ricard P. McBrien “Keating was wring choice at the outset.” McBrien wrote: “former Oklahoma Gov. Fran Keating resigned last month as chair of the U.S. bishops’ National review Board, which monitors the enforcement of their sexual abuse policy adopted a year ago in Dallas.

                “Leading of organizations, such as the Survivor’s Network for those Abused by Priests, SNAP, dedicated to the interests of survivors of sexual abuse, as well as leaders of lay movements, such s Voice of the Faithful, saw the resignation as a telling sing of the bishops’ failure to honor their commitment of last June.

                “Keating had exposed their stonewalling and got-dragging, and the bishops did not like the one bit. Did they expect the National Review Board to operate as a compliant adjunct of the bishops’ conference rather than as a genuine independent body?

                “Leading members of the hierarchy, on the other hand, thought that Keating was out of control, that his public attacks on the bishops (and not just his final comparison of their behavior to that of Las Cosa Nostra) had undermined his effectiveness as chair of the National Review Board.

                “Even a majority of the board itself thought Keating had crossed the line of appropriate public comment and needed to set aside…”139

                What I was able to read about Keating and this issue was “impatience.” This and being laymen were two factors that had me thinking that he was history. He became that with the bishops and the “right-wing element of American Catholics.” 

July 18, 2003         

                Richard Nangle writes this day “Lennon questioning on Rueger is shelved” in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. Here we read: “Worcester – An attempt by Houston lawyer Daniel J. Shea to question Bishop Richard G. Lennon of Boston under oath has been derailed, at least for now.

                “A Superior Court judge granted an emergency motion yesterday indefinitely postponing the deposition, which had been scheduled for today.

                “Bishop Lennon, installed as the interim head of the Boston Archdiocese after Cardinal Bernard F. Law resigned, had been subpoenaed in connection with a civil lawsuit charging Auxiliary Bishop George E. Rueger of the Worcester Catholic Diocese with rape.

                “Mr. Shea said the motion was granted without a hearing. He said he will try to obtain the information he was seeking from Bishop Lennon from other sources before attempting to rescheduled the depiction.

                “Bishop Lennon spent some time as pastor of a parish in Scituate, the community where Mr. Shea’s client, Sime J. Braio of Shrewsbury, says Bishop Rueger took him on weekends to a seaside home and raped him in the early 1060s

                “Bishop Lennon’s lawyer, Wilson D. Roger III of Boston, said in his filing with the court that there is not bias to suggest his client has personal knowledge about the case. . .

                “In a sworn affidavit, Bishop Lennon said he had none of the documents Mr. Shea was seeking and that he does not know Mr. Braio.

                “ ‘I know Most Rev. George E. Rueger,’ he said into eh affidavit. ‘Others than as to the allegations disclosed to me, incident as to my view of the complaint in this matter. I have no knowledge of any such allegations regarding Most. Rev. George E. Rueger.’

                “Bishop Lennon took over St. Mary of the Nativity parish in Scituate in 1973, Mr. Shea said, but would have a familiarity with longstanding family relationships there. Mr. Shea said he wanted to question Bishop Lennon about the occupants of the 51 Egypt Ave., home where Mr. Braio says he was raped.

                “‘There may be other sources I can use other than him,’ Mr. Shea said, adding that Bishop Lennon’s reluctance to be deposed surprised him.

                “Mr. Shea had asked Bishop Lennon to produce seminary records of priest accused of sexual abuse who attended St. Hon’s Seminary in Brighton between 1958 and 1968. A number of those priests had ties to Scituate, he said.”140

                Attorney Shea was asking questions. But, these were obviously not the correct one to ask. Why didn’t he try to find out from Bishop Lennon if any priest in the Worcester Diocese owned homes/cottages in Situate (Irish Rivera)? One thing is the “clergy underground” and a pastor had more knowledge than anyone about who lives in his parish boundaries, but never says another word by watch and listen – unspoken code with the stipulation that another priest wanted to “respect the other priest’s privacy.” Nice goggling gook but watch-out for who hangs around with whom – cliques of the “Boys-in-the-Band.”

                Then the Worcester Telegram & Gazette gives us “Kelly’s lawyer want trail” but written by Gary V. Murray- new reporter on the priest sex abuse poll. He writes: “Worcester – the lawyer for the Rev. Robert E. Kelley is to ask judge today to postpone the priest’s trail on child rape charges so he and the prosecutor can review ‘medical/counseling’ records of the alleged victim. The lawyer says those records might contain information benefiting Rev. Kelley’s defense.

                “The lawyer, Anthony M. Salerno, is also seeking a court order allowing him and Assistant District Attorney William m. McGourty access to the records which Mr. Salerno described as ‘potentially exculpatory evidence.’ Both requests are scheduled to be heard by Judge Ralph D. Gants in Worcester Superior Court.

                “Rev. Kelly, 61, of Worcester, who ahs not been allowed to fund tin as a priest for 17 years is scheduled to go to trial Monday on charges of sexually assaulting Heather Mackey of Tewksbury when he was assigned as a priest at St. Cecilia parish in Leominster more than 20 years ago

                “Ms. Mackey, who has spoke publicly about the alleged sexual abuse, said it began when she was 4 years old, rev. Kelley, who was sentenced to finv3 to seven in state prison in 1990 raping a Gardner girl, has pleaded not guilty to the charges…”141

                What gets interesting in reading the newspaper is how it re-cycles the same story over and over with an additional glitch some other element.

                Then the Catholic Free Press gives us “Diocese await curt ruling.” Kevin Luperchio writes: “The diocese is awaiting a Superior court ruling in response to its request this be removed form a vigil lawsuit charging Bishop Rueger with sexual assault of a minor.

                “In the suit, which was filed last July against the bishop and the diocese, Sime Braio, 52, of Shrewsbury, alleges that Bishop Rueger began sexually molesting him when Mr. Braio was an altar boy at Ur Lady of Lourdes Parish in Worcester and that the diocese knowingly concealed information about the assaults. Bishop Rueger has denied the accusations.

                “Diocesan lawyer James G. Reardon, Jr. of Reardon & Reardon, a Worcester law firm, argued in a hearing Monday that the diocese should b e exempt from the lawsuit infer Massachusetts common law which grant charitable organizations immunity from liability uncivil lawsuits.

                “The law was changed in 1971 but since the alleged assaults against Mr. Braio occurred in the 1060s, it should apply in this case, Mr. Reardon sand.

                “Daniel J. Shea, a Houston-based lawyer representing Mr. Braio, argued that the charitable immunity common law does not apply to cases of claims of direct negligence against the organization in matters of hiring and supervision of employees.

                “Mr. Reardon also argued that the diocese could not knowingly concealed information pertaining to the alleged assaults since, by Mr. Braio’s own admission, it did not know of the assaults before 2001. In the original complaint, Mr. Braio said he informed the diocese about the alleged assaults in 2001.

                “‘You can’t have conspiracy, frauds or deception based on what you don’t know,’ Mr. Reardon said.

“Mr. shear argued that the wider Church as attempted to cover up instances of sexual abuse and that those attempts are relevant in his client’s claim…”142

                The same issue of the Catholic Free Press printed “Father Gagnon on leave.” It stated: “Father Jean-Paul Gagnon has been put on administrative leave from his duties as pastor of St. Augustine Parish in Millville, effective July 16, Bishop Reilly announced yesterday.

                “Deacon William Lucier is administering the parish and Father Robert Loftus is providing priestly assistance to the community there, the bishop said.

                “Father Gagnon is till canonically the pastor; he has not resigned according to Raymond L, Delisle, and director of the Diocesan Office of Communications.

                “Father Gagnon toke personal leave as pastor following a civil suit filed in Worcester Superior Court last fall by Timothy P. Staney, 32, and his parents Joseph C. and Corrine L Staney, alleging sexual abuse in 1980s.

                This week’s change in Father Gagnon’s status from personal o administrative leave came in the curse of the ongoing investigation by the Diocesan Review Committee and the Bishop’s Office and was made so the parish will not be engaging in any public ministry in this diocese or elsewhere. The Diocesan Review Committee formerly the Pastoral Care Committee, is a panel of legal , medical and religious experts that investigate allegations of sexual abuse against diocesan personnel…”143 

July 19, 2003

                Here is an eye-opening story in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette of “Braio drops suit vs. assistant DA: Filer acts without telling his lawyer.” Ricard Nangle writes: “”Worcester – A Shrewsbury man who filed a notice of intent to sue District Attorney John J. Conte for 41 million last week has changed his mind.

                “Sime Braio filed notice yesterday in superior Court that he has dropped First Assistant district Attorney James Reagon from the suit. Mr. Braio had alleged Mr. Reagon had told a church official he has HIV,

                “Mr., Braio’s lawyer, Daniel J. Shea of Houston said he had nothing to do with yesterday’s court filing.

                “Last week, Mr. Shea had filed a notice of intent to sue, charging Mr. Conte with negligent supervision. He names Mr. Reagon and Monsignor Thomas J. Sullivan, diocesan chancellor and liaison to Mr. Conte’ office as defendants.

                “‘It’ taken me completely by surprise,’ Mr. Shea said. ‘That (Mr. Braio’s action) let Conte off the hook.’

                “With only Monsignor Sullivan left as a defendant, ‘I am totally at a loss as to where we go from here,’ he said.

                “Mr. Shea said the development does not affect Mr. Braio’s civil lawsuit against Auxiliary Bishop George E. Rueger, charging him with rape while a priest at Our Lady of Lourdes parish in the early 1960s.

                “Mr. Shea said he decided to sue Mr. Conte, Mr. Reagon and Monsignor Sullivan after taking Monsignor Sullivan deposition in May…”144

                One may wonder how the fear element prevails in this case of Braio facing he whole Chancery Gang. 

July 21, 2003

                I had lunch with "Father Peacock.” He staged this lunch by attempting to impress on me that Fr. Chet Devlin-a classmate of mine of Administrative Leave- called him and that they spoke for about an hour. I don’t believe Devlin called. "Father Peacock" most likely called him. But this is what one had to do with this guy’s stories. I really believe "Father Peacock" was lobbying to become the Bishop’s Liaison for priest on Administrative Leave-thing he may then become a Monsignor. "Father Peacock" spoke how here is a priest (Bishop Rueger), alleged, denied charges and still functioning-not removed from his ministry. The discussion evolves to how Rueger get an outside chancery Press Conference with Chancery Staff- priest and secretarial people in the background.

                One comment that "Father Peacock" said was that he was able to do so much dusting at his place in Douglas. He said that Devlin gave him his address-prestigious fantasy in his head- and private telephone number. Devil supposedly said he did not have a listed phone any more. He had his number “removed” since he as allegated. Then I had to hear how Devlin had only a few years to pay on the mortgage on his home. He continued to say that Devlin told him that the bishop wanted to settled his case and make him a “Retired Priest Status with Clergy Benefits.” Supposedly, the Reilly Group (6) signed-off their parishes and the case was dropped. But, I realized that "Father Peacock" wanted to impress me that Devlin gave him his telephone number and address. It was as thou, he was “so compassionate” with Devlin and other priest on Administrative Leave. Why was it that I sensed something more with his “outreaching.” Was he covering something or developing techniques to future undergoing...

                Devlin supposedly said to "Father Peacock" that cases were going for $25,000 to $30,000 to settle. What was interesting with this number was it was similar to my number.  Devlin’s group supposedly was told they were able to work part-time. The Chancery did not want them to tell their employer “Why” they were on Administrative Leave.

                Father Bagley, according to this lunch conversation, was holding “court” at his Cape Cod home. Why did I sense jealousy? Fr. Adain Walsh was living at the Cape at his place. The “Reilly Group” had Fr. Dennis Rauchford as their ad ovate but that he had been “sent for treatment at the Guest Huse in Michigan to dry-out.” Rauchford used to call each of them weekly but now no one had contacted them.

                I never had a call from Rauchford. Picclomini only called a few times being inquisitive or to tell me to report to the Bishop’s Residence.

                Bishop Reilly supposedly had two meeting with is Group but no Fr. Ray Messier in attendance. Harrington’s Group would have included me as Fr. Gerry Branconia.

                There had been talk of settlement on a National Policy Issue. "Father Peacock" related to me that Rome did not accept what was being proposed by the American Bishops at first. Then he told me: “You have to get a lawyer!” Oh? I didn’t say much but that I had to process the information for myself  "Father Peacock" was playing his dominating role and trying to instill fear-repeated performance on his part with me. I did say it was upsetting to hear this. I should not have even hinted this to him or show it on my face- poker face should have been.

                The conversation continued on in that I was told that Attorney Ed Ryan was representing Devlin. I was told that Ryan was an aggressive lawyer.

                Then the conversation turned to Fr. Ouellette in having embezzled between $100,000 and $150,000 for Immaculate Conception parish in Fitchburg. This was "Father Peacock" former parish as pastor. The story was that he was able to get the Chancery to get him an apartment in a high-rise complex in Worcester.

                This was how "Father Peacock" played his mind game and as a one-upper on information. I began to answer him with questions where I found it upsetting talking with him. You did not talk with him. He was constantly “fishing” for information. Well, I turned any issue into questions.

                I had to listen from "Father Peacock": “Will they (attackers) be happy when they have the entire priest in the diocese allegated.” Then he went back to Devlin’s phone conversation in that Devlin was “not happy” about his case versus Rueger’s statues. Rueger’s case was not working well with the priest in the Worcester Diocese according to Devlin. 

                Additionally, I was told in this lunch that Devlin and Branconia were going to Bishop Reilly’s 50^th at the cathedral in August. I was told: You should be going!” I reacted with: I am not sure. I felt that he was parading me in with a few other times that I went to the Cathedral with him. I still was a person that felt a significant identity of being who I am.

                Then, Fr. Branconia was only getting $1,000 a month and a new deduction of $49. He was being limited with St. Francis Nursing Home on a when needed bases. It was less and less of late

                I mention Piccolomini where "Father Peacock" told me that Rocco (Picclomini) was Secretary to Bishop Reilly and on the Committee for Collaboration. "Father Peacock" did see Rocco as being in the inner circle of the Chancery and that I should not bother thinking anything about the role of Picclomini. Why did I sense jealously prevailed in his views on the Bishop’s Secretary.   

                My last comment, getting out of the car was: It is more interesting to get (Fr.) Gerry Franconia’s input on all of this. 

July 22, 2003

                After yesterday with "Father Peacock", the night sleep had me being interrupted with awaking a number of times to twice change my pajama-tops which were wet with perspiration.  This was happening to me after I received news in March ’93, my time of the IOL evaluation staying in the Hartford Seminary and for a significant time period.  It, actually, was me changing shirts three times in one night. Here it was against after the previous day lunch with "Father Peacock.” 

July 24, 2003

                I had been struggling at times to writ my journal and being my manuscript of this journal. I had to realize that a positive essential step was that I take the trouble to evaluate and write my regular experiences to begin to understand what I was going through. However, it was a roller coaster ride at different times doing this writing.  

July 25, 2003

                The Worcester Telegram & Gazette in their editorial (in our opinion) of this day writes “The Reilly report’s Boston archdiocese still faces daunting takes.” It states: Attorney General Thomas F. Reilly’s announcement that there would be no criminal prosecution of church leaders in the clergy sexual abuse scandal in the boson Archdiocese was not altogether a surprise.

                “The legal basis for criminal charges has been problematic from the start of the investigation 16 months ago. In a meeting with the editorial board of the Telegram & Gazette this spring, Mr. Reilly was still uncertain about whether the hierarchy could be charged under state criminal statues.

                “His frustration was palpable on Wednesday, when he released his report which concludes that more than 235 clergy and other church personal may have been involved in molesting as many as 1,000 minors in the Boston Archdiocese since the 1940s. The report makes it clear that top church official were aware of the problem, the public and law enforcement officials.

                The pattern of hush-up and cover-up detailed in the report is numbing as is documentation that church leaders ignored victims’ complaints and moved accused priest from parish to parish, to molest against. As Mr. Reilly put it, archdiocese leaders ‘in effect, sacrificed children of many, many years…”145

                In addition, his same day the Worcester Telegram & Gazette prints “Church sex abuse probes net dew priest indictments.” Rachel Zoll of The Associated Press wrote: “About a dozen grand jury investigations into sex abuse claims again Roman Catholic clergy and countless reviews by police and prosecutors have produced just what critics predicted – few indictments of abusive priests and no charges against bishops who sheltered them.

                The most recent example came Wednesday, when Massachusetts Attorney General Thomas F. Reilly filed o criminal charges after a 16-month investigation of the Boston Archdiocese. Reilly said that, despite finding priest and other workers likely molested 1,000 people since 1940, each state law prevented him from pursuing charges.

                “Activists disagree over whether these investigations are still worth pursuing, or are just empty exercises that made civil authorities look tough without winning any convictions.

                “‘Short-term embarrassment for an institution isn’t consequence enough,’ said David Cheesy, national director of the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priest.

                “Law enforcement officials acknowledged at the beginning of the sex abuse crisis last hear that it would be difficult to pursue charges, even though hundreds of priests had been accused over the last several decades.

                “Most of the claims wee so old, the statues of limitations had run out, authorities said. And to prosecute church officials who sheltered molesters, state attorneys had to prove bishops meant to help the offenders commit crimes.

                “Knowing there was little chance for convictions; critics say prosecutors never should have started inquiries like the ones in Boston, New York and Pennsylvania.

                “‘Whenever the outcome is preordained, prosecutors should back off and not let their greed for PR get the best of them,’ said William Donohue, president of the Catholic League, an anti-defamation group in New York.

                “In some states, including Massachusetts, bishops were summoned to appear before grand juries-which were deeply embarrassing to some Catholics…”146

                Then, continuing on the same page (A2) of this issue, we read “Worcester diocese accused of blocking investigations.” Richard Nangle writes: “The Worcester Catholic Diocese deliberately hampered efforts by District Attorney John H. Conte to investigate allegations of clergy abuse, according to Worcester Voice of the Faithful report on the church scandal.

                “The report, which is available on the Internet www.worcestervoice.com  says diocesan officials withheld some documents form the information it turned over to the district attorney’s office. It offers no proof of the charge, however.

                The report written by May Jean of Worcester VOTF, is the first of its kind of the church scandal as it affect Worcester. Attorney General Thomas F. Reilly released finds in this week on his criminal investigation into the Archdiocese of Boston.
                “Mr. Reilly, who has so far declined to get involved in the Worcester Diocese matter, said the Boston Archdiocese engaged in a ‘massive inexcusable failure’ to do anything about the scandal.

                “Ms. Jean said she does not believe Mr. Conte will be issuing a similar report on the Worcester Diocese. In her report she suggested there is much to investigate in Worcester…”147 

July 26, 2003

                This day, we read in the local news section of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Reilly forwards report to Conte: Attorney general cites ‘model for Worcester diocese, country.” Richard Nangle wrote: “Attorney General Thomas F. Reilly has sent a copy of his report on sexual abuse in the Boston Catholic archdiocese to Worcester District Attorney John J. Conte, as an example of what Mr. Reilly’s spokesman said should be modeled similar investigations.

                “The attorney general hopes the report ‘will serve as a model for the Worcester diocese and others throughout the country to better ensure the protections of children,’ said Corey Wellford, a spokesman for the attorney general. He handed that Mr. Reilly is not involved in any investigation of the Worcester diocese, declined to elaborate…”148 

July 29, 2003

                Kathleen A. Shaw wrote in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette: Vatican document instructed secrecy in clergy abuse cases.”

                Shaw wrote: “The hierarchy of the catholic church has been instructed by the Vatican at least since 1962 to keep certain cases of clergy sexual abuse secret under pain of excommunication according to Boston lawyer Carmen L. Duros.

                “A cope of the directive was sent yesterday to U.S. Attorney Michael Sullivan at his Boston office by Mr. Durso, who said he believes the church ahs been obstructing justice.

                “Mr. Durso said it might also explain why Cardinal Bernard F. Law and bishops of the Boston Archdiocese and elsewhere covered up sexual abuse of children by clergy.

                “Mr. Durso yesterday asked Mr. Sullivan to find legal grounds under federal laws to prosecute those in the hierarchy who have covered up these sexual abuse cases.

                Houston lawyer Daniel J. Shea provided Mr. Durso with a copy of the Vatican document, called ‘On the Manner of Proceeding in cases of Solicitation’ (Latin title: ‘Crimen Solicitations’). Both lawyers are representing alleged clergy abuse victims in central Massachusetts…”149

                Attorney Shea, obviously, had church contacts to get such a document from his seminary days in Providence and studying in Belgium for the priesthood and had a “bump” with then Chancellor, Msgr. Daniel P. Reilly, who became Bishop of Worcester.               

July 30, 2003

                “Catholic group pledges to share abuse finding: Panel studying church abuse” appeared this day in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. Rachel Zoll of The Associated Press wrote: “Chicago-A pane of prominent Roman Catholics pledged yesterday to publicly release its findings from several ongoing studies on molester priests-even if its reports turn up information that will likely be used in lawsuits against the church..

                “The promise came as the National Review Board, a dozen lay Catholics appointed by the U.S. bishops to monitor the church’s reform efforts, issued a progress report on its first year of work.

                “William J. Bennett, a former secretary of education, prominent Washington lawyer and member of the board, said the panel has told the bishops that the results of four separate studies under way will be released no matter what. The first study, an audit of whether dioceses are implementing reforms aimed at ridding the priesthood of abusers, is scheduled to come out in December.

                “‘At the end of the day, protection of children and youth people is of paramount importance,’ Bennett said. ‘It is the unanimous view of this board…that disclosure is what is required.’

                “‘It’s going to be a lot harder to cover up anything in the future,’ he said.

                “But a major victim’s advocacy group immediately raised doubts about the studies’ value. The Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, whose founder, Barbara Blaine, met with the board yesterday, questioned whether the reports will be accurate since they are partly based on data provided by dioceses…”150

                This same publication carried this day “Catholics’ priest troubles spawn variety of web sites.” Kathleen A. Shaw writes: “The allegations of clergy sexual abuse that surface into the past two years have led to creation of a number of Web sites that provide information on the topic from a variety of viewpoints.

                “Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, which has operated a We site for victims of clergy sexual abuse, together with families of a alleged victims and concerned lay Catholics, this week launched a new site at www.catholicsforaction.org  through its New England SNAP Chapter.

                “While the recently redesigned SNAP site at www.survivorsnetwork.org focuses on the needs of victims, the new site is designed to help lay people in Massachusetts who are ‘determined to do whatever we can to make our church safer.’

                “While this site is the latest to arrive in cyberspace, a number of sites already exist on this issue.

                Worcester Diocese Voice of the Faithful discusses its work at www.votfworcester.org. The area organization lists resources for victims incense Massachusetts and posts general information on clerical abuse.

                “Mary T. Jean of Leominster, leader of the Worcester Voice, maintains a site at www.worcestervoice.com. Her site contains her own report on the extent of the sexual abuse issue in the Worcester diocese. She also lists resources for victims and provides link to other sites. She said yesterday the report has been downloaded nearly 1,000 times since it went onto the site about two weeks ago.

                “Accused priests and deacons can find information for an organization headed by Monsignor Michael Higgins, a canon lawyer, at Justice for Priests and Deacons. Monsignor Higgins, who is based in San Diego on his site at www.justiceforpriests.org  maintains priests and deacons have rights under the church’s canon law and should not surrender them…”151

                Monsignor Higgins was not in the Worcester Diocese with Bishop Harrington: “You’re guilty till proven innocent.” Harrington must have taken his line from Alice in Wonderland: “Then rendered the verdict and then conducted the trail.” 

August 1, 2003

                Here is an eye-opener: “Judge rejects lawyer’s attempt to delay trial of Rueger” in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette on page B6 and not on page A1 (Front page) by Richard Nangle. Where is Kathleen A. Shaw? Is it the switch and bait technique by the newspaper. It is worth the complete article at this time.

                The article read: “Sine J. Braio of Shrewsbury alleges that Auxiliary Bishop George E. Rueger plied him with alcohol and raped him during several visits to a summer vacating home in Scituate in the early 1960s.

                “According to interrogatories filed in connection with Mr. Braio’s lawsuit, Mr. Braio, now 53, says that Bishop Rueger sexually abused him on several occasions, first while the plaintiff was an altar boy at Our Lady of Lourdes parish in Worcester and then whiles he was at the former Lyman School for Boys in Westboro.

                “The interrogatories were filed in response to a motion by Mr. Braio’s lawyer, Daniel J. Shea of Houston to postpone action on the lawsuit.

                “Worcester Superior Court Judge Leila R. Kern denied the motion yesterday. Diocesan lawyer James G.  Reardon included the interrogatories with his response to the court. The documents, singed by Mr. Braio July3, expand upon the allegations he made against Bishop Rueger in his lawsuits against the cleric.

                “The documents sow that Mr. Braio said he has been under psychiatric care for the past 10 years for a panic disorder and that he takes anti-depression medication.

                “‘In early 2002, I began to read about the impact of parts abuse on minors and began to connect their stories to what had happened to me,’ Mr. Braio said in the written answers to questions posed by the diocese. (I never was given such an opportunity to have available in my two cases.)

                “ ‘Since early 2002, I have been very depressed, suicidal at times, and on one occasion when I visited the Scituate house, I became physically ill and vomited,’ he said.

                “Mr. Braio and Mr. Shea made an attempt to find the house about a month ago and settled on 51 Egypt Ave. (All those houses look alike.)

                “The interrogatories entail a number of occasions in which Mr. Braio was hospitalized for heart problems. He says he had a heart attackin1989 and later suffered a stroke during cardiac catheterization.

                “During one hospital stay in 1998, Mr. Braio said he received a visit from Bishop Rueger. He said he was under heavy sedation and does not recall specifics but was told by his physician that he was talking about Bishop Rueger while coming out of anesthesia.

                “He said that at the time of alleged rapes he did not believe he had been harmed, because Bishop Rueger told him the acts had ‘some kind of religious significance. I do not know that mechanism that caused me to put the sexual events out of my mind. However, in early 2002, when I began to read reports of priest victims having drug problems, suicide problems, and the like, I began to put the pieces together that led me to believe, as I do now, that Rueger’s conduct was extremely harmful.’

                “Mr. Braio said he was convicted of two crimes, receiving stolen property and breaking and entering, in 1993. He received a suspended sentence and was placed on probation. In answer to a question about his work history; he said he has been receiving Social Security since 1982.

                “He also said he filed tow lawsuits that were settled in 1991. In a slip and fall case against St. Vincent Hospital, he said he settled for $12,000 in a motor vehicle accident, he said, he settled for $17,000.

                “Mr. Reardon also included a letter from Mr. Braio’s psychiatrist, Dr. Jonathan Rothman of Worcester. In the letter, dated April 18, 2002. Dr. Rothman said it was only in the last several visits that Mr. Braio talked about sexual abuse.

                “‘Facts of his treatment with me would not be supportive that his symptoms could be casually related to sexual abuse, although it is impossible to rule that out, or after this period of time, determine what percentage of his symptoms could be attributed to this,’ Dr. Rothman wrote in his letter to Worcester lawyer James J. Gribouski, who had been representing Mr. Braio.

                “Mr. Gribouski decided against filing suit on behalf of Mr. Braio. Mr. Shea filled his lawsuit on behalf of Mr. Braio the following July.

                “Mr. Shea said he would not comment on the interrogatories. ‘The documents will simply have to speak for themselves,’ he said.

                “Mr. Reardon said Mr. Shea provided no bias for his motion. ‘It provided virtually no information,’ he said.

                “In his filing with the court, Mr. Reardon took issue with Mr. Shea’s contention that Mr. Braio is incompetent and lack capacity to communicate with his lawyer.

                “In addition to his lawsuit against Bishop Rueger, Mr. Braio has filed notice of intent to sue District Attorney John J. Conte, first Assistant District Attorney James Reagon and Monsignor Thomas J. Sullivan, diocesan chancellor and liaison to the district attorney’s office, for $1 million.

                “Mr. Braio tow week ago dropped Mr. Reardon from the suit. He had alleged that Mr. Reagon from the suit. He had alleged that Mr. Reagon told Msgr. Sullivan Mr. Braio had HIV. The allegation came from pretrial testimony in which Msgr. Sullivan said Mr. Reagon told him exactly that.  Mr. Reagon denied making the statement.

                “In any event, the testimony so upset Mr. Braio that he sought an HIV test and made the result public when it came back negative.

                “ ‘Obviously, the burden is on attorney She to demonstrate to the curt that Mr. Braio is incompetent or suffers from some other mental disability,; Mr. Reardon wrote in his filing with the court. “…Mr. Braio’s recent actions in attending the court hearing on the motion to dismiss, filing answers to interrogatories in this case, filling a verified complaint for slander against Monsignor Sullivan and Assistant District Attorney Reardon in Suit 2, and then moving, on his own, to dismiss only Mr. Reardon from the lawsuit, present strong evidence that Mr. Braio is competent and making informed thoughtful legal decisions.’

                “Mr. Reardon has argued in court that the lawsuit against Bishop Rueger should be dismissed.

                “Judge Kern has yet to rule on the motion to dismiss.”152

                There are all types of questions of proceedings, interrogatories and other factors that were never allowed in my situation. Obviously, I did not the money for lawyers and the Worcester Chancery as Rueger had. So, this is the Church and America. Isn’t it great?

                What one has to be aware of is in the Worcester Diocese, there were over 30 priest allegated. Rueger was the only one defended in curt as such by the Dioceses. Even, when in the paper in 1995 that article about me in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette where Rueger was quoted as saying that I was “odd.” Did I have any chance of “defamation of character” direction? I didn’t have a chance.

                Bishop Rueger’s case should be studied by someone to get doctrines. It would fill reams of paper. With such a heavy hand of the Worcester Diocese and legal proceedings, how would have anyone else dared to allocate George Rueger? More was going to come out on him-as he said to me in 1993- and we will never know.

                The Catholic Free Press carried this day the article “National Review Board work continues uninterrupted” by the Catholic News Service. It reported: “Chicago-The work of the National Review Board established by the U.S. bishops last year ‘has proceeded uninterrupted and with continued vigor and independence’ despite the resignation of its first chairman, the board said in an evaluation, the board said in an evaluating of its first year.

                “In the eight-page report released at a July 29 news conference in Chicago, the board thanks former Oklahoma Gov. Frank Keating, who resigned in June as board chairman, for ‘the leadership in the early stages of our formation.’

                “But the report made no reference to the controversy that led to the resignation of Keating who had characterized some bishops as being as secretive as a crime family in their handling of allegations of child sexual abuse by priests.

                “Most of the report undated the status of six major goals set for the National Review Board when it was established by the U.S. bishop last June…”152 

August 8, 2003

                This will get interesting for the hierarch and the media: “1962 norms on sex cases superseded” in the Catholic Free Press of this day’s issue.

                The article stated: “Vatican City (CNS)-The Vatican’s 1962 norms for handling cases of priests accused of soliciting sex in the confessional have been superseded by the 1983 Cod of Canon Law and new 2001 forms for dealing with serious crimes involving the sacraments, said the Vatican’s top canon law official.

                “Archbishop Julian Herranz, president of the Pontifical Council of the Interpretation of Legislative Text, told reporters yesterday. ‘What a matter is recorded, the previous procedures are suspended.’

                “The archbishop was asked about the status of a q962 doctrinal congregation ‘Instruction on the Manner of Proceeding in Cases of Solicitation,’ a term that refers specifically to sexual misconduct suggested or carried out by parts in the context of offering sacramental confession.

                “An attorney for victims of clerical sex abuse submitted the document to a Massachusetts court in late July, claiming it proved a Vatican-ordered conspiracy to cover up cases of sex abuse over the past 40 years.

                “News stirs about the condemn in the Massachusetts press in July and nationally in August portrayed it as an instruction atop bishops to keep every accusation of clerical sex abuse secret.

                “The document insists that the investigation of allegations of solicitation in the confessional and the trails of accused priests be conducted in absolute secrecy; however, if a priest was found guilty or simply ‘admonished’ for unsuitable behavior and later was transferred to another diocese, the bishop was obliged to inform the bishop of the new diocese.

                “A Vatican official who asked not to be identified, said yesterday the document’s invocation of secrecy was not meant to protect guilty priests, but to ensure a fair trial and safeguard the reputations of innocent priests and of the penitent making the claim…”154

                his same issue of the Catholic Free Press had Father John Catoir’s column: “Spirituality for today-Abuse polices are working” write: “Those of you who read my column know that I campaigned for a one-strike-and-you’re-out policy to rid the church of priest pedophiles long before the bishops voted on it. Child abuse is a despicable crime. Pope John Paul II said it well, “There is no room in the priesthood for those who abuse children.”

                “Part of my rage against this crime comes from a bad memory from childhood. I was abused once by a priest. It happened in the confessional, believe it or not. I resisted him and went home crying in a state of shock. In my heart and confusion I buried the story, never telling a soul.

                “So when I read a letter to the editor criticizing me for trying to abolish the new policy designed to protect children, I have to laugh. I forgive those who might have misjudged me. I see in them the same rage I felt myself many years ago.

                “Nevertheless, I believe that the time for healing must now begin…All of us need o forgive our sick brothers because the Lord ask it of us. We also need to trust the good priests among us. They have chosen a life of service and altruism, and type deserves our respect and loyalty. ”155

                This article had me sit-up in my chair because I have been reading Catoir column and works for some time.

                Now the editorial page of this issue of the Catholic Free Press carried “Why delay?” It stated: “What’s going on between the plaintiff suing Bishop Rueger and the man’s lawyer” new year after same Braio filed a civil lawsuit alleging he was sexual assaulted , Houston lawyer Daniel J. Shea filed an emergency notion in Superior Court to postpone indefinitely any action on the suit. The reason he sought the postponement is not clear because Mr. Shea uncharacteristically would not comment to the press. His motion, however, gives the impression that he feel his client is incompetent or unable to maintains a normal lawyer-client relationship.

                “James G. Reardon, Jr. lawyer for the diocese opposed the motion to continue the lawsuit indefinitely.

                “The court denied Mr. Shea’s notion and the proceedings will continue.

                “Bishop Rueger has proclaimed his innocence from the start. He deserves his day in court to clear his name.

                “It is significant when a lawyer seeks to delay action on a lawsuit because he feels his client is either incompetent or unable to communicate with him. One must ask then: Why did the Telegram & Gazette buy this story on the back page of the local section.

                “If it wasn’t for the headline, the reader probably wouldn’t have wade past the first two paragraphs of the Aug. 1 story. The reporter led the story with details of allegations that have already been made public. The motion to postpone acting on the lawsuit was an aside to the repeated allegations. The T&G story did not seek to explain why Mr. Shea wanted to postpone action on the case. And one wonders if the question was even asked.

                “The Catholic Free Press reported that Mr. Shea motion said that ‘matters of a confidentially nature have arisen that mandate immediate and emergency action.’ Mr. Shea would not elaborate on those confidential matters for the Free Press or the court.

                “Mr. Shea is the second lawyers who may have some misgivings about working with Mr. Braio’s case. Early last year the first lawyer contacted by Mr. Braio decided against filing the case for him.

                “After a year of pre-court proceedings which have received a great deal of publicity, the time has come for a trail during which fact can be distinguished form allegations.”156

                Oh! The ability to have a a similar “editorial” written on my behalf and other priests of the diocese escapes reasoning or does not escape what was and is happening on Elm Street, Worcester-Chancery Building and the Free Press Office. 

August 2, 2003

                I received a phone call form some friends at The Cape to tell me to turn on the TV to NECN live coverage of Molly Bish’s funeral Mass from St. Paul’s Cathedral, Worcester. They then asked me” How are you doing? Best answer, always, to give is “Good.” Then I was asked: What have you been doing? I gave the typical answer to people that I knew: I’ve been working on my manuscript. I was told that I have to move on and jettison that stuff behind me. Oh? What about my story and seeking some sense of justice? I had this time to move on in a “loving” spirit of my heart. I had taken the challenge. Moving on is so easily said but some people saying this don’t realize that all people are not on the same plane of life. The journey continues.

                The irony of ironies was now watching Rueger at Molly’s funeral Mass. Another observation or thought for me with this funeral Mass: Both the hierarch and the family were using the Cathedral for “show time” and each other.

                Here was the Bish family who attended Mass very infrequently with a funeral of their daughter to have Bishop Reilly, Rueger and even the Abbot of the Trappist Monastery of Spencer concelebrating the Mass for Molly. Where they there to say:  We love you and we are all in this together? I imagine that some of those watching this were impressed with the Worcester Diocese showing such an “outreach” and “compassion” after all the media coverage of cover-up on the priest sex abuse crisis. Yet, here was Rueger in the sanctuary of St. Paul’s Cathedral sitting next to Bishop Reilly and concelebrating. And the band plays on.  

August 3, 2003

                I carried yesterdays phone call and TV program in what was the picture portrayed and yet knowing too much of the characters and system doing the performing.

                My reaction to the phone call from The Cape should have told them that I moved but not what they are relating should be done-blocked out- where that would have a re-surfacing at another time. I am or won’t take the rap for a couple of misfit girls who couldn’t do anything in their lives to achieve success.

                I was able to find out this day that priest on Administrative Leave now get $1,700 a month compared to what I get. There is a difference of $520 a month between what I get and the Reilly’s group. I was told by a priest that did not have anything to do with the Worcester Chancery but knew too much (gossip) about priest on Administrative Leave. I was told by this priest that I was considered under Harrington’ Reign. However, I told this priest that I had been “told” to resign my parish with Bishop Reilly. The Church system had its way to get back at me.

                I was told by this same priest that the “system of the Roman Catholic Church is that we have been in, is there to preserve itself. Whatever people involved are sacrificed to preserve the system.” 

August 7, 2003

                The loneliness and isolation was being felt by me. I get no phone call practically all week long from former parishioners and people that have waked with me. I reflect how the dioceses had any contact with me besides the monthly "insult” statement I am sent.

                I get a call from "Father Peacock" to go for lunch. It didn’t take long to catch how he was digging for information on my situation. He received the regular talk of “nothing” from me.

                When I returned to my place, I began working on my manuscript. I cam upon a document of the phone complain form Carol McCormick. The writing on the form: “Ted Kardas molested her…” This phrase kept running through my mind for the reminder of the day because it was a lie on McCormick’s part. The form stated that the phone call was taken by Sister Paula Leiher. It was Rueger’s handwriting on the form. The date of the phone call was March 8, 1993 at 1L45 p.m. I was called by Rueger the next day to tell me to be in the Chancery at 4:30 p.m. This was when it all began.

                The regular Thursday AA Step Meeting in Rindge was healing for me to attend. It was times as such that an AA meeting gave me a peace. It was where I would drive home with an internal serenity. 

August 9, 2003

                Well, the next morning the Worcester Telegram & Gazette repots with “Clergy-abuse lawyer scrutinized.” Richard Nangle writes: “A lawyer represent alleged victims of clergy sexual abuse wants to read state police reports he believes would show that Worcester District Attorney John J. Conte is conducting a criminal investigation against him.

                “‘I’m dumbfounded that the state police have confirmed that Conte has been pursuing two criminal investigations against me,’ said Houston lawyer Daniel J. Shea who represents some local alleged abuse victims.

                “Mr. Shea had asked for copies of tow state police reports.

                “‘I believe I have an idea of what may be in one of them,’ he said. ‘Since it gets into privileged matters, I don’t believe I can comment on them.’

                “Mr. Shea asked state police for copies of the reports and received a response from Beth Crea of the Office of Chief Legal Counsel for the state police.

                “; Please be advised that the records you seek were generated in connection with investigation conducted under the authority’ of the Worcester district attorney’s office, Ms Crea wrote. As such the office ‘possesses these records and any privilege that may attach to them.’

                “Ms. Crea said further inquiries should be directed to the district attorney’s office.

                “On Wednesday, Mr. Shea sent a letter to Mr. Conte asking for two specific reports and for ‘a true and correct unpredicted copy of any all documents or reports in the custody or control of the Worcester County District Attorney’s  office that in any way pertain to me…’

                “‘Given Ms. Crea’s letter will not be a correct response that such records do not exist,’ Mr. Shea wrote.

                “In a faced response to questions from a reporter that was relayed to him by his secretary, Mr. Conte said, ‘our office response to all correspondence we receive is that the sender of the correspondence will be notified. We don’t generally comment on individuals who are inferring investigation. We do investigate allegations of criminal activity.’

                “Mr. Shea said he was not surprised to learn that he was being investigated.

                “‘The state police are telling me there are two active criminal investigations against me. It must be trumped-up story to bring me down, and I’m going to get to the bottom of it,’ he said.

                “Among Mr. Shea’s clients is Sime J. Braio of Shrewsbury, who is suing Auxiliary Bishop George E. Rueger on a charge of rape that dates back 40 years. Bishop Rueger, who denied the allegations, remains in his post.”157

                So Attorney Shea takes a double hit-Free Press and DA’s investigation- to bring him down. There was always talking that there was collusion between The Worcester DA’s Office and the Worcester Chancery Office.  

                Interesting how Msgr. Pedone even tried to do that with me when at one of those “temporary” chancery meetings he said to me: “We have other stuff on you, Ted!” He pushed his finger into my chest to make him point. Boy! This was one time that I was lucky to give him a cold stare.

                They know we are Christians by our love- Top ten on the Worcester Diocese Charts for this month. 

August 11, 2003

                In “the people’s forum” section of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette, we get “Church’s critics must also learn to forgive” by Robert Mezzanotti of Fitchburg.

                Mezzanotti writes: “We read in all the papers and see on television about the Voice of the People, the Survivors Network and Massachusetts Attorney General Thomas F. Reilly, who keep bashing priests who have sexually abused children. They even bash bishops, and, now the Vatican.

                “We know the priests should pay for their mistakes. But you would think these groups who’re raising their voices for justice would also bash the Internet and television for the garbage about sex that is on day after day. Young people who see this daily think it’s normal.

                “These groups say they want justice and help for victims of sexual abuse so they can forget about what happened. You can never forget, but you can’t be healed unless you learn to forgive.

                “Some of those groups say they care about the abuse, but only go after priests and bishops. What about lawyers, judges, police and management types who do the same things? For years, these professionals got away with sexual abuse and some still do.

                These groups don’t know how to forgive; all they know is to get even. And that is not what my Bible says. Christ said, ‘He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.’ These people would be too perfect, and I am not.”158

                Fogginess is not in the style of life that exists. It is only a word. I, always, watch how said and who uses this word. 

August 12, 2003

                Kathleen A. Shaw writes “Secrecy called Vatican mind-set: Canon lawyer says sex abuse document didn’t cause cover-up” in this days Worcester Telegram & Gazette.

                She wrote: “Although a 1962 Vatican document detailing how certain sexual abuse allegations are to be handled shows the mind-set of secrecy of the Catholic hierarch, it may not be as crucial as some people want to believe, according to the Rev. Thomas P. Doyle.

                “’The Vatican document did not cause the clandestine mode of dealing with clergy sexual abuse.’ He said.

                “Rev. Doyle, now an Air Force chaplain in Germany, is the canon lawyer who wrote one of the original reports in the 1980s alerting American bishop’s that they had a problem with clergy sexual abuse and needed to take action.

                “His report was initially disregarded and was to be acted on by the bishops. He has since been speaking out for the rights of clergy sexual abuse victims…”159

                I was talking with "Father Peacock" who asked me if I read Dietzin in the latest Catholic Free Press issue. The article he was referring towards was Fr. Dietzin on “laicization.” He realized that I didn’t and said: “Drop it!” He was playing mind games with me. He had a slide technique in suggesting an issue and then cutting one as with a razor- it takes a while before you feel the cutting and see the blood. He would look at you with an expression stating: Now, that didn’t hurt? Did it? It was a style of control her would try to work on other people. So, this article was about laicizing priest allegated on abusing minors under the age of 16 and now 18. The game that "Father Peacock" played, I was somewhat aware of his style which I called a “game.” Even being aware, it did do some mind cluttering at times? However, I was getting better to block and keep it out of my mind- not allowing things by him to rent space in my head. 

August 15, 2003

                This day Emily Astell writes in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Rev. Kelley pleads guilty in rape cases: Clergyman say he want ‘closure for these people.’”

                She writes: “Worcester-the Rev. Robert E. Kelley unexpectedly pleaded guilty yesterday in Superior Court to raping two girls in Leominster and Gardner starting more than 20 years ago/

                Judge John S. McCann ordered Rev. Kelley, 61, to undergo a pre-sentencing evaluation, to be discussed in court Sept 24. Sentencing is set for Oct. 1.

                “When asked by Judge McCann whether the facts were true, Rev. Kelley answered in a strong voice resting his knuckles against a table as he stood before the judge.

                “‘I’m guilty,’ he said. ‘I want closure for these people.’…”160

                In conjunction with Kelley’s story was Kathleen A. Shaw reporting “Tape says Kelley confided in Medeiros.”

                She wrote: “The Rev. Robert E. Kelley, who pleaded guilty yesterday to child rape charges of two girls, said he told the late Cardinal Humberto S. Medeiros of his affinity for young girls in the early 1970s but o action was taken.

                “The revelation was made by Rev. Kelley to the Massachusetts State Police in 1989, which included the information on its report when Rev. Kelley was arrested in connection with is sexual abuse of a Gardner girls.

                “A copy of that report was shown on a 1992 production of ‘Sins of the Fathers,’ showing on the cable network A&E as part of the Investigative Reports series.

                “Recently, someone connected to a clergy sexual abuse victim gave a videotape of ‘Sins of the Father’ to Mary T. Jean of Worcester Voice, and advocacy group for victims of clergy abuse in the Catholic Worcester diocese.

                “‘I was shocked,’ Mrs. Jean said yesterday. ‘The cardinal clearly knew about Father Kelley’s problem with girls and he did nothing too report it.’

                “Mrs. Jean, who operates a Web site at www.worcestervoice.com, said this person, whom she declined to name, had the tape and contacted her because of the Web site.

                “The report on the tape said Rev. Kelley told state police: ‘I did downside in another priest and Cardinal Medeiros. Cardinal Medeiros told me not to go near little girls. I made it stop with Jennifer. I realized I had to stop. I continued to go over the house...

                “‘Jennifer’ referred to Jennifer Kraskouskas of Gardner, who file a civil suit in the 1990s….”161

                The National Catholic Reporter gives us in its editorial “Another Vatican sex disconnects.” It reads: “the Vatican document ‘Considerations Regarding Proposals to Give Legal Recognition to Unions Between Homosexual persons,’ introduces o new moral teaching, but intensifies Rome’s resolve to get into the political fray on sexual issues.

                “It s a call to Catholics to refuse with any measures that suggest any analogy between same sex unions and traditional marriage between a man and a woman. Meanwhile, the document will likely be remembered less for what it says that how it says it. Same sex unions are cast as the product of ‘deviant behavior.’ These words were quickly picked up in the media and are reminiscent of two other words used in a 1986 Vatic; a declaration on homosexuality that termed it an ‘objectively disordered’ state

                “The document’s harsh tone makes it less likely it will achieve its internet-to engage Catholics and others to consider the Vatican position.

                “It contains admonitions for Catholics of a type and character seldom, if ever, seen recently outside the area of sexuality. This unfortunately adds to a stereo-type that sees the church as fixated on sexuality.

                “The document has been on the drawing boards for years, but comes at a time when the hierarch, through its stunning failure to deal with the clergy sex abuse scandals, has eroded its credibility to deal with sexual matters.

                “It is yet another tragic manifestation of the disconnect between official church teachings and catholic practices on sexual matters, a disconnect that can be traced at least as far back as 1968 when Pope Paul VI issued Humanae Vitae, condemning forms of artificial birth control.

                “At the core, the Vatican condemns sexual intimacy between tow men or two women because they counter traditional, natural law-based teaching on sexual morality. These teachings go back centuries and evolved out of a time when sex was viewed as having one purpose alone, procreation. This view gave way in the second half of the 20^th century to a wilder view of marital intimacy that made room for metal j psychological support…162

                The article that raised the editorial was “1962 document orders secrecy in sex cases: Many bishops unaware obscure missive was in their achieves.” John L. Allen, Jr. reported in Rome: “A 1962 Vatican document ordering secrecy in cases of sexual misconduct by priests is not, according to canon lawyers, a ‘smoking gun’ providing evidence of a cover-up of sex abuse orchestrated by Rome.

                “Civil attorneys handling lawsuits against the Catholic Church have pointed to the document as evidence of obstruction of justice.

                “For one thing, canon lawyers say, the document was so obscure that few bishops had ever herded of it. For another, they say, secrecy in canonical procedures should not be confused with refusal to cooperate with civil authorities. The 1962 document would not have tied the hands of a bishop, or anyone else, who wanted to report a crime by a priest to the police.

                “The 39-page document, title in Latin Crimen Solicitations, was issued in March 1962 by the Holy Office (today the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith). It established a procedure for canonical cases in which priest’s were accused of abusing the confessional to sexually proposition penitents. The four concluding paragraphs extent the procedure to crime pessimisms or ‘worst crime.’ Meaning homosexual acts contrary to a priest’s celibate commitment. The document was not designed to address sexual abuse of minors, but would include many such violations…”163

                Then we get Msgr. F. Stephen Pedone writing a “Commentary: Vatican Instruction not ‘smoking gun’” in the Catholic Free Press issue of August 15^th.

                He wrote: “During these news-starved days of August some in the media, ravenous for anything they can sink their teeth into, have expended rives of ink writing about and saturating the airways with self-proclaimed experts trying to convince us that they have discovered the ‘smoking gun’ that provides evidence of a Church-ordered cover-up of clergy sexual abuse of minors. The Vatican directive form 1962, ‘Crimen solicitations,’ is not a smoking gun. To claim that it is certainly and unequivocally false and has no basis in the so-called evidence the media has presented.

                “The Instruction ‘Crimen Solicitations,’ was issued March 16, 1962, by the then Congregation of the Holy Office, now the Congregation of the Doctrine of Faith. It was primarily directed to bishops to assist them and ecclesiastical judges in investigating claims of solicitation by a priest of a penitent during the celebration of the Sacrament of Penance to sin against the sixth commandment of the Decalogue (The sixth commandment is ‘You shall not commit adultery.’) An offending priest can be penalized by dismissal form the clerical state for violating that church law.

                “In the Sacrament of Penance, a person confesses sins and seeks forgiveness from the priest, who acts in the name of Christ and His Church in this action of reconciliation. The priest is bund under penalty of excommunicating not to bread the ‘seal of confession’ by divulging the identity of the person and what the person is confessing to him.

                “Not bread the ‘cnfessional seal’ even to defend him. Therefore the utmost care must be taken in investigation claims of solicitation in confession to protect the confidentiality of the matter confessed, to respect the good names o the parities involved, namely, the penitent and priest, and safeguard the integrity of the sacrament.

                “Somehow member of the media and legal profession have attacked the secrecy which the document calls for in investigation claims of solicitation as evidence of cover-up and conspiracy to conceal evidence. What about the secrecy mandated by the legislature surrounding grand jury proceedings? Would this be used as evidence to prove similar motives by lawmakers, district attorneys and civil court judos?”164

                What we have of interest from Pedone’s “commentary” was his beginning comment of “news-starved day of Augusts come in the media, ravenous for anything...” where we have Bishop Rueger’s court case-when- August. Was this by chance by the DA and Diocese to run his case? Fewer medium and the fact of people on vacations have anything to do with this? I’m sure these parities had answers to questions that were not even asked. 

August 17, 2003

                The parish bulleting of Holy Spirit catholic Parish Community of Gardner, MA-August 16/17, 2003 announced “Safe Environment Training for Parish Volunteers: The Charter for the Protection of children and Youth requires that all ministers, educations, church personnel, and Volunteers who work with minors participate in a yearly educational training program. A Training Session will be held at Holy Spirit church Hall on Tuesday September 9^th form 7 to 9 PM. This is mandatory for all CCD Teachers and all who work with children.”165

                This type of announcement was being published in the area parishes of the Worcester Diocese. However, there were issues by some people of who had to attend and who did not. You may think it is a clear understanding of attendance. But, there was some bumps in the road. 

August 21, 2003

                This is my sixth anniversary of resigning as Pastor of St. Edwards. The fact that my priestly ministry (carrier) was short-circuited. My persona character was devastated but not totally snuffed-out. The financial lost o my part with lawyer’s fees, loss of income and benefits were and are devastating. In addition, the emotional toll had been significant. My ministry was at an apex of all my years of study and previous parish priestly work. I was making things happen in the parish and diocese as such- R.C.I.A. with “mystagogy”, lay ministry, two major building programs-church renovating and new parish faith community center-in addition to personally painting and restoring the rectory to be inhabited against after an elderly sick pastor with a dog that was not housebroken. It was exciting for 8 to 9 years.

                YeT, my future were always in perile for what next may happen being aware of too many internal Church personalities and politics. This is why writing my journal into a manuscript did create a fire in my being.

                Kathleen A. Shaw picks-up on the 1962 Vatican Document “Crimen Solicitations” with an article in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette of this day. She states: “The Vatican recently said its 1962 directive concerning how allegations of sexual abuse involving the sacrament of confession are to be handled had to been in force for years, but newsletters of the Canon Law Society of America show that discussion of the document continued until last year. “Lawyers Daniel J. Shea of Houston and Carmen L. Durso of Boston recently presented a copy of the Vatican document, called in Lain’ “Crimen Solicitations’-or ‘On the Manner of Proceeding in Cases of Solicitations’-to U.S. Attorney Michael J. Sullivan in Boston.

                “The U.S. Attorney told Mr. Shea last week that he is studying the document. The lawyers are asking that the federal government investigate what they see as an international conspiracy by the Catholic Church to cover up cases of sexual abuse by clergy.

                “The newsletter of the Canon Law Society show that offers met in Rome in February 2002, a time when the church wide sexual abuse scandal broke open in Boston with new revelations about the extent of clergy sexual abuse within the Boston Archdiocese…”166               

August 24, 2003

                Richard Nangle and Kathleen A. Shaw reported this day’s issue of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette: Geoghan is killed in prison- Pedophile priest dies after being attacked.” They wrote: “Shirley-Defrocked pedophile priest John J. Geogahn whose cases helped set the stage for the resignation of Cardinal Bernard F. Law of the Boston archdiocese, died yesterday shortly after reportedly being attacked in the state prison here.

                “Joseph L. Cruce, 37, who was serving a life sentence at the Souza-Baranowski prison, was charged whit murder in connection with the former priest’s death, according to District Attorney John J. Conte.

                “Mr. Geoghan died at UMass-Memorial-Health Alliance Leominster campus after being strangled at the prison shortly before noon, Mr. Conte sad, adding that he will seek a murder indictment.

                “Mr. Geoghan had been in protective custody as a  precautionary measure, but still had some contact with other inmates, said Kelly Nantel, Department of Correction spokeswoman.

                “More than 130 people in civil suits have claimed Mr. Geoghan sexually abuse them as children while a priest. Mr. Georgian was serving a 9-to 10 year sentence on a 2002 conviction for indecent assault and battery on a 10-year-old boy.

                “The Rev. Christopher Coyne, a spokesman for the archdiocese of Boston, offered prayers for Mr. Geoghan’s family…”167

                The same issue of this paper had a small article: “Pedophiles are ‘marked’ in jail” by The Associated Press. It stated: “the prison death yesterday of pedophile ex-priest John Geoghan struck experts on clerical sex abuse as a sad but perhaps predictable result of imprisoning such a high-profile molester.

                “The Rev. Thomas Doyle, a canon layer turned victim advocate who has worked for two decade on priest souse cases, said even offender like Geroghan deserve protection in prison. Georghan died after he was attacked by another inmate.”168 

August 25, 2003

                The Boston Globe printed and “editorial: entitle “ONE MORE VICTIM.” It stated “No chapter closes with the murder of John J. Geoghan-thee are only more questions crying to be answered. Talk of jailhouses justice and vindication for the crime of a 68-year-old defrocked priest merely serve to compound the sorry epic of wrongs committed not only by one deeply-disturbing individual, but by so many others in the Catholic priesthood and hierarch.

                “Geoghan’s murder Saturday at the hand of another inmate at the Souza-Baranowski Correction Center on the Shirley Correction Complex points to institutional-something that tragically shaped Geoghan’s life, and consequently, the lives of the nearly 150 people he had been accused of molesting.

                “Just as the churchmen lectured to protect the children entrusted to its care, so too has a correctional facility apparently failed to keep Geoghan safe in what is supposed to be its protective custody unit.

                “And just as Geoghan’s victims deserve legal retribution for his unconscious acts, so does Geoghan’s murder row demand a full investigation and meting out of fair justice.  ...”169

                The Worcester Telegram & Gazette this day printed Geoghan became symbol of horror in church scandal” by Robert O’Neill. He wrote: “Boston-For more than three decades, John Geroghan molested nearly 150 boys entrusted to his care. He would seek out boss from broke homes, ingratiate himself with their families, and then abuse his young charges during trip to Fenway Park, out for ice cream, visits to their homes, even in the rectory.

                “His abuse curt a wide swath through parishes within the Boston Archdiocese-and he came to symbolize the horrors of pedophile priests and the exhaustive steps church hierarchy would take to keep the allegations under wraps.

                “Then, in January 2002, a judge ordered the archdiocese to release internal documents related to Georgian’s case-and the paperwork told a disturbing story: The archdiocese had been well aware of the allegations, but simply moved Geoghan form parish to parish to try to avoid scandal…”170 

August 27, 2003

                I was speaking by phone with "Father Peacock" and he did another one of his games. He would say: “Since you have off the job…” It was taken by me as a “put-down” because being on Administrative Leave; he would use this expression of keeping me in my place. There were times that I wondered what I was talking about with him that hit a “sore” spot of his ego or witnessing a mean streak that was a dominate factor in his personality.

                Here was another time that it would affect me and other times that I would make a joke back at him with it.

                I knew that I was on Administrative Leave (Off the job) and I was striving or a “fair and balanced” presentation to clear myself of a slanderous, slander and interpretation by church officials in addition to certain reporters and the media.  It was a huge barrier that I really knew was not going to be allowed to undertake. 

August 28, 2003

                Then Kathleen A. Shaw gives us in this day’s issue of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Ex-city priest arraigned for assault.”

                She writes “Worcester-The Rev. David L. Blizzard, who left the Worcester Diocese in 1988, was arraigned yesterday in Brockton Superior court on a charge of indecent assault and battery of a person over age 14.

                “District Attorney John J. Conte initially investigated but turned the case over to the Plymouth County district attorney because the offense allegedly happened July 25, 1988, in Wareham.

                “Michael H. O’Connell, an assistant district attorney for Plymouth County, sad Rev. Blizzard, 56, lives at 134 East Pine St., Howey-in-the-Hills, Fla.  Blizzard returned voluntarily to Massachusetts for the arraignment and was released on person recognizance. He is returning to Florida but is expected to return for a pretrial conference Oct. 2, he said. Howey-in-the-Hills is a small community in central Florida, located between Orlando and Altamonte Springs.

                The victim was not named by Mr. O’Connell.

                “In a pending lawsuit, Robert A. Malo of Worcester alleges that he was sexually abused by Rev. Blizzard in 1978 or 1979 as part of a ‘child sex ring’ that operated form the former House of Affirmation in Whitinsville.

                “The Massachusetts statue of limitations on sexual abuse would have forced in 1988 when Rev. Blizzard left the state. Raymond L. Delise, diocesan spokesman, has said Rev. Blizzard left the diocese in 1988 and they did not know where he was…”171

                The stories became more interesting. Whenever I read about “child sex ring” and the House of Affirmation in Whitinsville had me recall while in Hartford during 1993 that Father Jack Kiley of the staff asked me if there was a “sex ring” in Worcester? The media and legal system were working this term and wanted it so badly to make some connections. As far as I know, it never was proven by all the investigations undertaken by authority systems. 

September 5, 2003

                I heard an interesting interview on the radio this day. Brain Kingman of the Oakland A’s in 1986 was baseball’s last 20 game loser. He said this turning into depression, anger and denial on his part towards so many other aspects of life. It was his living hell.

                When I heard this, I reflected how my experience since 1993 would possibly be the same if I didn’t do something about it myself. I did in establishing short and long term goals in my research and writing undertaking. It had me sharpening-up my skills and especially my mental aspect of living a priesthood that was much different then my previous 25 years or so.

                I had to reflect in checking my writings because I read my own depression, anger and denial at different times with my “dynamic” insights. 

September 8, 2003

                Newsweek prints this day “Prey on the Predator in prison, John Geoghan, became the victim. This sordid crime story has no moral-but it may result in real reform” by Daniel McGinn. He writes  “During has 36 years as a Roman Catholic priest, serial pedophile John Geoghan preyed upon the most vulnerable members of his flock: poor boys from broke homes. But during the last moments of his life in a maximum-security Massachusetts prison, Geoghan received a harsh lesson in what it’s like to be the weakest guy on the block. According to new details of the killing that emerged last week, Geoghan’s alleged assailant, convicted murder Joseph Druce, had been plotting the attack for a month. He sneaked to Geoghan’s cell after lunch on a

                Aug. 23 and jammed the doors hut with a paperback book. Druce hound and gagged the former priest with a T shirt, then used a pre-stretched sock and shoe to crank a garrote around Geoghan’s neck, strangling him. For good measure, Druce repeatedly jumped off the bed to stomp on the dying man. As a 15-man response team struggled tope the cell, one inmate recalled to a lawyer, Druce taunted the: ‘Don’t bother to hurry-he already dead.’ Indeed, when guards finally got in Geoghan’s face ‘looked like the guts you pull out of a dish,’ says a corrections source. One guard tried performing CPR, but Geoghan’s innards were so pulverized ‘it was like doing chest compressions on a concrete floor.’

                “Prison killing are a staple of TV crime shows, and as victims go, a child rapist is hardly a sympathetic figure. But the gruesome details of Geoghan’s killing and seemingly common-sense measures that might have prevented it-have transfixed the public and energized prison-reform advocates. The Geoghan case is unfolding against a backdrop of nationwide prison budget cuts that even some wardens admit are making prisons more dangerous than the would be. As prison staffing level have dropped, inmate violence has risen: in 2000-2001 there were 42,000 reported inmate-on-inmate assaults, up about 4 percent from the year before. Geoghan’s case is also drawing special scrutiny to the systems states use to decide where to assign inmates and how much protection they’re afforded. While some observers aren’t surprised Geoghan-a frail pedophile and obvious target-was killed, most are appalled that he was housed within easy reach of Druce, a violent neo-Nazi and a clear threat. ‘Prisons ought to be places where people can live out their sentences-priests or not,’ the most Rev. Wilton Gregory, president of the U.S. Council of catholic Bishops, told Newsweek…”174 

September 11, 2003

                The Worcester Telegram & Gazette carried the following article by Ralph Ranalli of The Boston Globe-which is owned by The New York Times that also owns the Worcester Telegram & Gazette- entitled “Lawyers hit it big in church scandal.”

                I’m one that whenever a story is developing or being told, my mind wonders and says “Watch the money line.” So, I include this complete article to smack my point-money or agenda and truth may be forfeited.

                Randal writes: “The $85 million settlement in the Boston clergy sex abuse scandal is not only the most expensive abuse settlement in the history  of the Catholic Church, it’s a hefty payday for lawyers who sued on behalf of victims: an estimated $30 million in legal fees, layers said.

                “That figure has angered some victims and advocates who say that abuse by clergy will get far less one because so much will go to lawyers. But others say the customary 33 percent cut, plus expenses, is fair stressing that they cold not have sued the Archdiocese of Boston had they been forced top pay legal fees up front.

                “Meanwhile yesterday, Archbishop Seam P. O’Malley said the archdiocese will borrow money, consider selling more real estate holdings, and try to collect from its insurance companies to fund the settlement. He called the settlement ‘the answer too many prayers.’

                “‘Obviously, we are very satisfied, very pleased that the settlement has been reached,’ O’Malley said at a meeting of the U.S. Conference of Bishops in Washington, D.C yesterday.

                “The tentative agreement was unanimously ratified yesterday afternoon during a meeting at a downtown Boston hotel with 57 lawyers representing 552 alleged victims of abuse. The lawyers must persuade 80 percent of the clients to sign on for it to become effective.

                “ ‘They are raking in millions of dollars and just using victims, propping them up in front of press conferences so other clients will come in and hire them,’ John Saco, a victim of defrocked recently slain priest John J. Geoghan, who had settled an earlier case with the archdiocese.

                ‘ ‘The money victims will get is really a slap in the in the face when you look at what it really is after the attorney’s fees,’ said Sacco, the New England coordinator for The Linkup, a national group that brings together survivors of sexual abuse.

                “A member of the group Coalition of Catholics and Survivors, however, said that the lawyers were crucial in exposing the extent of the clergy abuse scandal and forcing the archdiocese to deal with it.

“‘No one else was helping the victims,’ said Susan Gallagher. ‘(The lawyers) are highly compensated but in this case they did a lot of good.’

                “The lawyers defend their fees, saying they have put in thousands of hours over four years fighting for clients in cases once considered legal long shots.

                “They also point out that the amounts paddle in comparison with the $775 million in legal fees paid to lawyers who represented Massachusetts in its landmark lawsuit against the tobacco industry-lawyers who are seeking abuse victims for years and has 42 clients in the tentative agreement, said those who resent what lawyers make in contingency-fee cases do not appreciate the work done with no guarantee of a payoff.

                “‘People don’t like that lawyers get the fees they get, though they’re perfectly willing to accept it if it’s in an automobile case or something like that,’ Durso said. ‘Look, it’s tow years of work, and we’re not done by any shape or form.’

                “The legal fees in the Boston abuse case are expected to be a record because of the size of the unprecedented settlement. In the recent $25.7 million settlement in the Diocese of Louisville, for example, legal fees were estimated at about $10 million.

                “Under the agreement, if all of the victims participate, the archdiocese would make $85 million available to pay their claims, with individual awards-the vast majority of which would be between $80,000 and $300,000-to be decided by a team of arbitrators over the next few months.

                “Of the $85 million, however, lawyers will get to take $750,000 off the top for expenses in pursuing the cases thus far.

                “With lawyers’ not-of-pocket expenses already estimated in the millions, however, many will deduct added money from their individual clients’ awards to cover expenses. They will also deduct the standard 33 percent contingency fee-or whatever fee was agreed upon-from indicial awards

                “In contingency fee case, lawyers take no money up front, but take a percentage of any awards or settlement. If there is no settlement or if the case is lost, the lawyer gets nothing.

                “Lawyers said yesterday that they typically deduct another 2 percent or so in a contingency fee case for expense, meaning that if a victim stands to get a $100,000 award, he or she would keep $65,000 with $35,000 going to the lawyer.

                “Roderick MacLeish Jr. (my case with the two girls), a lawyer for the Boston firm Greenberg Traurig, which represented 260 victims-question if this was from all their clients or only Boston’s Archdiocese- in the clergy abuse case, said the notion that Boston lawyers are getting rich off the case is false. MacLeish said his firm-senior partners there routinely charge corporate clients  $500 to $700 per hour-has at least $10 million in lawyers’ time invested in the case, with as many as 12 lawyers (one of them deposed me in Boston) working on the case at various times. (How many other clients did MacLeish and Garabedian have from outside claims of Boston as Worcester Diocese and other dioceses?)

                “The firm has also laid out more than $1.2 million in expenses must of which will not be passed on to clients, he said.

                “‘If people want to criticize us, they are entitled to their opinion,’ MacLeish said. ‘We have not had one request, not one from a client who has said ‘I want you to reduce my legal fee.’

                “MacLeish said he did not know how much the firm stood to make in fees, but other lawyers in the case estimated that Greenberg Traurig could bring in as much as $14 million. The lawyer who represents the next largest number of clients, Mitchell Garabedian, stands to take as much as $6 million in fees if all his clients opt to participate, lawyers said.

                “‘It is certainly going to be a substantial sum,’ Garabedian said. ‘Bit it certainly not a windfall for me. I have spent countless numbers of hours on these cases, with clients contracting me throughout the day and nights. There are many easier ways to make money than by handling these kinds of cases.’ “175

                I reflected on my case and tired to put into perspective my situation and how this information related overall. I recall my civil lawyer telling me that the “girls got no money at all.” It was all absorbed by lawyer fees and that seemed what the Worcester Diocese used to close my case. Then, it was nothing after that with me.  

September 13, 2003

                The next day we get from the Catholic Free Press this editorial: “It not about the money. The money will not ease the hurt. The money will not erase the memory. The money will not restore the innocence.

                “Consider how society looks upon someone who has money. We call the ‘well-off.’ But are they really? If all $85 million of the Boston Archdiocese settlement for sexual abuse victims went to one person, he or she would not be instantly made will. He or she would still need to know to know love, patience, gentles, kindness, goodness, peace and forgiveness. Those are things money cannot ever buy. We can only get those things through each other and untimely from God.

                “The hollowness of a dropped coin will ring in the ears of one who feels that the money is the answer. Unfortunately, it is a symbol in this catalyst society of how much we value something and, in this case, someone. The more money it cost the more it’s worth.

                “These 552 victims of sexual abuse are worth more than money but some do not know that. Through our own fault some of us have not made them understand their value and at this point only a sum of money can convince them.

                “They did not know how valuable they were when the Church sought to help them, through prayer and counseling, to reach the real healer-God, the only one who can ease the hurt, erase the memory, and restore the innocence. That is where the real value of the offer made into the victims of sexual buses lies: the offer of someone to listen to them and help them heal. Had we been doing that all along there would be no need for large sums of money.

                “We are all sorry for what the victims of sexual abuse had to live through. These past 20 months must have been a living hell for some. We pray that this week is another turning point for those who have not yet fund healing and forgiveness. We hope that they will mark this day as one on which they were able to say ‘I am going to be well-off in the true sense.”176

                In my reading of this editorial, I had the issue of compassion to be understood as being automatic with such a horrendous violation of anyone. But, the editorial seemed to reflect that the Church was laxed in their vigilance. If I needed to make a comment-it was wrong in how things were handled. But, there was the issue that the Church used “the dragnet going through the water” to take revenge on anyone the authorities would target. Let’s not forget that I knew about Bishop Harrington and his drunken driving accident and cover-up. The wrath of a Worcester Chancery mob to protect the bishop was very clear in a brutal “cover-up” against me.

                This same issue of the Catholic Free Press printed “Letter from alleged killer tells of his motivation.” William T. Clew of the Free Press Staff wrote” “In a letter to The Catholic Free Press, Joseph L.  Druce, accused of the Aug. 23 slaying of John J. Geoghan at Souza-Baranowski Correctional Center in Shirley, claimed the killing was meant to show the world that child predators must be dealt with more stringently.

                “The letter-writer said that the sex offenders he ahs spoken to in prison never showed remorse, ‘only gloating and reminiscing (sic) over past victims. That was my motivation.’

                “He also expressed his sorrow and sent his ‘sincere and heart-felt apology’ to Catherine Geoghan. Mr. Geoghan’s sister for her loss, though ‘she’ll probably (six) not forgive me.’

                “In order to mail a letter from the correctional center, prisoners must give the letter to a corrections officer, who verifies that the name on the letter is the same as that of the person handling in the letter for mailing, according to Justin L. Latina, director of public affairs for the Massachusetts Department of Correction.

                “Prison and Department of correction officials said the identifying numbers listed on the letter and envelope in which it was mailed corresponded to those of Mr. Druce at the correctional center…”177 

September 13, 2003

                This day’s issue of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette had a surprise article that appeared on page A2 of this day. If you want to see how the Church system does operate with a heavy hand: “Shea withdraws from Braio case” Lawyer cites secret settlement try.”

                Emilie Astell of the Telegram I Gazette Staff wrote: “Worcester-A Houston layer representing a Shrewsbury man charging sexual abuse at the hands of a Roman Catholic bishop was allowed to withdraw from the case yesterday, but is charging that his former client is being coerced into a secret settlement. (This is most interesting.)

                “After he withdrew, lawyer Daniel J. Shea filed for intervention in the case of Sime J. Braio, 53, who alleged in one of tow lawsuits that Auxiliary Bishop George E. Rueger sexually abused him when Mr. Braio was a teenager. Bishop Rueger has denied the allegation.

                “Mr. Braio also named the Roman Catholic bishop of Worcester, a corporation, in the suit but the corporation was dismissed as a defendant yesterday by order of Superior Court Judge Leila R. Kern.

                “The judge said in her decision that Mr. Braio had not established a factual basis to hold the corporation liable.

                “Mr. Braio also had a defamation suit against Monsignor Thomas J. Sullivan, diocesan chancellor and liaison to the office of Worcester District Attorney John J. Conte. Mr. Braio alleges that monsignor Sullivan disseminated misinformation within the diocese that Mr. Braio had HIV Mr. Braio later sought an HIV test, which came back negative. He made the result pubic.

                “During a hearing yesterday on Mr. Shea’s motion to withdraw, Mr. Braio said he had waited two months to receive all the files held by Mr. Shea so that he could find a new lawyer.

                “‘I have several attorneys who want to look at the case,’ Mr. Braio said, ‘but I need the files.’

                “Judge Kern said she was reluctant to allow Mr. Shea to withdraw without having another lawyer to replace him. She called tow Worcester lawyers, Abigail Williams and Robert C. Fontana, a former assistant district attorney, to the bench to determine whether they were interested in taking on the case. Both were interested in taking on the case. Both were in the courtroom listening to the proceedings.

                “Ms. Williams sad she and Mr. Shea represented Mr. Braio a year ago, but she dropped out for medical reasons.

                “‘It’s importer for me to say whether I will represent him,’ she said, ‘but I’d be happy to look at it.’

                “After a string of arguments over possession of the files, Judge Kern ordered Mr. She at turn over the originals within 10 days. She also gave Mr. Braio 60 days, until Mo. 14 to come up with new legal representation.

                “When the hearing ended, Mr. Braio was approached by a reporter for comment, but Ms. Williams and Mr. Fontana whisked him away.

                “In his application for intervention, Mr. Shea said he learned form multiple independent sources that people acting on behalf of the Roman Catholic corporation was attempting to enter into a secret settlement with Mr. Braio.

                “Mr. Shea charged that the secret agreement was to be reached before Mr. Shea had an opportunity to take depositions form tow people who would supply evidence that Mr. Braio was a student at the Lyman school form Boys at the time he was assaulted.

                “Mr. Sea also charged that attempts were made by the corporation and Bishop Rueger to impede a police investigation of Mr. Braio attendance at the school and that attempts were made to impede the effort to determine whether a connection existed between bishop Rueger and 51 Egypt Ave., Scituate, where he alleged assaults took place.

                “Mr. Sea is seeking a lien on any awards made to Mr. Braio, either through trial or settlement; in connection with the 18 months he said he represented Mr. Braio.”178

                The questions here would be more interesting to know than answers: Why was the Worcester Diocese trying to close Rueger’s close in a background operation? Why not clear the 51 Egypt Ave., Scituate location is connected to possibly other people as priest? Why a settlement of a backdoor nature being offered? These are only a few questions that would beg others without hesitation by answers to any one of these questions. Then, we may be getting a picture that Rueger and the Worcester Diocese Corporation don’t want addressed. The Worcester Diocese does not want Rueger’s case to go any further. I wonder why? The tactics being used are wonderment in themselves. 

September 19, 2003

                So now comes the Catholic Free Press weekly edition: “Diocese dropped from lawsuit” by Kevin Luperchio. He writes: “Worcester-A superior court judge has dismissed all counts against the diocese contained in a civil lawsuit against it and Bishop Rueger. (How was this done because Rueger was a priest in the Worcester Diocese when Braio claimed he was raped by then Father Rueger who was an Associate Pastor in a parish of the Worcester Diocese?)

                “In a separate ruling, the judge also allowed the plaintiff’s lawyer to withdraw from the case.

                “The suit, filed in July 2002 by Sime Braio, 52, of Shrewsbury, alleges that Bishop Rueger sexually molested him when Mr. Braio was an altar boy at Our Lady of Lourdes Parish in Worcester and that the diocese knowing concealed information about the alleged assaults. Bishop Rueger denies the charges.

                “Judge Leila r. Kern rules on Sept. 10 that the diocese could not be held liable in the case since thee was no evidence that it knew of the alleged assault before 2001(My allegations were not known until some 18 years). Mr. Braio, in his complaints stated he first informed the diocese alleged assaults in 2001.

                “‘There are o factual allegations this (the diocese) had knowledge of Rueger’s alleged conduct unto 2001, almost forty years after the alleged assaults,’ Judge Kern wrote in her decision.

                “The counts against the diocese alleged aggravated sexual assault and battery; intentional infliction of emotional distress; fraud or fraudulent concealment and conspiracy.

                “Diocesan lawyer James G. Reardon Jr. Of Reardon & Reardon, a Worcester law firm said Tuesday that he was please with the ruling.

                “‘The court appropriately and accurately applied the rule of law in this case and dismissed the claims against the diocese which we have consistently asserted lacked any legal merit,’ Mr. Reardon said.

                “One charge now remains in the suit, a count of aggravated sexual assault and battery against Bishop Rueger.

                “During the hearing last Friday, Judge Kern dismissed Mr. Braio’s lawyer, Daniel J. She of Huston and postponed the case for 60 days to allow Mr. Braio to find new counsel. Mr. Shea filed a motion on Aug. 14 to withdraw from the suit following Mr. Braio’s decision to dismiss him as hi lawyer.

                “Judge Kern said she was reluctant to discharge Mr. Shea at this point but was doing so because she felt he was hammering the progress of the case.

                “‘The court wishes this case to move forward,’ she said.

                “She also ordered Mr. Shea to turn over his files of Mr. Braio’s case within 10 days. Mr. Braio had accused Mr. Shea of withholding the records…. ‘We don’t’ believe the case has any merit and therefore we will not settle.’ (Diocesan lawyer James G. Reardon, Jr.) As part of judge Kern’s ruling a second case filed by Mr. Braio under counsel of Mr. Shea has also been postponed for 60 days. In that suit Mr. Braio alleges that Msgr. Thomas J. Sullivan, diocesan chancellor, defamed him y spreading word throughout the diocese that he was HIV positive…”179

                Also, this same issue printed on page 1 “Bishop criticizes T&G stories.” This was a small insert: “Bishop Reilly chastised local media this eek for ‘unbalanced and inaccurate stories on the Sime Braio lawsuit against the diocese and Bishop Rueger.

                “A Superior Court Judge dismissed the diocese from the suit.

                “Bishop Reilly in a written statement said he was relieved that the curt resolved this claim but was troubled by ‘unbalanced and inaccurate stories by some media’ about the case.

                “He criticized the Worcester Telegram & Gazette for its one-sided attention to ‘these allegations for which there was not basis in fact.’

                “‘We know some survivors have been afraid to talk to our Office for Healing and Prevention,’ because of the newspaper’s coverage, the said “Perhaps now they will find a renewed sense of hope.’

                “Bishop Reilly also offered prayers to Bishop Rueger ‘as he continues to persevere in the case still pending against him personally.’ “180

                Why is it that I read this and say with the tactics and resources given Rueger, the answer is in the cards. I have mentioned a number of times, Rueger is the only one that has been given such resources by the Worcester Diocese and was still “on the job.”

                This same issue of the Catholic Free Press-the bishops’ paper- gives us in their editorial: “Biased- No one is every happy with the media.

                “The church in particular has citied foul about media coverage repeatedly in the nearly tow years since the clergy abuse crisis broke; sometimes with good reason, sometime not.

                “This week Bishop Reilly had good reason to blast the Worcester Telegram & Gazette foe what he called ‘imbalanced and inaccurate stories’ about a civil suit against the diocese and Bishop Rueger. The suit alleges that Sime J. Braio, 52, was sexually assaulted by Bishop Rueger nearly 40 years ago and that the diocese covered it up.

                “The Telegram’s coverage of Mr. Braio’s suit has been nothing short of abhorrent…

                “Of all the things lacking from the Telegram’s account of the hearing last Friday, the most disturbing is the paper’s treatment of a separate ruling from Judge Kern that released the diocese form the suit entirely.

                “In the ruling, which was released the same day as the hearing, Judge Kern states that ‘there are no factual allegations that (the diocese) has knowledge of Rueger’s alleged conduct until 2001, almost forty years after the alleged assaults.’

                “It is very significant development; the ruling, in fact dismissed all but one of the points in the suit, the charge of assault against Bishop Rueger.

                “Yet the Telegram story devoted tow sentences to it.

                “Two sentences after at least a dozen article in the last year. Article in which Mr. Shea accuse the diocese of a variety of conspiracies and frauds that, according to a Superior court judge, he could not substantiate...

                                “Obviously, The Catholic Free Press is in a delicate position when it comes to accusing another newspaper of bias against the church. It is, after all owned and published by the diocese.

                “Its affiliations, however, should not stop it from saying what is true and what is for and what is not.

                “There’s something else too. That Telegram story-the one that told very little about what happened in a Worcester Superior Courtroom last Friday-is only one example of an ongoing problem.

                “No wonder the bishop is upset.”181

                This day had the National Catholic Reporter gives us “Gregory faults reports on scandal: Not enough credit given for sex abuse policies, says conference head” by Kevin Eckstrom.

                He writes: “The nation’s top Roman Catholic bishop sharply criticized the media for ‘saturation coverage’ of the church’s sex abuse crisis that resulted in unnecessary damage’ to church leaders.

                “Bishop Wilton Gregory, president of the U.S.  Conference of Catholic Bishops, faulted reporters for only ‘minimal attempts’ to investigate sexually abuse in other institutions and ‘linking sexual abuse solely to Catholic clerics.’

                “The way the story was so obsessively covered resulted in unnecessary damage to the bishops and the entire Catholic community,’ Gregory told the Religion News Writers Association Sept. 5.

                “Gregory, the bishop of Belleville, Ill., sad bishops had not been given enough credit for sexual abuse policies that were implemented before the scandal erupted 18 months ago.

                “Ten years ago, the bishops approved ‘guidelines’ on handling abusive priests, but Gregory conceded many dioceses-including Boston, the scandal’s epicenter-did not adequately implement them.

“Under new rules adopted in June 200w, the bishops established lay review boards and promised to remove from public ministry any priest who had abused a minor. The Vatican later abuses a minor. The Vatican later made changes that detailed an accused priest’s legal right…”182

                So, we have that Rueger’s case is dropped? It seems that the Catholic Free Press showed this by their “editorial” and article it printed.

                One priest told me that the Bishop (Reilly) fired his torpedoes. Was this the end of the story on Rueger? 

September 24, 2003

                “Shortcomings, but not bias in paper’s church abuse coverage” by Kenneth J. Moynihan, a columnist in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette addresses the issue between the Telegram and Gazette and the Free Press.

                He writes: “Catholic bishop Daniel P. Reilly last week accused the Telegram I Gazette of being ‘unbalanced and inaccurate’ in its coverage of one of the alleged child abuse cases by a member of the clergy. The diocesan newspaper, the Catholic Fee Press, in an editorial titled ‘Bias,’ joined in the complaint.

                “ ‘Obviously,’ the newspaper sad, as a publication of the diocese, it was ‘in a delicate position when it comes to accusing another newspaper of bias against the church,’  but that ‘should not stop it from saying what it true and what is fair and what is not…’

                “There were fascinating differences between the ways the tow newspapers reported the story. The telegram & Gazette’s headline on Sept 13 was ‘Shea withdraws from Braio case.’ The weekly Free Press’s headline on Sept. 19 was “Diocese dropped from lawsuit.’

                “The Telegram’s lead sentence was: ‘A Houston layer representing A Shrewsbury man charging sexual abuse at the hand of a Roman Catholic bishop was allowed to withdraw from the case  yesterday but is changing that his former client is being coerced into a secret settlement.’ A couple of paragraphs later came tow sentences reporting that the diocese had been ‘dismissed as a defendant’ by the judge…

                I think the diocesan people have a pretty good case when they say the daily paper neglected the importance of the dismissal of charges, though I doubt that stemmed from a general ‘bias against the church.’ I am less impressed with their apparent desire to strike back at Mr. Shea personally-though what they said about him pales beside what he has said about them.

                “It’s a good time for all of us to remind ourselves that what we say or write should not only be true; it should also be fair, a judgment considerably more difficult to make.”183

                What I find amazing is one has to get all that is printed by different sources, read and re-read with an objective eye and try to develop a sense of what is and what is being slanted obviously by the write and source. It is as gold-panning in the Klondike. You take a segment of grains and purify it by the water of the spread with swirling motions and a sharp eye for that gold nugget-of information. Carefully reviewing all sources and being sensitive, consentience and keeping a clear unbeatable mind of what you have before yourself. Truth is hard at times with a public media and here a Church organization that knows how to use power and authority in its own way. It does difficult to have a discernment process that allows objectivity.  

September 25, 2003

                I was finding it difficult at this time in reading newspaper article of priest going from a “Sick-Leave of Absence” to an “Administrative Leave” where the priest “can not do any priestly duties.” It takes a toll on me with another reaction of “pit spot in m stomach.” I become weak and don’t know what to think at moments as such. What I have learned to do was address it as best as I was able and do something that I enjoyed doing-going through my books in my library as R.C.I.A. sources. 

September 27, 2003

                I was reading John L. Allen, Jr. where he made the comment that the bad news for the Catholic Church in the last 18 months was the priest sex abuse issue. I reflected to my last visit with Bishop Reilly in January 2002. I had felt that it was not going well for me- being put out to pasture permanently- that it affected me in going out in public. It was not as easy to go waking into stores and public places. I was looking around in a paranoid manner wondering what I would say to someone I would bump into that know me. I was feeling overwhelmed at times. Other times it was not an issue and I didn’t care. Here was that emotional roller-coaster of my life at that time.

                I was reflecting how that after the 60s, the 90s were going to make it look like the 50s. This period of time was previous to the Second Vatican Council in the Catholic Church which was to some glorious time and yet I as “The Death and Dying Club” atmosphere. 

October 2, 2003

                We read in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Rev. Kelly (paper spelt it this way) faces 5 years in prison: Judge has harsh words for diocese.” Richard Nangle writes: “Worcester-Rev. Robert E. Kelley was sentenced yesterday to 5 to 7 years in Walpole State Prison for raping two girls.

                “‘I apologize. I’m sorry,’ Rev. Kelley said, referring to ‘my selfishness.’

                “In imposing sentence, Judge John S. McCann rejected a defense recommendation for home confinement on a bracelet and with probation. Rev. Kelley bowed his head and wept softly at several points during the hearing.

                “Judge McCann ordered Rev. Kelley, 61, into immediate protection custody after an emotional courtroom scene in which his tows victims and their parents accused the Diocese of Worcester of indifference to their plight. Judge McCann also had harsh words for the diocese.

                “‘The only sacredness in this saga is the children victims,’ judge McCann said. ‘The only darkness is the inertness of the hierarchy.’

                “Rev. Kelley informed state police in 1989 that he told the late Cardinal Humberto S. Medeiros of his affinity for young girls in the early 1970s and that no action was taken.

                “The church hierarchy, Judge McCann said, ‘could not and was not willing to deal with this extraordinary difficult issue…

                “Judge McCann said Rev. Kelley ‘suffers from pedophilia which is not considered a mental illness but represents a significant character pathology that requires lifelong management.’ He ordered that Rev. Kelley participates in as much sexual offender treatments as available.

                “He said Rev. Kelley is a Level 7 offender at high risk to sexually abuse young girls against if left unsupervised. He cited testimony in a deposition in which Rev. Kelley admitted to at lest 50 other sex offenses.  He said there is no evidence tat Rev. Kelley  has refunded since 1985 and noted that the priest has acknowledged has pedophilia…”184 

October 3, 2003

                The Catholic Free Press presented Antoinette Bosco (Catholic News Service) article of her column- “The Bottom Line: Required reading.” She wrote: “Parish surveys done recently in the Rockville Centre Diocese on Long Island brought out the shock and anger catholic feel over the reported abuse cases involving certain priest. Consistently, it was clear that the primary concern was the protection of children…

                “Protecting children from sexual abuse must begin with knowing what a serious, horrible crime pedophile is. One woman who learned unexpected about this devious, destructive condition is Dr. Army Hammel-Zabin. A music therapist, she worked in a prison where a man named ‘Alan’ was incarcerated. He confided to her that he had abused more than 1,000 boys before he finally was arrested. He also began to write to her, spelling at the chilling details of his actions.  Thus she learned clearly how the mind of a pedophile works.

                “A trading therapist, Hammel-Zabin soon realized that Alan’s stories showed directly and in detail that a pedophile doesn’t lurk mysteriously in the dark. ‘Rather,’ she says, ‘it could be the nice boy next door, the distant relative, the sweet baby sitter,’ and as we so sadly know, a teacher, scout leader and clergyman.

                “From what she learned about the nature of pedophilia, Hammel-Zabin wanted to pass this information on and provide strategies for parents and educators to help children avoid becoming victims. She has done this in a book title ‘Conversations with a Pedophile, In the Interests of Our Children’ (Barricade Books, Fort Lee, N.J.)

                “I had heard that Hammel-Zabin was writing this book before it was completed because we met several years ago at the home of my son Frank and his wife Judi, also music therapists, longtime colleagues of hers. When I got in touch with her, we talked about the problem, how it causes such pain and is kept hidden for so long. Hammel-Zabin said that Alan had allowed her ‘to understand why abuse occurs in the first place. This understanding is the key to prevention.’

                “I thought I knew a lot about the problem, but in all honesty I was unprepared for the reality, the tricks sexual abusers perfect to gain the confidence of their victims, how their fantasies become actions, with no responsibility taken for what they’ve done, how deviously they use secrecy-mainly, the child’s shame and fear of own parents would react if they knew-as a way of staying in control of the child.

                “Alan admits he ‘targeted victims,’ looking for bonus with a poor communications network with others, mainly their parents, and making them feel accepted, respected, wanted and listened to. We may not like to hear this, but we must listen.

                “Hammel-Zabin’s uncle is a Capuchin priest, Father Lester Knoll, pastor of St. Mary of the Assumption Church in Herman, Pa. He believes that ‘this book should be required reading fro all priest, minister, rabbis and all who are involved in working with the young. It gives a clear understanding of the nature of pedophilia that is not usually exposed.’ “185

                Hopefully one realizes that one book that sowed one person’s explanation that were so generalized would develop a “witch hunt’ with these characteristics. A generalization is so tempting with so many, I believe in the Catholic Community where it is a help or another aspect of over simplification that destroys other people in being so judgmental?

                Another aspect of such an article has to realize that paranoia is established. Yet, the world we live-in are such that even the TV program “Survivor” (CBS), a reality program, has what one of the contestants said: You have to hang-back for an opportunity-to survive. So, a general outlook as such is looked upon others as a distortion or character defect.

                Another article in the Catholic Free Press this day was “Court says reporter does not have to answer questions on Braio conversation” by William T. Clew. He wrote: “Worcester superior Court Judge C. Brain McDonald has denied a request by the Diocese of Worcester to subpoena the Worcester Telegram & Gazette and reporter Kathleen Shaw for deposition relative to a lawsuit against the diocese and Bishop Rueger.

                “The diocese sight to depose Ms Shaw about conversations she had with Sime Braio of Shrewsbury. Mr. Braio has sued the diocese and Bishop Rueger, charging that he was molested as a teenager by Bishop Rueger. Bishop Rueger has denied the charges. The court dismissed all charges against the diocese Sept. 17.

                “Judge McDonald said that there is no constitutionally based privilege protecting news reporters’ sources of information or any statutory privilege or rule of court providing for such a privilege.

                “‘Nonetheless,’ he stated, ‘under well-established common law principles, courts ‘afford journalists a measure of protection from discovery initiatives in order not to undermine their ability to gather and disseminate information. Journalists are at the personification of a free press, and to withhold such protection would invite a chilling effect on speech…and thus destabilize the First Amendment.’

                “According to curt documents, Ms. Shaw had conversation with Mr. Braio concerning his allegations about Bishop Rueger beginning in February 202. Mr. Shaw stated in her court affidavit that each of her conversations with Mr. Braio ‘was based on my promise not to disclose the substance of the conversations. On information and belief, had I not agreed to keep the substance of these conversations confidential, Mr. Braio would not have spoken to me…’ “186

                This same day the Worcester Telegram & Gazette carried the same story by Richard Nangle “Reporter’s conversations rules private: Judge says Shaw protected from deposition.” He wrote: “Worcester-A local reporter will not have to testify about private conversations she had with a Shrewsbury man about is sexual abuse lawsuit against Auxiliary Bishop George E. Rueger, according to a ruling by Superior Court Judge C. Bran McDonald…

                “ ‘As demonstrated by Shaw’s affidavit, the effect of even threatened disclosure has already chilled Shaw’s relationship with her sources, who are understandably less confident that Shaw will be able to honor her pledges of confidentiality,’ Judge McDonald said. ‘Compelled disclosure would undeniably compromise not only Shaw’s, but other reporters’ ability to gather and disseminate information about religious matters in and around Worcester.

                “The Worcester diocese contended Massachusetts law did not protect Ms. Shaw form having to testify and turn over her notes.

                “The Telegram & Gazette argued Massachusetts courts have rules reporters are not required to testify unless the value of their testimony ‘outweighs the inevitable interference with the functioning of the free press…’

                “The diocese has deposed James J. Gribouski, a Worcester lawyer who once represented Mr. Braio but who declined to file suit against Bishop Rueger on Mr. Braio’s behalf. Mr. Gribouski made that decision after receiving a letter form a psychiatrist who evaluated Mr. Braio and concluded his symptoms could not be related to sexual abuse…

                “The diocese said its own investigation cleared Bishop Rueger of any wrongdoing. Worcester District Attorney John J. Conte has said his office and state police investigators could not substantiate the charges…”187

                Here we have the same story from two different sources that really didn’t say much besides the Telegram & Gazette giving more depth of previous events that have been reported.  Do the reporters have a pre-assigned 800 word goal by their editor? This was one characteristic that I noticed in their reporting- made the article lengthier but nothing new than the first few comments.                

October 6, 2003

                The People Forum of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette printed “Column on sex abuse case missed the point.” A James F. Cosgrove of Worcester wrote: “Kenneth J. Moynihan is generally a thoughtful intelligent commentator. Which is why I was surprised that he somewhat missed the point in his column (Telegram & Gazette, Sept. 24) as to a Catholic Free Press editorial concerning coverage by the T&G of an alleged sexual abuse case.

                “The Catholic Free Press had noted the T&G’s failure to report that the attorney for the plaintiff had been characterized by his own client, by another attorney, who might be willing to undertake the case, and a judge as having been ‘threatening’ on three occasions, and that his own client had called the police to remove the attorney from his dome. Such events (coupled with the T&G parting, two sentences aside, that the case against the diocese had been dismissed0, bring into question, to say the last, whether the lawyer is a reliable source, and in turn whether the T&G’s repeated, indiscriminate publication of is self-serving allegations in many article in recent months demonstrates wither a shocking lack of critical thinking and editing lack on the T&G’s part or prejudice against the church.

                “The report the very next day, that the lawyer had accused the attorney for on defendant in another action of unprofessional conduct, and a subsequent finding by the judge that this had not been the case at all, reinforces such doubts.

                “By characterizing the CFP’s editorial as evidencing, Mr. Moynihan, uncharacteristically, unfairly and no doubt unintentionally, assumes a personal animus not in evidence in the editorial itself.”188 

October 7, 2003

                I was celebrating my 59^th birthday (The anniversary of my 39^th) and my cousin, John Bish, called me to wish me a “Happy Birthday.”

                The conversation developed with his comment to me: “The Diocese is a paying your rent and giving you your salary.” (Try 25% of what I was earning- $200 for rent.) Now, where did he get such information- it was from “them.” (Clergy gossip faction) Another insight, which is speculation that Bish being Bish would be “cool” talking with Rueger possibly talking with him at Anna Maria College Rueger’s flap with a company answer that they are paying my rent and giving me my salary. The issue never mentioned is that I receive is below the poverty level John had so many insights on issues that he had no knowledge of fact but gossip. He did not get any comment or reaction on my part. I only listened to him carry on with all his insights. Possibly, there would be an opportunity to answer his comments that were so absolute.

                I was doing that stupid-thinking routine. The phrase working its way in the brain: “You must have done it. You were drinking.” (Harrington-Rueger and others)

                My response then and now: I never did anything as such with these two girls or ever. Yet, I was never taken too curt. Any of my blackouts were not one of these times that I was with the public. I never went to court became they never had a case. The Church screwed me by not putting me back in my parish. Life is too short to tangle enough with people that dysfunctional. There is the Catholic guilt versus Protestant guilt at work with the Jewish guilt to cover-all. The two girls (victims) that allegated me should have been cross-examined. There is no validation to their claims.

                I had my eyes opened when I read on the Internet from Catholic News Service (CNS) gave Rome’s view of the priest sex abuse scandal as thee was exaggeration, financial exploitation and nervousness in the United state. One Cardinal spoke about “tenacious scandalous style” in the American priest.

                I was reflecting on my writing with these objectives: 1.Bring everything together. 2. Sort it all to. 3. Make informal judgments. 4. Take stands. This was an overview that was helping me deal with my life in what happened and was happening. Insights were being revealed how the Church system operated. Why should I be surprised if I claimed anything about being a student of history? 

October 8, 2003

                The Sentinel & Enterprise gave us this day “Abuse victim lobbies to lift statue of limitations,” reported by their State House Bureau reporter- Julie Mehegan. She reported: “soon-Thwarted in her efforts to seek civil damages from the Roman Catholic Diocese of Worcester for sexual abuse she suffered as a child, Heather Mackey Godwin is now turning her attention to the State House.

                “Godin, a victim of the former priest, Robert Kelley when he was assigned to St. Cecilia’s parish in Leominster, joined a group of Huse and Senate lawmakers on Tuesday to lobby for passage of several bills that would ease restrictions on victims who pursue civil lawsuits in sexual abuse cases.

                “Joined by her father, Tewksbury Police chief John Mackey, Godin urged the House and Senate to lift the statue of limitations in civil sexual-abuse suits-currently three years from the time a victim realizes he or she has suffered the abuse-and to eliminate the $20,000 charitable immunity limit on damages.

                “It was the statue of limitations-and the threat by the Worcester diocese to seek triples its legal costs if she was unsuccessful in trying to override it-that prompted a reluctant Godin to drop her civil lawsuit earlier this year, she said. Godin was abused by Kelley at St. Cecilia’s beginning when she was 4. The abuse continued until she was 8.

                “‘I had to drop it, due to the statue of limitations, because I had known that this abuse had happened for too long basically,’ Godin said.

                “The former priest’s guilty pleas and his sentence of five to seven years in state prison brought her some comfort.

                ‘But Bodin said he and her family have borne a significant financial burden because the psychotically damage she suffered, including cost for hospitalization, counseling sessions, medication, and even life insure ace premiums that are higher than average because she has a document Ted history of depression. She had hoped to hold the Worcester diocese financially responsible for the abuse.

                “‘They’re responsible for that, because they allowed it to happen,’ said Godin, the mother of a 4-month old baby…’ “189 

October 10, 2003

                This was a Friday and the Catholic Free Press arrived in the mail. This particular issue had me feel isolated because seeing Bishop Reilly’s weekly schedule printed with Sunday, October 12^th- 6 p.m. gathering of priest for Bishop Reilly’s 50 Anniversary of ordination to the Priesthood. It was being held at St. Mary’s of the Hill, Boylston. I, again, never received any notice or invite. Actually, there was nothing different than it have been for the last four or five years.  It may be due Reilly’s part since my last “official” contact with my visit to the Chancery in January 2001. The Worcester Diocese had isolated me.

                In addition, I was thinking of my health bill itemized on my monthly statement with no explanation whatsoever-only a code statement. This isolated feeling persisted that I’m a priest only in name for the Worcester Diocese- the Rush Limbaugh judgment of everyone else.

                Julie Mehegan of the Sentinel & Enterprise wrote a follow-up article to October 8^th “Kelley victim testifies on Beacon Hill: Abuse victims want state to lift the statue of limitations.” She reports: “Boston-Local victims of clergy sexual abuse on Thursday pleaded with lawmakers to lift a three-year statue of limitations on civil lawsuits and make other changes that would give sexual abuse victims more freedom to sue for damages…

                “‘Although adoption of thus legislation would most likely not help my crusade against the Worcester diocese, I hope you will support it for all the other victims who have been subjected to the evils that lurk with the Catholic Church,; said Godin, who last week saw Kelley sentenced to five to seven years in state prison for raping her and an Ashburnham woman when they were children. Both have spoken publicly about the abuse.

                “It was the second trip to the State House this week for Godin and her father to lobby for passage of the bills. Mackey pledged to spend his retirement-he will leave the force in three months-working to hold the church accountable for his daughter’s rape.

                “‘Reject the massive lobbying efforts of the catholic Church. They do not deserve your support or your loyalty,’ Mackey urged committee members.

                “‘The voices of young abused children of the past cry for your help, and they deserve no less,’ he told lawmakers.

                “The Legislature is considering several bills pertaining to civil sexual-abuse lawsuits. In addition to eliminating the statue of limitations and the $20,000 charitable-immunity limit, another bill would authorize parents to sue for damages when their children are abused…”190 

October 12, 2003

                I realized that I turned a page with the Worcester Diocese: Just don’t want to think about them. Less talk about it, the better. I had to develop a "pat answer" to what are you doing question: I have a regular routine and intensifying my research and writing.               

October 13, 2003

                I was struggling this day to write my footnotes and any point of my journal writing this day. My attitude was: What for? I was not a good day even with my exercise program and prayer ritual. 

October 17, 2003

                This day the Worcester Telegram & Gazette’s reporter Gary V. Murray submitted “Inmate says priest gave him funds.” Murray wrote: “Worcester-A Rhode Island man serving a state prison sentence foe child rape told state police a priest accused of stealing $250, from Immaculate Conception Church in Fitchburg, where he was pastor before being place on leave by the Catholic Diocese of Worcester earlier this year. The thefts allegedly occurred between March 15, 2001, and Jan 2 of this year and involved money raised by parishioners for an elevator at the church.

                “Assistant District attorney Ricard L. Greco, who is prosecuting the larceny case against Rev. Ouellette, filed a mention Wednesday in Worcester Superior court seeking court permission to summon certain ‘financial/back’ records maintained by the state Department of Correction.

                “The prosecutor is seeking any records relating to money deposited with the correction department for the benefit of inmate William Lamenting, 43, formerly of North Kingstown, R.I.

                “On Dec. 22, 1989, Mr. Lamontagne was sentenced to 12 to 15 hears in state prison after being convicted of child rape and indecent assault and battery on a child in Worcester Superior court, according to court records.

                “According to Mr. Greco’s motion, Mr. Lamontagne gave a statement to state police indicating that he ‘received some of the misappropriated money from Donald Ouellette while he was incarcerated at MCI Concord…”191

                The stories get more interested especially with a money line. Will we ever know where the $250,000 really did go? 

October 19, 2003

                On the program “Sunday Morning-CBS,” carried a story entitled “Boomers.” The report showed that the Boomers thought that they would change the world as through race and sexual revolutions. This was not what I thought of race or sexual revolution. But I did think of a change in the Catholic Church due to the Second Vatican Council that was understood with a “renewal” atmosphere. But I hit “The Wall at St. George’s, Worcester-my first assignment. I was then thinking of my classmate (Joe) in the seminary sending me only an announcement of his Twenty-Fifth Anniversary on being ordained to the priesthood. There was nothing else in this mailing. I had not heard from him for over twenty-years. My thinking was that he was in my face with this announcement. There was a difference in our yearbook of me standing with him where I was in clerical attire with winter coat and soft had and Joe with a clerical cassock and three-pointed black berretta. 

October 21, 2003

                It was my 26^th Anniversary of sobriety. This day as for 8890 days, I did not drink with the understanding: One day at a time motto. I attended my regular scheduled AA meeting at Rindge Original Discussion Tuesday Group. What was very this day 26 year previously, I traveled the same road, Rt. #202, through Jaffrey, N.H. to Beach Hill Hospital in Dublin, N.H. I was driven by another. I was driven by another priest, my pastor at that time, who was drunk that Friday night.

                But this 2003 day was me driving to Rindge on the same road and it was dark and pouring rain as I recalled it was 26 years previously. It is interesting what is remembered at times and yet so clearly to recall in detail.  

                I didn’t accept an anniversary medallion. There was a definite reason: There were people in this group of AA that “lorded’ their sobriety time. They kept making it a known fact. It was not my style. I appreciated each day of sobriety as a “gift.” Therefore, I kept my sobriety anniversary private. However, when at the beginning of this group’s meeting, the chair would ask that those who celebrated one year or more of sobriety to please raise their hand-in recognition. This I did with no hesitation. 

October 23, 2003

                Kathleen A. Shaw comes back on board with a story “Embattled priest refuses to resign” in this days Worcester Telegram & Gazette, She writes: “Worcester-the Rev. Joseph A. Coonan, who was removed as pastor of St. John’s Church more than a year ago, has been asked by the Diocese of Worcester to resign, but he has refused.

                “Joseph D. Early Jr., a lawyer, who is Rev. Coonan’s spokesman, said yesterday the priest has hired a canon lawyer and intended to get his removal ‘on canonical grounds.’

                “‘He got a letter from the diocese asking him to resign,’ Mr. Early said. Rev. Coonan took a weekend to ‘pray on it’ and then decided to fight, he said. He retained the Rev. Robert Gori of Methuen to represent him in church proceedings. Canon layers, who can be lay Catholics, members of religious orders or priests, are people with special training in the laws that govern the church and in handling church legal tribunals.

                “‘He was removed more than 425 days ago and he wants to get back to work,’ Mr. Early said.

                “Raymond l. Delisle, diocese spokesman, said he had no information on the situation with Rev. Coonan and said the Rev. F. Stephen Pedone seeking comment was too returned. Church legal proceedings are kept confidential.

                “‘I am not a canon lawyer, but I understand that Father Coonan was never given anything in writing stating why he was being removed,’ Mr. Early said. Under the church’s canon law, he is entitled to know what the charges are against him, he said.

                “Rev. Coonan still retains support within his parish. Mr. Early said at least 200 people attended a recent meeting to discuss Rev. Coonan’s status with the diocese and how they can get him returned to the parish…”192 

October 24, 2003

                The next day Shaw writes in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette “Oxford mind warns diocese on priest: Alleged sexual-touching victim opposes Coonan reinstatement.” She writes this time; “Worcester-Todd Hammond, an Oxford resident who said he was a victim of the Rev. Joseph A. Coonan during the 1970s, said yesterday he was astonished to find  the priest is still trying to be reinstated at St. John’s parish.

                “‘If the diocese ever lets him back in, they are leaving themselves wide open,’ Mr. Hammond said. Bishop Daniel P. Reilly removed Rev. Coonan from St. John’s parish in August 2002 after allegations of misconduct surfacing, and, despite supports’ requests that he be reinstated, has asked the priest to resign.

                “Mr. Hammond, who operates a landscaping business, is one of about 20 men who gave statements to state police in 2002 saying that Rev. Coonan had engaged in inappropriate conduct with them when he was a teacher and counselor and they were students at Oxford High School. He alleges that eve. Coonan, who was not a priest at the time, touched Mr. Hammond’s genitals while they were riding through Worcester looking for prostitutes addicted to heroin. Rev. Coonan was not ordained until 1989.

                “Rev. Coonan has hired a canon lawyer, a specialist in churchman, and is seeking redress through the church law, and is seeking redress through the church court. He said he was never given anything in writing saying why he was being removed from his pastorate, according to civil lawyer, Joseph D. Early, Jr. No civil suits or criminal charges have ever been filed against Rev. Coonan…”193 

October 25, 2003

                The Worcester Telegram & Gazette prints this day the story by Richard Nangle “Kelley’s lawyer ruing leniency-Salerno says priest doesn’t deserve prison.” He writes: “Worcester lawyer, Anthony Salerno believes prison is not the right punishment for his client, the Rev. Rovert E. Kelley, who has been convicted of child rape for a second time.

                “Mr. Salerno, says the 61-yer-old Rev. Kelley who has already served a 6 ½  year prison term, has been a model prisoner, has participated in rehabilitation programs and cares for his 91 year-old-father.

                “To send hi back to prison serves no purpose, the lawyer insists, emphasizing there is no evidence that his client has committed an offense since 1986.

                “Mr. Salerno is preparing motions to have his request for a house arrest-type arrangement revisited.

                “Others, including a criminologist and an advocate for abuse victims, say prison is appropriate…”194

                This sane newspaper had Shaw and Nangle write: “Worcester-Judge Fancies R. Fecteau, who has been an active parishioner in the Worcester Catholic Diocese, has agreed not to sit on a civil case against rev. Rovert E. Kelley.

                “Judge Fecteau sent the civil case in question to another session in Worcester Superior Court where it is likely the presiding judge will be formative Central Massachusetts.

                “Judge Fecteau has had some involvement in handling the priest abuse sandal. More than a year ago, he reduced bail on Rev. Kelley after Judge Vito A.Virzi in Leominster District Court set it at $200,000. That move angered a number of area victims of clergy sexual abuse. Earlier this month, Rev. Kelley pleaded guilty to child rape charges and was sentence to 5 to 7 years in parish.

                “Houston layer Daniel J. Shea, who represents Claire Baillargeron Groccia in the suit filed a motion Oct. 7 on her behalf asking that Judge Daniel J. Shea, who represents Claire Ballargeron Grocer in the suit, filed a motion in Oct. 7 on her behalf asking that Judge Fecteau recluse himself because he has been an active Catholic layman and has raised money for his parish, Our Lady of the Angles.

                “Ms Groccia alleges she was sexually abused as a child by Rev. Kelley when he was assigned to Notre Dame Parish in Southbridge…”195               

October 27, 2003

                I, for some unknown reason, was on the Internet and clicked-on the search engine- Google. I typed my name in the search box and pressed entered on my keyboard. Bang- one source only: Rev. Kardas abuse documents made public-Priest accused of 1970s molestation Rev. Kardas was treated in Conn. Reported by Kathleen A. Shaw-Telegram & Gazette Staff (no date).196

                This source had the Worcester Telegram & Gazette article of March 1995 of McCormick’s interview with Shaw.

                I was not aware of such information on Google and nothing else was listed. This was a first for me and somewhat surprised that someone had not told me about this. For that matter, most likely anyone I knew or spoke with didn’t either know about it.

                I had that “pit” filling in my stomach for a few moments. But, this experience was such by now that I reached for a few antacid tablets and continued foreword.

                The Sentinel & Enterprise published a story this day “Decades after abuse, church goes on: Former priest Robert Kelley has admitted to molesting 50 to 100 young victims at St. Cecilia’s in Leominster.” Matt O’Brien writes: “Leominster-Twenty years after former priest Robert Kelley sexually assaulted Heather Mackey Godin, she still shudders when she passes by St. Cecilia’s Church.

                “‘When I drive down Mechanic Street, it is still a blow to me,’ she told the Sentinel & Enterprise.

                “Kelley quietly left St. Cecilia’s who years ago for another church, but his name is painful memory to some in the parish…

                “Lawsuits have accumulated against the diocese since the outbreak of the Boston clergy abuse crisis in 2002, and Kelley’s victims believe it is only a matter of time before they find the Worcester Diocese legally responsible.

                “Constance Sweeney, the Springfield judge why paved the way for the Boston crisis by ordering the Archdiocese in 2001 to uncover thousands of documents on defrocked priest John Geoghan, now presides over the latest Kelley civil trail stemming from the priest’s first assignment in Southbridge.

                “But still, the church moves on.

                “‘I think life has a lot of ups and downs,’ Goguen (present pastor) said. ‘The life o a church, the life of a parish, is very similar. The church has been here for 2,000 years, has had plenty of sinners. On the other hand, there are plenty of saints.”197

                With a subtitle of “admitted to molesting 50 to 100 young victims” has me wondering. First Father Kelley had been reported saying to the state police that he molested 50. Where did the number of possible 100 evolve from? The issue is where are all these “victims”? The issue had been so public, why are not more going public because they would have all type of advocacy and legal assistance? 

October 31, 2003

                John L. Allen, Jr. writes in this issue of the National Catholic Reporter “U.S. bishops anticipate review of ‘one strike’ policy.”

                He writes from Rome: “Within strict limits reflecting American culture sensitivities, the U.S. bishops may be open to considering exceptions to their ‘one strike’ policy for priest sex abuse when a tow-year review rolls around, as well as the definition of abuse, according to the president of the U.S. bishops’ conference.

                “The comments came from bishop Wilton Gregory in an exclusive Oct. 22 interview with NCR at the North American College in Rome. They were complemented by views from Cardinal Francis George of Chicago in a separate Oct. 20 interview with NCR. George served on an ad hoc commission that worked out the American norms with the Vatican.

                “Though the norms were approving by the Vatican on Dec. 8, 2002, their effective date was March 1, 2003. That means they will expire on March 1, 2003 unless the American bishops request an extension and the Vatican grants it.

                “Gregory said he’s not yet sure what the bishops will request, but said it could be another two-

year’s term, or five, or even 10.

                “‘I assume we will need these norms for some time to come,’ he said.

                “Vatican sources have told NCR in recent weeks that when the review occurs, they intend to pay special attention to two issues.

                “One is the case of a priest accused of sexual abuse in the past who served whatever penalty his bishop imposed, then returned to ministry with no further infractions, who has been removed against under the 2002 norms. Some critics see this as a form of double jeopardy.

                 “The second concern is the scope of offense subsumed under ‘sexual abuse.’ Some Vatican officials point to stories of priests removed for pats on the back or relatively innocuous comments, suggesting that the definition of the crime needs to be tightened.

                “Gregory told NCR that both issues could be reconsidered, but stressed that the Vatican concerns have to be balanced against the realities of the American situation…”198 

November 1, 2003

                I had lunch with my cousin John Bish, Sr. at Friendly’s in Gardner. He was doing his Molly Bish I.D. program at Mount Wachusett Community College.

                He suggesting that I should get a “Disability Lawyer: for my case. He sad he himself is thinking of getting one with what he had experienced with his daughter’s disappearance.

                I mentioned our last phone conversation we had where he told me that I was getting my rent paid by the diocese and receiving my salary. He denied saying this to me. He told me that he never said that. I asked him the same question against: Don’t you recall our last conversation where you stated to me to me that the diocese was paying my rent and giving me my salary? This time he denied saying it: “No. I didn’t.” Then he continued to say to me that the diocese was hoping that I must resign my priesthood. Where did all of this come from that he was telling me at this time? Was this John’s fabrication or was he talking with Rueger or some other clergy which he was one that would find in his travels and work.

                John then changed the conversation and said we both have been too nice with people we worked with. He said he wanted to sue the Town of warren and other people on his daughter’s- Molly Bish-disappearance. And the way they handled the case. He sad he would find the person who murdered his daughter because the authorities will never solve this case. He stressed that he was on a “mission.” 

November 6, 2003

                Kathleen A. Shaw writes “Diocese fires you ministry director over 25-year-old allegation: Diocese called lawyer about worker” in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. She writes: “Worcester-The head if young adult ministry for the Diocese of Worcester has been fired after a 25-yeasr-old allegation of sexual misconduct surfaced.   

                Solomon E, Toledo Jr., 49,who came to the Catholic diocese tow years ago from Portland Ore., said he was fired Oct. 16 without being told what the allegation was or who made it. He denies the allegation, and said he wanted an investigation to ‘clear’ his name, but was told by Monsignor Thomas J. Sullivan, diocesan chancellor, that 99 percent of all allegations are true.’ (If Sullivan made this statement that “99 percent of all allegations are true” is him shooting from the hip style of a cowboy answer to shoot-off with words with no bases. God help us with such people running around Chancery Buildings.) But, one has to remember that were dealing with “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” that proclaims others as: Guilty till proven innocent.

                “Raymond L. Delisle, diocesan spokesman, confirmed that Mr. Toledo had been fired by the diocese, but declined to discuss details because diocesan personal issues are considered confidential. He said it appears that the diocese acted in accordance with its own policy for handling allegations.

                “Mr. Toledo said Monsignor Sullivan did not knew the name of the complainant nor the substance of the allegation when Mr. Toledo was fired. ‘They went on what they got from the Archdiocese of Portland. “Mr. Toledo said he was provided the first name of the complainant in a follow-up telephone call.

                “Bud Bruce, communications director for the Portland archdiocese said that he was aware of the allegation, but that it had originated in California, not in Portland. The archdiocese had not forwarded information to the Worcester diocese.

                “Mr. Toledo worked for the Portland archdiocese in the early and mid-1990, Mr. Bruce said. He was to sure whether the woman who made the allegation now lives in the Portland area…”199 

November 9, 2003

                I noticed that I was writing in a more systematic and precise fashion of my book. I was working with footnotes of letters, article and other sources. I had re-written much of my first journal writings since I began in 1993.

                I, also, developed a technique on my computer with a split-screen stat had my journal, footnotes and my written text section. It is three parts on one screen. Once, I developed this system approach. It became much easier to continue my working on my book-possibly a two volume work.  

November 14, 2003

                “Bishops told of national sex abuse response plans” by Jerry Filteau of Catholic News Service wrote in the Catholic Free Press from Washington. He related: Major national studies on the crisis of clergy sexual abuse of minor and the U.S. bishops’ response to it will be released next January and February, members of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops learned Tuesday.

                “Justice Anne Burke, interim chair of the National Review Board monitoring diocesan compliance with the bishops’ program to protect children and respond to clergy sexual abuse, told the bishops that the board plans to release two major studies Feb. 27 at a press conference in Washington.

                “They are the national study on the extent of sexual abuse of minors by Catholic priests and deacons since 1950 by the John Jay College of criminal Justice in New York and the board’s consensus report on interviews with bishops, priests-abusers, victims and a wide array of professionals regarding the ‘causes and context’ of the abuse crisis, she said.

                “Burke, a justice of the Appellate Court of Illinois, has headed the all-lay National Review Board since last June.

                “William Burleigh, a review board member and veteran communication professional with the Scrippe-Howard newspaper chain, told the bishops’ that nearly two months before the release of the two studies the board intends before the release of the two studies the board intends to release o Jan. 6 the first annual audit of diocese. The audit will measure diocesan compliance or failure to comply with the mandate of the ‘Charter for the Protection of Children and Young People…’ “200 

                This same day, my eyes opened wider with an editorial in the National Catholic Reporter “Our compliment to Bishop Reilly still stands.” This is Bishop Reilly of the Worcester Diocese.

                The “editorial” stated: “Last week on this page (NCR, Nov. 7); we complemented Bishop Daniel P. Reilly of Worcester, Mass. for bringing ‘reason to the issue of gay benefits.’

                “In his Oct.23 testimony on ‘same sex marriage and civil bills’ before the legislature’s Joint Committee on the Judiciary, Reilly said: ‘some argue that it is unfair to offer only married couple certain socioeconomic benefits. That is a different question from the meaning of marriage itself.’

                “Continued Reilly: ‘The civil union bill before this committee confuses the two issues, changing the meaning of spouse in order to give global access to all marital benefits to same-sex partners in a civil union. This alters the institution of marriage by expanding whom the law considers to be spouses. Let’s not mix the two issues. We should consider the question of distributive justice omits own term. If a bill alters marriage’s definition or changes the meaning of spouse, we cannot support it. If the goal is to look at individual benefits and determine who should be eligible beyond spouses, and then we will join the discussion.’

                “Reilly was making another-so-fine distinction. A conversation about how to extend the economic benefits inherent in traditional marriage (health care coverage for example) to others (including given the context of the context of testimony, gay couples) would be something the church would welcome.

                “A positive step forward, we thought. Sure, the church continues to oppose devil marriage for gay couple or any other legally sanctioned arrangement (such as, ‘civil union’) that resemble traditional marriage, but it would join a debate on how to promote economic and social justice.

                “But then came the reaction to Reilly’s comments.

                “In an Oct. 28 news release (‘Don’t Believe the Headlines’), the Massachusetts Catholic Conference said that ‘bills dealing with same-sex domestic partnerships were not before the committee and Bishop Reilly made no direct reference to them in his testimony or remarks to the press afterwards.’

                “That distinction is as true as it is irrelevant. The Massachusetts legislature is considering legislation dealing with gay couples on a number of fronts, ‘civil unions,’ ‘same-sex marriage,’ and ‘same-sex domestic partnerships’ among them. There are differences to each of these approaches and it was clear from the bishop’s comments that Massachusetts church leader oppose all three. That said, Reilly in his prepared testimony (it wasn’t an off-the-cuff remark), indicated the church’s willingness to discuss an acceptable means, short of marriage or its right civil equivalents, designed to achieve an end (economic justice) shared by many on each side of the gay marriage question.

                A subsequent article in the Boston archdiocesan paper, The Pilot, said that Reilly’s remarks were ‘misinterpreted by [the] media.’ IN an Oct 30 letter to editors of major Massachusetts newspapers. Reilly emphasized the distinction between ‘individual rights and whatever socioeconomic benefits flow from those individual rights’ and the ‘claims of same-sex couples seeking entitlements by virtue of their homosexual relationship.’

                “Perhaps the nuance of Reilly’s initial testimony, combined with the emotion surrounding the issue, lent itself to some overstated headlines...

“However, the backtracking by the Massachusetts church was less artful and unnecessarily defensive.

                “We still think that given the context of the printed testimony, the title Reilly gave to his testimony, ’Woman’s Right to Know Same-Sex Marriage and Civil Union Bills,’ and the distinctions he drew, it is reasonable to deduce he was trying to find away to discuss the matter of benefits without getting into the issue of changing the meaning of marriage.

“And we still think that he brought rational discourse to a disputed area of public policy that will not go away and that would greatly benefit both reasoned and reasonable discussion.”201

                This is the Reilly that I had two meeting with concerning my situation-he called me in-and reading such an article which I believe was his political style.” He tried this with me somewhat in wanting to know what happened “here” (bishop’s residence) in two meeting with Harrington, Rueger and Tinsley. Reilly knew what happened and yet “played” me out to preserve “the hierarchy.” So, what happened with me is I was put in isolation- no contact what so ever. 

November 19, 2003

                I was struggling of late how Harrington’s regime worked on me. It was a classic tale of whispers, retribution and rivalries. I felt at times that I had a bull’s eye target on my back. Then, thinking how that January 1993 stopping at Bob’s Hot Dog Truck and Fred Palmer telling me about his daughter car is being struck by Bishop Harrington who was drunk and driving. It didn’t take long from that day to the March call to report to the Chancery for a 4:30 p.m. meeting with Rueger and Tinsley.

                This was where my feelings became wrought with clashing emotions of hear and hope, pride and frustration. 

November 21, 2003

                Here’s a real good one. Actually, if one had to have a lesson plan for a class on “ecclesiology,” this is one. What you have here is what the Church can do with civil authority and the civil court system with nothing by brunt authority. It is a short article but one that tells it all on how “Holy Mother “ operates.: “Suit against Rueger dropped: Sime Braio files rape case in 2002” by Richard Nangle on page A1 of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. Ready for this: “The Shrewsbury man who sued Auxiliary Bishop Rueger on a rape charge has withdrawn his case in Worcester Superior Court.

                “Sime J. Braio filed suit against Bishop Rueger in July 2002 (Interesting that the suit only ran from July to November). The Diocese of Worcester responded to the suit with a strong denial and Bishop Rueger has remained in his post. Mr. Braio filed his motion on Wednesday and Judge Tina S. Page granted the dismissal.

                “In the brief, handwritten motion, Mr. Braio said, 'I am doing this willfully and voluntarily. No threats have been made against me. Trooper Tom Greene of Auburn told me to do this.’ Trooper Greene heads District Attorney John J. Conte’s investigative unit. Call to Trooper Greene wren to returned last night.

                “Yesterday, Mr. Braio’s former layer, Daniel J. Shea of Houston, accused state police of coercing his client into a dismissal.

                “‘There’s going to be a tort claims act filed against the Massachusetts State Police for tortuously interfering with my relationship with Sime Braio,’ Mr. Shea said.

                “”Mr. Conte, however, dismissed Mr. Shea’s accusation as false and said the trooper would have been in contact with Mr. Braio because Mr. Braio is a victim whose allegations are being investigated by his office.

                “ ‘Tom Greene told Sime Braio in furtherance of this motion to dismiss without prejudice, that he could tell the judge thst the state police had to completed their investigation,’ Mr. Conte said.

                “He could not say under what circumstances the trooper and Mr. Braio’s conversation about the civil case may have come about.

                “‘Sime is the victim,’ he said. ‘We talk to all victims.’ (Boy! Does this tell you more about Conte and the Chancery? Is DA Conte under the power of the diocese?

                “Mr. Braio also dismissed slander charge against Msgr. Thomas Sullivan and Assistant District Attorney James J. Reagon, even though he had already dismissed the charges against Mr. Reagon in July (What type of tactics did Sullivan and Reagon use on Braio?).

                “Mr., Braio had filed a defamation suit against Monsignor Sullivan, the diocesan chancellor and liaison to the district attorney’s office. Mr. Braio alleged that Monsignor Sullivan disseminated misinformation within the diocese that Mr. Braio had HIV. Mr. Braio later sought an HIV test, which came back negative, a result that he made public. He had alleged that Mr. Reagon told Monsignor Sullivan that Mr. Braio was HIV positive.

                “Monsignor Sullivan said in pretrial testimony that Mr. Reagon provided him information. Mr. Reagon denied making the statement (So who is lying?)               

                “Mr. Braio’s lawsuit alleged that Bishop Rueger, then a parish priest, began sexually molesting him in the early1960s when he was 13. The suit alleged the abuses resulted in behavior that landed Mr. Braio, now 53, in the former Lyman School for Boys in Westboro.

                “The diocese kept Bishop Rueger in his post even as it removed several priests who also had been charge with sexual abuse during the past two years.

                “In September, Mr. Shea withdrew from the case while charging that Mr. Braio was being coerced into a secret settlement, Mr. Shea filed for intervention in the case and a hearing is scheduled for Dec. 3 in Superior Court.

                “Mr. Braio had named the Roman Catholic Bishop of Worcester, a corporation, in the suit but the corporation was dismissed as a defendant by Superior Court Judge Leila R. Kern on the same day Mr. Shea withdrew from the case.

                “In a statement released by the diocese yesterday, Bishop Rueger said, ‘I am deeply grateful to Bishop (Daniel P.) Reilly for his wonderful words and has enduring support during ties difficult time. I am grateful to my brother priest, my sisters in religious life and all the wonderful lay people whose prayers and kind’s words have sustained me. May all of us continue to heal our church and one another?’

                “Also, in a statement, Bishop Reilly said, ‘this ordeal will not diminish our ongoing diocesan program to reach out (CYA) to those who have been abused and are seeking healing...”

                “Bishop Reilly sent a letter to diocesan priests saying he was,’ very grateful for your prayers and support for Bishop Rueger, and for the encouragement given to him by the thousands of people throughout the diocese and beyond.’

                “Diocesan lawyer James G. Reardon said he had no plans to file any countercharges against Mr. Braio. Monsignor Sullivan had accused Mr. Braio of extortion, saying he threatened to file suit against Bishop Rueger unless he was paid a sum of money by the diocese.

                “‘I’m glad the cases are gone.’ Mr. Reardon said. ‘It was a very difficult thing to have to endure. Bishop Rueger is very relieved and pleased that he’s been exonerated.’

                “Mr. Reardon said the timing of the dismissal caught him by surprise (I bet. How much was he in coursing on this whole situation?)

                “‘The diocese never paid any money on either claim, which I think is appropriate,’ he said.

                “Mr. Shea, however, said he believes the case is anything but over.

                “As of July of this year, Sime Braio had already dismissed without prejudice the case against James reason and he told me he did so under coercion from a state trooper,’ Mr. Shea did.

                “‘He’s now admitting that he’s being told what to do by state trooper Tom Greene. I’m going to be demanding some answers form the state of Massachusetts on why a state trooper is practicing law without a license. I’m never seen anything like this in my life. Thank God it’s in writing.’

                “He said his office’s investigation into Mr. Braio’s allegations against Bishop Rueger is ongoing, but he expected it to be completed soon.

                “‘Hopefully, it’s going to be completed very shortly,’ he said. ‘There are some loose ends, but up to now, the allegations have not been corroborated. (Mr. Braio) asked us to look into certain things and that is what we are doing.’202

                This article should be studied in detail because obviously something very wrong with this whole case. I can imagine that this article would some day be handed-out to an introduction law course and “ecclesiology.”

                What I noticed with Rueger lawsuit was handled in five months (July to November). Rueger was never sidelined with an administrative leave. He never missed a beat of his ministry. My case was five years to be settled and I was “shelved” from day one. 

November 26, 2003

                I was having a coffee with Jack Keena where he made the remark: All the priest allegations (Worcester Diocese) were 20 years ago. My instant reaction: You mean nothing has happened of sexual abuse since then and the boys are behaving themselves?

                What has happened by now is that there has been an attempt by many to give a “paint a picture by the numbers” approach. This picture has been projected by supposed “victims,” lawyers, DA Offices, police officers, church authority-bishops and certain clergy. The agenda by these groups have strong money and targeted individuals. There was an ego police state mentality at times. The 90s present a time with a situation that will take a few more years to show what had been the overall agenda. We watch on TV at this time the circus of Michael Jackson’s raping a youngster’s trail in California. It carries on to the clergy sex abuse situation more ways with an atmosphere of hearing Bishop Harrington telling me: “You’re guilty till proven innocent.” It is not even that-your guilty-period.

                I recall saying to Stan and Kay Giza in 1993 that I didn’t understand about what was overall happening but in 10 years we will see a much better picture. Well, we are coming to that time.  

December 2, 2003

                I was lying in bed and waiting for my alarm to ring for 5:00 a.m. I noticed that I felt a “negative atmosphere” surrounding me even at this time of day.

                I read in the morning newspaper horoscope: Try to remain calm and don’t pick a fight with someone you love. Jealousy may play a role in your day. Don’t fabricate things in own mind.

                Wonderful. 

December 7, 2003

                John Leo, who is a syndicated columnist, writes “Pretty soon, we’ll all be victims” appearing in the Worcester Telegram & Gazette. He says. “Expert iconologists estimate that 91.2 percent of people in North America and Europe now qualify as victims, at least in their own minds. This is because hurt feelings keep spreading, and ‘society’ keeps grinding us down. As the everyone’s-a-victim movement continues to gain momentum, here are some notable victims of 2003: Male witches, people with tattoos, American Indian costumes, black women suing  Southwest Airlines, lawyers are victims of bad publicity and society’s prejudices, a high school student in Trenton, Italy because of math phobia, Catherine Zeta-Jones and husband Michael Douglas, sued the British magazine Hello! For publicizing unauthorized photos etc.203

                Suing is in. But, people’s lives are being destroyed by such an atmosphere. Money is the reason for the season-suing. 

December 8, 2003

                I noticed that I was feeling “uptight” again with my Thursday trip to Hartford- quietly appointment. I was thinking how I wanted to toss my attempt of independence form the Catholic Church hierarchy and issues.  I was trying and beginning to distance myself emotionally from those factors.

                I was getting rid of 40 boxes of books. By this action, I was realizing I’ll never use this book because priestly ministry was a thing of the past. In back of my head, I was hoping that “maybe” the diocese would call me to some active ministry. But, I knew differently and tried to tell myself to forget such thinking.

                My goes at this time was to get my journal written in a book format-it was going to be so having that if I added anything more, I wouldn’t be able to lift it off the floor. This is where I think and say to people asking me what I’m doing , I say: I’m writing my two-volume book.

                Somebody has to hears about priest on administrative leave” with living in a state of nears poverty, fear and isolation. I was placed by the Worcester hierarch in the Harrington Group which is different that Reilly’s “retired priest” group. There is a significant difference of monies and benefits.

                I felt at this time that it was time for me to stop keeping my ears to the tracks and time to stand-up straight with personal pride of being the person that I was. 

December 12, 2003

                My appointment with Dr. Zeman began by his question: Are you fearful of looking to get a part-time job.” I answered immediately: Yes! I spoke nervously of what’s happening. I mentioned that I don’t feel isolated and feeling good about myself in even losing 25 pounds with a new size of clothing-Large.

                I, also, mentioned that my group of people that I identify with is the AA group. I feel isolated from the church as such being a non-person. I make it an effort to attend prayer and Mass at the Spencer Trappist Monastery especially in this Advent Season.

                I mentioned how "Father Peacock" raised my eyes wide open by asking me if I had “Power-of-Attorney on my personal matters. I didn’t want to think about that at this time. But, I knew that I had to do it at some time.

                So, I said to Dr. Zeman that I would have to get a “part-time” job if my rent is raised by the landlord.

                Then Dr. Zeman asked me how much have I written on my book? I said how it has been one years of my writing the text part and re-working the footnotes.

                I then mentioned how I did a Google search and three sources appeased on my name insert. It was the same article from three sources. There was nothing else. But, I had some difficulty being in public and people asking me “Who are you?”

                I did say that one of my chapters in my book would be: Priest Guantanamo Bay Syndrome-interrogation in the “hot house” kitchen at the bishop’s residence. In addition was the living of my near poverty level, fear and isolation.

                We ended with Dr. Zeman scheduling with his secretary for “every three months.”

                I felt that he was working me out of the priesthood on the word from the Worcester Chancery Gang. I was holding my position of being a priest and if otherwise, the “Goon Squad” (Worcester Chancery) would have to pry me out.  I was not giving them the opportunity to carry-out their wish to be rid of me.  

December 15, 2003

                I was read from You Look Nice Today by Stanley Bing: This author says that one has to break down barriers of anger, confusion and disappointment. One had to find out how to get back to the person we thought we had known. The psychological-mental character type is described of those who use the legal system in various ways to vindicate themselves. He suggests that one should develop support in others and compliments are needed to be heard about ourselves. It was an interesting read.

                Newsweek issue this week carried a front page picture and feature article: Lawsuit Heel: How fear of litigation is paralyzing our professions. This article is 10 pages in this issue with the front page picture featuring: The Rev. Ron Singleton, Dr. Sandra R. Scott and Sheriff Glenn Ross.204

                Interesting report describing doctors, teachers, coaches, and ministers all share a common fear: being sued on the job. Our litigation nation and a plane tip fix thus are reported. 

December 19, 2003

                I was listening tapes of Preparing for Christmas by Fr. Richard Roher (1988). The sequence I heard this time was about the leper in Sacred Scripture. He made it known that it is not a medial definition but spoken in the contact of being “unwanted.” Jesus came to the lepers and reached out to them. I feel that I was treated like the lepers of the Scriptures by the Church hierarchy and a number of people especially clerics. I believe I know why. It has nothing to do with the diocese putting me on “Administrative Leave.” There was that disposition of feeling a pain and anguish not easily described. But feeling isolated, u supported, vulnerable to exploitation and bullies.

                What I notice this year was that I did not receive a return Christmas card from Bishop Reilly.  He was preparing to retire as bishop due to age (75) and was “taking a room at St. Paul’s Cathedral Rectory.” He was preparing himself to be “history.” 

December 21, 2003

                Thus story is from the Archdiocese of Boston but I imagine would be very similar in the Worcester Diocese.

                Jenna Russell of The Boston Globe printed: “Priest-abuse victims learn of settlements: No solace, no closure, some say.” She writes: “Hundreds of people who were sexually abused by Catholic priests learned yesterday, exactly how much money they will perceive in an $85 million settlement with the Archdiocese of Boston.

                “The victims’ plan for the money, described by one victim as less than a year’s pay, includes buying Christmas presents, paying children’s college bills, and getting help with substance abuse.

                “One man who received the maximum $300,000 told his lawyer he would buy his first car; another recipient planned to give the cash to a support group for victims abused by priests.

                “Despite the payments, which should be distributed to lawyers this week, some victims said the money brought no closure one day many described as a final public milestone in the priest-abuse scandal that erupted tow year ago with revelations that church officials knowingly reassigned abusive clergy.

                “‘As for me, I’m tired,’ said John King, 37, a victim from Methuen. ‘I have no solace in any in any of this. I’m drained, and I’m going to go and try to do some nice thing for my daughter…’ “205 

December 22, 2003

                The Sentinel & Enterprise prints on the top of the front page “Inmate, priest in prison romance?” Matt O’Brien writes: Bridgewater-Convicted sex offender William Lemontagne says he had a romantic relationship with a Fitchburg priest who allegedly funneled stolen money to him.

                “‘He came before everybody in my life,’ Lamontagne told the Sentinel & Enterprise during an interview inside the Massachusetts Treatment Center for the Sexually Dangerous. ‘I told my family if they were going to accept me, they’d have to accept him, too. And then he did this.’

                “Investigators have changed the Rev. Donald Ouellette, pastor of the Immaculate Conception Parish in Fitchburg, with stealing more than $250,000 form the church.

                “Ouellette, 49, grew up in Leominster and has served in the Worcester Diocese since his 1990 ordination.

                “‘I just hope that people in the Immaculate Conception parish know I know that they’re hurting,’ Lamontagne said. “I really feel sorry for those people. I felt in some way that I was sharing their pain. But on the other side, I was sharing what he did to them.’

                “Lamontagne said he called Ouellette collect on a daily basis over several years, and he said the priest visited him regularly in prison.

                “‘He dedicated himself to getting me a place to live. He promised we’d be together, that he wouldn’t leave me,’ Lamontagne said. ‘I guess his feelings were growing towards me. I don’t know how to explain it. There were a lot of things that were suppose to happen….We were going to go out and do things together when we were out, be together and stuff.’       ‘Leominster attorney Michael McEvilly, who represents his client, denies having a relationship with Lamontagne other than as a prison minister.

                “The convicted sex offender told the Sentinel & Enterprise, Ouellette bought him a radio, television, hot pots, fans, a walkman, headphones, and covered child support the prisoner owned a 19-year-old daughter who lives with Lamontagne’s ex-wife in Maine.

                “‘I owed probably about $30,000 worth of child support that he was going to pay for,’ Lamontagne said. They come to him at St. Boniface (Church in Lunenburg),’

                “Letters addressed to Lamontagne from the state of Maine have arrived for years at the Lunenburg church where Ouellette once served as associate pastor before becoming pastor at Immaculate Conception in 2001, accord to the prisoner and confirmed by a letter sent to him from Monsignor Thomas Sullivan, chancellor of the Worcester Diocese.

                “The letters continued to arrive this fall to the church pastor, the Rev. Edward Nicholls, according to the monsignor’s letter.

                “‘For many years (Nicholls) has been forwarding it to Father Don because he was told to do so,’ Sullivan wrote to Lamontagne last month after visiting the prisoner…”206

                One becomes dizzy trying to follow the bouncing ball with church officials and people involved only in this story. 

December 27, 2003

                I feel as though my treatment by the official church is not the Church of ‘inner faith” that the Scared Scriptures portray. My particulars are being treated by “Holy Mother-The Church” as out of sight, out of mind.

                But, I am still myself and proud of my personhood. I was taking care of my reputation: as any reputation it precedes one like a marching band.